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 Jerilyn
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 48
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really? Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Great answer Dobbie. You're so right.
 thewhowhobrokethepot
Joined: 12/16/2011
Msg: 50
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/4/2013 11:59:22 PM
Are you talking about love? Or about being in love? Perhaps your incapacity to feel love is triggered by the fact that you would want a certain type but you might not be able to get that? Do you hold onto the past perhaps?
Just as a note… love is not self-sustaining, even people in love have to cater to each other's needs. Obsession is self-sustaining, though..:).

And yes, there is the butterflies type love after 35. I was very much infatuated last year. The high-school kind, when the grass looks greener all of a sudden, I kid you not! We had hopes and dreams and planned our adventures for the next decade, including moving back to Europe. But violent feelings lead to violent endings, to paraphrase Shakespeare…. Sad perhaps, but it does good to one’s morale to burn the candle at both ends from time to time, either in love or in anything creative. It strengthens the certainty that life is not only about quotidian endeavors.
And as a poster put it above, I realized with the occasion that I did not really know what love was before, although I thought I did love with all my heart once or twice… Better later than never, I say...:)
Maybe the difference between the way one feels while falling in love when young vs. when old is made by the amount of knowledge of oneself. I also think retaining throughout the years the capacity to dream and be enthusiastic about life is essential for one's capacity to fall in love and love.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 51
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/5/2013 10:19:05 AM
When you get older, you start to realize that there is more than one person on the planet that you can end up loving. Otherwise, very few people would meet their Mr./Miss Perfect if there was only one on the planet. You begin to realize that there was no grand, magical plan by God or any other higher power arranging your life so that you would meet your teen soul mate-your high school sweet heart or any other teenage crush-who you thought you could never live without, until you married and then got divorced.
 or_current_resident
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 53
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/12/2013 5:47:22 PM

The major difference? No pressure. Your future together can be one of love, friendship and personal growth, no worries. You are freer to travel, can maintain your own space and have really loud sex without worrying about waking up a toddler. Life is good the 2nd time around.
I hope we get to see the Pyramids, cruise around Italy, buy a retirement home together, perhaps marry and then see Grand kids. My hopes and dreams haven't changed.


Excellent point from CA we plan on the same thing!


Now I worry about my kids and if some one is more interested in money then me. After what my kids were put through with divorce they deserve everything I have. I think these type things take away from finding love when your older. More concerns for your children's financial future then fun or excitement


Hummm, please explain how if one falls in love your kids are now out of the picture or the money you bring up ? As being older,they are on their own for the most part and you have the freedom to do what ever you like.
And If not maybe stay pat for now. imo, you need to puts some more miles between you and the past. As the anchor of moving on is holding you back.
Which is not unusual as we all at first go into survival mode but hopefully you can over come that some day.

I fell in love again at 65 when I least expected it. I was pretty much in a aka[ cruise control set lifestyle ] and she was too.
Yet it did happen, we didn't believe it at first what was happening, but it did regardless what our right side of our brain was telling us not too! lol
And when we talk about money, it's about us, our common goals, & our families first. As that is a given.
And we think on the same plane on the core values & it get better every day the love,trust & respect we share together. imo love is still great and even more so now the second time around, when you find the right one,by accident or not....
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 54
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/12/2013 6:34:32 PM
I have a growing, loving relationship with an amazing man. I finally found a fit, athletic and intelligent man with a great sense of humor who treats me with love, respect and kindness. He also loves hiking. Hooray!

Together each weekend we have been hiking increasingly steep and long trails, to train for our September backpacking trip to the Enchantment Lakes (8,000 feet) in Washington State. We will gain 6,000 feet in elevation over 10 miles. Most people don't make it. We are lucky to have scored overnight camping permits at Snow Lakes for two nights..

Instead of b!tching and moaning about turning 60 in September, I will celebrate and mark 40 years of passionate hiking with our backpacking hike to the Enchantment Lakes. I have always wanted to go there. I'm thrilled.
 or_current_resident
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 56
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/13/2013 8:26:32 AM

She said her hopes and dreams hadn't changed, the had to if to incorporate someone new, and in the process do away with someone. My ex and I had already been to the pyramids and Italy, so that was bitter sweet to me.


imo, until you stop hashing about your ex the easier it will be to move on and enjoy the other beautiful things in life again.
And to enjoy those things without unnecessary baggage that might sink a new prospect maybe in the future.
And please don't do a rebound thingy till the dust has settled after the first one. And I read countless posts here that people still 5,10,20 plus years later still B & M of their past ex's. Try not to get stuck in that for long as it is good to get it off your chest,but not mentally healthy or conducive in moving on if you let it drag on for years and years.....


A classic example would be Tammy Wynette's kids got nothing from their mother's estate. A marriage with a prenup doesn't sound to trusting or loving.


Nor does having life insurance or a Living Will and various Trusts out there, but at least you know the kids and all those concerned in your final wishes are covered.

And if you ever meet another 'love of your life' and she tells you point blank to change all of the above,trusts etc. And if you don't she will walk out, tell her don't let door hit her in her azz on the way out.

Imo,True people,who are mature,responsible, trusting, honest, having moral fiber and alike,little baggage etc. Find Life must more rewarding " being in one great- relationship" then all the money in the world. As that my friend, is priceless to me. So much better then winning any silly Lottery....lol good luck
 Aura1shine
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 57
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/13/2013 2:45:29 PM

Find Life must more rewarding " being in one great- relationship" then all the money in the world. As that my friend, is priceless to me. So much better then winning any silly Lottery..


So true with this statement......when both have harmony in relationship then everything else in life will be smoothy sailing as well.
 TMinusNine
Joined: 7/15/2013
Msg: 58
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/19/2013 9:25:08 AM
Much of what you have said is true. Still, I fell as hard as I ever have while I was in my mid-40s. It was all-consuming. I'm certain that one of the enduring disappointments of my life will be that the relationship just could not work out.

So, it's still possible. Just not quite as probable, perhaps...
 NumbersGal2
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 59
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History
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/19/2013 5:35:46 PM
I sure hope so! I have had 3 great loves in my life and at 58 I am not giving up on finding the 4th. Keep on keeping on!! and good luck to all the fishies out there!
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 60
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History
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/20/2013 12:14:43 AM
Before asking the question, you must first define "love".

When I was 16 and fell madly, passionately in love I never thought about the future, or the consequences of my actions, the practicalities - I didn't think about anything except how much I wanted to spend every moment possible with my man. I left home and moved in with him, in a place he was buying with a mortgage, with no thought about how I was going to be "left behind" in "property-ladder" terms. Because I wanted to be with him all the time we weren't at work, I barely ever saw my family or friends, and never without him by my side. I once threw a huge tantrum, barring his way out when he wanted to go to an event without me.

I never thought about the future. For example that he was on his way to owning a London home, while I wasn't even putting anything by in savings. The thought that we would ever split up never once crossed my mind, and so I just assumed that, as he was buying a place, that would always be my home. I had no Plan B in place to ensure my accommodation if we did split up. I was so unrealistic that I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with a man I'd met when I was 15! Looking back, it sounds really daft, but at that time it seemed normal, and sane. (My naivety meant that, when we split up when I was 21, I was left homeless and had to go back and live with my mother, and was unable to get onto the property ladder without going halves in with someone else!)

So yeah, love is VERY different when you are older. Once I passed about 30, and had property, a career, etc, no matter how much I was head-over-heels (and I fell madly, passionately in love twice during my late 30s and late 40s) I was much more self protective. When I thought about living with each of my beaus, I thought about protecting my assets, I thought about how we could make it fair on both parties with regard to property, money, etc. I would make sure neither of us lost out if we should split up or when one of us dies. AND I stopped thinking I needed to be with my man every free moment. I saw the benefits of having time apart, a chance to miss one another as well as a need to have our own friends and hobbies.

So yes, you can definitely fall in love in later life (my father did: he married aged 70). But it's different - you have your head screwed on, you are less needy (hopefully) and it's not so intense. And it's less about sex and more about personality, companionship, a deep trust and compassion. It's more, well, SANE!
 Space_Weaver
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 61
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/20/2013 12:59:43 AM
I do admit each year it seems it has been getting harder just to even get a date. So without the start of setting some kind of foundation you begin to wonder if love will ever find you. The pool dwindles as time marches on.



Once I passed about 30, and had property, a career, etc, no matter how much I was head-over-heels (and I fell madly, passionately in love twice during my late 30s and late 40s) I was much more self protective.


I see your point, yet in some ways it is this type of mindset of building walls that keep people from really letting others in. At 40, I notice this a lot.

No matter how hard I try to explain myself, I am always judged on why I have never been in a relationship. This is the number 1 killer for me. They don't realize what I am saying in that the last decade I was in the Marines overseas in all points of the globe. There was no point, and out of respect, that I saw no reason to be in a relationship because back then who would have known if I'd come home alive. I didn't want to keep someone on a string. I think this was reasonable, but now it seems that I am paying a high price for this.

A friend of mine told me to fake it until I make it, but I just don't see that happening with me. I have a lot to give and am full of spirit and life, but if I could only get people to realize that instead of passing negative, instantaneous judgments. I try to see and put a positive spin on this, but how does one overcome this, and where does one start. I'm at a bit of a loss for answers.
 Copper1000
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 62
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/20/2013 2:11:59 PM
I not only think that it is possible to find love after 35; I think the love is better as we get older. I am much older than 35, and I have a much clearer idea of what I want, what I need, what are “deal breakers”, and what I am willing to accept. In short I am much more honest with myself and my partner than I was at 20. At this point in my life, I’m satisfied with my career, my child is grown, I take care of my own financial security and I am really satisfied with my personal growth, so I am quite “complete” alone. That puts me is a very nice position to participate in a real “adult” relationship. You know all that baggage that people keep talk about? Well, I call it “experience”. And I for one have grown from mine; as they say, if you don’t learn from history you are doomed to repeat it. And I don’t think I’m alone. At 20 I was just figuring it out.
 Happy_gal2013
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 63
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/20/2013 4:53:52 PM
+100

You meet someone new marry them, die, you can only hope what you had goes to your kids. You hear all the time a second or third spouse screws the kids from a prior marriage. A classic example would be Tammy Wynette's kids got nothing from their mother's estate. A marriage with a prenup doesn't sound to trusting or loving.


If you meet someone and you both are in love a prenup is a fair thing to do. If the person is concerned with it, then they are not the person for you. If a man had a problem with that prenup I would pass. I don't feel love has a dollar sign attached to it.

I feel a true love can happen later in life but it maybe different for everyone. I would also expect that the feelings of love will differ when one ages and has experienced more of life. I don't feel that's a bad thing nor a good thing, it's just different. The puppy love may not be there but your toes may curl just by a touch or holding of hands and a soft kiss and sparks may fly. Its not necessarily sexual stimulation, but your heart just feels a deep warmth from the other. It could be a good start. :)
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 64
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History
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/21/2013 7:00:47 PM

Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?


Can I get back to you on this ..?
 NtvNtv
Joined: 5/15/2013
Msg: 65
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/22/2013 5:53:15 PM
I would hope so.................
 pamioakley
Joined: 5/26/2013
Msg: 66
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History
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/22/2013 7:39:02 PM
35 sounds very young to me. I've found 'love' many times since then and spent many months and years in relationships I was very happy in only to have them find their end. I'm 59 and the last real relationship I had encompassed all the good things - shared dreams and hopes, but unfortunately there were realities that caused it to end. I haven't found 'falling in love' as an older woman an awful lot different than I felt as a younger woman. However, today I am more realistic about my needs and my "absolutes". For ME (perhaps not for you), it is an absolute that the man I am with be as committed to our relationship as I am, be responsible for his life, own his emotions and understand why he is where he is. I have had many different kinds of experiences that have all shaped my viewpoints, as YOU will. Each experience builds on the other - not necessarily in a negative way, but in a way that helps me to better understand who I would be willing to share the rest of my life and my family with. My hopes and dreams are different today than they were when I was 35 and raising children. I have no regrets about the loves I have spent time with. They all have taught me something about myself and I really believe STILL the best is yet to come!
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 67
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/22/2013 7:49:37 PM
To Definition of Insanity:
In order to find love, one must be willing to lose it. I love your story (except for the ending) but it sounds like you have some wonderful memories!
======
At the young age of 45, I believe 100% that I will love again! and even more so as I have matured, and know how to love. I love those butterflies in the stomach feeling, I love the electric surge that goes down to my toes....ok getting too sappy, I get it....but I am not apologizing! :)
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 68
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History
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/22/2013 8:07:22 PM

and today all my hopes and dreams are for my kids, not me. Hope and dreams seem to all die with divorce.


Wrong.

Completely wrong.

My divorce opened up a completely new chapter in my life where I actually COULD realize all my hopes and dreams, and I did JUST that, and even then some!!!

Yes, I played a victim at first, but once I gave my head a shake and took a good long look at myself and realized the potential I had within and the possibility of a second chance to do it all right, I dove in head first and MAN, I have had the time of my life in my late 30s and now into my 40s...............yes!! I absolutely found love, and had to look no further than right here on POF!!

You, my friend, have a second chance and a slate that is wiped clean. Do NOT squander it. Look within. Be honest with yourself and focus on the positive........its amazing what will happen when you take a positive outlook on yourself and life in general..........good luck to you!!
 NCgalinsearch4
Joined: 6/5/2013
Msg: 69
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/22/2013 9:29:52 PM
I don't know if finding love when you are older is possible or not......it seems that if someone likes me, I don't care for them, or if I like them they don't care for me.. What is that about anyway ?
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/23/2013 3:21:47 AM
Just like with so many other things, what the question and experience of finding love when older versus younger is depends on the person. For some it's different when they're older versus when they were younger, and for others it's the same. The things to be concerned with, or the things that a person takes into consideration, can be different when you're older, but again, for some it might not change much.

For me...though I am wiser in some ways, nothing has really changed. Nothing is really different. Except for some of the things that I'd need to think about or be concerned with, which have to do with people being in a certain place in life in ways that are definately different than for a 25 year old, for example, as an older person looking for someone. But otherwise I thankfully obeyed my intuitions about some things when younger even though I didn't fully understand them then yet. And my motivations and intentions were originally what they should be then, so nothing has changed in that area. Also my understanding of the experience of a good kind of love and connection was thankfully already on target in the beginning. So for me, I'm still looking for what I've always been looking for, and what it'd "feel" like would be the same. But for the question of if it's possible - as soon as I think that I'd say that it's less possible when you're older, I think of the ways that make it more possible or less possible for a younger person...the things which count in to adjusting that probability statement are different for a younger person than for an older person, but there still are those factors for each...so who knows how that probability calculation would come out.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 71
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/23/2013 9:56:41 AM
I fell in love and got married at 60, I think attidude is more imporant than age.

You seem to put a lot of stock in a couple's hopes or dreams being different than a young couple.

One's hopes and dreams aren't rated on a scale of better to worse, they are what individuals and their partners need for their own situation. Maybe some want to travel together, some want to grow old together. Maybe some want to live a swingers lifestyle.

IMO whatever it is you want out of life, you can achieve it, but you have to think outside of the box you are in.

Our hopes and dreams are like many yougner couples, we hope to have children and a small happy home to call our own. Maybe it we have extra money, do a little traveling.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 73
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/23/2013 5:58:50 PM
I think that "older" being a relative term, individuals may or should have a better chance of finding love. They have more life and relationship experience than the young'uns. I know it's an axiom, and not always true, but the blessings of age (yes there ARE) is wisdom, experience and being so much more in touch with yourself and knowing what's important. I consider life a continual learning experience, and while I don't always enjoy the lessons, I have the choice to find a way to grow from and through them and squeeze a drop of learning so that my future decisions are better ones.

I know that of all my early childhood memories, I was in an environment where it was mostly "older" people...actually people MY age now! I totally enjoyed it, wow they had great stories, and I enjoyed hearing about how they came to be who they were through their life experience. It gave me, at the time at a VERY young age, a whole different perspective about "older" people. I am still so thankful I had so many "older" people throughout my childhood...I loved being around them. They were so much more interesting than the kids my age. And they were so much more open, I could ask them questions, and they were more than glad to share.

So finding love when you're older? I wouldn't even ask or say "really"?
 normalgirl2015
Joined: 7/5/2013
Msg: 74
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 8/3/2013 2:20:41 PM

I'm 46 and not expecting to ever fall in love again. All those same, wonderful feeling are there, but are not returned. Most people are too busy, married, raising kids at this age and do not find me either attractive or interesting. I gave up. Life's not better...but it hurts less.



I feel the same way at 43. I was happy and my outlook was good until 42. I just have come to the realization that is pretty much over for me. People are busy with career, kids and the one's that I like, dislike me. I am giving up too.
Hoping life will get better and I can transition into a single, sexless life.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 75
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 8/3/2013 2:31:35 PM
Finding love at any age is not only possible, it will happen! I know at my age my drive mentally and physically are still at a great level and there is no way I ever think love is not possible. Keep looking, writing to people and just live. We all wish it was easier and quicker but one day you will find that someone and you will look back and understand there was a reason for it. Only takes one!
 Aura1shine
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 77
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 8/5/2013 11:31:29 PM

If you meet someone and you both are in love a prenup is a fair thing to do. If the person is concerned with it, then they are not the person for you. If a man had a problem with that prenup I would pass. I don't feel love has a dollar sign attached to it.


I could not say better than this.

But people view love with a different meaning and most boil down to love myself more than other.....so first ask would I, should I, want to love other and willingly to be in a vulnerable position.
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