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 browneyesseeking
Joined: 1/12/2013
Msg: 312
Do you care about a womans number ?Page 10 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
I am a woman, and *I* care about my number. I am very very selective in who I sleep with. I have only slept with people who I am in love with. clearly not everyone has this same criteria when choosing to have sex. That is in individual choice. I like to think that the men I have been intimate with have also been selective.

Do I have any reliable way of knowing ...no. The only person I have ever outright asked was my now ex-husband, and I was "horrified" at his number. He was in his early 20's and his number was in the 20's. yet I loved him, and ultimately was able to get past the number. Like some of the other posters I agree it is important to look at attitudes towards sexuality, health and relationships more so than the number.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 313
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Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/8/2013 6:35:30 PM
^^
I am in now way saying you are in this category browneyes.....

but I have seen waaay too many people fall in love "online" and have sex on a first meeting here....to say this is any indication of a low number!!
Heck, I have a girlfriend that is in love with a new man every 6 months!! I'm sure her "number" would run a few men off.....even though she feels justified in the fact she was "in love" with each and every one of them!!
 browneyesseeking
Joined: 1/12/2013
Msg: 314
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/8/2013 10:12:09 PM
Point taken, MissMicki!

But nope, I don't fall in love often :-). I can count the number of men I have been romantically in love with on one hand.

I had a conversation among these lines with a man I dated, and he pointed out that there is a big difference between someone who has been in a 20 year plus relationship (me) and someone who has been divorced for many years and dating .
 browneyesseeking
Joined: 1/12/2013
Msg: 315
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/8/2013 10:12:20 PM
Point taken, MissMicki!

But nope, I don't fall in love often :-). I can count the number of men I have been romantically in love with on one hand.

I had a conversation among these lines with a man I dated, and he pointed out that there is a big difference between someone who has been in a 20 year plus relationship (me) and someone who has been divorced for many years and dating .
 chill78
Joined: 10/13/2013
Msg: 316
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/16/2013 2:51:34 PM
That's not a double standard, it's a preference. A double standard would be if a fat man that dates skinny women told a fat woman she wasn't allowed to date skinny men.


Or it would be a double standard when a fat woman rejects fat men. But complains when other men reject her because of her weight.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 318
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Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/20/2013 12:35:03 AM
Sometimes I think that, unfortunately, I come across as having a high number because I express opinions on related this and that, as if I have a lot of knowledge from experience. Hehe. Really though, to me half of this stuff is just common sense, and the other half I get from interacting and talking with real people, and I learn from them. This is a weird problem to me though...when I was a virgin up to age 30 I was thought of as pretty "experienced" and would be called a liar when I'd reveal my status. It's most definitely not that I ever tried to give off a certain impression either, I was actually pretty un-self-conscious and naive for a while about how I came across. This phenomena kind of snuck up on me.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 320
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Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/20/2013 3:25:00 PM
it's the "usually" part that tends to lead to assumptions....
and "promiscuous" is subjective to each individuals personal guidelines....

I'll stick with it's none of my business "how many"....but it is my business to see your test results and to gauge our sexual compatibility on conversations that have nothing to do with numbers.
 nyceguy85
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 321
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/20/2013 4:59:33 PM
If we are just FWB's I could care less. I'm there to get my jollys then leave when something better comes along. If we are in a committed relationship, I would care more about how open and honest she is about her past versus a set number she has to be over or under. If a woman will lie about her number to someone she wants to be committed to, what else will she lie about? I want an open and transparent woman, not someone who decides what she wants me to know.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 323
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Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/20/2013 9:49:48 PM
As I have stated before.....one can easily find out sexual history (and present) without asking for specific numbers.
The two really have nothing do with each other for most people.
Someone's number could easily be under 10 (for instance) and still have done most the things you just listed!!
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 324
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Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/21/2013 6:16:12 AM
I have to agree with MsMicki here. I can ask for test results and experiences with things without needing to know how many people have been involved.

Examples:
Ever had a one night stand?
Ever had a threesome? Or moresome?
Ever been with a man (or woman) (should probably just ask if they've been with someone of their same gender)?
When was your last sexual relationship?
How long did it last?
Do you use condoms?
When were you last tested and can I see your results?


Not one of those asks about how many partners were involved and they all give a fairly good idea of what someone's sexual history has been like. Most of those are good starting points, and I don't expect anyone to just blindly accept the answers and not ask more questions. Asking about the number isn't necessarily one of them.
 nyceguy85
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 325
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/21/2013 6:30:31 AM

I have to agree with MsMicki here. I can ask for test results and experiences with things without needing to know how many people have been involved.


Of course you can, assuming that the person whom you are asking these questions is being honest with you. Lets face it, alot of people, both men and women, have a problem telling the truth about their past intimacy's with their significant others. I think it should all be on the table, exact number, last time they were tested, how many one night stands they have, ect. What I really wouldnt care to know is the who's, where's and why's.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 326
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Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/21/2013 7:52:06 AM

Of course you can, assuming that the person whom you are asking these questions is being honest with you. Lets face it, alot of people, both men and women, have a problem telling the truth about their past intimacy's with their significant others. I think it should all be on the table, exact number, last time they were tested, how many one night stands they have, ect.


and why would you expect them to be honest about a "number" if you don't expect honesty about past intimacies.

I'd still like to know......what is the magic cut-off number??
 nyceguy85
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 327
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/21/2013 8:37:38 AM

and why would you expect them to be honest about a "number" if you don't expect honesty about past intimacies.

I'd still like to know......what is the magic cut-off number??


For me, if they refuse to be honest about either or, its an immediate red flag. It means that they dont want to own up to what they did in the past and how they learned from their mistakes. It would somewhat similar to a scenario involving a person and their significant other who happens to have a criminal record. I've talked to about 10 women regarding that subject and 7 of them said that the guy wouldnt need to tell her about his criminal record because she would do a criminal history search herself to see if the guy has history. Now some may consider the inquiry of one's past sexual escapades and ones criminal history to be comparing apples and oranges, but lets take a closer look. If you are seeing someone who may be a potential husband/wife, why wouldnt you want to know how many times they have been tested? Whats the harm in knowing whether they have been involved in one night stands or have been/or are currently infected with an STD? And what does it say when someone who you may want to spend the rest of your life with wont be open about those things as well as the particular number/range of sexual partners they have had in the past? For me, I only ask what I am willing to give in return... complete disclosure. Anything less and it would be hard for me to give trust.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 328
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Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/21/2013 10:40:22 AM

If you are seeing someone who may be a potential husband/wife, why wouldnt you want to know how many times they have been tested?

Huh?
WTH does the number of times one is tested have to do with anything?
I'm tested every year as part of my yearly exam...do you think that correlates to the number of partners I've had?


Whats the harm in knowing whether they have been involved in one night stands or have been/or are currently infected with an STD?.

Well duh on the the current STD....sheesh!
As for the one night stands.....what if they weren't the one that made that decision?
What if.....they fully intended for that sex to lead to a relationship?
Do we all have to keep a diary of every interaction with we've had so we can lay it all out there for future dates???

I can see it now..
Him: I want to know your sexual history
Her: Well, when I was 15 I lost my virginity.....at 16 I gave my first blow job....at 18 I fell for some players line and had a one night stand, but only because he didn't call me like he said he would....at 20 I got married and let my husband convince me to have a 3some....
Yeah....let's make everyone relive every moment of their life just to ease your insecurities and control issues.....
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 329
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Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/21/2013 11:03:01 AM
If someone doesn't care to know anything about someone's sexually history....then I say great, that's YOU....more power to ya! Some of us would like ti know.


Exactly. I think the issue here is mostly that we have a few people who have been very promiscuous and they are upset that others are saying we wouldn't want to date them based on their choices. Many of us have different priorities when it comes to dating.


Yeah....let's make everyone relive every moment of their life just to ease your insecurities and control issues.....


This particular choice isn't about being insecure, at least it isn't for me. It's the opposite. I have no desire to be with a woman who has "been around the block" so to speak. Lucky for me, I have enough available options that I don't have to settle for that.
 tatersprout
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 330
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/21/2013 11:18:51 AM

I'd still like to know......what is the magic cut-off number??

I've been waiting 13 pages to find that out. What is the # that makes one promiscuous or not? Is the # age dependent? Is a particular # associated with experience or inexperience? What # indicates the person is not relationship material? Does a high # indicate that someone will be more likely to cheat or has an STI and a low # means disease free and monogamous? Would the # focused people throw away someone they were in love with because there were too many past partners?
As was noted above, the refusal to divulge one's # seems to make people think it is embarrassingly high. Funny thing about assumptions--they're usually wrong.
 nyceguy85
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 331
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/21/2013 11:19:39 AM

WTH does the number of times one is tested have to do with anything?
I'm tested every year as part of my yearly exam...do you think that correlates to the number of partners I've had?


Thank you for picking out one sentence of an overall point being made and asking what does it have to do with anything. Getting to know a persons sexual history encompasses a number of things, mainly how many partners they have had in the past as well as other things, such as how many times they have been tested for STD's. While you are tested on a yearly basis, that test is done as part of an overall assessment of your health down there. A responsible person who is somewhat sexually active and prefers to go without using protection should be tested more than once a year dont you think? You have to remember while you may be sleeping with one person, that person could very well be sleeping with multiple people without informing you. If you a sexually active person and only care about your body enough to get tested once a year and that test isnt even a test that specifically hones in on possible STD's, it speaks on your irresponsibility and ignorance.


Well duh on the the current STD....sheesh!
As for the one night stands.....what if they weren't the one that made that decision?
What if.....they fully intended for that sex to lead to a relationship?
Do we all have to keep a diary of every interaction with we've had so we can lay it all out there for future dates???


Your condescension amazes me. I'm willing to bet you dont know the statistics regarding people who have sex for the first time and wont bother asking their partner if they have an STD or to get tested prior to the act. What may seem to be common sense to you might not be so common to others. Please keep that in mind. If they had sex with someone they barely knew on the first night thinking it would lead to a relationship then they deserve the Idiot of the Year Award.


I can see it now..
Him: I want to know your sexual history
Her: Well, when I was 15 I lost my virginity.....at 16 I gave my first blow job....at 18 I fell for some players line and had a one night stand, but only because he didn't call me like he said he would....at 20 I got married and let my husband convince me to have a 3some....
Yeah....let's make everyone relive every moment of their life just to ease your insecurities and control issues.....


Again, you over exaggerate the point that I was trying to make. A person recalling their sexual history to SOMEONE WHO THEY CAN SEE THEMSELVES POSSIBLY MARRYING do not have to recall every single explicit sexual encounter that they had. They could simply share when they lost their virginity, how many partners they had, have they ever cheated and have they ever been tested and how frequently has it happened. Finding out who they gave a blow job to, how long it lasted and whether they swallowed is not necessary in finding out whether a person can be trusted to be an open book and refrain from holding secrets.
 nyceguy85
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 332
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/21/2013 11:22:59 AM

I've been waiting 13 pages to find that out. What is the # that makes one promiscuous or not? Is the # age dependent? Is a particular # associated with experience or inexperience? What # indicates the person is not relationship material? Does a high # indicate that someone will be more likely to cheat or has an STI and a low # means disease free and monogamous? Would the # focused people throw away someone they were in love with because there were too many past partners?
As was noted above, the refusal to divulge one's # seems to make people think it is embarrassingly high. Funny thing about assumptions--they're usually wrong.


There is no universal number. Different guys have different standards. Some guys dont want a woman who has been with over 3 guys, others are far more lenient. For me, I would give her a pass if her numbers matched somewhere near mine. It would be hypocritical of me to have over 20 partners and look down on her for having over 20 as well. But just finding a woman who can be honest about her number when a relationship has been established and it may lead to something more is something I value more then the number itself.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 333
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Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/21/2013 11:25:57 AM

I've been waiting 13 pages to find that out. What is the # that makes one promiscuous or not? Is the # age dependent?


It depends on the person. That much should be obvious. I wouldn't be surprised if a 40 year old woman said she had been with 40 men, but if a 20 year old said the same thing....you get my drift.


What # indicates the person is not relationship material?


I'm sure you will find that will vary on a case by case basis.


Does a high # indicate that someone will be more likely to cheat


That is debatable, but I would go with yes. It tells me they are much less choosy about who they are willing to have sex with.
 BabblingBrookes
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 334
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/21/2013 11:28:18 AM

What is the # that makes one promiscuous or not?


Oh that's easy. You take the guy's number and cut it in half. If he says his number is 12, then yours is 6. If he says it's 8, then yours is 4. You bring up the topic so you can get away with answering second.

All joking aside, I think you should only disclose what you want to disclose. We're all adults, so we can decide at that point what to do. If you're a person who believes in full disclosure, and the person won't disclose...dump 'em. If you're a person who doesn't believe in full disclosure, and the person demands it...dump 'em. It's not like there aren't plenty of other people, guys and girls, in the world.

I have no idea what my boyfriend's number is. Based on what he's said so far, it's 4 or 5, but frankly I don't care. Now if he starts after me about a threesome, we're going to have serious issues. I don't share my toothbrush, so I can't see myself sharing my boyfriend. *lol*
 Archiver
Joined: 3/10/2013
Msg: 335
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/21/2013 7:33:31 PM
Don't ask, don't tell. Ever.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 336
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Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/21/2013 8:18:04 PM

I think the issue here is mostly that we have a few people who have been very promiscuous and they are upset that others are saying we wouldn't want to date them based on their choices. Many of us have different priorities when it comes to dating.


Oh boy.....more assumptions!!

Thanks for proving my point!
Numbers lead to assumptions.....
and not revealing the number leads to assumptions....

It is and always will be a lose/lose situation when you ask for numbers
 deerdog1
Joined: 6/17/2013
Msg: 340
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Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/22/2013 8:13:42 AM
Do you care about a womans number ?

here of late I havent had to issue numbers ..I guess it would be up to the others in line
 Strider324
Joined: 8/27/2013
Msg: 342
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/22/2013 9:45:20 AM
I absolutely care about a womans number. The more experiences she has had, the more in touch she will likely be with both her own sexual response and a mans. Tired of breaking in rookies who don't even know what an A-spot climax or a Chicago cross-jostle is.
:(
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 344
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/22/2013 11:18:22 AM

I absolutely care about a womans number. The more experiences she has had, the more in touch she will likely be with both her own sexual response and a mans. Tired of breaking in rookies who don't even know what an A-spot climax or a Chicago cross-jostle is.
:(


I haven't found that to be true at all.

The women that were the most experienced, in that they had sex with many men, were least experimental and 50% of them lacked passion. I assumed many since one had 7 abortions and was still lactating on our first date.

Women that had very few partners were either a little frigid about sex or really wanted to explore.

Of course they were under 45, maybe that had something to do with it. And the reasons they had few sex partners was key. They could have been in a very long relationship, or had some sort of life altering event that caused them to focus more on economics than dating.

However if there wasn't any really good reason for very few partners, and by that I mean at 40 having 2 or less , then I would be afraid they didn't really have a strong interest in sex.
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