Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Older womanm by 18 years      Home login  
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 19
view profile
Older womanm by 18 yearsPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
What exactly are you pushing for my friend? Sex, love, commitment perhaps another helping of potatoes???
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 20
view profile
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 2:20:16 PM

she does not like to be pushed

got one of those electric wheelchairs, does she?
Joined: 7/15/2013
Msg: 21
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 2:23:11 PM

how it does affect things in the long run. To think a few years ahead that a 55 year old man would still be interested in a 74 year old woman

I don't know about the rest of those in the 50 yr age category but I tend to think of 10 yrs or more as being in the long run. As the OP I would be more concerned about his desire to take care of this woman in her old age which depending on her health may not be in the too distant future.

By the time the OP reaches 65 this woman will be 84. Personally I can't see the appeal in dating someone this much older unless the older person is young and healthy for their age and the younger person is old and not so healthy for their age.

I suppose there is always the possible appeal of having a rich woman to help him achieve early retirement in a style to which he would like to become accustomed. Some women are not beyond coupling for personal advancement and these days there seems to be a growing number of men entertaining this idea as well.
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 22
view profile
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 3:25:46 PM
That's my question too Carolann...

Pushing for what?
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 23
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 4:37:28 PM
OP, either you met her somewhere in real life, or on this site prior to the age restrictions being there's a 19 year difference. If it was from this site, but had you tried to contact her recently, well, you wouldn't have been able to do so, and so you would never had met this woman, and this would not be an issue. Though if everything was going as you wished in your relationship, that would not matter either, as you wouldn't have met her if this site is where you found her. That's if you found her after the age restrictions were put in place and so couldn't contact her to begin with.

(OP, I'm sorry to have rambled on like that. And this was more directed at POF's age restriction policy, than to you. Yes, I know there's a huge thread on that issue. But the OP's post is relevant to that issue, as the age difference is the subject of this thread.)
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 24
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 5:43:37 PM

I would suppose the woman has some decency and she is well aware of the age gap….

I have a feeling the gap ain’t quite as gappy as OP claims, if you get my drift.

OP. I dunno, she invites you over “often” and cooks you dinner, that doesn’t seem very cautious to me. I mean she’s letting you in the door, right? You go out and have been dating for six months. What’s the problem, other than you’re disrespectfully trying to push her when you know she doesn’t like it. Keep that up and you can kiss your home cooked dinners bye bye.

Maybe you “seem” to push because you know she does not like to be “really” pushed…? She probably doesn’t like to play games either. If you want to know how she feels about something, ask her.
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 25
view profile
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 6:07:53 PM

You need to use humor, touch and eye contact.

No 1/ Forget about trying to "do" her.
No 2/ Make it your mission to make every minute you are with her fun.
No 3/ You need to touch her, lots! But in a non creepy way.
No 4/ You need to "connect" with her.
No 5/ You have been placed in her "friend zone" unless you escape this you are toast!
No 6/ You need to establish yourself as a sexual person in her eyes.

Women from all walks of life and all races say the same thing to this question. What is the single most important thing that would attract you to a man? Answer.......Humor! Are you a funny guy? Could you learn to be a funny guy?

How many times do you touch her when you meet? Once, twenty times, none? And how do you touch someone in a non creepy way? Could you high five her? "Hey that's a great cup of coffee! Give me five! Whoa, what did you do different this time? Tastes great! "Hey, (tap, tap, on shoulder) guess what I did today? (With enthusiasm) Bought a new......Gave myself a treat.......Booked us into........Whatever!" She. "Really?" You. "Yes I really did!" patting her on the back, or excitedly giving her arm a squeeze, You. "I'm so excited" Arm around her and give her a squeeze.

That's four times in one paragraph! Could you do that? Of course you could!

Do you kiss her? Kiss her! Look into her eyes, one at a time and switch between each eye and her mouth, in like a sort of triangle, then go for it! And not at the end of the night either, you can do this within five minutes of meeting someone if you get really good at it.

Remember fun! Treat this as a training session, because if non of this stuff works you need to find someone that is does work on!

Get out of that friend zone buddy, or get out! Time is marching on and you are firmly in her friend zone. If this doesn't work on her bail, and next time escalate quickly or the same fate awaits you. I'll leave you with this........

The reason this relationship is where it is is totally your fault, not hers. It is a man's duty to escalate the relationship and women wait for us to do it, if we cant? She thinks you haven't got the ba-lls and confidence to do it, you don't know how to do it or you don't want to do it. Whatever.......

Moon Rocket, I like your attitude!

OP - you can either take Moon Rocket's advice, or just ask her straight out. Is there hope? Only she knows. You won't know unless you pursue it.

As for women losing interest in sex at that age, I wouldn't know, I'm not there yet. I wouldn't assume anything.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 26
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 6:57:46 PM
You need to stop pushing her to put your name as beneficiary in her life insurance policy and changing her will.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 27
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 7:00:48 PM
You need to stop pushing her to put your name as beneficiary in her life insurance policy.
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 28
view profile
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 9:56:56 PM
I have a really tough time believing I'm 5 years older than 50 a typo?
Joined: 3/10/2013
Msg: 29
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 10:29:16 PM
She's probably terrified of what you will think of her with no makeup and naked. The age difference doesn't seem to bother you, so reassure her and complement her often!
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 30
view profile
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/31/2013 1:42:10 AM
Moon Racket, You don't look like Tom Cruise, but you got the charm.

I am turnoff dating older men because they have no filter, they think
they can touch a woman even in public in a lustful way and they think it is cute.
and they think of me I am frigid.
You should publish a book of what you posted here.
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 31
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/31/2013 8:22:10 AM

I have a feeling the gap ain’t quite as gappy as OP claims, if you get my drift.

I had the same thought.

But that's neither here nor there.

If the lady won't join the OP for romp in the bedroom after 6 months,I would say that either he is SERIOUSLY friendzoned, she has very strong moral convictions, or she has some significant concerns about having sex.

Whatever the case, pushing her ain't going to solve anything.
However, if she has any wits/street smarts whatsoever, and you are REALLY that much younger than she, it seems like she had to have KNOWN the question of sex would come into the picture.
I dunno, OP. You and she are both grownups, maybe you should have a grownup talk? You need to realize that she may regard this grownup talk as the ultimate in "pushing" and she may push you right out of her life, or you may find yourself with a grudging sex partner( and I realize at this stage that may be more than fine with you!)

Best of luck to both of you.
Cindy O
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 32
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/31/2013 8:24:28 AM

Women are not passive little creatures that need a man to take charge all of the time...

If the woman in the OP's question wanted it to be more than a dinner/movie companion, he would be more by now.

Yes, she can but only if she wants to too with you.

Op, you met a nice lady for enjoying life together but nothing more in the simplest terms of friendship.
Now, if you do not have or are building toward as in what lovers, etc imminently "do together as the relationship grows!
But if not,Then as Bugs Bunny once said," that's all folks!" Sorry
Unlike those who are in it for the whole nine yards, as they communicate in speaking up in their desires,hopes,dreams on a daily basics. As for many out there over 45, that is a very scary place to go as we all get long in the tooth.
Hope your luck changes in meeting someone who is more active in their wants and needs in a relationship like that.
They are out there and it will happen when you least expect it.
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 33
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/31/2013 12:25:50 PM
I have a feeling the gap ain’t quite as gappy as OP claims, if you get my drift.

I had the same thought.

But that's neither here nor there.

I think it is, to him….because look at his thread title, “Older woman by 18 years;” never mind if this is true she’d be older by 19 years…. (eyeroll)

Mostly everyone is assuming this is about sex. He could be “pushing” her about anything… I like Maleman’s suggestions. :D If he’s really 50, and is after sex and she won’t comply…..I mean, come on, does it take a genius to figure this out?

I’d take bets that OP is not 50, and hasn’t seen 50 for some time. And since he hasn’t bothered to post again on his own thread, I suspect he’s billboarding. (“I’m young and horny, here I am!”)

UNLESS. If he’s really pushing her for sex and she really doesn’t like to be pushed, maybe he’s pushing up daisies in her back yard right about now.
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 34
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/31/2013 12:36:34 PM

I have a feeling the gap ain’t quite as gappy as OP claims, if you get my drift.

This was my first thought as well. I thought the OP looked closer to my age.

But ages aside, not sure that in my 60's I'd want to be with someone in their 80's.

I don't know what this thread is about....

I think it's just a joke.
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 35
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/31/2013 1:04:25 PM
Good luck, grow some, experiment and have fun. Both of you

He has -- his complaint is that every time he tries, she pushes away. But they still date. For 6 months. He's not being pushy, and I think the point about a$$bugers syndrome was that EVEN IF he or she did, being physically intimate on some level shouldn't be hindered after so long if one party wants to and has stepped forward on it.

Especially at her age where I would imagine it would be more prevalent, it sounds like she wants a companion, not a Real BF. Yes, that means lack of actual Interest. Actual as opposed to what? Interest as only friends. Sounds like she wants a male companion.

If it was 6 dates, her being virtually 70, I would say play it cool but don't slip into be a mere Friend. But since it's 6 months? Hey, she could be a nice lady and everything, but if you're looking for a Real man-woman relationship and she's not -- Get Out.

If she's backing away from make-out jam sessions after 6 months -- you may think you're Dating -- but you're not.
Joined: 5/15/2013
Msg: 36
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/31/2013 3:21:45 PM
Maybe you are not on the same say dating for six months...she may see it has just being friends, nothing more.

PS. If a woman is would definitely know. Aww ..maybe time to look elsewhere for someone who wants to be committed and intimate with their S.O.

50? Hm...are you sure OP? I just turned 48.
Joined: 5/13/2013
Msg: 37
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/31/2013 4:31:23 PM
You're not going to get what you want in life unless you first learn how to ask for it. I believe in being very direct. I guess I am not a "romantic". She is 69 years old, I'm guessing she is not a virgin. She maybe wondering what the hell is taking you so long. Just do it.
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 38
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 8/1/2013 7:43:47 AM

Pushing for what?

Romance is why men date women.

Really is unbecoming when grown women fain ignorance or naivety.
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 39
view profile
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 8/1/2013 8:40:02 AM
I'm thinking older man by 18 years
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 40
view profile
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 8/1/2013 11:42:18 AM
Many women at her age are no longer interested in sex for various reasons. Some just no longer want it. Others find it painful because their parts have atrophied or for hormonal reasons. Move on to a woman who is still sexually active. Before you get all invested in one try to determine if she still is able to and wants to be sexual with a partner.
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 41
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 8/1/2013 11:50:05 AM

Romance is why men date women.

The OP did NOT state what he is “pushing” for, but he did say she doesn’t like it.

“Romance”……… really?

Grown men using euphemisms for sex ain’t too pretty either.

However I do understand some men wouldn’t recognize “romance” if it bit them on the ass.
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 42
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 8/1/2013 12:12:28 PM
Well, I'm almost 64 and I still want sex, just need to find the right person. I hope I find him sooner rather than later!! At 69 I don't believe most women are all done with sex if they've had good experiences. Now a days some of us are living longer somewhat healthier lives, so it's not unreasonable to think sex is still fun. The OP is forgetting that women of our generation had a hard time dating younger men (cougars were not so popular way back when) and especially one who you could have given birth to! IMO, she likes him as a person, but a real love interest may not be on her horizon. The OP should discuss his expectations of the relationship with her ASAP and clear the air.
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 43
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 8/2/2013 1:22:56 AM
I think lostsoul has got her point correct, different age groups have different expectations.

I also think that a lot of peoples expectations are derived from the ever so real life of make believe.

I tend to look around my age group for women as the expectations of a 40 year old are a tad different from a 50 year old as well as throwing into the mix of geographic differences.

But then again there will always be exceptions to the rules.

I have been reading the posts of different people on the forums for about 4 years now and at times I think my expectations of how men and women interact these days are from a by gone era, whatever happened to the part where we took our time in getting to actually know one another before we jump into bed for sex.

By getting to know each other then we can only truly admit to ourselves that the time for sex is when it is right for both participants and not just one.

The OP stated that he know the woman very well and she doesn't like to be pushed but he states that he has been pushing her anyway, that may be a case of what he says he knows but more of a case that he doesn't listen to the woman resulting in the outcome that he doesn't know her because he isn't listening to her, a major problem in itself
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Older womanm by 18 years