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 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 157
Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?Page 7 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
Men absolutely default to younger women. This is why I've stopped dating men my age (mid 40's up into 50's) as they are not interested in women their own age. We are considered "old women" at this point, good as a movie buddy or someone to talk to about their exploits chasing younger women, but not as an honest, genuine and valued partner.

There is just no benefit to it, when a guy can find someone younger. I learned long ago that being smart, funny, having a good job and personal accomplishments means *absolutely nothing* if you dont turn him on. And young women are always going to have the advantage.


When I get up the desire to date again, I'm going to be hitting the 60-70 age range-no joke. Altho interestingly it's the one age group that I have had zero vibes from, never, not once. Not sure what is going on there, maybe they are done with women for good-but if I cant get a 75 year old interested in me (Im under 50) it's time to permanently retire from this nonsense.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 158
Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 6/22/2014 6:56:35 AM

We are considered "old women" at this point, good as a movie buddy or someone to talk to about their exploits chasing younger women


What gets me are women who whine about not getting a Mr. Wonderful-My-Age guy, but do nothing about it, and wait for that guy to jump out of her computer screen and magically land on her lap. Even though it's been ingrained in people's minds for the last 10,000 years, that guys are to do all of the chasing and the woman's role is to play hard to get, there's no reason why it should stay that way for another 10,000 years. There's nothing stopping women from pursuing guys they're interested in, no matter what age range. Women would be surprised who would show interest if they were to be more pro-active in dating.

Another thing that might stop middle aged guys from chasing women their age is middle aged women have very high expectations and a long list of requirements from any guy her age-more so than young women. Women expect any guy around 50 to be financially well off with no major debts, owns their own home, no issues concerning ex's and kids or any baggage, must be physically fit, and have a good, secure job-preferably in a high management position-that they've had for the last 25 years and will retire from that company with a good company pension. That's a tall order for a lot of guys to fulfill.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 159
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Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 6/22/2014 7:24:51 AM

VolcanoKing
I learned long ago that being smart, funny, having a good job and personal accomplishments means *absolutely nothing* if you dont turn him on. And young women are always going to have the advantage.

The key part of this is ”turn him on”. I’m 63 years old, and I get turned on by women of all ages. In the last 5 years, I have dated women as young as 37 and as old as 71. Believe me, I would not have gone there, not for an instant, if they did not “turn me on”, each and every one. I will admit that as women age, fewer and fewer of them are attractive to me (at first glance, strictly going by appearances). And even if they are physically attractive, they still have to pass two other hurdles, mental and emotional. Mental – are you intelligent, are you sane? Emotional – are you truly available, rather than bitter and dejected? Are you friendly, supportive, and willing to “have my back”?

I do believe that women are looking for pretty much the same things as I am. But you have to get by that first hurdle, they have to be attracted to your picture. I cannot believe the number of people I see on here who have bad pictures. They really, really don’t seem to get it.

VolcanoKing
When I get up the desire to date again, I'm going to be hitting the 60-70 age range-no joke. Altho interestingly it's the one age group that I have had zero vibes from, never, not once. Not sure what is going on there, maybe they are done with women for good-but if I cant get a 75 year old interested in me (Im under 50) it's time to permanently retire from this nonsense.

I hope you’re not using this place as an indicator of interest from older men. Remember, no one more than 14 years older can message you here. No one, no matter what. “god” himself has proclaimed it to be so.


skyjumper6319
My feeling is that the ratio of guys to girls on these sites is probably about 7:1. Its s buyer market and the girls are the buyers.

You need to do your homework. Google is your friend, prepare to do a lot of reading. In the youngest age category (early 20’s), men outnumber women by a huge margin, as much as 10 to 1 on some sites. Gradually, with age, the playing field levels out. Just about your age (50), men and women are represented equally on most sites. From there on (50+), the ratio tilts rather quickly to favor the men (more women, fewer men).

Your problem, skyjumper, and I say this with absolutely no ill intent, no desire whatsoever to make you mad or hurt your feelings – your problem is your height. Online, women all go after tall men. Just how it is. You need to get out and meet women in real life. On here, you are automatically excluded just for that one thing, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Except lie, and I would not recommend that.




When I get up the desire to date again, I'm going to be hitting the 60-70 age range-no joke.


If you do that, guys will assume you're looking for someone very wealthy so you can wait around to inherit.

Some men will assume that, some won’t. A young lady (37 years old) contacted me on a different dating site (obviously couldn’t have here), saying that she was “fed up” with the men her age and wanted to try “an older gentleman”. I never once assumed that she was a gold digger, and she and I had a lot of fun together.



 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 160
Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 6/22/2014 8:33:19 AM

In the 9 years I've been divorced and the 2+ yrs I've been 50 (and over), not one single man has approached me in real life. Not one.


ohenryx:I can’t for the life of me imagine why not. Or maybe I can. Are you giving off a “leave me alone” vibe?

As far as I can tell I'm giving off the opposite of “leave me alone” - for example: places like the grocery, or bookstore, or waiting for the bus I will try to make eye contact with men who appear to be around my age (and are not wearing a ring or other indication they're in a relationship). If I'm really attracted to him, then I may find an excuse to start a conversation but I'm actually pretty shy with strangers so I don't do this very often.

Some times I actively look for ways to provide a conversation opener. Like yesterday, the weather was fabulous so I took my toy sailboat on a string (~12” block of wood with a crude plastic sail) down to the marina and was sailing it off the outer pier watching the boats come in for the evening. That thing was like a guy magnet! More men stopped to talk on the dock, or commented as they motored by, than in weeks of everything else I've tried. I think it was the whimsy; these guys were of the age they probably had a similar toy when they were young.


It's the pervasive bitter attitude I see in the forums that can be the biggest deterrent to having a decent relationship.

I'm not bitter; just dejected. It is hard to keep a good attitude when something I want so much seems to be beyond my ability to obtain and I can't figure out why.

P.S. welcome skyjumper
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 161
Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 6/22/2014 8:54:41 AM

The last thing I am interested in "someone's money." That's never been a priority with me. I have my own money, a home and a six figure union job with a pension. The idea for upping the age range was to try to eliminate the thing of me being too old. I hope that someone doesnt misunderstand that. I can always find a man of modest means, so that there is no question I am looking for companionship.

Realistically, I would probably start in the 55-65 range and completely remove myself from anyone my age, and try to land in a range of men who are at least 10 years older and see if that works.

Currently I am *not* online dating which is why my profile is inactive. I am only here for the forums. Online dating didnt work out for me.

I have never whined about anyone "falling into my lap." When I was active dating I was very proactive about contacting and initiating dates. Every date I offered to go dutch. Never anything to do with money or "waiting around" for someone.

It appears that at least in the opinion of many, you are put into one of two categories: You're either bitter, or you are desperate. If you feel dejected and discouraged at all-here's your label-bitter. Making a big effort? Really getting out there? Watch it! Sounds needy and desperate. People tend to take labels to an extreme when you try to explain yourself here.

Most of us are doing the best we can. Most of us could always use some improvement. We're just trying to get by, understand people and understand ourselves in the process.

PS Cynthia, I TOTALLY get what you are saying. I'm not sure why we are "under the raincloud" so to speak. I find it really hard to connect with people at this stage of my life. I never had a problem in my 20's and 30's. Once I emerged again into the dating world at 43 it's been *the* singlemost difficult thing I've ever had to deal with.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 162
Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 6/22/2014 10:31:59 AM
Ocean, no, you are in good company. There is a very obvious age bias that just has to be accepted and worked around when you hit a certain age. Even in my early 40's I rarely got any messages (beyond the "hey there" type)-I went out and initiated contact with men and all the dates I had were because I made the effort. So dont feel bad about less messages now..some of us have no idea what "being swamped" means!

A huge percentage of men in my age bracket stop the top range of women's age 5-10 years under their own-which severly hampered my options. I also found ALOT of men lied about their own age, or would perpetually be hanging at 49, stating in their profile they are trying to come up in younger women's search results. I actually went on one date with a guy who was actually ten years older than he stated, (mid 50's) and he was trying to attract college age women, as he later told me. He's 56 now and looking for women as young as 18. I hope he finds what he's looking for. I really liked him.

I'm not interested in men in their 20's or even 30's at this point, so my only option left is to jump into the 60's-70's age range and see if I am young enough for them. At this point, I am not even looking for chemistry or a spark-I've given up on that too, just some good, solid companionship with someone whom I love and who loves me back. Money or not, doesnt matter.

Companionship. Something real. And lasting.

PS Also! You know what-I have found that many women DO want taller men. I read women's profiles and I keep finding that the height of 5' 11' seems to be the minimum...weird! I could care less how tall a man is. I'm looking for love, not height.

So, each sex has it's bias. Nature is telling us to seek something out that ultimately always ties into reproductive success, whether or not we are actually making babies.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 163
Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 6/22/2014 10:54:52 AM

I've been on and off POF for quite a few years and I would say after turning 50 I am receiving WAY less messages than I did in my 40's.

That has been my experience also. In my 40s I received a steady trickle of emails - 1 or so per day (which I considered pretty good). In my 50s it dropped to less than one per week. I'm not "whining" about it - stating my feelings (and that those feelings are occasionally of the dejected type) is hardly wailing and gnashing of teeth. I'm, also, not somehow "blaming" men for this fall off; I'm just stating a fact. Men in my 'age range of interest' are just as entitled to their 'age range of interest' as I am. What I am trying to do is to figure out how to find the right pond and the right lure to improve the odds of mutual attraction.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 164
Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 6/22/2014 11:17:27 AM
I think alot of people are trying to figure out the right pond and lure. I dont think there is any one right answer for everyone. I think some people are just more lucky at love. They have the right combination of elements going for them-timing, attitude, what they want in life, bumping into someone who totally shares the same values and mutual chemistry. Lasting relationships take a special skill set-sacrifice, the ability to negotiate, support, nurture, handle things with maturity and fairness, etc

And you've got to REALLY want it. Bad enough that you dont just sit online screwing around, you're out going to social events, parties, meetups, hiking groups, whatever it is you like to do.

This can up your odds a bit but there's still no set guaranteed success formula. At least it is good practice and healthy to get out and enjoy your life, single or not-enrich it with activities and learning opportunities. Platonic friendships you gain from these too, can be very satisfying.

There's also all kinds of interested variables when it comes to personal success in dating. Ive known a few men who were smokin' hot, broke, musicians (haha of course) and the ladies kept flocking to them. Never without a date, and never with a relationship that lasted. It was woman after woman and always some problem that would crop up, the complaining would start and the woman would be gone. Then, within a few days, the next woman would come along. Just this pattern over and over.

I've had my marriage, and then a 9 year relationship, and now, for the past five years a severe drought. This is where I am now. Maybe not forever, but I need to take a hard look at myself and really ask some tough questions. Am I not doing enough to attract people? Am I giving out closed up vibes? Do I spend too much time pursuing dead ends? I want to pinpoint MY contributions to the current situation, and also I need to know the landscape I am treading. What do men want, at this age? What seems to be the patterns I'm finding. Do I need to open myself up to much older people...I am trying to improve myself, spend less energy on "fantasy relationships" and be more receptive to options I may not have considered before.

Again, no set pond or lure for some of us, it is an ongoing learning experience.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 166
Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 6/22/2014 6:44:26 PM

PS Also! You know what-I have found that many women DO want taller men. I read women's profiles and I keep finding that the height of 5' 11' seems to be the minimum...weird!


Good to see another woman have a revelation moment about what it's like to be in a man's shoes online.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 167
Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 6/22/2014 9:45:19 PM
I actually like "shorter" guys. Although I dont even really see them as short. I see them as people. I'm 5' 8" in shoes and like to have a guy's face right in front of me when I hug him! Both my husband and my latest long term BF were shorter than me.

As far as HAVING to have a taller man..I mean, what if the guy has everything else you want..everything! But...he's 5' 10". Are you going to throw that all away?

Would a guy throw it all away if the woman was a little older than him, when he wants younger?

I suppose we all have our requirements.
 arlo2
Joined: 5/30/2013
Msg: 168
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Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 6/22/2014 11:01:07 PM

As far as HAVING to have a taller man..I mean, what if the guy has everything else you want..everything! But...he's 5' 10". Are you going to throw that all away?

Would a guy throw it all away if the woman was a little older than him, when he wants younger?


The answer to both of these questions is, usually, yes. Usually, because, by the time THOSE questions are asked, the asker has several options.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 170
Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 6/24/2014 11:12:00 AM
It's interesting that women over 50 feel more invisible then men over 50. Or is it more that men got used to it over the years and it feels normal?? I wonder what would be the response if it was posted in the 30's section??
I have noticed over the years that most of the older women have much higher demands from the men then the younger women in terms of money and other material things. Older women seem to fear the idea that they might end up having to pay more in a relationship. There is also the jaded feeling that many older women have about men and relationship.
Which seems to come across intentionally or not. Where other people tend to pick up, On the sublime level. In a way that tend to keep guys away same as it would for a women if she comes across a guy that is jaded. Some people don't even realize that they are so jaded and on the defense when talking to the other sex. The other person will pick up on it just walk away.
As for the looks men and women tend to go for the looks. With men a lot more then women which explains why more men tend to go for younger then women do.

If the women spend some time reading other women profiles they would notice that many women want someone who is 6' plus. Guys don't make it up its in there if you are willing to read the profiles.

So many women complain about Asian women in so many threads. I would love to know all the bad things that none Asian women can say about Asian women.......
 arlo2
Joined: 5/30/2013
Msg: 171
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Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 6/25/2014 6:28:26 PM

I personally think there's a direct correlation...in this already hijacked thread... between all those Caucasian guys desiring those very SHORT Asian women...as is the topic of another thread....and their perception that most women want men to be taller than them.


Actually, Asian women from about 4'10" to 5'10" seem to fare about as well across that range. The taller ones, possibly, being at a slight premium.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 172
Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 6/26/2014 4:41:23 PM
I dated a Chinese girl who was 5-9 .. I know of a few Asians that are over 5-8 personally..
 arlo2
Joined: 5/30/2013
Msg: 173
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Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 6/26/2014 6:03:17 PM
A very good Vietnamese friend of mine was a fighter pilot in the war. He was unusually tall for a Vietnamese man, at the time, being 5'8" . Which, worked out well for the US aircraft. After the war, he moved to the US; where he met his wife, who is also Vietnamese and stands about 5'6" ( and she is HOT at 50+ ) They have three very beautiful daughters ( all born and raised here ) who stand 5'10" 5'9" and 5'8" . The honkies are all over them !

I have done a lot of traveling, over the years, for the automotive industry. In that time, I have noticed people, especially women, in Japan, Korea, and mainland China are getting taller. The average female model in those countries is now about 5'6"-5'7". Only about 3" shorter than the average model here. The women in "interface" position in business are all 5'5" to 5'9"

Of the white guys I know who date Asian women, the average height of their GF's is about 5'5". Which, I think, just about average for women in the US. None of them even mention height as an issue. The common thread is that they are all much thinner than average. If I had to guess, probably 110 lbs vs. 150 lbs

Also, here, it seems to be the taller Asian girls who go after the white guys. The little 4'10" - 5'1" girls tend to be with Asian men, mostly.
 arlo2
Joined: 5/30/2013
Msg: 176
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Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 6/28/2014 12:06:12 AM
The top 20%-25% of the most desirable guys, over 50, easily attract women 10-20 years younger than themselves. So, for them, it works great. The lower 75% are probably split between the guys who will date an older woman and, the guys who are OK with "younger or nothing at all". Oh, and, the complainers. And, the guys who have "checked out".
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 177
Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 6/28/2014 7:46:13 AM
Yeah, I noticed too that the majority of men online want women who are at least one year younger than themselves and rarely anyone their own age or older. I've also ran into, and went on a date once from online, with a guy who said he was younger than me. Turned out he was 10 year older and would not date anyone his own age. He's 56 and has his youngest age at 18. I asked him about this and he said "well, I can always hope."

As far as being invisible at 50...I felt invisible at 40. it's really noticeable.

For me, men are incredibly hard to date, even when I try to do everything right-let them know I am interested, give them space so they dont feel pressure, let them take the lead, or I offer a suggestion-I've tried every combo. Give them my number, etc. I am worn out, and at this point my self confidence is in the toilet. I feel that after 5 years of being friendzoned and told "I can't really see dating you but I'd love to hang out with you" or "you're really funny but...."

I can't deal with it anymore. I just dont want to hear those words again.

I have to face facts, I am not in my prime and men know this. There's little point in trying to engage someone like me in a conversation when there is someone younger and hotter right around the corner-especially in the online world where people are discarded as fast as a hamburger wrapper.
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 178
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Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 6/28/2014 1:07:49 PM
At age 61 I am currently primarily dating a 42 year old woman. The women I have dated post divorce have mostly run from 10 to 20 years younger than myself. Naturally I have women friends near my own age but I do not view any of them as potential romantic partners.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 179
Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 6/28/2014 2:04:13 PM
Whenever I see posts from women who complain or comment negatively about guys wanting and dating much younger women instead of a woman their own age or older, they never comment on the other half of the equation-women who are willing to date an older guy. I have yet to see a post that puts down or makes negative comments about women who are willing to date guys who are older than the woman.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 180
Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 6/28/2014 2:17:16 PM
While we may not see direct put-downs, many of the younger woman/older guy threads frequently mention that these younger gals are most likely gold-diggers.

Personally, I don't understand why women would want to date a guy significantly older-because the way the stats run, she's very likely to wind up widowed. But maybe that's OK with some gals?
I know, we don't see threads vilifying younger women for dating older guys-but they don't exactly get off scot free, either. Many times it's suggested that the younger woman with the older man is seekng security, or $$$-or that she has "Daddy issues".
Cindy O
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 181
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Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 6/28/2014 3:42:57 PM
^^^^

A 40 year old dating a 60 year old does not have 'daddy issues'. They enjoy each other's company.

My guy is 3 years older than I am. I make a point of keeping slim and being his hot babe. I can completely understand why many guys over 50 seek younger women...so many women their own age project an image of a frumpy grandma. They are overweight, dull and boring. I'm a mother, grandmother but, first in life, I am my guy 's girlfriend. I act like his girlfriend. Tonight my daughter and I are hitting the clubs with our guys...out dancing instead of ' having to get to bed' because tomorrow is the day to clean the house. Cripes, it's sad how old some people act old long before they are dead...they might as well be dead.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 5/3/2014
Msg: 182
Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 7/6/2014 8:32:30 AM
Maybe it's true that some guys have younger settings sometimes for what they are looking for, but I constantly hear from those same people who supposedly want someone younger according to their profile preferences.

So I don't get it, in those cases, are those guys only wanting older if they can pick them rather than being "bothered" by a woman in her 40s or above initiating to them?

Why bother having ages listed at all if you're going to write someone who is a full 10 years older than the oldest you say you would accept mail from if they initiated? I don't quite get it.
 NYCKOSI
Joined: 5/19/2014
Msg: 183
Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 7/10/2014 4:59:13 AM
No way, as I got older I found myself to have better luck. What can I say, I look way too good.
 Nancer13
Joined: 7/17/2012
Msg: 186
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Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 8/10/2014 4:42:37 PM
Just take a few years off... hehehe There was a tv show that actually suggested we do that... Go on the first date, and if you think there might be something,, fess up... if not,, nothing lost.
 mattfoley777
Joined: 5/13/2012
Msg: 187
Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 8/10/2014 7:57:22 PM
I'm over 50 and my last girlfriend was 23. The girl before her was 22. And the girl before her was 24. Yes, I love and adore young girls. But the reality is that I would date any age group if I was attracted to them. Unfortunately the women who are in their 40's and 50's that I've seen here for the most part have let themselves go. Their faces and boobs are sagging, they have a bunch of kids, they work a lot and don't have a lot of time, and they are far more prudish than girls in their 20's.

I'm in athletic shape. I have six-pack abs, lean, and ripped. I have a sex drive that can not be quenched and I'm well-endowed. And I make great money as well. I like young girls because they're sexually liberated, their bodies are in peak condition, their vagina's are tight, they have time for me, and they don't have a bunch of kids. I've seen very few women here on POF who are in their 40's and 50's that can offer all of that.
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