Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What about for the people who don't want kids?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 26
What about for the people who don't want kids?Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

You might want to check case law on this as you said the court wants someone to pay if she can prove you were that last one living with her guess who they go after.


That brings up another scenario. If a guy is made to pay child support for another guy's kid just because he was the last one living with the mother, can the guy-or has there been any case-where the guy goes after the father/sperm donor to sue him for back pay, since it should be the sperm donor who should be paying child support in the first place?
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 27
view profile
History
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/2/2013 10:25:21 AM
Oh my Dear tsar...this is why I hate computers. I was laughing for it is true you can end up being responsable for an other man's child...is this right, Big Fat NO!

A vasectomy is a cure for being a "father" but sperm donating doesn't always = daddy.

As to the Op if this is his wish, then all the power to him...

*skips off singing...sticks and stones

^^^maleman...like I said our laws suck up here. Sad but true you can be held over a barrel

VVV msg. 31 I never disagreed...were you unable to read what I wrote? I said it's true and wrong!

*runs off to find bullet-proff vest.
 Tsar850
Joined: 3/23/2013
Msg: 28
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/2/2013 10:26:00 AM

That brings up another scenario. If a guy is made to pay child support for another guy's kid just because he was the last one living with the mother, can the guy-or has there been any case-where the guy goes after the sperm donor to sue him for back pay, since it should be the sperm donor who should be paying child support in the first place?


Not in the great white north.
http://voices.yahoo.com/presumed-fathers-act-man-pay-child-support-507695.html?cat=25


Here's the kicker, if a blood test proves that you are not the father, whether the real father is made known by proof or not, then the presumed father must still pay child support. Also, if the biological father is made known to the court he will not be obligated to pay child support but the custody and visitation will be shared only between the biological parents involved.

By law, a presumed father must pay child support.

"Under the Child Support Enforcement Act of 1984, it is against the law for any father, presumed or assumed, to not pay court ordered child support to the custodial guardian, regardless of joint custody


So as you see a child can be paid for by multiple "fathers" even though they had no actually part in bringing the child into the world.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Oh my Dear tsar...this is why I hate computers. I was laughing for it is true you can end up being responcable for an other man's child...is this right, Big Fat NO!

A vasectomy is a cure for being a "father" but sperm donating doesn't always = daddy.

As to the Op if this is his wish, then all the power to him...

*skips off singing...sticks and stones


I guess all the laws I just posted showing that you can is just to be ignored?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 29
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/2/2013 10:38:23 AM
There has got to be some sort of time limit to when a non-sperm donor becomes responsible for paying for another guy's kid(s). Let's say I lived with a woman for a short while 5 or 10 years ago and haven't seen her or heard from her since, and she recently became pregnant, and she hasn't actually lived with any other guy during that time and isn't currently dating anyone. Who is responsible for paying child support?
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 30
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/2/2013 10:47:00 AM
I would suggest going to a real source about "presumed" parents and the "laws" involved instead of Yahoo article. Just a suggestion though.
 Tsar850
Joined: 3/23/2013
Msg: 31
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/2/2013 10:49:02 AM
There is got to be some sort of time limit to when a non-sperm donor becomes responsible for paying for another guy's kid(s). Let's say I lived with a woman for a short while 5 or 10 years ago and haven't seen her or heard from her since, and she recently became pregnant, and she hasn't actually lived with any other guy during that time and isn't currently dating anyone. Who is responsible for paying child support?


Good question there maleman999 you would think common sense and personal responsibility would come into play.

But with the law allowing for multiple child support "fathers" it would seem that has been thrown out the window.
I feel for the men that live up there. Just as you didn't know of these laws I doubt many men check on these things though it would pay to.

I learned long ago that you should research the laws about relationships and how they effect you.

So if you don't want kids get a vasectomy and check the laws that cover child support and your possible culpability for a child that is not even yours.


______________________________________________

Walt

I would suggest going to a real source about "presumed" parents and the "laws" involved instead of Yahoo article. Just a suggestion though.


The law is the same no matter what site it is posted on. You can look it up anywhere you choose but it is what it is.
 Midwest_Southwest
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 32
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/2/2013 10:51:30 AM
Walts, good advice! Hehe.
If in doubt or being wrongly accused, have a paternity test.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 33
view profile
History
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/2/2013 11:21:42 AM
You can't afford a vasectomy? If you can afford to go to the gym several times a week or whatever other things you spend money on outside of basic bills, you can stop the other activity long enough to save up to get snipped. One slip up and you will be paying a heck of a lot more than the price of a vasectomy. What a load of BS, someone who doesn't want children as much as you, cannot afford to not get snipped. Reset your priorities and responsibilities before you make a mistake and some innocent child ends up with a parent who doesn't want him.
 trinity818
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 34
view profile
History
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/2/2013 11:23:24 AM

Get a vasectomy, REALLY protect yourself from unwanted pregnancies.

+1
They're reversable now, right?

The failure rate of condoms is way too high for my comfort.

I never wanted to have children, and I've never regretted not having them. Thankfully, I have a number of friends who are also childless, so I've never been called self-centered or such. Although my grandmother used to nag me quite a bit about it. She never worked a day in her life, and she couldn't imagine any woman being happy without a husband and offspring.

I've been "like a mother" to a couple of teenagers, and that was good enough for me.
 CouldBWow
Joined: 11/26/2012
Msg: 35
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/2/2013 11:36:53 AM

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I'll express mine. I feel that kids are an anchor, financially and freedom-wise. I believe one could do what they want, when they want, without having to find a babysitter, for example. I don't see the reward for having kids, etc.

The people who don't want kids in or around my area (and surrounding cities, even as far as LA) are very small compared to the girls who want kids.

Any other dating sites, for people who don't want and have kids? (I've already checked Google)

PS - I'd try to pick up girls IRL, but unless they have a sign above their head that says "Doesn't want kids 0r have kids." (which is impossible, lol)...so I thought dating sites would be best because you already know what a girl wants for the most part.


I am sure I am not revealing a profound mystery when I say that women have been biologically engineered to have children, and as result - most tend to be interested in having children.

And of course, your age male - not being interested in kids is very logical. I shared the same view at your age. But, eventually I changed my mind when I got a bit older. You may or may not, thats beside the point.

All you can do is control yourself. Know that most women want children in their future. So you just need to be upfront about not being interested in kids (not in your dating profile up front, but sooner than later once its appropriate discussion)...and wear that jimmy!

Otherwise, there really is nothing you can do to turn off that biological factor in women. Its the entire reason you live and breathe so....just keep that all in mind and tread cautiously.

Or - hit up women who have had hysterectomies! Ya know, in your profile say something like "Bonus points for sterile women! (just kidding! sorta)" (no, I was just kidding! sorta)
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 36
view profile
History
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/2/2013 12:19:22 PM
I doubt you will find many women your age who don't want children. In my experience, most of us are older when we make that decision.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 37
view profile
History
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/2/2013 3:02:12 PM

The law is the same no matter what site it is posted on. You can look it up anywhere you choose but it is what it is.

It looks quite different when you look up the actual laws, though, instead of relying on websites.

For instance, this: "But with the law allowing for multiple child support "fathers" it would seem that has been thrown out the window. "
In law, the first responsibility for child support falls to the biological parents, not the stepparent. If the bio-parent is unable (or unwilling) to support their child, then the law will look to the step-parent. Further, the step-parent has to live with the bio-parent for at least two years, and with the child for at least one year, including providing financial support, before they would be considered responsible for child support. In the case of a step-parent whose contribution to the family resulted in a higher standard of living, the court would consider it the child's *right* to the higher standard of living, and that could result in the step-parent paying CS along with the bio-father.

In the States, the step-parent would have to act 'in loco parentis' to the children, be considered in a common-law marriage with the children's mother - in that, it's similar to Canada's laws. However, in addition to the rest they would have to have intefered somehow with the bio-parent's relationship with the children. I'm not sure how they determine that, but its an interesting requirement. Things vary from State to State, so the above is kind of general. Best to find out the actual laws where you live.


There is got to be some sort of time limit to when a non-sperm donor becomes responsible for paying for another guy's kid(s). Let's say I lived with a woman for a short while 5 or 10 years ago and haven't seen her or heard from her since, and she recently became pregnant, and she hasn't actually lived with any other guy during that time and isn't currently dating anyone. Who is responsible for paying child support?

In BC - You would only be possibly liable if you'd lived with her within 300 days of the child's birth. Even if the pregnancy occured with a few weeks of your splitting up, and there was doubt about who the father was, you'd not be presumed to be the father. If you had any doubt that the child was yours, you can deny paternity. You'd have to also prove it, but the law isn't written to force a man, any man available, to pay for the kids women have. It's there to ensure the kids' actual parents are the ones who pay, followed by those who have *willingly* taken on the job of parent. In the latter case, these people may not realize that taking on the job might mean it will continue past the end of the relationship with the kids mom, so the best advice is to find out what the laws are in your area.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 38
view profile
History
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/2/2013 3:36:37 PM
"I doubt you will find many women your age who don't want children. In my experience, most of us are older when we make that decision."

That might be in your circle. It isn't in mine.

In my senior years I am not sorry that my decision to not have kids never wavered.

My friends (and I have many) are 90% childfree. They have had themselves neutered to make sure there is never an opps!

I clearly remember my best friend now 49, when she was about thirty something fighting with the health care system to get neutered. I remember her getting fixed and going out later to a social function. She kept laughing saying "ouch, ouch, God I am glad that finally is done". Today she is a happy person with her decision as is her long term partner.

Be responsible for your decision on this issue one way or another.
 lostnfoundluv
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 39
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/2/2013 3:40:45 PM
just remember anytime you desire anything outside norm your chances of finding dates will get tougher . But again after a decade or so you are not going to have same opinion .
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 40
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/2/2013 4:25:25 PM
Nothing is 100% but you are responsible to how you want to protect against pregnancy. If you want 100% and still have fears for any kind of protection, don't have sex.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 41
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/2/2013 5:27:18 PM
OP if you don't want kids, don't have them. Parenthood is not for everyone and there is nothing wrong with that choice. I would say might still change your mind someday but who knows.

Just remember vasectomies can fail, I know a few couples with a one child 10-20 years younger than their siblings because of a failed vasectomy or tubal. So nothing but abstinence is fool proof.
 BorderCollieMix
Joined: 7/4/2013
Msg: 42
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/2/2013 6:11:57 PM
Geez, I just love how some people "know" exactly what everyone else always felt and will always feel.
NOT.

OP, many people will tell you they felt one thing in their 20s, adamantly, only to discovery very different feelings more than a decade later. No one saying "you may feel differently later" is just a stupid breeder trying to force you to accept that someday you will want kids--it's just true--you "may" feel differently.

That being said, I think it is pretty selfish to have kids--and yeah, I have 3 (2 bio, 1 adopted). I don't get people who tell the child-free-by-choicers that they are being selfish. Really? Because I don't think I have ever heard of a child who asked to be conceived and born!

Be honest, if and when it comes up. I do not think it is something you want to discuss with everyone you date--not every one you date will be long-term, and not everyone you have a more lengthy relationship will be the one you end up with "for good" (or until you get divorced, which might be, "for bad.")

While it might make sense in some ways to limit your pool to those who definitely don't want kids (or rather, who feel that way right now), I think you might be putting the cart before the horse. You are still young enough that you do not have to think long-term or "rest of my life." Thus, you are really limiting your options when maybe it is too soon to do that.

Of course, if a woman asks you about it straight away, and is expecting to have kids in her life, then obviously it is a really important criteria to her and you need to be honest. But do women in their mid-20s all ask that these days?

Sure, it is a "no compromise" situation. But until you hit the point that it becomes an issue, why not just enjoy getting to know women without worrying about their child-rearing plans? Trust me, a woman will bring it up when it seems important to her to do so. And that may not be for years. She might be perfectly happy to have a rather long-term but no "permanent" commitment relationship before then.

And remember that warning, "you may feel differently one day?" It applies to her, too. You can find yourself in that sad, no compromise place simply because a partner who "knew" s/he didn't want kids at age 29, has come to a different realization at age 37. The only mistake they made was in being "convinced" they would never change their mind. But, it happens, and couples--otherwise happy, married couples--split over this isse because there really IS no compromise.

(And, of course, you might not ever change your mind, but saying you "won't ever" want kids now just makes you look arrogant, like you can tell the future. You can't; no one can. All you can say is that right now, you can't imagine ever wanting kids, and you cannot even imagine that changing. That's extremely true and honest)
Good luck, whatever you decide.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 43
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/2/2013 6:41:49 PM
^^Good post.
For the people who are telling other people they might change their mind later when it's revealed someone has expressed a feeling of wanting to be childfree:
Do you also tell young people who have expressed an interest in having kids that they are too young to make that decision and they might change their mind later? Do you also tell them that it's impossible to go from having children to being childfree again if they decide after having kids, that parenthood is not their cup of tea?
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 44
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/2/2013 6:53:51 PM
^^^ I agree 100% with Maleman (rare, but it does happen, lol)

I also agree with this:

I never wanted to have children, and I've never regretted not having them. Thankfully, I have a number of friends who are also childless, so I've never been called self-centered or such.

...although I was called a "freak" once by a sister-in-law, who had 5 kids and was on her third husband, because I stated that I'd never wanted to have any kids, not having any desire to be a mother.

I considered the source on that "insult".
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 45
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/2/2013 7:23:55 PM

Do you also tell young people who have expressed an interest in having kids that they are too young to make that decision and they might change their mind later? Do you also tell them that it's impossible to go from having children to being childfree again if they decide after having kids, that parenthood is not their cup of tea?


Sure have, told both my kids to wait and be sure that they truly want kids before they make that decision. Not because I have any regrets, but because I know enough people who do have those regrets. My son and his fiancé have announced that they are not having kids and my response was "awesome, someone to take care of me in my old age". My daughter wants kids but it is still in the someday stage and I encourage her and her guy wait until they both are 100% sure.

Kids are not for everyone and I really don't get the whole you are selfish if you don't have them. I think the only ones I know who didn't have kids that regret it are the ones who couldn't have them. My sister doesn't have kids and it makes her the awesome auntie, same with my niece who has chosen not to have kids.

Not my business, but I do have to say to the OP that he is going to have a hard time finding a woman in his age group that definitely doesn't want kids.
 BorderCollieMix
Joined: 7/4/2013
Msg: 46
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/2/2013 8:10:53 PM
I tell *everyone* who will listen that they should not have kids unless the desire to do so overwhelms them. People who have kids b/c they think they "should," or because they believe their genetic material is so special it must be preserved (like a child is nothing but a walking speciman), or because they "want someone to love them," are cracked in the brain, as far as I'm concerned. The only reason to have kids is because you cannot imagine anything more wonderful; otherwise, you are more likely to be disappointed.

I get irritated, however, when child-free people complain about work policies that "favor" families. Whether they want to admit it or not, somone else's kids will be taking care of all of us when we are old (even if we have our own to help, too). Parents do make a lot of sacrifices, and they get tons of reward in having kids to love. Child-free people have to make some sacrifices, too, but then, there is a new generation to buy our products, use our businesses, and supply our needs. The world wouldn't work too well if every one--or even the majority--decided not to have kids. Children are, in fact, an important economic resource too, even though it is their emotional value we tend to think of most.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 47
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/2/2013 8:32:33 PM
I am 46 and never wanted kids. Ever. And my feelings about it have never changed over the years.

The accusation of someone being selfish because they dont want kids is idiotic, just another symptom of the miserable, finger pointing world we now live in. Everyone has to be judged and labeled. Usually negatively.

It is written into the American Declaration of Independence that we have the *right to the pursuit of happiness* and this means we have the freedom of a wide range of choices, including child rearing. For some, happiness is babies, diapers, babysitters and college tuition.

For others, they would rather spend that money on amazing world vacations, or put it away for retirement. (raises hand)
 wolvesatthedoor
Joined: 5/8/2013
Msg: 48
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/3/2013 7:52:07 AM
Over the years I have met some women that believed having children was their greatest accomplishment. From my perspective, those that did, were right.
 funkMasterMu
Joined: 6/5/2013
Msg: 49
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/3/2013 10:39:35 AM

What a load of BS, someone who doesn't want children as much as you, cannot afford to not get snipped. Reset your priorities and responsibilities before you make a mistake and some innocent child ends up with a parent who doesn't want him.


I've only gone on one date in the past 2 years. Sex hasn't happened in over a year. I'm still trying to improve some things before I date, such as asking for your guys' advice, hitting the gym a bit more, etc. Nothing irresponsible going on over here. :)


Your feelings may change over time.


Big, life-changing decisions such as wanting kids, a career choice, etc I think can be decided well before one is 30. Like I stated earlier, I couldn't wait to be over the age of 18 when I was a little kid. The feeling of freedom is awesome. My 11 year old half brother and I do not get along most of the time, because I cannot grasp the fact that he is 11. (I was already sick and tired of growing up with my brother 3 years younger than me.)

I'm not concerned, there's more likely someone out there.

Thanks for the input, folks. :)
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 50
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/3/2013 12:07:25 PM
I believe one could do what they want, when they want, without having to find a babysitter, for example. I don't see the reward for having kids, etc.

There is a reward. But like anything else, there's a cost-benefit concept that you have to observe. And that varies from person to person. Think of it this way... say you live in a small town, 3 hours away from any real decent sized city. You meet a girl, you're 20-something, but she never wants to leave the town. She WANTS to stay -- that is a reward to her. From your POV, it's restricting freedom -- you're just in this bubble and Have to drive 3 hours to get to any real city, etc. But she LIKES it there -- the town IS her home. To her, leaving is bigger cost.

It depends on how much one really wants it and their lifestyle, basically. If one wants to run to Vegas a lot, travel a ton, etc -- yeah, kids aren't a good idea until they've gotten that out of their system. You may actually not want a settled-down Relationship. After all, a serious Relationship restricts your freedoms too! You can't go wherever you want when you want, etc. If that's a big "cost" to you, maybe you shouldn't be in a Relationship anyway (so the concept of kids shouldn't come up).

And if a serious Relationship isn't in the cards for you, since you want to do what you want when you want, who cares if she has kids that easily have a babysitter or don't need one or she wants to have kids in the future? It'll just be a short-term thing anyway, right?
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What about for the people who don't want kids?