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Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 44
Typical Progression to Meeting in PersonPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

Also... why would you need their personal email when the dating site has it's own messaging/email system here?

I do it because it's my preference and it's much easier to communicate with regular email than logging on to POF or any other dating site. This is especially true on a smart phone. Also, dating sites typically have limits on how long they store messages before they get automatically deleted. Yes, of course, scammers always want your email address, but I've never run into a scammer yet that wasn't totally obvious on any dating site.
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 45
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Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/24/2013 6:45:57 PM

For the poster who said it is expensive in Canada, you can get a pay as you go phone.

and in this country, you are REQUIRED to pay full price for the phone and then pay $10 to $30 per month depending on your carrier since we don't have much choice up here...
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 46
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/25/2013 12:22:53 PM

and in this country, you are REQUIRED to pay full price for the phone and then pay $10 to $30 per month depending on your carrier since we don't have much choice up here.

Depending on what type of phone you want/need, there are lots of phones priced well below $100, some even as low as $50. They can be easily found by doing a Google search.
Joined: 5/11/2013
Msg: 47
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/25/2013 2:52:50 PM
I usually keep an eye out for women who state something in their profile along the lines of "I prefer to meet face to face after a few messages, none of this pen pal stuff!"

Or something like that. It's actually kind of surprising to hear a woman say this, but that' s what I get sick of, being the ongoing pen pal because they aren't ready to meet "just yet". I once went 2 weeks of daily emails back and forth, asked them out when the weekend was nearing and she said, "I'm not ready yet, let's talk more" and I moved on after she said that.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 48
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/25/2013 6:23:03 PM

but that' s what I get sick of, being the ongoing pen pal because they aren't ready to meet "just yet".

That happened to me quite a bit when I first joined PoF. At first I would exchange all these emails back and forth with them with never a meet. But after a while it became easy to pick out the guys that only wanted to be "pen pals." Something would always come up as to why we couldn't meet and they would cancel.
Better I guess than them not showing up at all.

Joined: 7/6/2013
Msg: 49
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/25/2013 8:35:23 PM

that is really weird Mae, I hope that doesn't happen to me. I can only guess that their photos did not correspond to their actual looks. Or married.
Joined: 6/29/2013
Msg: 50
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/25/2013 10:24:24 PM
The first meet should be around 45 minutes... unless you did not read them well through messages/the phone call and you discover that they are crazy. If they are crazy, just tell them you forgot to do something and have to go.

Again, use your intuition throughout... if you are confused or feel something is off, it probably is, drop them... it's better to be safe than sorry... it's a sad thing to say, but a good number of people on these dating sites are here for a reason... they have serious problems. Like the sign says, there are more fish in the sea, and at the end of the day, you only need to find one good one.
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 51
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/26/2013 11:47:10 AM
I really like the approach that you've decided to take... 10 short-ish POF messages and then arrange to meet in person. Personally, I prefer meeting someone who wants to go out and do something fun. And, I wouldn't waste my time on someone who wants to talk on the phone or chat on Instant Messenger. To me it seems like a delay tactic... like they don't really want to meet people and they aren't that interested in dating. Maybe they are a homebody? Maybe they are anti-social? Maybe he's just a tad bit too controlling? Maybe he has a bad attitude about people and dating? I also think in the back of my mind maybe they are looking for a sex chat buddy or someone to hookup with. To me that seems like it might be the case since he said that he didn't want to waste his time going on an in-person date. If he isn't looking to date... what is he exactly looking for?

At the most, since I do not like talking on the phone and I usually hold my ground on this issue, I've had maybe 4 pre-meet phone conversations in over a year of online dating. There was just one guy like the guy you have described absolutely insist on talking over the phone. I found him to be really WEIRD and we never met. That was a waste of my time. And honestly... the guys who didn't push for a pre-meet phone conversation turned out to be the way better guys to date. Really... people who have a good attitude about dating are not afraid to go out and meet people. People who have a bad attitude about dating usually aren't happy people. There's nothing harder to do than to try to date an unhappy person with a bad attitude.
Joined: 1/20/2011
Msg: 52
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Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/26/2013 2:44:37 PM
Great topic!

When I first meet someone, in person or online, I never immediately give or accept phone numbers. If they want to get to know you, they will take the time to engage you in conversation and then exchange numbers. Some women are very attracted to men who are great communicators. It is one of my Top 5 must haves!
Joined: 7/12/2010
Msg: 53
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/28/2013 8:48:44 AM
I know how to post on here like going to the moon and back but I'm trying!

I agree with this point of view I think.
But my argument is why does everything have to be life or death in meeting someone? I'm making up a number ok 20% of people maybe meet each other and so you don't click who cares! At least you've tried which I find many don't even bother on here. So we don't have the same interests who cares, or I don't want the sex thing, who cares I'm more into whats' between your ears anyway.

For that matter I like friends, should we not try to help each other out more than just be out for ourself and finding someone to date. Date : now what is that in the first place? Two people going out and hating the whole experience! Start from email, to meeting and go from there. Penpals are fine and there are women I've never met but I have concern for them and would help them out in any way that I could. Yes maybe I wish we would meet but it's not the end of the world.

Perhaps investment is what is needed and caring about people is more important. I have no answers only questions. Why don't people meet? I mean I go to let's say a garage sale and talk to strangers all the time, what's wrong with that?

Feedback is needed or a couch please!
Joined: 7/12/2010
Msg: 54
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/28/2013 8:51:56 AM
Sorry that was for Mae's post I think I'm on the moon and don't know how to get back!
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 55
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/28/2013 6:27:49 PM

>I posted this question last night because the current man I am checking out told me honestly that he needs to pre screen by phone. He also said he wants to have a "quackfest", which to me means an hour long call, which I am opposed to doing with someone I don't know. I still feel bad about the man who blocked me and now that I know phoning is normal, I can sort of see why he blocked me. Too bad, he kept coming up as my number one Top Prospect. I don't really want to make a similar mistake with this one.

So I came here to get some help and I really appreciate all your input!!!!!

I can see you are a little overhelmed being in the beginning of all this; and putting out all info in the beginning when you were most exposed definitely made things tougher...

there is not a right way or a wrong way to do things; though I also know that my personal preference is phone before meeting too; partly so that you have immediatley direct interaction so it is less strangerish before you start. If you don't want half an hour long call; you can purposely call right before you have an appointment so there is a set end time; but it does make both people more comfortable.

Also, I agree with the above poster who said you come through a little "business proposal-ly". I am in a profession where I deal with that kind of jargon all the time; and when it bleeds into the dating icebreaker; it can come across as a little stilted, awkward and "interviewish".

You might want to scale it down to just enjoying their company rather than doing a full spec on their "best attributes".

Because what you learn immediatley about a person, and what that person ends up being; usually will switch over time as people become more casual and natural; and some people who have been on for a long time have learned the answers that garner the most beneficial attention... but where they are not being truthful; rather more manipulative.

So don't rule anyone out or in based on the initial emails and interactions; once you start to flow with your communication; you may get a totally different vibe.

Best of luck to you (and them)
Joined: 7/6/2013
Msg: 56
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 8/11/2013 8:47:47 AM
My opinion is to meet asap. Face to face talking is the only way to really know someone. Far too many times chat, email, etc. messages are misunderstood because there is no eye contact, no body language. POF is about meeting people so why waste time on chat? Get out there, meet them!
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 57
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 8/11/2013 10:13:57 AM
Oh I've gotten out there all right! And without eye to eye and voice contact just ONCE, via video chat, I could have saved myself a lot of valuable time, clearing my work schedule to traipse across town, to meet someone, that is SO off, it's not funny ... it's frightening and rotten of the guy to be so deceptive. I have been rushed more than once to meet without chatting, always with someone with pictures, but that's not my point. It was their attitude and their method of communicating that came through immediately, at middle age that sort of thing can be very entrenched and obvious. Writing can be formal and re worked over and over before it gets to me. But their voice, eyes, body language and what they have to say is easily discovered, by VIDEO CHAT! It's free doesn't have to take longer than five minutes, TOTAL. If you enjoy people and don't meet enough of them in your other endeavours, fine I understand your, "well they're just people I can make a good time out of anything". That is not the case with me I have plenty of in person meetings to go to, that have nothing to do with romance, so VIDEO CHAT makes all the sense in the world. Don't want to get stuck on there? DO it just once per potential date. Seems so obvious, and yet so do so many things people seem baffled about on here.
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 58
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 8/11/2013 10:53:10 AM

Good advice re: video chat, which makes lots of sense. The issue I have with a webcam is that the video doesn't necessarily look very good and there's lots of glare coming back at you from your monitor. It's even worse if you're wearing glasses. It's possible to set up a webcam away from the glare of your computer screen, depending on the type you have. Mine can be mounted on a tripod and has 2 microphones, so I actually can move away from my monitor, but not very far. It depends on the length of the USB cable and you still need to be reasonably close to the monitor to see the other person. What's your experience with this? I guess really good room lighting would help improve things a bit.
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 59
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 8/11/2013 11:13:42 AM
Wow! Someone who is open to this! And even wants to improve, what they can of their experience, with it. Bravo. Yep, it's all about the light and reducing glare. You need much brighter light than you may like for your own daily needs. Much like in a tv studio. Then that light needs to be positioned so it doesn't shine badly on you or at all on your screen. No one needs pro lights. A stronger bulb on a lamp you can move will do. Quartz light bulbs, which much more accurately mimic daylight, are a great investment if you care to. I have very bright window light, but the shadows and glare are not worth using it, for this. I get lovely photos from it though.
Joined: 7/6/2013
Msg: 60
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 8/12/2013 11:33:24 AM
I agree it is a good idea. But so far I havent been stood up and the meets have been great, with women who arent trying to be deceptive. We normally do email back n forth a few times before deciding on when and where so one can get a feel for them through that. Problem with a webcam is so many will say, dont have one, it wont work for me, I dont know how. I've asked for pictures from some and they say, dont know how. That's a red flag right there. I see many women here who dont post their pic to cut down on the email they receive, and the type they receive. I recently hid mine and not that I get alot of email but now it's almost zero. That's what I wanted at this time, too busy with getting to know a few. But hey, looks dont matter right? My profile tells a good story of who I am so if someone is interested, they can ask for a pic, or even a webcam chat. I wont say...I dont know how.
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