Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How can I start to trust women again?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Tsar850
Joined: 3/23/2013
Msg: 26
How can I start to trust women again?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
However, it still shot down your theory that "ALL women can be trusted", which isn't true. Fail!!!


I don't know barnabyjames1 I think what wolvesatthedoor was trying to say is you can trust them to do certain things. And learning to understand when they are doing these things is his advice to the OP.

So all women can be trusted whether it is trusted to do right or wrong is the question.

My advice is to tread carefully and guard your heart and other things you want to keep safe.

You are young and should be enjoying being young and single. I sure wish someone had told me the whole marriage/LTR was a scam when I was younger.

I am now 46 with all my children grown I have been living my life on my terms now for about 6 years. I can tell you the thought of wanting to re-enter the marriage/LTR world is fleeting at best. Normally I am doing something like riding my Harley, or a weekend trip or some other adventure when the thought jumps in my head if I was tied down I couldn't be able to have this adventure.

Besides the fact that people change and can be trustworthy one day because they want the same goals you do and untrustworthy the next because their wants have changed. And they will use the laws to take "their half".

Tell me OP are you really willing to bet half of your life's work that someone will love you forever?
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 27
view profile
History
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/9/2013 8:49:31 AM
OP, wish I could help you but I am on a quest myself. I took a bite of a pear and it had a worm in it, so I'm trying to figure out how I can ever eat another pear because I now expect all of them to be full or worms. Keep calm and carry on.
 marilynh47
Joined: 7/18/2013
Msg: 28
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/9/2013 9:06:53 AM
These people are giving you great advices. Take them and consider how you would change in the women you are dating.
Why are you attract to cheaters? It's coming from your inner self. Take time to relax, accomplish goals and have a frame of mind set to choose women that are different from those you have dated. When you feel secure and confident in yourself, and see women in a positive way then and only then that you will be able to trust and choose better. Don't put everyone in a clump of category such as all women can't be trusted. Take time to reflect, use your logic and reason things out, make change and take positive risk. We attract people on our current situation. When I first came online, I got out of a bad relationship not realizing it affected me. The men I choose to go out with weren't what I would have choose in my right mind. Now that I'm secure, confident and have forgive and moved on, my choice in men I date and be friend with are different. Not everyone is the same and you can actually spot a cheater when you have a right set of mind. At 22 there are a lot of immature people but there are few who are much mature than people in their 40s and 50s. My son is 22 and is happily married to his wife and serving for the country so it's not with age but mind set. We are each different and not all women or men cheat and not all play games such as young people can be much more mature than older people at time.
Take you time, do some changes in yourself and take the risk in knowing that you have been through some girls who aren't great but know that there are few girls out there who were brought up right and are trustworthy. Once you see the sign of unhealthy situation, run. And when you do find the right one, treat them right and let the relationship flourished. Girls who have been brought up right don't need to be baby cause they got an awesome dad who raised them well. These are the girls you need to date.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 29
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/9/2013 10:20:20 AM
LOL OK I'm not going to jump onto the battle field here, I'll just stick to the OP's question. .....Not always, but often, a woman judges the character of a man, (be it good/bad) by the character of her father or some other strong male figure in her life. The same can be true for a man. The dynamics of his relationship with his mother can play a role in the type of woman he is drawn to. This is not always the case but it's a possibility. .....Just food for thought!...........On a different note, OP you are still so young. Relax, take life easy, have fun! Learn to be the best person you can be. The rest will fall into place!
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 30
view profile
History
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/9/2013 10:59:49 AM
^^^^Men are easy. Throw some sex at them and they are good for 24 hours...(Joke)

OT: OP you seem to like insecure and immature women because you are a rescuer and you can control them.
Is that by anychance a mirror of your father and mothers relationship?
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 31
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/9/2013 11:19:47 AM

Tell me OP are you really willing to bet half of your life's work that someone will love you forever

LOL...Yeah...at 22 I'm sure he has acquired a lot...Maybe the women are after his X-Box....and games...lol.

He should go gay and see if trusting men is any better

there's your answer....or maybe "Choose better women
 Tsar850
Joined: 3/23/2013
Msg: 32
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/9/2013 11:26:04 AM

LOL...Yeah...at 22 I'm sure he has acquired a lot...Maybe the women are after his X-Box....and games...lol.


Maybe but you do know life doesn't stop at 22 and assets don't stop at x-boxes and games.

Many here are talking long term not right now. And by dating and enjoying his life as I suggested he would gain the knowledge of which women to choose and which to avoid. so how is my advice different for your own?
 import_from_UK
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 33
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/9/2013 11:26:04 AM
Trust grows when it's proven over time to be deserved. I don't believe anyone begins trusting someone new, rather they have an open willingness to trust and as time passes, that willingness is confirmed as being valid or is proven to be un-deserved. In order to be willing to trust another, you must first be able to trust yourself - to trust your own judgement, to trust that you have the confidence to enforce your own boundaries and also to be willing to walk away if treated in a manner you don't wish for.


I almost always pick incredibly immature women that I sort of take under my wing, so to speak. Most of the time I spend half the time sounding like their father, the other half a lover.


This is solely on you and your choices. When you pick someone who needs you to look at for them and act as a parent figure, you are choosing someone who isn't able to fully function on their own. When you choose an non-functioning adult, then you'll get a dysfunctional relationship.

What do you consider to be the reason why you'd seek broken people rather than opt to keep looking for an emotionally healthy partner?


So, the last girl I dated was for a whole 3 years. We were engaged. But she was also having less than appropriate video chats with other men, and frequenting fetish websites. On top of that, spending a lot of alone time with other guys (which it seems most people don't really care about, but I think it's highly inappropriate). I consider the internet activity more or less cheating.


So explain to me why you put up with this? If you considered her actions inappropriate, why remain? In doing so, even if you voiced your displeasure, your actions of staying showed that you were okay with it. Why would you not only continue to accept this but also agreed to marriage with a person whose views about a relationship are so very different to your own.


Now I'm at that point that I really just want a girl that I don't have to baby and that, above all, won't cheat on me. The problem is that I'm sure there's plenty out there. I just don't trust any of them. I automatically assume they're cheaters.
Water seeks it's own level. When you sort out whatever is going on with yourself that you enable these people to treat you this way, when you determine some boundaries and are willing and able to enforce them, even if it means walking away, then you will attract people who are healthier.

Bottom line - the choice you are making so far aren't yielding what you want, you are the only one who can change any of it.
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 34
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/9/2013 1:35:05 PM
Oh gee... I sort of feel the same way about ALL men.

Well, not really, but... I assume that all men and all women are capable of cheating. Nobody is perfect. We're all human. People make mistakes.... even people who value faithfulness are capable of falling short. I try to live my life with a certain amount of integrity and I try to make good choices... but even I can conduct myself with less integrity at times. :( I think the dividing line for me is when I make a PROMISE to be faithful to someone. Once a promise has been made, I will be faithful. None-the-less, I am aware that other people make promises all the time that they have no intentions of keeping.

Anyhow, my approach has been to not put so much expectations on complete fidelity until an agreement is in place and we've talked about each other's expectations. In the meanwhile, I like to keep my eyes open to see if the person I am dating makes good choices in other aspects of his life and deals with others fairly.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 35
view profile
History
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/9/2013 2:03:06 PM
Trust is overrated! Depend on yourself and be flexible about your partners abilities.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 36
view profile
History
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/9/2013 3:49:37 PM
Self-fulling self-sabotage, you either pick these girls because you know they will do these things to you so you can then be the victim and tell yourself, see, all women are awful. Or because you really haven't a clue and nobody here can help you. Either way, you need professional help to get to not only the bottom but to learn how to change. It's not a quick fix. Another thing, you are way too young to be in serious relationships, just date, have fun, don't worry about the future just yet. If you continue to be bitter or grow bitter, or if you continue to seek out women who are a hot mess, you will continue to be in lousy relationships. Sane people don't seek out bad relationships.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 37
view profile
History
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/10/2013 8:34:04 AM
harry:


Most women can't be trusted. (...) Most women have no concept of logic. That's why they are so often with men they hate.


gee, and you wonder why your wife left you???

do you EVER think before you post???

i'll ask you the same question i asked you when you posted that "most women don't like sex": have you met MOST of the women in your own country, let alone others???


Fortunately, there are many who can be trusted.


which one is it???

listen up, kid - here's how you trust PEOPLE....

you don't judge every PERSON by the actions of other PEOPLE - man or woman!

you're only 22, for pity's sake, don't tie yourself down - you've already had a 3-year relationship. go learn about yourself and what you like before jumping into anything else!
 NotGorshkovAgain
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 38
view profile
History
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/10/2013 1:44:18 PM
Trust is not something that is given - it is something that is earned. And that comes from knowledge and understanding, which takes time.

Want to learn how to trust women again? First, realize that you can't trust *that* woman - whoever that woman is - because of who she is, and what she did. Second, realize that *that* woman is not *all* women. Then you're good to go.

In other words, learn to trust/not trust people because of who they are, and how they behave. Having, or NOT having breasts, has nothing to do with trustworthiness.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 39
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/10/2013 2:01:12 PM
You need to address the internal impetus for your cuckolding patterns.



That is a good start however you really need to read the whole page to really get the down low on the low downs that do this to men.

Obviously, he knows his skanks. I'll bet he can pick one out across a crowded room.
He has a pattern of being attracted to them. You know how that goes.
He can't change their behavior.

He can only work on himself and try to "unlearn" his attraction.
 Cheating_at_solitaire
Joined: 7/30/2013
Msg: 40
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/10/2013 2:08:00 PM
This is not a man or woman thing, rather it is about people as a whole. Trust is not given; it is earned.
 Tsar850
Joined: 3/23/2013
Msg: 41
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/10/2013 2:11:49 PM

You need to address the internal impetus for your cuckolding patterns.


I agree he should start here.

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2013/01/10/what-kind-of-woman-cuckolds-a-man/


Following hot on the crooked heels of yesterday’s BOTM nomination, a new study is out which gives support to the conventional wisdom that skanks, fugs and other assorted low value women are the ones most likely to employ the cuckold strategy (or, looking at it from a different angle, the ones least likely to be concerned with the consequences of impulsively cuckolding their boyfriends or husbands).


That is a good start however you really need to read the whole page to really get the down low on the low downs that do this to men.
 hounddoug
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 42
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/10/2013 2:44:41 PM

How can I start to trust women again?


You'll start trusting all or none of them, or just one, when you're ready and not before. From what you wrote your picker needs some work, too; and you need to be able to recognize those types of women immediately and avoid them.
 barnabyjames1
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 43
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/10/2013 2:50:04 PM

This is not a man or woman thing, rather it is about people as a whole. Trust is not given; it is earned.


This. Too often though, this is lost on so many.
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 44
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/10/2013 7:59:05 PM
To the Opp . I am 55 and haven't found a woman in my whole life I could trust yet , least non family ones that is . Maybe someday I will , I am sure one exists somewhere . But I will be dammed if I can find one . Because if I had found one to trust I wouldn't be here now would I .
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 45
view profile
History
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/11/2013 12:16:53 AM
While Outmind may be correct and this time of your life may inevitably include the type of women you've chosen in the past, that's a choice though as you obviously have discovered that the problem is with your picker.

You choose dimwits who then prove to be dimwits and apparently hos because you like being in charge, telling them what to do, and other manly things probably because you aren't secure enough to find someone who has her shit together which you can find at your age if you stop looking where you have in the past. Bars don't tend to produce the girl next door.

This tactic has the added advantage of your being able to adopt the victim mantle when said woman does exactly what you always expected she would. Aw shucks I don't know how this happened and see, she treated me like shit, boo hoo.

Choose older women or ones that are moving forward to get a good start to their lives like getting an education or working toward a career path.
 lostnfoundluv
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 46
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/11/2013 6:18:16 AM
So sorry you are living in that small world of yours where you see women cheating all the time. Have you tried to get out of that small world and explored a little bit like outside 5 miles atleast?
 NtvNtv
Joined: 5/15/2013
Msg: 47
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/11/2013 10:10:04 AM
Let go of the person that caused you pain and unhappiness, you will one day realize we are all not like 'her'.
 or_current_resident
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 48
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/15/2013 8:14:52 AM

"Trust is earned, respect is given, and loyalty is demonstrated. Betrayal of any one of those is to lose all three."


As the op being at such a young age , like many of us were at one time,were hurt,upset mad,etc when the end came. ^^^^^
But As men & women when those first true loves you thought were true go south, imo only time & maturity will lesson the hurt. And trust again as age will give you virtue to know you can again in trust.

Just make such you both are on the same plane when the love bird comes flying you way again. As true love,is a two way street. And don't leave home without it.....
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 49
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/15/2013 1:46:05 PM
Howdy_From_Harry:
Most women can't be trusted. Trust is built on logic -- if I treat this person nice, they will like me and trust me; if they say I can trust them, they are surely telling the truth. Most women have no concept of logic. That's why they are so often with men they hate.


Gee…..that sounds to ME like it’s the MEN who are lying to women to get women to believe men are trustworthy. So you just admitted that men are liars who can’t be trusted.

Good luck with that trust thing. Oh, and the “logic” thing, too.







vvvvvvvvvv Apparently you need luck with reading comprehension.
 barnabyjames1
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 50
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/15/2013 1:57:20 PM
Gee…..that sounds to ME like it’s the MEN who are lying to women to get women to believe men are trustworthy. So you just admitted that men are liars who can’t be trusted.



In YOUR eyes, maybe....maybe the poster has been burned too many times from women who claim they can be trusted? What he said though isn't wrong, trust isn't something that should be freely given, it should be EARNED. Want respect/trust? You have to EARN it. Nothing wrong with him or her portecting themselves from falling for it again.

And, unless we're all missing it, please point out to us all, where he just admitted "all men are liars"? I didn't see where it said that, please explain?

My next question to YOU would then be: Why would YOU want to trust a man if you claim all are liars? How would you know this, if you never approach men, care to explain that?


Good luck with that trust thing. Oh, and the “logic” thing, too.


You as well, since it's apparently lost on you.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How can I start to trust women again?