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 JerseyTea
Joined: 5/19/2013
Msg: 31
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really? Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I truly believe it is possible, just more challenging. Yet, here we are, on POF, so we must think there is a chance of it.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 32
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 6/27/2013 6:43:24 PM
IMO.....As we age the "love" we feel as a more mature adult is much better than the ...what we thought was "love" ....in our inexperienced youth...
When we know better...we do better!
My inmature outlook on life and the "fairytale" fantasy of what "love" should be.....was so wrong...I had no idea!
A few people may luck out....IF it lasts a lifetime...depending on compatability/tolerance and needs of the individuals.
I was always so emotionally distraught in my youth.....because I didn't have or couldn't have the type of "love"....that was suppose to be.... feeling so unhappy.

With age...comes knowledge of what I want and am no longer taken in by false impressions or am I so needy.
But yes....."love" comes at any age...seen it...felt it...believe it....!!
 juliettes7
Joined: 11/4/2012
Msg: 33
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 6/27/2013 9:28:39 PM
First of all...people deny the fact their idea of "love" is formed by Maxim magazine, celeb rags, tv, films, Lifetime movies, melodramas, etc...
All the "sniffle ...nobody wants me"...is really "nobody higher status wants me/ or great looking wants me"..people refuse to date their twin--the same age, income, limitations, looks etc. They want the "better half". If they wanted substance with an average looking person, that's attainable and not the stuff of myth/legend they want...no fun.

"If you form hopes and dreams with someone when your older? If so what kind of hope or dreams? Other then the one obvious, someone to grow old with, the only difference to that I guess is your already half way there! LOL"

Avoiding the solo death is huge, morbidity, nursemaids. Fear based.

" I would like to hear peoples experiences of falling in love older as opposed to younger and why? "

I think they are identical. Non 35 yr old me still feels 27. Why, I don't know.

What are your dreams? Hopes? I have no idea what kind of hope or dreams you could have, but I'd like to hear yours to give me an idea. "

The same as it ever was..to feel connected, to collaborate, travel, companionship, laughs, have support as well as be supportive. A lot of my exes and I didn't share much beyond dining companion, bedmate, shopping companion. This in and of itself isn't the worst, but I'd want more than that and better. My "hope and dream" is to have a truer involvement, as the past ones were deeply flawed, not so trusting and not that much fun really. So the hope to do it better is the real impetus.
"I was in love once (I was young) it was immediate, intense and all consuming. Do you get these kind of feelings when you are older with someone new? "

I figure it's the same. I have infatuations, if thats what you mean. I once had the sappy song type infatuation ..that would be fun, but maybe that's from naiveté as I was under 24 yrs old.
 Lone-Loser
Joined: 10/11/2012
Msg: 34
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 6/27/2013 10:07:57 PM
I am gonna try to reply only to the OP, not that the other posts are not worth reading.

I think, yes, for some people, love once, twice, etc is quite possible, depending on your social status, financial status, and so on.(Including personality, looks, and the rest, not any one thing)

But for others, who lack in all areas, or lack so much in a single area, no I don't think it's possible. At least mutual love. (IE I can fall for women I 'date' but it won't work out for one or another reason, mostly because I'm 'attracted' to the wrong type?)

There does come a point when, due to either the inability to just 'grab' the one you want (Not physically but I think you all know what I mean) or not being able to attract 'the right type', one just has to realize that its time to be alone, and face the fact that that may just be forever. At that point, when you finally accept it, (IF you can accept it, its NOT easy, even saying it and 'knowing' it as a fact won't help you 'accept' it) it might be possible again, simply because your not 'looking' so don't gravitate toward the 'wrong' type, or get worried about how to approach, etc, and so on... maybe.

But I think, for SOME, a few of us, no, its not possible beyond a certain age, when you should have 'struck when the iron was hot'
 Aura1shine
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 35
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 6/28/2013 12:41:16 AM

If you have never been truly in love you will not understand.


So true!

Love is love regardless of age but the hopes and dreams are changing with life stage. At a younger age love involved with lust which it is hard to separate from love. When you are truly in love, a feeling of peace, safe, and secure would existed. As we are getting older, more barriers to our feelings seem to get thicker as well from past experiences that make us wanted to protect our own emotions into a safe mode. Most will get lost with materials comfort attachment more than the need of the souls nourishing.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 37
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Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 6/28/2013 9:54:59 AM
I don't want to "fall" in love again. I want to 'grow" in to love. I don't know that love at this age involves hopes and dreams. I kinda hope not. I don't want to ride that roller coaster again. I want compatibility and companionship. The quiet kind where we can sit together in silence without either of us feeling uncomfortable. I don't want anything grandiose. I want the mundane.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 38
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Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 6/28/2013 10:13:24 AM
Hope and dreams seem to all die with divorce. I'd love to hear about your experiences that show my experience to be wrong.


You my friend need to get a life and probably a good therapist. Your hopes and dreams should never die off or be set on the shoulders of someone else. If you raised your children well they will be a credit to you, but that is hardly enough to sustain you forever. Love is all around and available, but only if you believe you can find it. Your set belief that your time has passed, is what is holding you back.
I was married 19 years, about half of them were good. After my divorce I dated and eventually did meet the man I am with today. And yes, love was exciting and romantic and just as sappy as it was when I was 16. Human reactions don't change.
The major difference? No pressure. Your future together can be one of love, friendship and personal growth, no worries. You are freer to travel, can maintain your own space and have really loud sex without worrying about waking up a toddler. Life is good the 2nd time around.
I hope we get to see the Pyramids, cruise around Italy, buy a retirement home together, perhaps marry and then see Grand kids. My hopes and dreams haven't changed.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 39
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 6/28/2013 11:08:10 AM
It's possible with the the right attitude. There are a lot of people who are very bitter and jaded because of a failed marriage or relationship, and who will always blame their ex for their miserable life. They-the Bitter Betty's and Bitter Bobs-put up invisible barriers to keep people at a distance so that they will never be hurt again. Because of that, they will never find or experience love again. These are the type of people who have profiles that are focused on expressing what they are NOT looking for in a partner (If you're a liar, player, cheater...). The only date they need is with a therapist.

People who are able to move on with life after a failure in the love department and leave their baggage behind will be able to find love again, when and if the right person comes along.
 L,A, Woman
Joined: 7/4/2006
Msg: 40
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 6/28/2013 11:51:28 AM
Yes it is possible. I did not think so myself but met one guy that I actually feel that way about. This has not happened in many years. Even the last relationship I was in I could take him or leave him. Now, want good sex, good love and happiness. My kids are grown so can let my hair down now.
 KalGrl
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 41
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Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 6/28/2013 1:56:18 PM
I am 56 and I just don't see it happening. Women outnumber men at this age and most men over 50 don't want to date women over 50. The only offers I have had both online and IRL are from men 20+ years my junior.
A few lucky ones will find love
 WomanInSF
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 42
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Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 6/28/2013 2:42:08 PM
Possible, but unlikely. At least from my perspective and my own experience. It’s like winning a lottery… only few people win. The rest don’t.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 43
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 6/28/2013 3:29:21 PM

Women outnumber men at this age and most men over 50 don't want to date women over 50


Don't ya mean, " most mean YOU have met"??????

Ya see, one of the biggest failures of "some" of the women I meet, is that kinda talk. Turns me off pretty quickly, and when that happens, they really never get the chance to ever know me. And, personally, I think that too bad for them. Of course, they turn around and blame me reaction to their tude on their age. What an ugly,ugly cycle it is turning out to be.
 Jerilyn
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 44
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 6/28/2013 4:03:08 PM
It depends on how well you held up in the looks department. You may not find love, but you'll have more opportunities to find it...
 lostnfoundluv
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 45
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 6/28/2013 4:42:15 PM
People somtime think they have fallen in love when they like each other , or are attracted to each other or infatuation. The only way to find out if it is love is when two people face life challenges together n there are sacrifices , nurturing . its just that that it can take one's life time to realize what they are sharing. so for now just enjoy each other and live life ,
 jpwrnglrwmn_forumsonly
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 46
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 6/28/2013 6:12:43 PM
I hope this saying is true, but I feel that it isn't for me, at least, not right now. Hopefully, it will be. Probably could best be summed up by what Maleman said, about how some people let past relationships' not working influence how they feel. In other words, past failures are likely to close one's heart and mind to recognizing the person that might be right for them.
 dobbie101
Joined: 1/24/2011
Msg: 47
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Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 6/28/2013 6:52:59 PM
By very definition it is not possible to "fall in love" . Unless, of course, one is in the process of falling off a cliff. Jumping off a cliff to certain destruction is certainly a choice, falling may not be quite such a choice as jumping, but the issue is really one of consequences of choice.
One does not fall in love.
One chooses as an adult, to elect (choose) to be cognitively and physically and emotionally invested in another person. Love as an adult is a cognitive and behavioural choice. Love is not a lost book to be picked up and discovered and reread at a later stage. It is not a thing to be found like an old sock that the dryer finally coughed up all tattered and torn. Love, whether it is the Agape of some or the Eros of others is a choice from the available options. If you do not make a choice for love then you muddle along through life asking questions about whether it is possible to find love as a mature adult. Quite silly sort of muddle really.
 Jerilyn
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 48
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 6/28/2013 7:07:57 PM
Great answer Dobbie. You're so right.
 thewhowhobrokethepot
Joined: 12/16/2011
Msg: 50
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/4/2013 11:59:22 PM
Are you talking about love? Or about being in love? Perhaps your incapacity to feel love is triggered by the fact that you would want a certain type but you might not be able to get that? Do you hold onto the past perhaps?
Just as a note… love is not self-sustaining, even people in love have to cater to each other's needs. Obsession is self-sustaining, though..:).

And yes, there is the butterflies type love after 35. I was very much infatuated last year. The high-school kind, when the grass looks greener all of a sudden, I kid you not! We had hopes and dreams and planned our adventures for the next decade, including moving back to Europe. But violent feelings lead to violent endings, to paraphrase Shakespeare…. Sad perhaps, but it does good to one’s morale to burn the candle at both ends from time to time, either in love or in anything creative. It strengthens the certainty that life is not only about quotidian endeavors.
And as a poster put it above, I realized with the occasion that I did not really know what love was before, although I thought I did love with all my heart once or twice… Better later than never, I say...:)
Maybe the difference between the way one feels while falling in love when young vs. when old is made by the amount of knowledge of oneself. I also think retaining throughout the years the capacity to dream and be enthusiastic about life is essential for one's capacity to fall in love and love.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 51
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/5/2013 10:19:05 AM
When you get older, you start to realize that there is more than one person on the planet that you can end up loving. Otherwise, very few people would meet their Mr./Miss Perfect if there was only one on the planet. You begin to realize that there was no grand, magical plan by God or any other higher power arranging your life so that you would meet your teen soul mate-your high school sweet heart or any other teenage crush-who you thought you could never live without, until you married and then got divorced.
 or_current_resident
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 53
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/12/2013 5:47:22 PM

The major difference? No pressure. Your future together can be one of love, friendship and personal growth, no worries. You are freer to travel, can maintain your own space and have really loud sex without worrying about waking up a toddler. Life is good the 2nd time around.
I hope we get to see the Pyramids, cruise around Italy, buy a retirement home together, perhaps marry and then see Grand kids. My hopes and dreams haven't changed.


Excellent point from CA we plan on the same thing!


Now I worry about my kids and if some one is more interested in money then me. After what my kids were put through with divorce they deserve everything I have. I think these type things take away from finding love when your older. More concerns for your children's financial future then fun or excitement


Hummm, please explain how if one falls in love your kids are now out of the picture or the money you bring up ? As being older,they are on their own for the most part and you have the freedom to do what ever you like.
And If not maybe stay pat for now. imo, you need to puts some more miles between you and the past. As the anchor of moving on is holding you back.
Which is not unusual as we all at first go into survival mode but hopefully you can over come that some day.

I fell in love again at 65 when I least expected it. I was pretty much in a aka[ cruise control set lifestyle ] and she was too.
Yet it did happen, we didn't believe it at first what was happening, but it did regardless what our right side of our brain was telling us not too! lol
And when we talk about money, it's about us, our common goals, & our families first. As that is a given.
And we think on the same plane on the core values & it get better every day the love,trust & respect we share together. imo love is still great and even more so now the second time around, when you find the right one,by accident or not....
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 54
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/12/2013 6:34:32 PM
I have a growing, loving relationship with an amazing man. I finally found a fit, athletic and intelligent man with a great sense of humor who treats me with love, respect and kindness. He also loves hiking. Hooray!

Together each weekend we have been hiking increasingly steep and long trails, to train for our September backpacking trip to the Enchantment Lakes (8,000 feet) in Washington State. We will gain 6,000 feet in elevation over 10 miles. Most people don't make it. We are lucky to have scored overnight camping permits at Snow Lakes for two nights..

Instead of b!tching and moaning about turning 60 in September, I will celebrate and mark 40 years of passionate hiking with our backpacking hike to the Enchantment Lakes. I have always wanted to go there. I'm thrilled.
 or_current_resident
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 56
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/13/2013 8:26:32 AM

She said her hopes and dreams hadn't changed, the had to if to incorporate someone new, and in the process do away with someone. My ex and I had already been to the pyramids and Italy, so that was bitter sweet to me.


imo, until you stop hashing about your ex the easier it will be to move on and enjoy the other beautiful things in life again.
And to enjoy those things without unnecessary baggage that might sink a new prospect maybe in the future.
And please don't do a rebound thingy till the dust has settled after the first one. And I read countless posts here that people still 5,10,20 plus years later still B & M of their past ex's. Try not to get stuck in that for long as it is good to get it off your chest,but not mentally healthy or conducive in moving on if you let it drag on for years and years.....


A classic example would be Tammy Wynette's kids got nothing from their mother's estate. A marriage with a prenup doesn't sound to trusting or loving.


Nor does having life insurance or a Living Will and various Trusts out there, but at least you know the kids and all those concerned in your final wishes are covered.

And if you ever meet another 'love of your life' and she tells you point blank to change all of the above,trusts etc. And if you don't she will walk out, tell her don't let door hit her in her azz on the way out.

Imo,True people,who are mature,responsible, trusting, honest, having moral fiber and alike,little baggage etc. Find Life must more rewarding " being in one great- relationship" then all the money in the world. As that my friend, is priceless to me. So much better then winning any silly Lottery....lol good luck
 Aura1shine
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 57
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/13/2013 2:45:29 PM

Find Life must more rewarding " being in one great- relationship" then all the money in the world. As that my friend, is priceless to me. So much better then winning any silly Lottery..


So true with this statement......when both have harmony in relationship then everything else in life will be smoothy sailing as well.
 TMinusNine
Joined: 7/15/2013
Msg: 58
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/19/2013 9:25:08 AM
Much of what you have said is true. Still, I fell as hard as I ever have while I was in my mid-40s. It was all-consuming. I'm certain that one of the enduring disappointments of my life will be that the relationship just could not work out.

So, it's still possible. Just not quite as probable, perhaps...
 NumbersGal2
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 59
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Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/19/2013 5:35:46 PM
I sure hope so! I have had 3 great loves in my life and at 58 I am not giving up on finding the 4th. Keep on keeping on!! and good luck to all the fishies out there!
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