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 Tippi_Hedren
Joined: 4/6/2013
Msg: 26
Did this first date go okay?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

Do y'all think hes interested, or writing me off?

He responded with an echo of your message. Sometimes both want to meet again but both think it's the other person's job to suggest it. From your post, I assume you didn't suggest the first meet. If you didn't, then it's your turn.

any feedback is good feedback.

So you roll your eyes at good feedback?
 brwneyedwhit
Joined: 4/11/2013
Msg: 27
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/5/2013 10:12:24 AM
Absolutely not. But some of these people's advise I don't find relevant to what happened toy date. ESP the whole I threw myself on him, apparently got wasted when I didn't, and that I made him stay longer than he wanted. I didn't choose the location of the date he did. We had drinks there was an hour wait for our turn to play so yes the date may have been long. But I don't think I've ever had a date that was shorter than an hour. So now it's just a waiting game. I definitely take good advise, but the over exaggerated ones I'm ignoring.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 28
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/5/2013 12:25:10 PM

I think he is writing you off. However, only time will tell.

I would bet that he is writing her off, or in position to Possibly write her off. He did reply back, so the ball is in her court somewhat. From his POV it seems that his interest is wavering. She should hit him up tonight or somewhat early tomorrow (if she doesn't hear from him) and ask him if he'd like to hang out sometime this week, IMO. If he takes a long while to respond w/ a sign of apathy or vagueness -- then yeah, he's not all that interested.

Why not? Well, it was Saturday night. A girl not wanting to have fun hitting the town but make it more quaint -- especially since he's been in town for only a month -- not his style. Fine for a Thursday night -- not for a Saturday night. He may have a bit more interest than he led to believe, as he may have been hasty in getting out of there because he wanted to make the most of a Saturday night. He already had enough for a date if it was going to be an intro, polite, PC thing. No need stringing it out the whole night in quaint mode. He understandably wasn't in the mood for that, and she let it be known that she wasn't in the mood for painting the town. Unless she was giving all signals to go back to his place or her place when the golf outing ended, he wasn't going to want to go across the street and spend the rest of his Saturday night that way. Why? Again, it wasn't a short date.

And there can be other factors too... like the gal not wanting to drink much and be the-sober-one when he was in the mood for a fun Sat night out, checking out all the bars until they close. That would only emphasize the duller aspect of it all when she chose not to go downtown and wanted to just go across the street.

And also, he could have other options in town... he chose her over Sally... but hey, if with her it didn't go so well or she didn't want to be out all night or wanted to sit on Sat night sipping water or super-slowly-drinking in a more isolated public environment -- hey, he's going to understandably opt for fun Sally.

In the end, I would say text him within 24 hours from now, and also put forth a "fun side" if at all possible. But don't have any expectations.
 JKURB
Joined: 8/28/2012
Msg: 29
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/5/2013 12:27:10 PM
Believe it, or not, I don't see anything earth-shatteringly horrible about that story.

The way I interpreted it the OP was throwing out a few standard "sh*t tests" (e.g. "why are you looking at me so much?", "Is that it?", etc) and the guy knew how to play the game. That may not be the preferred method of interaction for many, but some feel it's a way of weeding out passive/non-confident guys.

Some people like that kind of "challenge", some don't. I guess you'll see if he's the former if he eventually initiates contact again.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 30
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/5/2013 12:32:42 PM

maybe? he was getting a boner?????


I think many men on this site would be well advised to have extra-long hugs with their paramours to ensure their "chickybooms" aren't getting their own boners.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 31
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/5/2013 12:57:41 PM
No one is out to make you a villain in this story, some of us are pointing it out to you, because we've done something similar on dates.

You mentioned drinks while the game was being set up, and then drinks when the game was over. I'm going to assume 2 drinks each time, for a total of 4 drinks which is a lot for most females. I'm not saying you were wasted/bent/done/f*cked up, but I'm going to venture and say you were at the very least saucy and pretty buzzed. How do you know you didn't come across as a hot mess?

I've been known to have messed up a date or two because I was interested. I am naturally intimidating, I have something called character, an invisible force/presence that makes most men uncomfortable. I dress like no one I know and my voice doesn't match my face apparently. I have a very corporate-like personality as I've always worked in corporate in one fashion or another, and a social-work/academic mix into which makes me want to help people.

Here's now I ruined 2 of my dates:

1. I really liked this guy and he tells me he is enrolling to Blank College in the Fall (he didn't know where I worked). My mind went into kill switch mode, and I blurted out "well, if you're going to become a student there, I can no longer see you, I am a professor there and I cannot have an inappropriate relationship with a student". I jumped the gun, he was not a student yet and who is to say that it would have worked out anyway. I offered to take him into the college and straight to the department where he planned to major to check it out and speak to professors in his field of study, and I bid goodbye.

2. The guys seemed down on his luck because he wanted to get into the networking engineering field, and I immediately forgot I was on a date and went all social work/academic on him, lol. I told him how to network his way into the field (as I know many people in that field and how they made it). I told him how to get a mentor, start studying, which college offers the best program, and which companies have an engineering team he could wiggle himself in if introduced to the right people. I overwhelmed him, lol. I should have kept my mouth shut and just nodded, but my eagerness to help advance someone's career/life took over. He got $180 worth of knowledge in an hour and a half.

You see? we all have fudged dates. We live and we learn.
 usmaleagain
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 32
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/5/2013 1:23:57 PM
BelleT, those are not dating blunders... particularly number 2 (number 1 you did jump the gun a little).... that's just being helpful, which the best women are.

Try locking you wallet and keys in the car when you get to a first meet... or sending a woman to meet you at a closed restaurant. lol
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 33
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History
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/5/2013 2:05:21 PM
"He said he wasn't tired, but then said it was past his bed time"

Honestly, I think the guy was staring at you to see if you were getting all worked up over him as he was with you. I think he figured out that you just weren't going to jump in the sac with him. ".....past his bed time" lie was just a read between lines comment... to say he wasn't tired, staring at you, and sayng it was past his bed time, tells me he's creepy and was looking for sex.

I wouldn't want that man to ever call me again. He sounds creepy, and I think you are better off without him!

Just my opinion.
Jan
 sexandthepof
Joined: 10/1/2012
Msg: 34
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Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/5/2013 3:20:53 PM
IMO, this first date did not seem going okay for a few reasons:

1. The date seemed too long for the first time. The guy might have felt tired, but he did not want to tell
2. The guy paid $100.00 for the first date. That’s quite a bit for someone to pay on the first date for someone that he sees the first time. It should be shared equally. This is 21st century
3. Most guys want to be in control, so do many girls/women nowadays, but in this case, you seemed a bit too pushy, the guy had learned much about you from the first date, and he might be polite and not interested

Oh well, only one first date anyway. As you said: “any feedback is good feedback”, so I would say: slow down, take it easy, be patient. Time will tell.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 35
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/5/2013 3:40:43 PM
BelleT, those are not dating blunders... particularly number 2 (number 1 you did jump the gun a little).... that's just being helpful, which the best women are.

Thanks, but both resulted in no second date.
I think I ruined another date because I got him addicted to macaroons...lol...so much we went back there the next day and I bought him a box for himself, he was insulted that I paid. Sometimes nothing you do one way or the other works.

Try locking you wallet and keys in the car when you get to a first meet... or sending a woman to meet you at a closed restaurant. lol

Oh man! That's just bad luck, not you making a mistake. The closed restaurant thing? I did the same thing during a relationship, looked like a fool but he knew of another place around there, and we went there instead.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 36
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/5/2013 4:27:56 PM

I don't see a problem. If you'd have got me hooked on macaroons, I would definitely have wanted to see you again :)

In all seriousness, stuff like that would stick out in my mind and it would go down in my memory as a pleasant date. I doubt it harmed your prospects of seeing him again .


That's what I thought would happen but I never heard from him again. I even gifted him a subscription to Time Out NY Magazine. I cancelled it after a month, I was not going to let him receive something of me that would allow him to get ideas for dates, if its not me he's dating...lol...we can be evil when we want to.
 I_saw_a_squirell_once
Joined: 3/3/2012
Msg: 37
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/5/2013 6:12:31 PM
Absolutely not. But some of these people's advise I don't find relevant to what happened toy date. ESP the whole I threw myself on him, apparently got wasted when I didn't, and that I made him stay longer than he wanted. I didn't choose the location of the date he did. We had drinks there was an hour wait for our turn to play so yes the date may have been long. But I don't think I've ever had a date that was shorter than an hour. So now it's just a waiting game. I definitely take good advise, but the over exaggerated ones I'm ignoring.


This is the internet, what do you expect? In all seriousness, all you can do is wait and see what he does. You sent your post date text already so the ball is in his court. With that being said, I don't think you necessarily "dragged" the date out in the sense that it isn't abnormal to have a date that lasts for hours. Mine always end up starting around dinner and going way into the night so I wouldn't put a lot of stock in the whole "first meets should only be 45 minutes" way of thinking.
 JKURB
Joined: 8/28/2012
Msg: 38
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/5/2013 6:37:27 PM

...to say he wasn't tired, staring at you, and sayng it was past his bed time, tells me he's creepy and was looking for sex.

I wouldn't want that man to ever call me again. He sounds creepy, and I think you are better off without him!


LOL! This is why I read these topics.
 TheFuryan
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 39
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/5/2013 8:28:28 PM

LOL! This is why I read these topics.


I almost spit my water out when I read that reply the first time. I agree, replies like that one are one of the few reasons why I still hang around POF.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 40
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History
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/5/2013 9:50:16 PM
I think dude has a girl at home...
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 41
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Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/6/2013 8:47:31 AM
STOP MAKING STUFF UP

oh come now, 3ffiie. don't you know that whenever an interaction with a man leaves a woman surprised, confused or unhappy, it's because he's a 'player' and only wants sex? where have you been?
 brwneyedwhit
Joined: 4/11/2013
Msg: 42
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/6/2013 9:27:03 AM
No response yet. But I haven't contacted him since he said thank had a great time too hope you have a good day text. He hasn't either I'm going to give it til Thursday... And see what happens
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 43
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Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/6/2013 9:43:34 AM

Why?


"I have to go" but not tired, just past my bedtime.

I don't know of too many guys who are getting "touchy" with a lady wanting to leave if they are not tired. It's almost like they realize its getting serious and anything further would really be cheating...it's all fun, casual and friends up until that point.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 44
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Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/6/2013 9:47:06 AM

Are all anxious girls easy?
hmmm, I would have thought it the opposite...


Aw Damn...your'e onto us.
Yes. We take girls to stimulant shops because we know gittery girls are really easy. That why coffee is the first suggestion...if you...know what I mean...O.o
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 45
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/6/2013 2:22:34 PM

But I haven't contacted him since he said thank had a great time too hope you have a good day text. He hasn't either I'm going to give it til Thursday... And see what happens

Who left the last text? Ball's in the other person's court, in most cases. If he left the last one, it's up to you to initiate the next one relatively soon.

So if your texts were late Sat night after the date, you should have sent one Monday evening, 48 hours later. Waiting until Thursday? Why? You're showing that you're not that interested in him by doing so, if he was the one who left the last text or VM.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 46
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Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/6/2013 2:54:51 PM
Date didn't seem bad... but to be honest I don't know what t o expect. By texting him . .you let him know you are interested. His return text......if he is a confident guy should have mentioned about seeing you again or even mention calling you to set another date.If he decides to text again after waiting days..you should wonder if he following the BS 3-4 day rules or something like that. Contacting you by Wednesday is the norm if he wants to arrange a date this week.
Good luck!
 brwneyedwhit
Joined: 4/11/2013
Msg: 47
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/7/2013 3:48:55 AM
Hey guys so just kind of an update. Yeah, I don't think he's interested :/. I mean we texted a little bit yesterday; yes I started the conversation, but he was the last one to text so I suppose technically it was my turn. Was just like Hey, how was your day hopefully not to stressful. It was like hey, yeah it was pretty busy but went by fast, how was your day. Told him about mine. And then I just kind of asked if he was interested....and he didn't respond. So either he fell asleep, or he just isn't interested.

Live in learn. I let the nerves get the best of me on this one.

Thanks for everyone's input really appreciate it :)
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 48
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Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/7/2013 3:39:53 PM
Your pushiness sounds annoying and would be red flags to me, as those things start to get worse, not better, as time goes on. He's not interested and just went along with what you did (kiss, etc.) to be polite, if he was, he'd set up a date and be done with it.

In the future, take things easier, don't worry so much, don't put any import on early dates. When you meet a new woman that seems cool enough to be friends with, do you go this crazy over it? That's the exact same way you should feel about meeting a new guy.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 49
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Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/7/2013 4:26:05 PM
For whatever reason, he's done.
 ImNotForYou
Joined: 4/28/2013
Msg: 50
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/8/2013 11:58:12 PM
OP you have been confrontational with every post that says anything you don't like. The tone of your replies is extremely sarcastic and if this is the way you behaved with your date I can fully understand why you are so confused.

Sounds like you handled your entire date in a sarcastic manner, replying as such to any gesture or comment from him that you didn't like. He was probably exhausted after riding that roller coaster all night and just wanted it to end as peacefully as possible and drift off into the sunset hoping to never have to deal with that again. In order to accomplish that, he must have figured out quite quickly to just placate you until he could remove himself from your grasp.
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