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 moonbeamlover
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 44
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacationPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
OK, so let me see if I understand this correctly.

He doesn't want to go anywhere. He is burned out on driving and it does not make him happy thinking about going. It wears him out.

He tries to discourage you from wanting to go somewhere. He has used the heat, money, wear and tear on the car, not enough time, nobody to work for him, etc. While you are trying to make arrangements.

You try and encourage him to get excited to go somewhere. You have used sex, scenary, anything. He will go but seems like is doing it just for you.

Well, yes. He IS doing it just for you; because he has given you ten reasons why he DOESN'T want to do it.

You have four choices:

Let him do it just for you; and hope that he enjoys himself in spite of the fact he really doesn't want to go, chancing on him resenting you like crazy for forcing him to do something he does not want to do.

Go without him and have fun, and enjoy each other more hwen you see each other after a brief time apart

Stay home with him and resent like crazy being forced to not do something you want to do.

Put each other out of each other's misery and find someone where you BOTH want to share an important part of your lives doing something BOTH of you want. Not having one of you win at the other's expense one way or the other on something that important.

Best of luck
 hounddoug
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 46
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/3/2013 4:54:22 PM
OP, if the vacations you want to take, inlcuding the Smokey's in NC, involve going shopping in stores in the area, I can see why he doesn't get excited.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 47
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/4/2013 8:54:18 AM

He uses any excuse he can to discourage me; the heat, the money, wear and tear on the car, not enough time, nobody to work for him, etc..., etc... and here I am trying to make arrangements.

Maybe those aren't just "excuses". Don't be so one-sided. If you want vacations so much, why don't you just essentially pay for them? Money being an issue isn't a mere excuse -- it's a Good Reason not to go off on vacation. When it is, other things that aren't so awesome about the potential vaycay will stick out like a sore thumb. You need to have Really Good evidence as to why you should go if/when money or work-related stuff is blocking it.

But... we can stay home and play video games instead. What can I do to get him excited to go anywhere. ... He will go, but seems like just doing it for me.

Here's the thing. You Are successful in twisting his arm. You just want him to be excited about it. First, what you choose may not be some 'awesome' place to him as it is to you. Second, there very well may be good reasons that it's not so wise to go out somewhere.

And think about it reversely. Say he works at home remotely via Internet, many hours, and lives alone. Such a guy will want to go out on the weekends more than the next, and enjoy getting out of town more than the next "responsible" guy. Girls who don't like bars and spend their work days bouncing around town interacting with various companies & people are going to more likely going to be turned off by that guy. Why? One's work environment helps shape one's lifestyle. In this example, the girl who wants to kick back on the weekends sipping a couple drinks on the patio with a friend or two at home is not doing anything wrong -- it'd be expected. The guy wanting to go out much more than the average guy or girl isn't doing anything wrong -- it'd be expected.

It's called compatibility. If you're hell-bent on going on "vacation" twice a year -- pay a big chunk of his. Make money not an issue for him. Instead of buying a new pair of shoes, squirrel it away in a vacation piggy bank. AND choose places HE would want to go to, too, since he's more picky due him already seeing lots of different scenery outside the house. If he knows you're not "blowing" any money on vacation AND he's not spending much more than during regular days -- by you saving up for gas money or cheap airline tickets and a few days of hotel room prices -- he'll be more game. But you can't expect him to want to go on "vacation" for the sake of it, or to go anywhere with money not being an object -- that's silly.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 48
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/5/2013 5:39:01 AM

Maybe those aren't just "excuses". Don't be so one-sided. If you want vacations so much, why don't you just essentially pay for them? Money being an issue isn't a mere excuse -- it's a Good Reason not to go off on vacation.

For god sakes, it gets so tiresome reading this same crap in these forums over and over and over and over again. Want her to chew his damned food for him, too?

If you're hell-bent on going on "vacation" twice a year -- pay a big chunk of his.

Nowhere did the OP say she wants to vacation "TWICE A YEAR." Nowhere did the OP say she expected HIM to foot the bill for their vacation. ALL she said was that in the 4 years they've been together, they've never gone on vacation together ONCE. There's absolutely nothing wrong with occasionally wanting to spend some time with your partner exploring the world outside of your own lame living room.

She's got a legitimate gripe, much as it may conflict with the bitter agenda constantly being pushed around here.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 49
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/5/2013 2:06:04 PM
Having different ideas about what is a 'vacation' is very common amongst many people. All I'm hearing is that what the OP considers a 'vacation' and that the boyfriend doesn't like her ideas.


He doesn't like to go anywhere.

OK, he doesn't like to TRAVEL, right? Heck that's not unusual. Traveling sucks - it's the destinations that are fun. My Mom was Claustrophobic as has incredibly fearful of plane rides and long road trips - until she realized it's only a couple hours of hell to get to someplace heavenly. It took her 20+ years to figure it out, but eventually Dad managed to get her out of the house.


He uses any excuse he can to discourage me; the heat, the money, wear and tear on the car, not enough time, nobody to work for him, etc..., etc... and here I am trying to make arrangements.

Maybe THAT's the problem. Do you ever get HIM involved in the planning? Maybe if he felt he had a 'say' in part of the planning process he'd feel better about going somewhere.

My Ex used to plan out all kinds of vacation details (mostly with her girlfriends) and say 'HERE IT IS' like it was some sort of surprise Christmas gift, with nary a single thought for what I really wanted to do with my time off. If I said anything, she'd throw a hissy fit and accuse me of hating HER (not her plans), and either threaten to leave me at home or dump the idea of a trip altogether and go sulk somewhere.

I can tell you this - a guy doesn't consider 'shopping' a vacation. Ever. Doesn't matter if it's in the local mall, Mexico, Paris, Hawaii or Australia - a clothing store is a clothing store, and a souvenir shop is a souvenir shop. If you want your guy to be interested in travel there's gotta be a destination that HE wants to go see or do.
 Broadway_Bess
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 50
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History
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/5/2013 2:46:34 PM
I had a relationship with a man like that years ago. Not into video games, but putzing around the house/yard/garden.

We went to his relative's campground for a weekend once & had a great time, but never could convince him to
plan a true vacation together. I wanted to return to Costa Rica & trek through the country as I had before with a friend, but there was no way to explain to him that it would be a good experience for us as a couple.

Eventually the daily drudgery of a relationship was all that we shared & that sure lost it's luster.
All I could envision was the same old routine, day in, day out - until the days melded into one long boring day.
Same old, same old & then you die.

I did travel on my own - but all that did was push us farther apart. It made me question the relationship as a whole
if I couldn't get him to share in experiences outside the walls of the house.

Shame, he was a good man, but we obiously were not compatible on that issue & I would only end up resenting him
for it later - so it ended.

OP - Think carefully. If it's important to you and he refuses to consider the notion, then you will end up feeling like you've missed out on experiences as a couple and an individual - and eventually resent him for it.

Relationships are about give & take. It should be a balance.

BB
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 51
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History
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/5/2013 3:30:21 PM
Op, that lack of curiosity to travel and see the world (even a state or two away) would drive me bonkers! I could never be with someone for as long as you have who is more about staying home every single day he is not working. How you spend downtime together and what you jointly prioritize and spend money on is important. I too have dated people like this in the past...and it became an issue. At the root, most times it's been something unsaid about money and the guy not valuing the same thing.

If all other things are working well between you, and you enjoy being with him... maybe it's enough to accept and settle for his grudging and eventual accompaniment, instead of holding your breath waiting and hoping for enthusiasm.


On edit to add:

Have you thought of going on vacation with your guy and another couple that you are both friends with? It provides options for levels of involvement/activity.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 52
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/5/2013 8:05:28 PM
Maybe the OP's guy plays videos and that is all he does when he isn't working. If that is the case, maybe the OP has had it with that type of relationship. I think most people would have had enough of that, should that be the case.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 53
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/5/2013 10:26:46 PM
Something to consider, especially if the guy is working transport constantly - his whole work life is about HAVEing to drive somewhere. HAVEing to be there on-time. He literally has no choice in the matter.

If you're planning traveling vacations that's loaded with places you HAVE to be, or HAVE to visit, or HAVE to make the tour on-time; that's NOT relaxing - I don't care if it's in Hawaii or someplace equally as exotic - you load up a schedule of things to do and places you gotta travel to see, how is a delivery driver gonna get a chance to unwind if he's still driving/delivering the OP to the next tourist trap? He might as well stay at home.

The video game thing is probably somewhat of an escape from reality WITHOUT having to drive anywhere, and probably a key reason why he enjoys it.

Maybe what the guy needs is one of those all-inclusive resort places where all the booze and meals are paid for and he doesn't have to plan out a damn thing or better yet, DRIVE anyone anywhere. Give the man a day or two to completely relax without being hassled and he'll be much more agreeable to go on some 'adventures' after that.
 Aura1shine
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 54
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/5/2013 11:47:14 PM

Careful now Surfgyrl, he could trade you in for a fooooorein bride.....


Sound like a desperate call to stick with him regardless how miserable the OP feel. Not in a million years....I will come to this conclusion. OP has a choice to live her life happily either with or without him.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 55
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History
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/6/2013 7:37:03 AM
As long as he's not a kill joy, recognize that he totally does NOT want to be there but will go anyway to make you happy. Your enjoyment in that case is a choice.

If he will go but is a pain in the butt whiner, etc. the whole time then either get a new boyfriend or vacation with your girls, because he's not going to change.

If he's a great all around guy, ending the relationship would be foolish based on this single issue. Yes, it sucks that you may never get to vacation with him and really have a good time but if he's doing the other things you wish of a mate, stfu and deal with it.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 56
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/6/2013 1:53:14 PM
For god sakes ... Want her to chew his damned food for him, too?

To help pay for the vacation when money's tight? That's like chewing food for him? So when a guy pays for the vacation he's chewing food for her? For god sakes, it's common sense.

Nowhere did the OP say she wants to vacation "TWICE A YEAR."

I never implied that. It's a "for example" or "for instance". It could be once a year. It could be 3 times a year. It could be once every two years. That's not the point. She says they go -- he does it begrudingly -- so it's not a rarity. That's all.

Nowhere did the OP say she expected HIM to foot the bill for their vacation. ALL she said was that in the 4 years they've been together, they've never gone on vacation together ONCE.

W-R-O-N-G. Re-read. They have. He does it begrudingly. And him bringing the issue of money being an issue -- she could step forward since she likes to do it more, to save some up to help out. To make it a more satisfying endeavor if money is an issue. Common sense.

Re-read her posts. My point was she can help make it something he's more keen on, since that's her gripe. He's not Keen on it. Great. Help out with the money. Pick something out and/or nominate places that would definitely appeal to him, etc.

Money being an issue is a legitimate gripe not to keep wanting to go on vacation. Maybe places she chooses on top of that, wrong time of year in conflict with work etc -- those are legitimate issues if you're worried about the SO being so keen.

Plus, since he already does travel around for work a decent amount, he's more likely going to be happy kicking back at home VS say, someone who works from home who may want to bounce around more than the SO would want.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 57
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History
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/9/2013 1:08:38 PM
Here's a thought...pitch a tent in the neighbour's yard kill two birds with one stone...

Get away from home
No driving needed.
= vacation.....

Problem solved.
 CaptainTeebs
Joined: 11/10/2012
Msg: 58
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/10/2013 8:26:45 AM
I don't understand why women want to go on vacations with their SO, claiming a getaway from the daily drudgery will infuse a little excitement into the relationship. Most guys would probably just prefer a break from the SO.
Let her go where she wants(go with girlfriends), whenever she wants(and let her pay for it)- now that's a vacation!
 Dili_gent
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 59
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History
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/12/2013 7:59:01 PM
BoarderCollieMix said
"If you don't value that experience, that's fine. But to put suggest that those who do are somehow coming from a position of "less" is just ridiculous."

How can you not see that this is EXACTLY what the op is saying about her man. She thinks something is wrong with her man.

WOW!?!??
 Kahndor
Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 60
Boyfriend never wants to go on vacation
Posted: 8/12/2013 8:42:39 PM
you are clearly both on two different pages
if he doesnt want to do something that you want to
and you dont want to do something that he wants to
and you can not come up with a compremise
id say, its time to cut your loses, and move on

everybody comes to the answer man
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