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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is she confused?      Home login  
Joined: 4/18/2013
Msg: 25
Is she confused?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Almost all of these types of posts concern 1 topic - Communication (or lack of).

People are so poor at it sometimes.
Have you gotten to the reason why she's backing out? Suppose not, hence your posting all this.
Why don't you try that? Getting to the bottom of it. It's probably some kind of trust issue.
Does she want it to slow down? Does she not trust your intentions, or does she not trust herself?
If she just plain won't tell you then try to move on. What can you do with 1/4 of the information anyway?

If it helps you, most of the professionals will say that jumping into serious relationships too soon after a major break up can sometimes lead to confusion. For the most part people need to sort through things. Feel grief, feel anger, confusion and work through it all (come to a point of acceptance and be able to be willing to open one's heart again little by little) . If anything - she should be telling you this herself.

And I agree with some of the others - this seems way rushed. And way confusing way too soon.
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 26
Is she confused?
Posted: 8/10/2013 8:48:01 AM
People tend to recreate what they know. So they may want to be happy in a happy relationship, but if they do not know what that is, then they recreate the miserable conditions of their previous relationship or their own upbringing. That is something that is familiar and they understand. They are in their comfort zone even if it's miserable.

With that said, I have to agree with those that have indicated that a week is too soon to determine that you want to be in a relationship. Nobody really knows and all you got is a gut feeling that could be right or wrong. So do not rush it. Second, people that go to those extremes, of now I like you, now I don't, are very, very unstable and unreliable people. This is one of the weapons of the person playing the role of the Victim. And the victim's ultimate weapon of retaliation is abandonment. And believe it or not Abandonment is as powerful, if not more powerful than other forms of abuse.

So what this woman is doing is setting you up for when she plays her card, so then she can then tell you "I told you so."

My advice is, move on.
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 27
Is she confused?
Posted: 8/11/2013 6:27:50 AM
is she confused ? I think you are confused . since you know who you are and she is not seeing how worthful you are to her . Do you still want to be around her?
Joined: 7/4/2013
Msg: 28
Is she confused?
Posted: 8/11/2013 7:13:50 AM
People who go from relationship to relationship are just afraid of being alone. The other person/people in the relationships are pretty unimportant. The feeling of security and excitement at "having a relationship" overwhelms the judgment and discernment of someone who is afraid to be alone. Sooner or later (often sooner) they start to realize, my God, I'm not even all that attracted to this person, and they bail. The idea that you are "what she wants in a man" but she won't stick around means she does not feel a strong enough attraction and so the reality of "who you are" is seeping through, destroying her fantasy that you are "the perfect guy [for her]."

So you met a woman who bounces from relationship to relationship. You become infatuated and let this lead you to believe she is "the one" after a few weeks. The good news is, people afraid to be alone often find each other. The bad news is, the attraction has to be strong enough to overwhelm the reality of things like character and personality, otherwise one will bolt as soon as the reality intrudes.

As the authors of "The Rules" say, co dependency is great! Just keep looking for your co-dependent!

Or, take a step back and consider why you let infatuation cloud your judgment. You should be old enough to know the difference.

Good luck.
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