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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so      Home login  
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 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 20
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Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
I'm not unhappy by myself but here's the thing. We are pretty programmed in this society to see the happy marriage, the growing old with someone, as something we would like. Having the odd experience of almost dying once and knock on wood beating cancer, I can appreciate how those times would really have sucked a lot less if I had been happily married, so for me, while I'm not pursuing finding someone with great verve, I'd like to think that I might meet someone that I want to share my life with even if I forego another wedding.

Most of the people who make those comments either do so because they are meddling twits but most of them probably hate seeing someone they like and/or respect permanently closing off herself to possibilities.

Either don't respond or say you're right and smile. You know what's in your mind and heart who gives a rat's ass what others think?
 sexandthepof
Joined: 10/1/2012
Msg: 21
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Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/6/2013 6:18:37 AM
This is like an old fashioned thinking. It’s the same with some people think “there’s something wrong with some people who don’t have children”. But nowadays many people don’t want to have kids on purpose for some reasons. There’s nothing wrong with them. It’s better to have no kids than to have kids and they cannot raise them right. Some people just don’t understand that.

Everybody has his/her own opinions. They ignore yours; you ignore theirs, and live your life the way you want.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 22
Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/6/2013 6:20:21 AM
do you have a lot of jewish mothers for friends???


but want to know how to reply to someone who tells me don't worry you will meet someone someday and get married.....

if you're going to tell me everyone you meet keeps saying that to you without any prompting on your part whatsoever, i'm not going to believe it.

if you're happy being alone, then there's no reason for you to make the kinds of leading statements about relationships where others start showing concern for your feelings. you are doing something to evoke this behavior. so either stop dropping negative little hints about not being married, or quit complaining about the encouragement you were covertly soliciting.
 hounddoug
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 23
Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/6/2013 8:09:22 AM

Yet, for the most part... they end up doing just what they claimed they wouldn't....


Too, too true. Which is why the words 'not' and 'never' shan't be spoken by me, else I end up eating those words almost every damn time.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 24
Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/6/2013 8:46:34 AM

Yet, for the most part... they end up doing just what they claimed they wouldn't..


I don't recall seeing a post where the OP said she is proclaiming to the world that marriage is an absolute no-no. She said she's currently happy with her life, so why change it? What's bothering her is when people refuse to acknowledge the fact that some people can be happy without marriage. It should be common knowledge that people can't predict the future and know for sure how their lives will turn out down the road. So there is a possibility of marriage down the road, even though she's not planning on it. But there is also the possibility of getting in a car accident today or tomorrow and being maimed or killed. Should she be reminded of that when getting together with friends and family?
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 25
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Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/7/2013 4:28:40 PM
What difference does it make what they think or say? You know yourself better than they do. I wouldn't even keep the topic going. I'd change the subject and let them think whatever they want to think.
 lostnfoundluv
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 26
Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/7/2013 5:53:10 PM
may be you are not that person anymore and the people who wants to see you married and happy are trying to mentally support you being single now with kids. So let them say what they want and you do what you want. Time again will prove who is happy for ever being single !
 lowmiles2
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 27
Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/9/2013 7:43:04 AM
forumgal,

Because everyone besides yourself believes dating is a progression to the next higher level in the relationship. I myself take your position and you may never get married again and that's your choice. Been there down that is what most of us older peeps have gone through already and history often repeats its self. Hold your ground and inform your friends to back off.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 28
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Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/9/2013 7:55:41 AM
I have run into this a few times. I take it as them saying what they know to ease a perceived pain...most likely their own.
Truth be told, I like being out of the marriage. I was suppressing bits of myself to keep the marriage going and it was only a matter of time before things blew. Now that I am able to take a step back, I can see how bad I let myself get into it...and am very resistent to doing it again.

Let them offer comforts and accept them for what they are.
Then go ahead and live your life any way you choose..;)
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 29
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Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/9/2013 9:30:30 AM

Truth be told, I like being out of the marriage. I was suppressing bits of myself to keep the marriage going and it was only a matter of time before things blew. Now that I am able to take a step back, I can see how bad I let myself get into it...and am very resistent to doing it again.

I really appreciate honestly like this. I haven't been married in a very long time, and it seems unlikely that I ever will be - sometimes I think it'd be nice, but mostly I'm indifferent. Still, I have had some long term live-in relationships, and have done the same sort of thing as you. The funny part is that in the relationship where I suppressed the 'most' of myself, it was the most devestating to let go.

But perhaps even in the best marriage there needs to be some self-suppression in the name of compromise? Maybe the trick is really in knowing when you are suppressing things that are really important to you, vs. being able to easily do without things that aren't really important in the larger scheme of things.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 30
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Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/16/2013 1:49:35 PM
Those types are romantics, nothing you can do or say will sway them so just accept them and appreciate their "good wishes" for you if their intent is kind.
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