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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How can I start to trust women again?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 63T
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 89
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How can I start to trust women again?Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I hope that the fellow posters will not mind that I copy/pasted one of my posts from another thread as I think that it applies equally in this thread. Hope you find it at least somewhat helpful.

Copied from thread
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts16227806.aspx
message #23

It is important to recognize what trust is and what it is not.
Trust is not hoping or wishing that your partner won't betray you through infidelity or maintaining a dating site profile.
Trust is integral to intuition. Trust is learning to reconnect and rely on your inner voice, gut instinct.

You don't learn to trust your partner. You learn to trust your intuition.
People are human and, as humans, people can and will let you down, disappoint. You never really know if they are truthful or not unless you possess an intuitive sense; an unconscious inner perception composed of irrational and rational, sensory thinking and feeling.

The intuitive process begins with an intense sensory perception, evoking imagery, ideas and methods of problem solving and decision making. Your own intuitive sense is your personal inner truth as perceived by you. It is encompassing and based on an unconscious accumulation of life experience.

If you wish to feel safe in a relationship, you must rely on your intuition, trust your inner voice. Your intuition will always be faithful and will never lie to you. Learn to listen to your inner voice.

The problem is that fear can block or interfere with intuition and prevent you from trusting.
Fear can be compelling to act inappropriately such as "spying" or "stalking".
The trick is knowing, learning the difference between fear and intuition.
Intuition is always real and authentic. Fear feels real but, it can and is often illusion based (fantasy, phobia).

By reconnecting with your intuitive sense, by having confidence in your inner voice, by trusting, relying on your "gut instinct", you will be able to overcome the past betrayal and present fear, anxiety. You will be able to trust again. This is a slow process and cannot be rushed or hastened.

Allow yourself enough time and surround yourself with emotionally positive experiences, not emotionally avoidant experiences such as drunkenness or sexual impulsivity or unreasonable demands as an effort to pacify, eradicate fear.

Remember, "Trust is an inside job".
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 90
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How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 5/16/2015 11:02:09 AM
The OP is from a few yrs ago but it is a good example of the importance of calibrating yourself to your environment/situations/events/social dynamics, seeing things for what they are, deciding how it will apply to your own core values then dealing with it appropriately.
If you are attracted to the type of people who dont know what they want out of life yet and they sleep around, instead of seeing the negative of it (infidelity, cheating, trust issues) see the opportunity you have there (free and easy nsa sex) and live that life.
Because thats what it is.
If you want to find one person and get engaged/married then you simply have to work a little harder at finding someone whose core values are in line with your own. Keep in mind though that they wont be like what you describe as the "immature-dont-know-what-they-want-out-of-life" type, these will be people who are operating on a different level altogether and it might just be that you are only attracted to the former because they are easier to get together with.


On top of that, spending a lot of alone time with other guys (which it seems most people don't really care about, but I think it's highly inappropriate).


It is only inappropriate to you, not to her. And that is because of your core values noted here~


Now I'm at that point that I really just want a girl that I don't have to baby and that, above all, won't cheat on me.


So you`ll need to look for women whose core values are in alignment with your own.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 91
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How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 5/16/2015 6:24:28 PM
Men are not naturally monogamous, most of them and I guess some women too. However a woman usually cheats when she is not happy in the relationship for whatever reason whereas men cheat because they can and, have the opportunity. Not all, of course. So the reasons do vary between the sexes.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 92
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How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 5/16/2015 6:56:16 PM
That isn't true, a lot of women cheat, and a lot of them cheat just like a lot of men because they can and they want to. This idea that women are only cheating if they are sad is a pile of BS. Who in the world do you think all these men are cheating with, a couple of lonely housewives?
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 5/16/2015 8:02:19 PM
And why is the crackpot idea that men are not naturally monogamous still being perpetuated?
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 94
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How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 5/16/2015 8:21:14 PM
OP, just trust them when they all say: "I already have a boyfriend". If they are over 12 years old, they all already do......... Yes, it's true..........
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 95
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 5/16/2015 10:01:28 PM
the answer to this post was provided in the original question. for those who don't want to click back to see it, the OP admits,

"its just that I have really bad taste in women".

he almost always picks incredibly immature women that (he) sort of takes under his wing. most of his time, he's spend half of it being their daddy.

Outmind (who's photos used to look a bit like IG's new one, apparently they were both handsome buggers) was right, this post should have been titled "how do I learn to look for better choices?" which the OP admitted, he needed help with.

shop at the dating equivalent of WalMart, don't be shocked by the quality of what you pick up.
 Siennarh
Joined: 5/1/2015
Msg: 96
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 5/17/2015 6:21:27 AM
Make a leap of faith!!
;)
 tgif333
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 97
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 5/17/2015 6:34:05 AM
a leap of faith, yes but..........

just don't fall over the cliff!
 BillyBuckshot14
Joined: 10/30/2014
Msg: 98
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 5/17/2015 8:25:47 AM
"That isn't true, a lot of women cheat, and a lot of them cheat just like a lot of men because they can and they want to. This idea that women are only cheating if they are sad is a pile of BS."

Indeed. There are several resent studies that confirm this exact thesis. When it comes to cheating, there is virtually no difference between the genders to why they do it. It's just that we call one side dogs and try to make up excuses for the other (such as emotional abandonment).
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 99
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 5/17/2015 8:52:15 AM
Going back to the original question, when I read thru it, the OP says that HE makes the choice to pick immature women that he can act as a father figure to, but that also are cheating on him. He KNOWS they are cheating. It's not like some huge revelation that tears their relationship apart. He seems to know what is going on all the time, and the patterns that occur.

Generally when people repeat patterns, there is a level of safety and security in there...somewhere. There is a reason he returns to similar situations.

Maybe the fact that there cannot totally be intimacy and trust appeals to the OP on some level.
 danceaddicted
Joined: 10/26/2014
Msg: 100
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 5/17/2015 1:16:50 PM
I need help, how do you send msg?
 danceaddicted
Joined: 10/26/2014
Msg: 101
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 5/17/2015 1:20:01 PM
I need help, how do you send msg?
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 102
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How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 5/17/2015 1:33:04 PM
I need help, how do I delete retarded stuff?
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 103
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 5/18/2015 10:25:02 AM
Mr. Danceaddicted....

So yeah....if we're going to start posting porn in the forums....
Do you think you could post something more aesthetically pleasing?

And I could be wrong but I thinkin' most folks might find that main pic a little unattractive....

Thanks! :)
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 5/6/2015
Msg: 104
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 5/18/2015 10:38:51 AM
Kj: Please be nice. Everyone has their own style. And we're all so quick to point out what we don't like. Did anyone even notice that she has nice eyes? Hmm?
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 105
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 5/18/2015 10:44:59 AM
^^^^^^
I was distracted by the messy kitchen in the background.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 106
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How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 5/18/2015 11:26:16 AM
Trust for me became less of an issue when I finally realized that trusting someone else was directly correlated to how much I trusted MYSELF....

If I trust myself to take care of myself in any situation then I am removing the power from the other person to hurt me repeatedly....Once is enough.

Someone hurts me intentionally, such as in cheating, and they get NO 'second chance' to do so again....

Someone ignores a request from me that they previously agreed to, that they are aware is important to ME, then I know that I can't trust them to be accommodating to me and my needs and depending on how big the 'betrayal' same rules apply....I know that i won't allow myself to become anyone's ongoing 'victim'....

Again this is one of those simple kind of things...you can't control other people you can only control yourself....

If you stay aware, see what's really there when getting to know someone rather than glossing over the bits that you don't really like, and trust that you will take care of yourself when and if you need to, then the 'risk' is minimal....

Unfortunately you have to take SOME kind of risk in order to even have a chance at gaining what you want in your Life....
It's the nature of the beast.....
But it's about taking smart risks....
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 107
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 5/18/2015 11:33:57 AM
***ding ding ding* annnnnd we have a winnnnah!

Right above in the first two sentences.

and to whoever got that disgusting profile photo mentioned further above to get deleted...thank you.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 108
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How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 5/18/2015 3:41:04 PM
^ I didn't do it. I just posted my post.

I'm figuring that the subsequent disappearance was voluntary, because it was just an in and out shock value peekaboo anyway.
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