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 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 28
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Boyfriend never wants to go on vacationPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
OP: I love to travel...hence my screen name 'flaneur'. I take a number of trips during the year. Some of them with my partner, some with friends and some alone. Last year a friend talked me into a 5 day 'urban decay' tour of Detroit.. this would have been a hard sell for most people. But it was an intriguing experience - wandering through abandoned buildings. We had a great time because we have a similar travel sensibility.

If he really doesn't like to travel, then let that go. It's important when people have time off that they really get to do what they like. Why don't you plan a trip with a friend instead! There is no rule book that says you have to vacation with your spouse. He could stay home and have a videothon and you could be camping with some friends...win win.
 BorderCollieMix
Joined: 7/4/2013
Msg: 29
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/1/2013 5:45:17 PM
You may be mis-matched if you really need someone who enjoys travel. Clearly that is not him. It might be hard, but consider moving on if it is so important to you. I'm perfectly happy traveling alone, so it wouldn't bother me to be in your shoes.
 theusmale
Joined: 6/29/2013
Msg: 30
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/1/2013 5:50:24 PM
Romance is one of the four things a woman needs to stay in love, and weekend getaways and vacations are part of this. Too bad he is not here to read this, it's a shame.

Can you find something he likes to get him to go away with you, even for a "starter vacation", just a weekend getaway or a day trip? Some hobby or sport he is into? Then help make it so fun he does not want to go home, and perhaps he'll see the light. - positive reinforcement.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 31
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/1/2013 6:00:56 PM
OP, sounds like you are not happy anymore with your guy playing video games which I totally understand. If this is the same guy you talked about a few years ago, then it sounds like he loves the couch and his games and you are finally coming to the conclusion that life is more then that, a lot more! Maybe counseling is needed because the way it is now, the "rut" is alive and well and unless things are fixed for the both of you, not much happiness is going to be in the house and the "rut" will only seem like it is enjoyable.
 pamioakley
Joined: 5/26/2013
Msg: 33
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Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/1/2013 6:26:01 PM
I'm hearing that he is a homebody and vacations are not that important to him, but they are to you. That's the problem! I can't remember the last vacation I took that I traveled to a destination. Typically I stay home, visit family and friends and sleep as late as I want because I can't do that otherwise! I live on a budget that doesn't accommodate airfare, lodging, rental cars and all the things that accompany traveling far and wide, but I'm seriously not certain I'd want to do that anyway! I'm happy taking a 3 hour drive to see my son and his fiance! Happy with an hour's drive to spend a few days with my best friend and her husband! I guess I really don't understand how getting away equates to getting him excited, but if he IS doing it for you, take it and run with it. That in itself is priceless!
 BorderCollieMix
Joined: 7/4/2013
Msg: 34
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/1/2013 6:42:25 PM

Posted By: wolvesatthedoor on 8/1/2013 230 PM
Subject: Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Message: I live in a fantastic house on the second biggest fresh water lake in the world year round. Why would I travel hours to be in a place not as good? I've noted over the years that a lot of people I know who "love to travel" live in crappy dwellings that they can't wait to get away from and go any place where they can sit on their asses for a week or two and be served / entertained. So I like to stay at home too, lol.


Your powers of observation leave much to be desired, or you have a very narrow group of acquaintances--in addition to that narrow mind you just revealed. I grew up in a fantastic home in an amazingly beautiful place (more beautiful than anything I've seen on my many travels in the Great Lakes area--which I've enjoyed for their beauty as such, but hardly consider to be world-class). I never travel so someone can wait on me--I can go to a restaurant for that.

You can absorb a lot from music, literature, the arts, reading--but for understanding and appreciating others, nothing beats putting yourself in their environment.

If you don't value that experience, that's fine. But to put suggest that those who do are somehow coming from a position of "less" is just ridiculous.
 Aura1shine
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 35
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/1/2013 11:11:12 PM

If you don't value that experience, that's fine. But to put suggest that those who do are somehow coming from a position of "less" is just ridiculous.


I do agree with this statement. I have been to many places that is not beautiful and some would be a prohibit place for many of my friends for fear of their safety, but I do enjoy the knowledge and learning process to open up my world far and wide even those places do not provide my level of daily comfort. Oh, some of those places required such an expensive airfare to go there, lodging, transportation, and food.

For the OP: I think your case is a subject of incompatibilities. The longer you stay in relationship, the accumulation of dissatisfaction would grow become an elephant in the room and would hard to brush aside, and living life together peacefully.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 36
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Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/2/2013 12:22:44 PM
you can't change how another person feels about something. I have a friend whose husband does not like to go anywhere. Not out to eat, not to movies...nothing. so she goes and does things with friends. We go on cruises and stuff together. Her husband stays home. It works for them because he doesn't mind if she goes.
 lostnfoundluv
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 37
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/2/2013 3:27:55 PM
You have tolerated this for almost 4 yrs now. looks like you have a good tolerance . you are definitely at loss now. good news you are not married !
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 38
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/2/2013 4:18:38 PM

I don't really think you can get someone excited about something they don't consider exciting. You can however plan to go on a vacation by yourself or with friends (as a packaged deal), bring back lots of picture.

This. Call your friends and set something up. Tell him you'll be back.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 39
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/2/2013 4:30:38 PM
I agree that a person can get friends together and do a womans getaway or a mans getaway but I don't think this OP will "cure" anything by doing such. Sounds like there would still be problems that wouldn't go away just because she has others to go somewhere with. Doesn't sound like a relationship to me.
 or_current_resident
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 40
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/2/2013 5:10:44 PM

God knows I need a Vacation from here j/k.



You can say that again! lol

Sorry op as I only read 2 or 3 replies as imo its like many of us who were only in a only FWB [losers when it come down to it or really not going anywhere relationship ] at one time or what ever u like to call it now. You only get what there is in the outside,but and not the whole deal on the inside. [temp. band -aids] like I said here many moons ago.
Because each other is still out of it or they are Done in the pic of Life, with a true last love in their life cuz of their in a limbo state of mind,still hashing in out mentally alone cuz of the past pratfalls....
imo,If I was still dating, I would only deal with those who are on the same wavelength in with each other, in that we grow together in core values & needs. And have our own individual needs respected too with equal vigor in each other.
Cuz if the core values are there, then the foundation is set to love,respect & in growing together as one & as 2 peoples in love.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 41
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/3/2013 1:27:37 AM
The expression "opposites attract" can be interpreted differently by different people. While dating the man who later became my second husband, he made a statement. "I'm fun impaired". I laughed and responded, "Oh stick with me honey, and I'll show you fun!" He also told me he enjoyed fly fishing. (I had no idea this meant over 300 days a year for 2-3 hours at a time.) Once we were married, I saw things more clearly. He was an introvert, I'm an extrovert, he was a loner, I enjoy time spent with friends or family. He believed vacations were unnecessary, a waste of time and money. I grew up traveling and vacations are necessary to my emotional well being. I worked a part time job in addition to a full time job, for 7 years to earn "vacation money". (I discovered during our marriage that his family took ONE vacation for a week to a cabin and his parents fought the whole time. ) Before a camping trip, planned a year ahead, he told me at least half a dozen times, to cancel the reservations. One week before the vacation I said, "The kids and I ARE going. If you want to go, be in the car. If you don't, that's ok too. I don't care one way or the other." On several occasions during a vacation or holiday away from home, he would act bored or be sullen. I actually told him, " Snap out of it, I give you permission to have FUN!" And amazingly HE DID! Eventually our opposing views of vacations, contributed to our divorce. I didn't want to argue anymore whether or not we could afford to take a vacation, or to tell him to snap out of it, to have fun. Sorry OP, I don't know if there is a common ground here. For me the opposing views was a deal breaker.
 02HDF150
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 42
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Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/3/2013 3:07:27 AM

I agree that a person can get friends together and do a womans getaway or a mans getaway but I don't think this OP will "cure" anything by doing such. Sounds like there would still be problems that wouldn't go away just because she has others to go somewhere with. Doesn't sound like a relationship to me.


The OP didn't reveal anything else about the relationship other than the fact that he doesn't want to go on vacation. Everything else about the man may be great except for that one situation. Also, she has 4 years invested into the relationship. So unless there are some other major faults with the guy she's seeing, I don't know if she's ready to throw away a 4 year relationship because he doesn't take vacations. Like some have suggested, go away with the girls and have a good time. Or maybe plan something for one night. Put him in the car and tell him you're taking him out. Have a bag already packed for him and take him to a little bed & breakfast or a small inn. Somewhere very close as to not stress him out about the drive but far enough away to feel like a getaway. Stay for 1 night and make it a nice romantic setting for the two of you. The key may be to start with baby steps with him until he looks forward to taking longer getaways with you.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 43
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/3/2013 7:37:54 AM

Get over pressuring him to travel with you. Go with girlfriends instead. You cant change him and you need to accept him for what he is. Plenty of married people go on separate vacations as they cant always agree, so you can do the same with a boyfriend.


Exactly. Sometimes one person wants to travel places that the other person doesn't like. Therefore they will go with friends or relatives.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 44
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/3/2013 10:31:47 AM
OK, so let me see if I understand this correctly.

He doesn't want to go anywhere. He is burned out on driving and it does not make him happy thinking about going. It wears him out.

He tries to discourage you from wanting to go somewhere. He has used the heat, money, wear and tear on the car, not enough time, nobody to work for him, etc. While you are trying to make arrangements.

You try and encourage him to get excited to go somewhere. You have used sex, scenary, anything. He will go but seems like is doing it just for you.

Well, yes. He IS doing it just for you; because he has given you ten reasons why he DOESN'T want to do it.

You have four choices:

Let him do it just for you; and hope that he enjoys himself in spite of the fact he really doesn't want to go, chancing on him resenting you like crazy for forcing him to do something he does not want to do.

Go without him and have fun, and enjoy each other more hwen you see each other after a brief time apart

Stay home with him and resent like crazy being forced to not do something you want to do.

Put each other out of each other's misery and find someone where you BOTH want to share an important part of your lives doing something BOTH of you want. Not having one of you win at the other's expense one way or the other on something that important.

Best of luck
 hounddoug
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 46
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/3/2013 4:54:22 PM
OP, if the vacations you want to take, inlcuding the Smokey's in NC, involve going shopping in stores in the area, I can see why he doesn't get excited.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 47
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/4/2013 8:54:18 AM

He uses any excuse he can to discourage me; the heat, the money, wear and tear on the car, not enough time, nobody to work for him, etc..., etc... and here I am trying to make arrangements.

Maybe those aren't just "excuses". Don't be so one-sided. If you want vacations so much, why don't you just essentially pay for them? Money being an issue isn't a mere excuse -- it's a Good Reason not to go off on vacation. When it is, other things that aren't so awesome about the potential vaycay will stick out like a sore thumb. You need to have Really Good evidence as to why you should go if/when money or work-related stuff is blocking it.

But... we can stay home and play video games instead. What can I do to get him excited to go anywhere. ... He will go, but seems like just doing it for me.

Here's the thing. You Are successful in twisting his arm. You just want him to be excited about it. First, what you choose may not be some 'awesome' place to him as it is to you. Second, there very well may be good reasons that it's not so wise to go out somewhere.

And think about it reversely. Say he works at home remotely via Internet, many hours, and lives alone. Such a guy will want to go out on the weekends more than the next, and enjoy getting out of town more than the next "responsible" guy. Girls who don't like bars and spend their work days bouncing around town interacting with various companies & people are going to more likely going to be turned off by that guy. Why? One's work environment helps shape one's lifestyle. In this example, the girl who wants to kick back on the weekends sipping a couple drinks on the patio with a friend or two at home is not doing anything wrong -- it'd be expected. The guy wanting to go out much more than the average guy or girl isn't doing anything wrong -- it'd be expected.

It's called compatibility. If you're hell-bent on going on "vacation" twice a year -- pay a big chunk of his. Make money not an issue for him. Instead of buying a new pair of shoes, squirrel it away in a vacation piggy bank. AND choose places HE would want to go to, too, since he's more picky due him already seeing lots of different scenery outside the house. If he knows you're not "blowing" any money on vacation AND he's not spending much more than during regular days -- by you saving up for gas money or cheap airline tickets and a few days of hotel room prices -- he'll be more game. But you can't expect him to want to go on "vacation" for the sake of it, or to go anywhere with money not being an object -- that's silly.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 48
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/5/2013 5:39:01 AM

Maybe those aren't just "excuses". Don't be so one-sided. If you want vacations so much, why don't you just essentially pay for them? Money being an issue isn't a mere excuse -- it's a Good Reason not to go off on vacation.

For god sakes, it gets so tiresome reading this same crap in these forums over and over and over and over again. Want her to chew his damned food for him, too?

If you're hell-bent on going on "vacation" twice a year -- pay a big chunk of his.

Nowhere did the OP say she wants to vacation "TWICE A YEAR." Nowhere did the OP say she expected HIM to foot the bill for their vacation. ALL she said was that in the 4 years they've been together, they've never gone on vacation together ONCE. There's absolutely nothing wrong with occasionally wanting to spend some time with your partner exploring the world outside of your own lame living room.

She's got a legitimate gripe, much as it may conflict with the bitter agenda constantly being pushed around here.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 49
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/5/2013 2:06:04 PM
Having different ideas about what is a 'vacation' is very common amongst many people. All I'm hearing is that what the OP considers a 'vacation' and that the boyfriend doesn't like her ideas.


He doesn't like to go anywhere.

OK, he doesn't like to TRAVEL, right? Heck that's not unusual. Traveling sucks - it's the destinations that are fun. My Mom was Claustrophobic as has incredibly fearful of plane rides and long road trips - until she realized it's only a couple hours of hell to get to someplace heavenly. It took her 20+ years to figure it out, but eventually Dad managed to get her out of the house.


He uses any excuse he can to discourage me; the heat, the money, wear and tear on the car, not enough time, nobody to work for him, etc..., etc... and here I am trying to make arrangements.

Maybe THAT's the problem. Do you ever get HIM involved in the planning? Maybe if he felt he had a 'say' in part of the planning process he'd feel better about going somewhere.

My Ex used to plan out all kinds of vacation details (mostly with her girlfriends) and say 'HERE IT IS' like it was some sort of surprise Christmas gift, with nary a single thought for what I really wanted to do with my time off. If I said anything, she'd throw a hissy fit and accuse me of hating HER (not her plans), and either threaten to leave me at home or dump the idea of a trip altogether and go sulk somewhere.

I can tell you this - a guy doesn't consider 'shopping' a vacation. Ever. Doesn't matter if it's in the local mall, Mexico, Paris, Hawaii or Australia - a clothing store is a clothing store, and a souvenir shop is a souvenir shop. If you want your guy to be interested in travel there's gotta be a destination that HE wants to go see or do.
 Broadway_Bess
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 50
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Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/5/2013 2:46:34 PM
I had a relationship with a man like that years ago. Not into video games, but putzing around the house/yard/garden.

We went to his relative's campground for a weekend once & had a great time, but never could convince him to
plan a true vacation together. I wanted to return to Costa Rica & trek through the country as I had before with a friend, but there was no way to explain to him that it would be a good experience for us as a couple.

Eventually the daily drudgery of a relationship was all that we shared & that sure lost it's luster.
All I could envision was the same old routine, day in, day out - until the days melded into one long boring day.
Same old, same old & then you die.

I did travel on my own - but all that did was push us farther apart. It made me question the relationship as a whole
if I couldn't get him to share in experiences outside the walls of the house.

Shame, he was a good man, but we obiously were not compatible on that issue & I would only end up resenting him
for it later - so it ended.

OP - Think carefully. If it's important to you and he refuses to consider the notion, then you will end up feeling like you've missed out on experiences as a couple and an individual - and eventually resent him for it.

Relationships are about give & take. It should be a balance.

BB
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 51
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Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/5/2013 3:30:21 PM
Op, that lack of curiosity to travel and see the world (even a state or two away) would drive me bonkers! I could never be with someone for as long as you have who is more about staying home every single day he is not working. How you spend downtime together and what you jointly prioritize and spend money on is important. I too have dated people like this in the past...and it became an issue. At the root, most times it's been something unsaid about money and the guy not valuing the same thing.

If all other things are working well between you, and you enjoy being with him... maybe it's enough to accept and settle for his grudging and eventual accompaniment, instead of holding your breath waiting and hoping for enthusiasm.


On edit to add:

Have you thought of going on vacation with your guy and another couple that you are both friends with? It provides options for levels of involvement/activity.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 52
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/5/2013 8:05:28 PM
Maybe the OP's guy plays videos and that is all he does when he isn't working. If that is the case, maybe the OP has had it with that type of relationship. I think most people would have had enough of that, should that be the case.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 53
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/5/2013 10:26:46 PM
Something to consider, especially if the guy is working transport constantly - his whole work life is about HAVEing to drive somewhere. HAVEing to be there on-time. He literally has no choice in the matter.

If you're planning traveling vacations that's loaded with places you HAVE to be, or HAVE to visit, or HAVE to make the tour on-time; that's NOT relaxing - I don't care if it's in Hawaii or someplace equally as exotic - you load up a schedule of things to do and places you gotta travel to see, how is a delivery driver gonna get a chance to unwind if he's still driving/delivering the OP to the next tourist trap? He might as well stay at home.

The video game thing is probably somewhat of an escape from reality WITHOUT having to drive anywhere, and probably a key reason why he enjoys it.

Maybe what the guy needs is one of those all-inclusive resort places where all the booze and meals are paid for and he doesn't have to plan out a damn thing or better yet, DRIVE anyone anywhere. Give the man a day or two to completely relax without being hassled and he'll be much more agreeable to go on some 'adventures' after that.
 Aura1shine
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 54
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/5/2013 11:47:14 PM

Careful now Surfgyrl, he could trade you in for a fooooorein bride.....


Sound like a desperate call to stick with him regardless how miserable the OP feel. Not in a million years....I will come to this conclusion. OP has a choice to live her life happily either with or without him.
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