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 theusmale
Joined: 6/29/2013
Msg: 26
Typical Progression to Meeting in PersonPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
This above everything else and throughout:



.
Yes, above all, pay attention to your gut instinct. Spend a little time getting to know them before the first meet.


Also:

You should write 3-5 emails and then go on a first meet-n-greet at a public place, drive separately.

Historically, in online dating, many women did not want to give out their phone numbers... it's harder to get rid a stalker when they already have your number.


Today, however, with cell phones and online dating becoming so mainstream, things have changed - more often than not, women want the man to call, so giving a man a number on an online dating site has now become the norm.

Give him your number, it's the standard now. You can get google voice, or a cell phone only for dating... Platnumtell has very low rates.
 BorderCollieMix
Joined: 7/4/2013
Msg: 27
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/21/2013 11:22:11 AM
Someone mentioned that men want to make sure the other person is a woman--so they want to call first. I guess for me, it's the idea that the other person might be a teenager--and a phone call wouldn't necessarily prove anything! So perhaps some of our preferences (as one sex, or as individuals) have more to do with what we *think* might be most useful and we miss what others might find useful.

I have a general idea of how I like the communication to go--like others said, a few emails, a phone call if THEY ask for it, and then a meet up. I like the company of most people, although I would say I've learned that my tolerance can wear thin after 30 minutes with some folks! I have found phone calls led to me screening out a couple of folks, and the calls were at their request, so it does prove useful.

If I'm enjoying the email exchange and we aren't able to meet relatively quickly--from right away to a week or so, well, I can continue it, but only for another week or so. I might be willing to string along for up to a month at certain times of year--when people are busiest with family and/or travel or specific business-related obligations (like tax season for accountants; I don't see my accountant friends for weeks and weeks before April 15). But as a guideline, yes, I want to meet sooner rather than later.

Guidelines are flexible for a reason!
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 28
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/21/2013 1:32:12 PM
^^^^^



(messages this short may not be posted)
 Silver_Sparks
Joined: 6/24/2013
Msg: 29
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/22/2013 11:34:03 AM

I think POF is going to be a LONG process!


I agree and that's why I suggest that you don't get "psyched up" or put too much time or effort into online dating during the initial phase.
Best to keep your options open since (as you've experienced) some men aren't as committed to the process as they seem and others are just plain "ditzy".

Willing to spend more than 1/2 hour with someone who doesn't interest you seems unusual.
Are more interested in the date experience, or the person you're with?
Most men realize that there are a lot of "steak dinner daters" online so if they may want to meet you first to determine if there is any chemistry before agreeing to spend their hard-earned cash.
So if you insist upon meeting them for a formal first date they may not be interested.
 forFavorites
Joined: 7/6/2013
Msg: 30
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/22/2013 1:55:13 PM
Nono, I won't do dinner on a first date. Just coffee.

Why not spend 30 minutes regardless? . We are human beings first? We could at the very least exchange pof tips. I don't know, I'll play it by ear but if someone is good enough to meet then they are good enough to share 30 minutes with. Actually, I don't think 2 minutes would be enough time to come to a conclusion. I might feel a little dissappointed by 2 minutes, but, well what can I say, I would want to stay unless he was a creep, which he wouldn't be. But now I wonder, he might want to leave right away if he was dissappointed. I guess I'll have to ask him. I wonder if silver sparks is a man? Sorry, I can't check, I am writing this on my phone.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 31
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/22/2013 2:11:35 PM
Yes, I did feel awkward just calling up a stranger and starting this impromptu conversation..always felt weird and I didn't like it..and usually the men who pushed to get on the phone right away and I declined would promptly stop messaging and vanish. It appeared to me there was no meeting me halfway or respecting how I felt..it was their way or the highway.

Ultimately I don't think there is one right way to initiate a meeting, you can text, talk on the phone, or message back and forth, but you really don't know what is going to go down until you meet in person. I never had anything remotely close to an actual dating situation come out of the online thing, so I can't recommend the best protocol..I just know I never liked feeling pushed into a form of contact or communication I wasnt comfortable with. Dont let ANYONE push you into anything you are not comfortable with. As far as I am concerned guys who continue to do so have their own best interests in mind and are not being respectful of a woman's comfort zone. Women should and need to feel safe, especially when approached by a stranger. Bear that in mind....these people are strangers...just play it safe. Cool guys will respect your boundaries and not push you into a "quackfest."

Anyone who dumps or blocks you because you want to feel secure isn't worth a second thought. You can't go by what you *thought* could be with someone. Nothing is real until you meet up and decide to take it from there. Until then, anything goes..and alot of people will vanish or have a mini meltdown because they didn't get what they wanted from you instantly.

A real pity.
 forFavorites
Joined: 7/6/2013
Msg: 32
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/22/2013 2:54:56 PM
Ok, sorry I just checked your profile:)

Anyway, thank you all for the additional suggestions. I like the idea of getting the man to call first so I will get another phone. And yes, times have
.
 forFavorites
Joined: 7/6/2013
Msg: 33
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/22/2013 3:00:48 PM
Oh, I just saw the last 2 posts. Nope I haven't been on a lot of dates! I would love a book, lol :)
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 34
view profile
History
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/22/2013 7:54:35 PM

... a cell phone only for dating... Platinumtell has very low rates.


unfortunately, cell phone rates in Canada don't lend themselves to this unless you have $$$ to burn...
 Sapphireeyes100
Joined: 5/30/2013
Msg: 35
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/22/2013 8:36:02 PM
Op, you do realize that the men are going on a date as well?

Dating should be fun, not a long drawn out process where you have conducted more background research than for a house mortgage...if you feel the need to hide so much of things--you will only drive most normal men away ...they will have no reason to comprehend why you feel you have so much to lose vs them...

Dating is about finding someone compatible and when you go to extremes you are only eliminating potential matches, lighten up about things a bit, sure some give you all this blah blah blah but then ask them how many dates have they been on--most have totally eliminated themselves.
 forFavorites
Joined: 7/6/2013
Msg: 36
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/22/2013 10:24:26 PM
well I wish I knew how to quote people here!

I don't know what direction this discussion is going anymore. I am sold on phone calls now. For the poster who said it is expensive in Canada, you can get a pay as you go phone. For the person who asked if caller id block can be done on an android, the answer is yes but I think it depends on your carrier and your phone plan. For the person who mentioned men sitting with their wife on the couch while emailing you, haha, I can't get that out of my mind. I still have not talked on the phone with the man who prompted me to post this thread in the first place.. I try to keep an open mind but ya, he is wasting my time at this point and I wish I had never answered him in the first place. For the poster who asked if I realize the men are also going on a date, yes I do, which is why I have taken great care in having realistic and complete photos so they will not be disappointed. I worry about that. I don't need to do any research on men before I meet them, I would prefer to just meet- it is the men that want to talk on the phone.=, which I am now willing to do. I don't really have anything to hide but I maintain, I will NOT tell the details of my life, even where I work, to someone I have not met in person because until then, I have absolutely no idea who I am talking to. I just have to draw my lines where I see fit, and that is where the line is for me. Plus, I don't want to spend a lot of time on the phone either.

I want to thank everyone for responding. I have a really good idea now of how to do things now, at least up until the first date. 3-4 messages, 1-2 short phone calls, meet in person within a week, don't respond to messages until ready to meet right away, be wary of time-wasters, avoid angry men and be grateful they disappear, with all of that being only very loose guidelines, willing to change depending on circumstances. I am not sure I have much more to ask about this. I am sure I will have more questions when I start going on more first dates.

Thank you!
 theusmale
Joined: 6/29/2013
Msg: 37
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/22/2013 11:13:27 PM

meet in person within a week,


- It can sometimes take a week to 2 weeks if people are busy and only writing one reply per day. The rest of what you said is perfect.


You have the formula for success now. Keeping the first call(s) short before you meet is a good idea also... a 10 minute phone call is a good goal. Keep the conversation upbeat, light, and positive... so don't talk about sex, politics, or religion! Avoid TMI or turning it into an all-out interview, this can be a turnoff for both... Also, try to keep texting to a minimum... in the early stages of a relationship, the phone is mainly for setting up first meet-n-greets and dates. The meets/dates are where the rubber meets the road... most communication are things other than words, such as body language... this is how you form an educated impression about the person's true character. This is you intuition (gut feelings) at work. It's good to see if their words match their actions, but if in doubt, actions rule... actions don't just speak louder than words, actions scream. You are strangers until you meet. Feel free to message me personally if you like for more info. Have fun and be safe.
 Silver_Sparks
Joined: 6/24/2013
Msg: 38
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/22/2013 11:39:48 PM

Why not spend 30 minutes regardless?

When a cross-eyed guy shows up looking 10 years older and 100 lbs heavier than his pic, has breath that smells like raw sewage, and insists upon touching/complimenting you...you may decide to guzzle your coffee and run. LOL
And just to prove I'm not sexist; my friend Victor went to meet a woman but didn't recognize her and she admitted to posting a photo of her daughter online because "that's what she used to like like". Victor said, "well--you don't look like that now", and immediately left.
Rude?....yes, but well-deserved in his opinion.

Seriously tho, my point is that a first meeting should be brief.
Don't play all your cards at once...leave a little mystery...always leave 'em wanting more....blah, blah, blah.
If a guy wants to extend the date, decline but accept a second date instead.
I cringe when I hear people committing to a 2-3 hour blind date (or having sex on the first date).


I would want to stay unless he was a creep, which he wouldn't be.

No matter how much time and effort you put into the screening process there is gonna be someone who slips under your radar---a seasoned socialpath, an experienced player, a habitual lier, a con man, an accomplished actor.
So please...don't be naive.
Recently here in small-town Ontario, Tim Bosma was kidnapped and murdered by a man from Toronto who answered his Kijiji ad claiming that he was interested in purchasing the advertised pick-up truck and wanted to take it for a test drive. Tim Bosma agreed, jumped in the passenger side of his own pick-up truck and was never seen again. The stolen truck was discovered a few days later but it took an extensive police search several days to discover and identify the burnt and buried body of Tim Bosma.
Surely you've read about the B.C. serial killer who posed as an attractive petite woman on an online dating site and lured men to meet "her", and then he attacked and murdered them.
Am not trying to scare you, just want you to be aware that the Devil can be very attractive and convincing.
 jimintoronto2
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 39
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/23/2013 8:56:28 AM
Why not skype? That will screw up a lot of fraudulent people because they would be face to face and in their home. Married men don't want that.... neither do players


You can use Skype from anywhere in the world as long as you have an internet connection.

I usually exchange a few messages, and move quickly to personal email addresses to get off the dating site. This has always worked well for me. Once we're doing emails, and sometimes a little texting, I always propose a phone call, so I offer to provide the lady with my phone number, but I won't do it without her permission. I've never had anyone refuse to talk on the phone and I always make sure she knows how to block her number. I'm one of those people who finds out a lot about a person by talking on the phone. I've had chats with a few who tried to get very personal about my past, which I refuse to do on the phone. When that kind of stuff starts, I thank her for the call and tell her we would not be compatible. That prevents me from going through a face-to-face meeting, which would be a disaster with that type of person. I will exchange some personal information once we've met and we're both comfortable with doing so.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 40
view profile
History
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/23/2013 10:22:24 AM
Your profile says you're 51. I have to wonder how you communicated with men before there were computers, messaging, cell phones, etc.
Yes, we do hate messaging. After a certain point, it is a waste of time. We want to make a real-time connection before meeting in person, so we do not waste our time going on an in-person date.
 JaiNai
Joined: 7/6/2013
Msg: 41
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/23/2013 11:19:57 AM
I prefer a few POF messages, until I'm comfortable with giving my email address. Then one or two back and forth emails. Then the first phone call. I would never meet a man without talking by phone first. All of this within two weeks. If we don't meet within two weeks, it doesn't happen.

I don't believe in dragging it out. This works for me since I don't communicate with men who live far distances away from me.
 theusmale
Joined: 6/29/2013
Msg: 42
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/23/2013 11:43:42 AM

I usually exchange a few messages, and move quickly to personal email addresses to get off the dating site.


- The first thing the scammers ask for is your email address. Also... why would you need their personal email when the dating site has it's own messaging/email system here?
 forFavorites
Joined: 7/6/2013
Msg: 43
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/23/2013 12:28:13 PM
I wondered about email addresses too. That is exactly what this current man said, let's use email so we don't have to use pof. I agreed and gave him one especially for pof but I don't see the need, I always get message notifications from pof right away. A couple of others have said this. My first reaction was they want off pof because they want to talk (write) dirty. If you write dirty on pof you can get thrown off and have your IP address banned. It is also harder to block email. But what do I know :)

This is the same man who insists on phone pre screening but has yet to be available when I call. He keeps emailing though.

In the past I always met men through school, work or mutual friends so I always had a great handle on him AND his reputation.

And ty silversparks, I didn't think about that.
 jimintoronto2
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 44
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/23/2013 2:12:52 PM

Also... why would you need their personal email when the dating site has it's own messaging/email system here?


I do it because it's my preference and it's much easier to communicate with regular email than logging on to POF or any other dating site. This is especially true on a smart phone. Also, dating sites typically have limits on how long they store messages before they get automatically deleted. Yes, of course, scammers always want your email address, but I've never run into a scammer yet that wasn't totally obvious on any dating site.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 45
view profile
History
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/24/2013 6:45:57 PM

For the poster who said it is expensive in Canada, you can get a pay as you go phone.


and in this country, you are REQUIRED to pay full price for the phone and then pay $10 to $30 per month depending on your carrier since we don't have much choice up here...
 jimintoronto2
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 46
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/25/2013 12:22:53 PM

and in this country, you are REQUIRED to pay full price for the phone and then pay $10 to $30 per month depending on your carrier since we don't have much choice up here.


Depending on what type of phone you want/need, there are lots of phones priced well below $100, some even as low as $50. They can be easily found by doing a Google search.
 FloridaRes123
Joined: 5/11/2013
Msg: 47
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/25/2013 2:52:50 PM
I usually keep an eye out for women who state something in their profile along the lines of "I prefer to meet face to face after a few messages, none of this pen pal stuff!"

Or something like that. It's actually kind of surprising to hear a woman say this, but that' s what I get sick of, being the ongoing pen pal because they aren't ready to meet "just yet". I once went 2 weeks of daily emails back and forth, asked them out when the weekend was nearing and she said, "I'm not ready yet, let's talk more" and I moved on after she said that.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 48
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/25/2013 6:23:03 PM

but that' s what I get sick of, being the ongoing pen pal because they aren't ready to meet "just yet".


That happened to me quite a bit when I first joined PoF. At first I would exchange all these emails back and forth with them with never a meet. But after a while it became easy to pick out the guys that only wanted to be "pen pals." Something would always come up as to why we couldn't meet and they would cancel.
Better I guess than them not showing up at all.


...mae
 forFavorites
Joined: 7/6/2013
Msg: 49
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/25/2013 8:35:23 PM
^^^

that is really weird Mae, I hope that doesn't happen to me. I can only guess that their photos did not correspond to their actual looks. Or married.
 theusmale
Joined: 6/29/2013
Msg: 50
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/25/2013 10:24:24 PM
The first meet should be around 45 minutes... unless you did not read them well through messages/the phone call and you discover that they are crazy. If they are crazy, just tell them you forgot to do something and have to go.

Again, use your intuition throughout... if you are confused or feel something is off, it probably is, drop them... it's better to be safe than sorry... it's a sad thing to say, but a good number of people on these dating sites are here for a reason... they have serious problems. Like the sign says, there are more fish in the sea, and at the end of the day, you only need to find one good one.
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