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 BabblingBrookes
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 68
Managing Political Views in Couples/RelationshipsPage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)


Maybe that begs the question - do you think your views for politics (or your significant other's) COULD change over time? I'm sure several people will say 'No', but it DOES happen. - What then? I'm assuming some reforms would happen gradually over time and may not be all that conflicting, but could a significant life event make people swing their views to be contrary of their spouse? If it happened to you - what happened?


I could see it adjusting over time in terms of minor issues, but not the big ticket items. If we're lucky, we'll all grow and change over time to some degree. I think it depends largely on the motivation behind your beliefs. Are they an ideology with no basis in reality...were they inherited...have your experiences molded them...etc. Your beliefs likely weren't established in a vacuum.

As I've gotten older, I've understood opposing viewpoints more clearly. My stance has never changed to the point that I would vote for another political party though. I honestly can't see it happening. The other party is presently too far from my moral compass. If the dynamics and stances of the party changed to a more moderate stance...maybe. Eh, only time will tell, but I doubt it.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 69
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Managing Political Views in Couples/Relationships
Posted: 8/7/2013 2:58:26 PM

^^^ I see your point.
There's a difference between hiking and ice cream and abortions
and gay rights though.


Just trying to keep it close to "non" political...weather it's abortion or gay rights or ice cream life would be a friggin bore without opposing points of view. Kind of like the Prince of Zamunda telling Imani Izzi (Coming to America) to bark like a dog. As I remember he fled to America to find someone that had their own thoughts. Two people can agree on Abortion & Gay Rights, Ice Cream and the Gnatcatcher and still be plenty miserable. I would be horrified to be with someone that would think I had to agree with them on "major issues." To me day to day issues are far, far, far more important in a relationship.
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 70
Managing Political Views in Couples/Relationships
Posted: 8/7/2013 3:20:38 PM

Maybe that begs the question - do you think your views for politics (or your significant other's) COULD change over time? I'm sure several people will say 'No', but it DOES happen. - What then? I'm assuming some reforms would happen gradually over time and may not be all that conflicting, but could a significant life event make people swing their views to be contrary of their spouse? If it happened to you - what happened?


Not sure how old your mother was when that voting thing occured? While the very young voters (till mid, late 20's) usually do feel stronger about their views, they tend to soften over time and even change some. For the mature crowd, basic political and religious beliefs do generally not change drastically any more as they are based on the personal ethics and value system (except maybe some death row inmates suddenly claiming they discovered God or something, smile).
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 71
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Managing Political Views in Couples/Relationships
Posted: 8/7/2013 3:30:10 PM
Just trying to keep it close to "non" political...weather it's abortion or gay rights or ice cream life would be a friggin bore without opposing points of view. Kind of like the Prince of Zamunda telling Imani Izzi (Coming to America) to bark like a dog. As I remember he fled to America to find someone that had their own thoughts. Two people can agree on Abortion & Gay Rights, Ice Cream and the Gnatcatcher and still be plenty miserable. I would be horrified to be with someone that would think I had to agree with them on "major issues." To me day to day issues are far, far, far more important in a relationship.


Without saying anything about my or anyone here's beliefs in particular or the "right or wrong" of any of them:

Abortion rights, gay rights, how to handle the poor/welfare etc. are things that bleed into how people will handle and interpret every day things. The logic (or lack of) used in determining their stance on these things, combined on which side they stand on ethical issues bleeds down on a more personal level into every day things, and factors in HUGELY when it comes to super important relationship things like child-rearing, etc.

And when you're talking human rights, "opposing points of view" can at times make other people suffer in points in time. Slavery was a political issue, after all, as was a woman's right to vote, just as examples. I'm not sure that having an opposing point of view to alleviate your personal boredom should override human suffering...
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 72
Managing Political Views in Couples/Relationships
Posted: 8/8/2013 7:27:01 AM

Just trying to keep it close to "non" political...weather it's abortion or gay rights or ice cream life would be a friggin bore without opposing points of view.


I don't think life would be a friggin bore if we didn't have to deal with any sort of human right issue.

I don't consider these "major issues" political. People who disagree on human rights, women's rights, or any other
right to live freely see things differently. It's basically part of the dynamic that makes up your personality and defines who you are.

I don't care what kind of ice cream someone likes, or whether they like hiking or biking or jumping out of planes, but I do care about what the people I love think about others and how they treat them.

I can see both sides of most issues. I can disagree with them and still understand the opposing view. But human rights
issues, women's right to choose...nope. I don't get it. Human rights issues ARE day to day issues.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 73
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Managing Political Views in Couples/Relationships
Posted: 8/8/2013 7:41:08 AM

But human rights
issues, women's right to choose...nope. I don't get it.


Oh, this is an easy one. The issue is a perspective issue in itself. The perspective is "what makes something human (in a philosophical sense)" combined with "at what point does that something override the feelings of the person it depends on to survive." Federal law has that line at, what, 24 weeks of development now?

Some people believe that as soon as fertilization occurs, even before it has organs, it is "human," and needs to be protected. Others believe that it might be human, but isn't at a point where it should be protected over the wishes of the person carrying it due to lack of awareness and development. And others don't believe something is "human" until later on.

The whole Schiavo ordeal was a different expression of this same split in philosophy, on the opposite end of the development spectrum.

Both sides use weighted phrases and buzzwords to make their side seem better, but the basic issue comes down to this.

Where someone stands on this issue normally says A LOT about the person though. Because it's an unanswerable question, as it -is- strictly based on opinion (unless there's a God out there to judge things that overrides human thinking), that opinion is shaped by certain influences and certain worldviews that spread down into how every day life things are handled.

That's why I don't understand people that say that politics don't matter (over large stances like reproductive rights, gay rights, or social-economic issues). How someone feels about these things asserts itself in how they think, period - it's inseparable.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 74
Managing Political Views in Couples/Relationships
Posted: 8/8/2013 7:52:02 AM

That's why I don't understand people that say that politics don't matter (over large stances like reproductive rights, gay rights, or social-economic issues). How someone feels about these things asserts itself in how they think, period - it's inseparable.


+1.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 75
Managing Political Views in Couples/Relationships
Posted: 8/8/2013 12:48:17 PM
I'm not going to disagree with the idea that a person's individual values strongly color their political leanings, and vice versa - but 'getting along' with a significant other means cooperation and/or compromise on just about EVERY level. I guess I'm more curious how you 'deal' with the other half when you don't agree.

I see many taking the extreme side and getting hung up on the 'If You're Not With Us You're Against Us' mentality - isn't that ALWAYS an immediate fire starter? How do you deal with people that always seem to have their boiler steaming about certain issues?
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 76
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Managing Political Views in Couples/Relationships
Posted: 8/8/2013 1:52:35 PM
I have the opinion that some people are obsessed with politics, so much so that they can't reach across the isle or see someone's right to believe otherwise. I post in many political blogs and have some very strong opinions on certain topics but it would never cloud my judgement enough to have it carry-over into a relationship and to the possible opposite opinion of my partner. I can use my adult children as examples, they have their opinion/beliefs which sometimes are in direct opposite of my own and we still get along peachy...all the time. I like to think "love is blind" some apparently don't share this opinion and would place conditions on it...which by the way is fine, it's just not for me.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 77
Managing Political Views in Couples/Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2013 7:01:09 AM

I'm not going to disagree with the idea that a person's individual values strongly color their political leanings, and vice versa - but 'getting along' with a significant other means cooperation and/or compromise on just about EVERY level. I guess I'm more curious how you 'deal' with the other half when you don't agree.


Well, speaking for myself, I've never been with anyone who was opposed to my dealbreakers. Wouldn't occur to me
to start a relationship with someone who's political views regarding humans rights and woman's right to choose
were vocally, mentally, and sometimes physically different than mine. Some people may have opinions, but really don't care either way. I'd be hard pressed to be emotionally involved with someone who had the need to
preach against something I consider a basic right or to speak in a derogatory manner about other members of society.

Looking at me (like anyone else) you wouldn't know where I stand with politics. It never comes up unless someone
engages me in a conversation. I'm not likely to necessarily start one myself. But, if I'm with someone, and it comes
up or if in the course of conversation, things are said that I find off putting, the relationship goes no further. I suspect
(even though it's not said) there are men that feel the same. Heck, I've seen "don't contact me if you voted for Obama
as we probably won't get along" on some of the male profiles on here. So this sort of thinking is not all that uncommon.

Honestly, I don't feel like I'm missing out on much if I reject someone because their feelings regarding human rights
issues etc are different from mine. I can compromise on most things, I find politics interesting, I'm usually interested
in points of view regarding economy, foreign policy or local politics. My roommate is a very conservative, catholic,
republican and we disagree on just about everything, but we still get along, but we're not in a relationship.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 78
Managing Political Views in Couples/Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2013 9:41:34 AM
Well..I have never met any one person who agrees with me on ALL of the political issues. If I rejected every man I disagreed with about politics, Id never date anyone!

Like many sensitive things in life, it is more important how you deal with disagreement than the actual root issue you are disagreeing about. (for most things anyways)

I could never date a man who hated animals, advocated for things that harm children, holds racist beliefs, is a bully etc...yanno things that go against my root moral code. Beyond that, if he can share his POV without insulting me...and he can accept that I may vocalise a differing opinion, I'm good.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 79
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Managing Political Views in Couples/Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2013 10:43:18 AM
I make sure our political views are compatible or at least capable of coexisting before they become my significant other.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 80
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Posted: 8/9/2013 12:10:43 PM
Funny I don't even ask about their views on politics. I'm much more interested in what they enjoy doing with their free time, their favorite foods, movies, music oh and sports they like (if any.) Thru this I easily find out if we are compatible.
BTW if they are a Celtic fan I may have to kick them to the curb.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 81
Managing Political Views in Couples/Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2013 12:59:33 PM
^^^No one is really asking anyone to bring up political views on a meet or first
date.

But somehow I find it hard to believe you'd be interested in knowing what someone
enjoyed doing with their free time, what their favorite foods, movies, music and sports were
if they turned out to racist, or they started spouting religious views or if they started making
ethnic or offensive jokes. How about if they were overweight? Would you be willing to compromise
and talk to them to find out if you were compatible?

I'm betting no. Because you already decided that you were not compatible with them because their
lifestyle was contrary to yours.

I don't get how we're supposed to agree that someone who is physically unattractive to us is a given
in the "not interested theatre", but different political views that actually define who a person is and how
they look at the world is something we should be willing to compromise on.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 82
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Managing Political Views in Couples/Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2013 2:16:15 PM
I find out everything I need to know thru simple conversation, well at least it works for me. I have yet to ever hear anyone spout off or volunteer information like "I'm a racist" or "I hate gays." You better have a good system in place to weed these critters out because the smart ones sure won't offer it up which leaves you total idiots. The idiots I weed out well before I would ever meet them so my benign questions and conversations eliminate the rest. As for jokes, I have yet to EVER been told one by a lady and I have never told one either...that is a joke of any type. I'm more of a story teller, kinda like "today on the forums we..."

You are free to select them anyway/anyone you choose. I on the other hand have NEVER had a problem of any sort with views/politics/religion and not once have I ever asked a direct or leading question about one's beliefs.
 RR Man
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 83
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Managing Political Views in Couples/Relationships
Posted: 8/10/2013 9:32:16 PM
I make sure our political views are compatible or at least capable of coexisting before they become my significant other.
==============================================================================
And if you're at one end of the political spectrum and your date is at the other: RUN LIKE HELL.

I found out the hard way with my ex.
 RR Man
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 84
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Posted: 8/10/2013 9:42:48 PM
I may be revealing my age with this, but sometimes a guy would ask a girl "who did you vote for in the last election?" to try to find out if she was legal age.
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