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 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 51
What about for the people who don't want kids?Page 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Op, unfortunately I can't assist with a dating site suggestion, but if there really is no dating site for people who do not want children, maybe there is a business idea for you????

At your current age it might be harder for you to find young women in your age group who are already sure they do not want to have children, but I urge you to stick to your guns if that's how you feel.

I never wanted children, and was sure about that one as of my early 20's when my at that time b/f started to "hint".....

And after living here in Jamaica for 20 years where one is confronted with the results of irresponsible over breeding at any intersection in town, I can only recommend to point these things out to the people who are calling you selfish for not wanting to bring children into the world.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 52
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What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/3/2013 6:38:20 PM
" there's a cost-benefit concept that you have to observe"

It is the cost negative that drives me crazy with things like: municiapal govt. took $50,000. from the perpetual care fund from the cemetery (paid for by families of the deceased) to buy a kids splash pad, my tax dollars go to parks, sports and recreation budget to use on kids. I have lived in the same town for 24 yrs. Never once had I used parks, sports and recreation facilities. Any venues, sports or recreation facilities I have used, I bought a membership or paid per use. Yet my tax dollars go to pay for families who have more kids than they afford to pay for activities.

I chose not to have children. Why should I have to pay for people costs for children they had.................do not get the reasoning..............never did.

What about people who do not want to have kids.................they get insult as being selfish..............told they will change their minds.................yet get to pay a good chunk of tax dollars for the children of people who can not afford them, or worse still parents can afford but I get to pay with my tax dollars.

People might stop breeding more kids than they can afford, if they had to pay the full cost of the kids.

Having more children than a person can afford is not a human right!

Then those same people turn on the child free zone folks with insults.
Love the insult as to how we will change our mind when we mature. Love the way more and more older people (who obviously) are not going to change their minds are ignored and never factored in.

People listen with their hormones, when they could resist like us children free people do. They just do not consider that they have that option.
I have hormones. Must reproduce.

Sorry to be harsh, but people might not have children they regret having if options were presented to them.
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 53
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/3/2013 7:07:33 PM
If you know you will never want children go get yourself fixed . Never have to worry about getting dragged over the coals that way .
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 54
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/3/2013 7:11:26 PM
And this thread moves to where I saw it going right from the beginning. I don't get it, seldom do you ever hear those with kids bashing those who do not have kids, but as soon as this type of conversation starts, we get the anti-kid bashing started.

Many young people in their early 20s say that they don't want any kids and truly believe it, my daughter said for years that she was not having kids and now has changed her mind. Not everyone changes their mind, but to get angry when someone says you might change your mind is silly. People change their mind about this all the time, we are merely making a statement based on our observations.

My tax dollars also go to those recreational budgets that my children did not use but I do not begrudge it. They also go to housing for seniors, government run senior centres and nursing homes. Roads that I don't drive on, golf courses where I don't play golf. We pay taxes for lots of things that we don't personally use.

And no people do not listen with their hormones, most people genuinely want kids and there is nothing wrong with that. Why should their resist the urge to have kids if that is what they want? That is just like saying you should have kids even if you don't want them. Yes some people do regret having kids but I suspect they would make the same choice regardless of the options presented, they regret it after the fact.

So some of us did the cost-benefit analysis and decided that the benefits outweigh the costs and we had kids, others did the same analysis and decided the opposite and didn't have kids. Neither of those things are wrong.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 55
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What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/3/2013 7:32:15 PM
* I don't get it, seldom do you ever hear those with kids bashing those who do not have kids, but as soon as this type of conversation starts, we get the anti-kid bashing started. *

Maybe you do not hear it because you have kids.
As a person who does not have kids I hear it all the time. I hear my children free friends get insulted.
Why would anyone say insults about not having kids to someone who has kids.

*My tax dollars also go to those recreational budgets that my children did not use but I do not begrudge it.*

I choose to donate the bulk of my money to people who really need it. However, I resent being forced to pay taxes for peoples childrens actitives that are elective.

(Sorry my keyboard is acting up and I can not use various keys..........hence the way I am typing.)

Years ago, a friend told me that family and friends were giving her a very hard time because she and her husband did not have children. She said I am a business women..........my husband owns a business. I spend my spare time dealing with issue of relatives and friends who can not deal with their childrens problems because the parents can not deal with their own problems. §he said she was not going to become one of those parents.

I have to ask why anyone has the right to expect others to have children. Why the pressure.

When I was young OP, I went through exactly what you are asking about. I certainly felt like the odd women out. Years later, my circle of close friends are child free too. Imo, you should wait a while and see what life brings to you.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 56
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/3/2013 8:04:18 PM
I am reading lots of posters that are not looking down on the OP for not wanting kids ever. And I will assume a lot of those posters like myself do have children. I also am reading from lots of those posters that only say people in their 20's may change their mind and it may not be permanent decision right now. They don't say that if the OP reaches 50 or whatever age and never has kids because he didn't want to, they don't say they would look down on his decision not to have children. This thread is about someone at an early age in life who made a thread in what he feels right now.

Some people will insult other people regardless. Most on this thread are NOT insulting the OP and not "expecting" him to have kids. Let's get real here.

And I need to call the city and tell them I am not paying for the roads I do not use here, I am telling them I am not paying for any school bonds because I have no kids in school(I am insulted)and one of my sons needs to call and tell the city he isn't paying for public schools when his son goes to a non public school. Sounds pretty silly right?
 Tsar850
Joined: 3/23/2013
Msg: 57
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/3/2013 11:49:31 PM

Why? Because....."how dare you think you can enjoy yourself living life to the fullest without the incredible burden of raising and supporting children. How dare you step outside the box and think for yourself not following the program. Because each time I see you it reminds me of how I am not able to do that and I am resentful and jealous."


This is dead on. I get the same kind of balderdash about me not remarrying or having a LTR.
I'm going to steal this little tid bit.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 58
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What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/3/2013 11:53:39 PM
Children should be wanted, so OP if you don't want kids make sure you take measures to prevent it, there are so many unwanted,neglected and abused children in the world today. I think it is more socially acceptable nowadays to not have kids due to expense and that there is over 7 billion on this planet that can't be sustained long term just look at our depleting resources and land availability to grow food on, so I don't see how it is selfish not to contribute to growing problem. I grew up with the constant comments about why I wasn't married and having kids, thou I did have the opportunity I knew it was not for me. I would get sympathy comments for not being able to have kids, my biological clock was ticking away, was I gay, I had medical personal refuse to give me a tubal ligation on 3 separate occasions because I might change my mind, they just couldn't get that as a woman I wouldn't want to breed. Since we don't have a crystal ball none of us can see what we will choose in the future and yes you just might change your mind but always be honest with yourself. It may decrease your dating pool but you will be happier when you find someone with compatible views on children, they are out there.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 59
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/4/2013 6:50:27 AM

Why? Because....."how dare you think you can enjoy yourself living life to the fullest without the incredible burden of raising and supporting children. How dare you step outside the box and think for yourself not following the program. Because each time I see you it reminds me of how I am not able to do that and I am resentful and jealous."


Wow and it really begins. Those of us who have chosen to have and support our children do not find it to be a burden, we find it incredibly rewarding. In many discussion about marriage and children most of us who are single coming out of bad marriages with kids say that we would do it again because we would not give up our kids.

I personally have zero regrets about having kids. No resent or jealously because I am doing the things that I want to do, have been all along. Those are family things that include my children. You are putting thoughts into the minds of other that just don't exist. Most people who have children ask others about their lack of children not because they are jealous but because they feel sorry for the childless. Can't imagine the lonely and barren life people without children live.

Now that is not my personal thought on the matter but it is how many feel. Doesn't feel so nice from the other side does it.


This is dead on. I get the same kind of balderdash about me not remarrying or having a LTR.
I'm going to steal this little tid bit.


Again people in relationships are happy and want that happiness for others. Doesn't work for everyone and no they are not jealous, they just want you to be as happy as they are. They care about you or they wouldn't say anything.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 60
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What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/4/2013 7:05:27 AM
"because they feel sorry for the childless. Can't imagine the lonely and barren life people without children live."

That just shows that some people like all people are alike and have to be just like them. They think they know what is best for every person on the planet, and if others don't live the same lifestyle they do they just don't get that others are quite happy with their decisions.

"they just want you to be as happy as they are. They care about you or they wouldn't say anything."

No. They are people who just can't think past their own lifestyles or understand people who want to live a different lifestyle.
It isn't about wanting other to be as happy as they are. It is about wanting others to comply to the same lifestyle they have.

I think it really strange that happy people want to run around changing others.

I figure other people are smart enough, and know enough about what they want in life, that they are happy with their decisions. I figure if they weren't happy with their chosen lifestyle they would change their lifestyle. I don't assume other people aren't smart enough to make their own decisions.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 61
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/4/2013 7:13:39 AM

I think it really strange that happy people want to run around changing others.


What I think is strange is people who think that others who have chosen a different life path are jealous. The above were simple references to how silly the whole "people with kids are jealous of people without." You know the two sides. It sounds rather silly from that reference point doesn't it? The big bold assumption that I am jealous of someone else's lifestyle as opposed to what I chose for myself. I am not jealous, I do not advocate my lifestyle for others, most people don't. It seems that many here are hypersensitive about their choices and have to take the offensive route. That says to me that they feel they are some how wrong and need to defend their choices.

Look inside and figure out why it is that you need to make the jealous statements and the claims that your life is so much better, it isn't, it is merely different.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 62
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What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/4/2013 7:45:46 AM
"You know the two sides."

Some people on both sides trying to change the other side. People who for whatever reason have a need for everyone to be just like themselves.


" It seems that many here are hypersensitive about their choices and have to take the offensive route."

That statement goes for some people on both sides of the issue.


"Look inside and figure out why it is that you need to make the jealous statements and the claims that your life is so much better, it isn't, it is merely different."

Look inside and ask yourself why you need to care about other people chosen lifestyle.

I am just happy to let people live their lives the way they want.

Where I live, I would say a good 40% don't have children. Those who don't have children don't travel in the same circle as those who do. That is just the way it is.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 63
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/4/2013 8:28:51 AM
^^^ Now you see I went back and reread ALL the posts and you know what the funny thing is? All the negative has come from those who do not have children. Those who do, actively support the decision by others to not have children. But as always we end up in the same place. And apparently you missed the sarcasm in my response to the jealously posts.


I bet there are a lot of people who regret having kids, but they will never tell you because it's not considered proper to say it was a mistake to have kids.



This is the standard idiotic nonsense breeders always tell people



Love the insult as to how we will change our mind when we mature. Love the way more and more older people (who obviously) are not going to change their minds are ignored and never factored in.



Why? Because....."how dare you think you can enjoy yourself living life to the fullest without the incredible burden of raising and supporting children. How dare you step outside the box and think for yourself not following the program. Because each time I see you it reminds me of how I am not able to do that and I am resentful and jealous."


And for the finale.


Look inside and ask yourself why you need to care about other people chosen lifestyle


I don't care, all of us who have children have said we don't care. Yes we said that he may change his mind because we have seen that. H3ll I didn't want kids when I was 20, changed my mind, not everyone does but I know from personal experience that it can happen. Every time this type of discussion comes up, it becomes about parents being jealous of none-parents and we say that isn't so, the claws come out.

Guess what? It isn't so, not everyone is cut out to be a parent, not everyone wants to be a parent. We are all different and make different life choices and that is what makes out society great is that we can make those decisions.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 64
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/4/2013 9:09:02 AM
^^^^^EXACTLY!!!! This thread has been diverted from some who want to make it something else. To that, make your own thread on how people without children are being persecuted. This is not the thread to do so. Like the poster above said, people that have children are not persecuting those who did NOT want children, we were addressing the thread only. I have two brothers and two sisters who do NOT have children and I have never looked at them as being strange. I have never asked them why, and they are in their 50's. Like I say, for those that feel persecuted and insulted, start your own thread on THAT opinion.
 Tsar850
Joined: 3/23/2013
Msg: 65
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/4/2013 10:07:11 AM
Again people in relationships are happy and want that happiness for others. Doesn't work for everyone and no they are not jealous, they just want you to be as happy as they are. They care about you or they wouldn't say anything.


That is just it I am happy.

My life has never been better my youngest just turned 21 in July. All my children are on there own and are productive.
I enjoy dating and being single.

Yet there are many that try to get me either married off or in a LTR. Not everyone needs to be chained to another person to be happy.

They are happy great.......................... they want me to be happy great...................... the best way to do that is let me live my life............... and make the CHOICE to be single.

Why do people feel they are looking after your happiness by telling you to be in a relationship or to have kids?
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 66
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/4/2013 10:12:34 AM
^^^Tsar and again you apparently missed the sarcasm. Nobody really cares about anyone else's relationship status. Some people say and do stupid things because they think that everyone wants what they do and that everyone believes the same as they do.

The world would be a boring place if we all felt the same and wanted the same things. The world would be a boring place if we couldn't discuss these things.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 67
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/4/2013 10:32:23 AM

However, I resent being forced to pay taxes for peoples childrens actitives that are elective.

There's a lot you should be resenting and that would be a drop in the bucket. Your taxes paying for roads you don't drive on... parks you don't enjoy... statues that could look a heck of a lot better... things for the elderly... And if you have 16 & 17 year olds -- you'd still be mad at having to pay taxes toward elementary schools or playgrounds -- your kids aren't using them! Or things pertaining to seniors -- your kids aren't old (yet) and you don't use it either! I think this would go on the topic about politics... whether you have kids, had kids, or never had kids, you'd still be ticked due to your position.

Those of us who have chosen to have and support our children do not find it to be a burden, we find it incredibly rewarding

Well, you can't speak for all people who have kids any more than I can, just as I can't speak for all people who don't have kids any more than you can. There are people who do not enjoy the rewards or potential rewards from it as much as the next person, and others who have a much bigger burden than the next. Overall, there's both a burden AND reward. In a decent setting with decent results, for those who do want kids, yes, the reward strongly outweighs the burden. But that does require one to want it.

Looking at another situation that shares many similarities -- pets. There's a burden, and a reward. If you love particular pets but more importantly love raising them and living with them, the reward is greater than the burden in many situations. But if that's not your style, the burden is going to be greater and the reward is going to be smaller. And for both situations, much of that is influenced by the timing & time of one's life, etc.

Most people who have children ask others about their lack of children not because they are jealous but because they feel sorry for the childless. Can't imagine the lonely and barren life people without children live.

Wow. You are really judging people in the negative way. I can see feeling sorry for a couple who WANTS and tries to have kids, but can't. That's fine. And you should be happy for when they do. But you should also be happy for a couple being together for 20 years since their early 20s, who didn't want to have kids and succeeded in not doing so without any accidents or drama in doing so. Why feel sorry for them? You should be happy for them. That's what they wanted.

You're taking a very narrow-minded approach in what Should be good for everyone. You can say that with extremes... like wanting to live in a small shack and never leave the house their whole lives, just themselves. Sure. But not having kids? Feel sorry for them that their life is barren when they never wanted kids and succeeded in their objective?? LOL. You'd need much much more than that to say that their lives are barren and fruitless. It's not the 1800s.

I personally have zero regrets about having kids.

Nobody's saying you should or even implying it. If one is, they're wrong. You shouldn't. It's great, rewarding, and makes your life fruitful in the direction You Wanted. "Good for YOU..." (classic line in classic tone).

But by your rationale, a woman who popped out 6-8 kids from 19-40 making a big, wonderful family could look upon a couple who just had 1 kid and say their life is barren and empty... as that's a totally different experience. That woman could never think of only having 1 kid -- once? She'd be living a very different life -- less rewarding, less fruitful. OMG!

Women working and only wanting 1 kid? WTF? How barren & empty of a life are they living?? I pray for them every night! I feel so sorry for them. Some couples not wanting to have kids, and instead traveling to great parts of the earth and being involved in the work & exploration that they love? How awful! Or couples where the woman pops out 6 kids and doesn't get to see the world and have nearly as much freedom in their lives as the previous couple with no kids? How awful!

No, kids is not the only deeply rewarding experience that life has to offer. It's one of the big & very common ones, yes. But the grass on EITHER side of the fence can be great. It all depends on which house you're shopping for. There is no objective "better" when it comes to wanting to have a kid vs a ton of kids vs 0 kids. Not having/raising kids in modern society, like women having corporate careers, by itself, is not objectively a bad thing or a lesser thing At All.
 Szaszaspasz
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 68
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What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/4/2013 10:55:52 AM
OP I understand where you are coming from. There are women your age that don't want kids. I knew from my teenage years that I was lacking any maternal instinct.

Many told mr over the years that I would change my mind; I was fine with that. It was entirely possible, but it never happened for me. I've never babysat any bad kids, it was just the way I was wired which made me not want any.

I love being in my forties because I don't get condescended to about not knowing what I want because I was young. I am no longer put on the defensive for my choices. I felt i was a misfit when i was younger because of the shocked reactions from people when i was asked if I had children and admitted I didn't and didn't plan on having any. Over the years I have been accused of being selfish and I admit I am lazy. If I am selfish because I am unable to follow convention; then I embrace the title.

I admire people who can raise children and do their best to be good parents because they genuinely want to, not because it is expected of them. Whether a person has kids or not, respect the choices of those who live their lives opposite of your own.

Because I didn't have kids, I contribute tax dollars to help others as well as to some charities. I have been available to help with volunteer work, help people move, and on occasion, open my house to others. Some of these things I would would have found difficult, if not impossible, to do if I had an immediate family to care for. For the people I helped out; childless or not, they were likely glad I was around to help out.

OP, follow your instincts and inclinations, your dating pool may be smaller, because you have already winnowed out the possible partners unsuited to you. Anyone else in your life will have to accept your choices. No matter what society or those around you say, you are the one who will bear the responsibilities of decisions you make, whether coerced or made entirely of your own free will.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 69
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/4/2013 10:58:02 AM

Well, you can't speak for all people who have kids any more than I can, just as I can't speak for all people who don't have kids any more than you can.


But I can generalize and say on the whole. Sure a very few look at their kids as a burden and damn they shouldn't have had them if that is the way they feel about


Wow. You are really judging people in the negative way. I can see feeling sorry for a couple who WANTS and tries to have kids, but can't. That's fine. And you should be happy for when they do. But you should also be happy for a couple being together for 20 years since their early 20s, who didn't want to have kids and succeeded in not doing so without any accidents or drama in doing so. Why feel sorry for them? You should be happy for them. That's what they wanted.


Wow, the whole group of you really do not understand sarcasm do you? Look the post I was replying to which said that parents are jealous of those who do not have kids! I also qualified that statement right in the post. Quit cherry picking.


Nobody's saying you should or even implying it.(regrets)


Oh but they are and that is where the sarcastic replies on my part come from.


Not having/raising kids in modern society, like women having corporate careers, by itself, is not objectively a bad thing or a lesser thing At All.


Think you needed to read all the posts more carefully, not once did I say not having kids is a bad thing. It is those who don't have kids who have been stating the negative, I merely turned it back on them and they didn't like it so much. Don't really care about whether or not someone else has kids. It is their life and as long as they are content with their decisions all is good. But don't tell me I am jealous because they can do things that I couldn't when I had kids at home. Not in the least little bit, I knew my life would change when I had kids and I wanted and embraced that life because it was right for me.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 70
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/4/2013 11:38:18 AM
Look the post I was replying to which said that parents are jealous of those who do not have kids! I also qualified that statement right in the post.

No, you're right - my bad. I was hasty and missed your next sentence saying that you don't feel that way. And yes, many people DO think to some degree that those who don't have kids have more empty lives and sorrow should be had for them, etc. And there are people with kids who have an inner jealousy they're not aware of when the person without kids is enjoying life in ways that they feasibly/practically can't. And there are people without kids who can be jealous too -- goes both ways.

So just to get it clear -- because people can say "I don't feel this way about this or that" but actually do but just not to an extreme like others -- do you believe one's life, by not having kids alone, is less fruitful to Any Degree than one who does? And of course I'm sure To You it would be, don't get me wrong. But speaking objectively, do you believe one's life is less fruitful to any degree?

If one does, to Any Degree, that is judging in a negative way -- even though it's reference to something they're asserting in reference to the positive (having them and how positive it is). I believe someone working out in one way or another periodically or frequently makes one's life better. Not just as a taste issue, not just for me. So yes, I AM judging in a negative way, in reference to something I believe brings something positive. As opposed to me believing that working in technology makes can make one's life more fruitful, notably My life more fruitful, but not necessarily to others, and I would definitely say some people shouldn't because it would particular people's Less fruitful... and other people's not more or less. Depends on the person, as opposed to the belief about at least a bit of working out (in one form or another) in one's life.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 71
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What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/4/2013 11:51:36 AM
[What about for the people who don't want kids ?

They should abstinence sex and should date people without kids.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 72
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What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/4/2013 1:11:34 PM
The large difference is that most people who do not have children can EASILY have children if they want to, and those that do have children can't undo it. Well, not legally, at least.

It's kind of hard for someone to be jealous of something they CAN do. However, the reverse is far more likely. Thus why those with children to be more likely to have feelings of resentment or jealousy behind their statements than those that don't. A fertile person that can easily date and has choice of multiple sexual partners if need be is -not- going to be jealous of a single parent, ever. However, many, if not all of us have seen the reverse. And the jealousy or inability to think outside of societal norms is where a lot of "pity" statements from parents towards non parents come from.

The flip side is that a lot of childless people are rubbing it in/bragging just to "get back" at all the nonsense they hear from parents. It's a bit of a circular cycle there.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 73
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/4/2013 1:49:05 PM

So just to get it clear -- because people can say "I don't feel this way about this or that" but actually do but just not to an extreme like others -- do you believe one's life, by not having kids alone, is less fruitful to Any Degree than one who does? And of course I'm sure To You it would be, don't get me wrong. But speaking objectively, do you believe one's life is less fruitful to any degree?


Would my life be less fruitful without kids, yes I do believe it would but that is because I wanted them and at this point in my life can't imagine life without them. Do I think that someone else's life is less fruitful if they don't have kids, absolutely not. It is simply fruitful in different ways.

abmccray
Thus why those with children to be more likely to have feelings of resentment or jealousy behind their statements than those that don't.


So you know this how? Most of us were perfectly aware of what we would and would not be able to do once we had kids and made the choice. Why would I feel resentful for a lifestyle I chose to move away from. If I had wanted the childless lifestyle, I wouldn't have had children.


A fertile person that can easily date and has choice of multiple sexual partners if need be is -not- going to be jealous of a single parent, ever. However, many, if not all of us have seen the reverse.


Really they are telling you they are jealous? Or perhaps you hit a single mom after she had been up three nights in a row with a sick, crying child at that point anyone would say foolish things about giving up their kids. That is not desire for a different lifestyle, that is exhaustion speaking.


And the jealousy or inability to think outside of societal norms is where a lot of "pity" statements from parents towards non parents come from.


I don't know who you are hanging around that you are hearing all these pity statements. What I hear repeatedly is that parents are jealous of the lifestyle of non-parents, not so much, most of us knew what we were in for before making the decision to have babies.

And here it comes again. Those of you without kids assume that those of us with kids are jealous. We really aren't. What is it that makes you think we are jealous? Think that one through. Funny that other than my sarcastic replies to the first statements of jealousy, the only negatives on this thread have been from those without kids. Those of us with kids have been completely supportive of others decisions to not have kids and in return we are slammed and told we are jealous. Jealous of what? A lifestyle we didn't want?
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 74
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What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/4/2013 9:43:30 PM

I don't know who you are hanging around that you are hearing all these pity statements. What I hear repeatedly is that parents are jealous of the lifestyle of non-parents, not so much, most of us knew what we were in for before making the decision to have babies.

And here it comes again. Those of you without kids assume that those of us with kids are jealous. We really aren't. What is it that makes you think we are jealous? Think that one through. Funny that other than my sarcastic replies to the first statements of jealousy, the only negatives on this thread have been from those without kids. Those of us with kids have been completely supportive of others decisions to not have kids and in return we are slammed and told we are jealous. Jealous of what? A lifestyle we didn't want?


I've heard it plenty of times, throughout my life, and have heard the same from plenty of others as well. Get a few drinks in a lot of parents and they'll admit that there are times (or a lot of times) when they're envious of the freedom that they gave up by having kids, or regrets over being married and stuck in family situations, etc. Which results in many of those same people overcompensating and always proclaiming in billions of status updates how happy they are with "hubby and the kids" or similar, constantly, partially to convince themselves.

Just as, on the flip side, with a few drinks in many single, childless people, you'll hear how there are times that they wish they had someone around or kind of want kids from time to time.

The difference being, of course, that those without kids always have the choice -to- do so (unless not for medical reasons and are unable to adopt) whereas those with cannot reverse their decision to do so. There's not an even balance there because both groups aren't on the same plane there - one group can become a member of the other if they so choose while the reverse is not true. It's a difference between a "what if" that can never be fulfilled, and a goal that could easily be pursued if need be.

Parents don't hear other parents talking about regretting being parents because they're worried that other parents will judge them as not loving their kids or something. They also don't hear the condescending "you'll change your mind," or "what about when you're old" or "well what's the point of life" type nonsense, because, again, they're parents.
 Lankyyankee
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 75
What about for the people who don't want kids?
Posted: 8/5/2013 8:18:10 AM
It's just part of people wanting stuff they can't have. My friends who are single long for love, my friends in LTR's complain about their SO's, my friends with kids whine about their kids. Most of that is venting, which is healthy, but I think we all have things we'd do differently if we could and that's where those drunken regrets come in. My parents wouldn't have me at 19 again if they could do it again.

Most people change their minds about these big decisions, like careers and college majors. Some people don't, but who we are and what we want changes. It's different when we're 17, and 25 and in our 30's and 40's.

Me? I think I'd like to start a family someday, but that's someday because I want a career first. I don't really know what that'll be.
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