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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Burned bridge with an ex best friends...am I a bad person?      Home login  
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 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 25
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Burned bridge with an ex best friends...am I a bad person?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Not a "bad" person....just someone who couldnt keep her afloat anymore at the expense of your own life.
Block her and let her settle. Any friends who fall for her routine probably wouldnt last anyway and are most likely self-resonating to her vibrations.

Just keep in mind that people very often do things for reasons totally other than what you think.
You tried, she tried. It didnt quite work.
 Aura1shine
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 26
Burned bridge with an ex best friends...am I a bad person?
Posted: 8/6/2013 12:19:43 AM
GenJayne put it nicely:

There is no drama if you refuse to engage in it. The loss of other "friends" is not a loss because they aren't your real friends. Sometimes God does for us what we can not do for ourselves. Consider yourself in a better place and say "good riddance to bad rubbish.


If being just "friend" should not have this much drama, being "best friend" the call for being "best" is stepped a notch to be in that position. Here, none have display any quality of being friend. Why should you feel bad?

Another good one from LoneScottishBoy:


Not a "bad" person....just someone who couldnt keep her afloat anymore at the expense of your own life.
Block her and let her settle. Any friends who fall for her routine probably wouldnt last anyway and are most likely self-resonating to her vibrations.


Treat everyone as your acquaintances till he/she prove of worthy being your friend. Once they are worth of being friend, you should keep them in your inner circle. Mine....quite many and from many decades.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 27
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Burned bridge with an ex best friends...am I a bad person?
Posted: 8/6/2013 5:37:27 AM
You did not just drop her. I figured out this situation several years ago when a friend of mine was climbing into a hole and I realized that I could be a friend without assuming the emotions they are going through. Your friend made the decisions that caused your relationship to continue to decline until it for you reached its natural end. It's unfortunate when other friends wind up casualties but realistically if they were your good friends they wouldn't do it or they at least would pick the right friend to shed.

These are people that likely feast on drama whether you recognized it before this or not, they'd rather hang with the person who is a mess and behaving in inappropriate and immature ways than with you, that's pretty stupid when you boil everything down. By taking the high road and letting people make their own choices you leave open a door should any of these folks get their heads out of their asses.

Unfortunately we do grow away from people, sometimes the friendships just fizzle and sometimes one party or both behave badly. And for the record, nothing you described is a problem. At each point you acted maturely and did what you needed to do. We don't need to destroy ourselves to help our friends, and real friends no matter how much pain they are in, will not expect or ask you to.
 pfif
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 28
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Burned bridge with an ex best friends...am I a bad person?
Posted: 6/17/2015 7:22:19 AM
I like Dunbar's Number for this -- people pulling in the same
direction are going to figure more prominently, and increase
their share in a found, mutual stability.

Birds of a feather.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 29
Burned bridge with an ex best friends...am I a bad person?
Posted: 6/17/2015 10:00:22 AM
I still with what I posted earlier--drowning people need to be saved from a distance, so they don't pull you down in their frenzied floundering. there's an old joke about how a good friend bails you out of jail, and a great friend is there with you. But in the end...you need to get bailed out, and its the good friend who is in position to do that, not the great friend. but the great friend is company.
 J3LV3HL_WV3JP
Joined: 4/5/2015
Msg: 30
Burned bridge with an ex best friends...am I a bad person?
Posted: 6/17/2015 1:58:54 PM
I got to the end of the first paragraph (wait, were they paragraphs?) and my first thought was, "Cut loose the drama". She did you a favor.

Not that you care, because this post is 2 years old, but... :o)
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 31
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Burned bridge with an ex best friends...am I a bad person?
Posted: 6/17/2015 7:22:57 PM

So I had this best friend for 7 years, and the last 2 years of our friendship were crazy - she had a lot of emotional/ mental problems, was in a mental hospital, etc.

Hmmm. Was she on POF? Sounds like a typical POF'er... Nothing out of the ordinary there... ;)

However, the emotional toll it was taking on me was a lot. So I had to back away a bit. I started hanging out with new people, and would invite her, but she would never come.

That's fine. And that should affect the closeness of the friendship, naturally & by default without any guilt -- as long as it doesn't make the relationship go "poof" just-because.

Or, I'd make plans with her and she'd be too hungover or sick, and would ALWAYS cancel.

Okay, with these two things combined, after some time sets in, you're no longer besties or close friends. But hey, that happens.

Well, I started talking to an old flame again in March (who is our mutual friend, she introduced us)...and I invited her to go see him with me. She never responded, so I went anyway.

If he's YOUR old flame, that's cool -- as far as your friendship with her is concerned.

The next night, she tells me our friendship is done, and that i'm always picking him over her. She deleted me and blocked me on facebook, and then wondered why i didn't want to talk.

Yeah, she's wack. She shouldn't get mad. Your main thing would be to make her understand without flipping out. But that's all you can do.

She wished me a happy bday and I responded thanks, and she asked me if i wanted the items i left at her house back, and i just responded, 'no, keep them its fine"...that was almost 2 months ago.

She probably wanted to spark some convo to see if you could be friends on any level and you gave her the cold shoulder, and still had some angst (which I'm sure she did too tho). Okay...

She found out i went to this concert last week with my old flame (also her friend)...and she flipped out on him, and wrote crazy things on facebook..basically slandering both of us for hanging out with eachother.

Although it's immature for her to react this way -- it is kinda weird you're hanging out with an old flame here and there. Sh!t or get off the pot. Get back together again or keep your distance and don't hang out 1-on-1. It's kind of high-schoolish to hang out 1-on-1 repetitively with an old flame without formulating getting back together (unless talking to mend old lingering wounds that may be there for still being social-group friends).

another of our mutual friends deleted me, and i feel like shes trying to take all our mutual friends away from me, or try to get them to take her side, and thats why she got SO mad at my old flame for hanging out at the concert with me!

If you lost another mutual friend -- she may have some good underlying reasons why you two broke up as friends in the first place. I believe there's more to this story than what you put into it. Possibly what you've done with your "old flame", leading him on, etc -- and maybe exaggerating her emotional problems and/or it being kind of irrelevant besides not hanging out ALL the time together.

but somehow, losing other friends because of her and our situation, makes feel like a bad person.

It should be a flag for that. When other friends go, it's a sign that either you were never close to them and they're kind of off in left field (but fine as friends) the whole time as your ex-bff was, or you were doing something wrong, but when it comes to "old flames" you're misguided on some rights & wrongs and stepping on toes, etc.

Did I do the right thing? Am i bad person for just dropping someone?

You likely did more than JUST hang out once with the "old flame" that sparked her not being friends anymore. If all 3 of you were mutual friends and you then went 1-on-1 to hang out with your "old flame" and you lost her + other mutual friends because of it, I am hiv POSITIVE that it was not MERELY because you hung out with an old BF who's friends with everyone 1-on-1 once. There was way MORE to that story, but maybe Your Emotions are blocking that out.
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