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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is there potential or am I filling a void?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 lovefun99
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 21
Is there potential or am I filling a void?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
You are in the dreaded "friend zone" with no chance of escape, don't ruin things by getting jealous or by pursuing her unless you get your own place first.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 22
Is there potential or am I filling a void?
Posted: 7/22/2013 7:35:25 AM

To me, If a guy goes to a woman's house with alcohol, he has expectations and motives.

I agree, but...

I am living with a friend who is recently separated ... She also acts like I'm an authority and the children have to listen to me ... I tell her she is beautiful every day, she always smiles and says "shut up"

How about that? You're in a real weird situation. Some women may not be that into the GUY, but they are that into the SITUATION, and it ends up growing. Or she's keeping away from actually getting together with you because you're living with her AND she's separated and knows it's not logically time for that -- so you shouldn't aim to be in a Relationship with her anyway.

You are filling a void, yes. Is she at least a little into you? To some degree, possibly. But you're in a weird situation. Why are you telling her she's beautiful every day? Because you want her. She knows it. Could you possibly win her over? Yeah, I guess. But since you're living with her there's no rush -- you have all the time in the world.

Just don't expect to "get" her. She already knows you dig her. Move on emotionally, look for other dating prospects, etc. Invite Them over. :)
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 23
Is there potential or am I filling a void?
Posted: 7/22/2013 7:52:51 AM
Personal opinion...you're being used.
The one thing that stood out to me...This woman is MARRIED...still married...and not likely to divorce soon, even though she doesn't seem to have problems dating other men. Very often separated people reconcile; very often they will divorce, then you have to deal with the post divorce adjustment period. This does exist (I've been divorced twice) and can take some time. Best advice to you...unless you are willing to have this blow out of the water, back off, leave her alone, and let her clean up her life before you even consider anything else. And you should look for someone else to date...you are on a dating website...right?
BTW...who's taking care of the kids? If you/they get attached you have a whole new problem and it's not fun either. They seem to have gotten lost in this thread.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 24
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Is there potential or am I filling a void?
Posted: 7/22/2013 10:46:55 AM
All adults in young children's lives should be an authority figure at some level. But you are not the Dad or Step Dad so watch your step. You are currently renting a room from her and nothing more. If you are smart (and I am beginning to have my doubts from your posts) you will avoid a physical/emotional relationship with this woman.
She is in no position in her current marital state to have a live in BF. You should have your own plans, friends, and social life. You should try to avoid eating with the family every night, or acting like a member of this family. Doing chores around the house, mowing the lawn or cleaning a bathroom is what a roommate does. I think any form of dating, FWB, or sexual relationship will only piss off her ex and confuse her children.
Stop the flirting.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 25
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Is there potential or am I filling a void?
Posted: 7/22/2013 10:54:06 AM
Ever seen somebody juggle dynamite?
Looks dangerous, doesnt it?

If you want to light the fuses, keep flirting with her.

You are both satisfying a need for company and thats fine...just keep it platonic and nobody (especially the kids) will get hurt. Position yourself as the roomate. That way everybody is on the same page.
Stop with the beautiful comments. Stop with the flirting.

Her life is complicated enough as it is.
 lostnfoundluv
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 26
Is there potential or am I filling a void?
Posted: 7/26/2013 6:40:45 AM
Most women dont like to waste time in dating especially women with small children. if she thought of you as a serious partner for her family she would have let you know long time ago. instead she is inviting other men . what more hint do you need ?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 27
Is there potential or am I filling a void?
Posted: 7/26/2013 7:39:31 AM
Is the kids' father around visiting, picking up and dropping off the kids? Since she has kids, the father will be in the picture and she will need to be in contact with him. Are you OK with that?

She doesn't sound like much of a prize. She is recently separated with kids, but have you move in with her while she's dating other guys. How many people go out and get an opposite sex roommate right after separating from their spouse? Why did you agree to this with a married woman?
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 28
Is there potential or am I filling a void?
Posted: 7/26/2013 7:42:29 AM
Of course you're filling a void.

Her husband moved out. You moved in to the spare room. However, you didn't quite move into the empty space next to her in the bed that she used to share with her husband. You aren't occupying a space in her heart as a lover... On the other hand, you are providing a form of companionship which probably would be missed if you were to leave. Hopefully you are also helping her out financially with the costs of maintaining a house. If not, you're at least helping out with chores that her husband used to help out with. That's nice. And, it's fun to play house with each other, right? If you have been single all of your life, it gives you an idea of what being married to someone could look like. So far it's been a pleasant experience for you both. Why would you want to complicate this?

If she hasn't been giving you any "physical" signs (eye contact, smiles, nice shoulder rub) that she is interested in you for more than friends... then after a month, I'd say the attraction probably isn't there. This doesn't mean that the attraction will NEVER be there. Things have a tendency to change over time especially if she is denying the attraction since she is still married or because you two are roommates and she doesn't want to mess things up and she needs a baby sitter for the nights she has a date with someone else.

Personally, I would keep my distance and let her chart the course. Dating your roommate is a little bit like dating a co-worker. I wouldn't do it.
 Kellticman72
Joined: 1/5/2013
Msg: 29
Is there potential or am I filling a void?
Posted: 7/26/2013 8:42:19 AM
Your only going to get hurt. It is obvious you have feelings for her. She knows it and probably takes a very subtle advantage of that. Go about your life. Go out with other people. Have fun and keep it as roommates and nothing more. If she really liked you, there would be NO DOUBT in your mind. Don't set yourself up for disappointment. Good luck.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 30
Is there potential or am I filling a void?
Posted: 7/26/2013 8:52:59 AM
OP: Do you realize that when it comes to her divorce proceedings, your name might pop up? Her husband might say that she was having an affair with you, since you moved in after he moved out. If they are going to fight for for custody of the kids, the husband's lawyer might use her and your living situation to support the husband's claim of being an unfit mother who is sleeping around with other guys while married. It doesn't matter if you have a platonic relationship with her. The only thing the court will see is her having a guy move in and live with her right after the husband leaves. Do you have a desire to be cannon fodder during her divorce?
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 31
Is there potential or am I filling a void?
Posted: 7/26/2013 9:45:39 AM
Well, Chef is at is again...being rude and disrespectful and not caring if anyone gets hurt, especially the kids. OP, you've been given lots of good, decent advice. Let's hope you have the courage and maturity to do the right thing instead of thinking only of yourself.
+1 to LoneScottishBoy...you nailed it.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 32
Is there potential or am I filling a void?
Posted: 7/26/2013 2:18:38 PM

I had been drinking 7 nights a week for about 5 or 6 months and now I rarely drink because I don't drink around children.
Wow.
So she's let an alcoholic friend come stay in her home... on "friend" basis.
And said alcoholic is thinking maybe he's "grown on" her, because he thinks he grows on people.
I think it's a mixed up situation, to say the least.
In a lot of ways.
So I'd say the OP should just chill out and be glad of a place to live.
Stick to the 'rules' and don't rock the boat.
Or else might end up with no place to live (and he has no car).

And don't be any sort of 'dad figure' with the kids, (for their sakes).
 GenJayne
Joined: 5/13/2013
Msg: 33
Is there potential or am I filling a void?
Posted: 7/27/2013 9:44:45 AM
You may as well ask her to be your girlfriend. You are not going to get to many other women that would be happy if you announce that you have a crush on your roommate. Go for it.
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 34
Is there potential or am I filling a void?
Posted: 7/27/2013 4:10:00 PM
Men should refuse to be friend zoned . Unless of course those men like being servants .
 Melannie1
Joined: 6/8/2013
Msg: 35
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Is there potential or am I filling a void?
Posted: 7/28/2013 3:51:15 AM
Hi Langloisj! Just wondering if you like this person enough to take it to the next level, if you do.... just communicate to her how you are feeling..... it places you in a state of vulnerability however, in the long run it may or may not be worth it.... M.
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