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 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 100
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Do you care about a womans number ?Page 4 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
Are all prime examples of slut shaming. Well done, gentlemen. Carrying on the stereotype that women shouldn’t be enjoying their sexuality like men have done for thousands of years. Why are you so challenged by a woman doing what men have done?


I am not challenged by it, I'm just not interested in it. Also, sleeping around with a ton of guys isn't quite the same as enjoying your sexuality. I get it, you want to be able to sleep with whoever you want and as many people as you want. You have the freedom to do so, but any man who may have otherwise been interested in dating you also has the freedom to pass on you. Call it slut shaming, or whatever else you like, but you can't expect everyone to be happy with everything you choose to do.


The double standard of men being allowed to pursue and enjoy any and all that they want while women need to sit chastely at home and wait to be chosen needs to come to an end.


This double standard is partly perpetuated by women. Many men don't want a woman who sleeps around, but many women don't care how many women her man has been with. You can let this upset you or you can just accept it.


I guess my question to this is how would a man know how many men a woman has been with unless he asks her? And at that point the two of you are having the numbers talk, so out out fairness you should share your number too. Then my next question is, if you don't ask her number, how else would you know a woman has been 'around the block'?


There are plenty of hints to let you know a woman has slept around a lot. I wouldn't ask a woman what her number is, but I've had a few offer a number to me.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 101
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Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 8/29/2013 3:31:52 PM

I am not challenged by it, I'm just not interested in it. Also, sleeping around with a ton of guys isn't quite the same as enjoying your sexuality.

I never said it was.


I get it, you want to be able to sleep with whoever you want and as many people as you want. You have the freedom to do so, but any man who may have otherwise been interested in dating you also has the freedom to pass on you.

Difference is, I won't shame him about it where as you appear to do that. I won't denigrate a man or engage in name calling in order to show how my choices are better than his. Unlike how you have behaved and come across in this discussion.


Call it slut shaming, or whatever else you like, but you can't expect everyone to be happy with everything you choose to do.

It IS slut shaming. When you make a woman feel bad about her choices regarding her body and her sexuality, it is absolutely slut shaming.

Here's the deal... you want a woman that's only had "X" number of partners, where "X" represents whatever number you feel is appropriate... that's fine. Go ahead and make your choices using whatever criteria you wish.

Do NOT say anything demeaning, denigrating, humiliating, shaming about her or her choices. THAT is what I'm having issues with.


This double standard is partly perpetuated by women. Many men don't want a woman who sleeps around, but many women don't care how many women her man has been with. You can let this upset you or you can just accept it.

I don't care because it's irrelevant to me. I'm also not upset about someone else caring. I'm pissed off about the shaming that I'm seeing happening here about a woman's decision to sleep with whatever number of people she wants.


There are plenty of hints to let you know a woman has slept around a lot.

Oh really? Pray tell, what would those be...?
 Visionaryone
Joined: 5/16/2013
Msg: 102
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 8/29/2013 4:45:29 PM
There are plenty of hints to let you know a woman has slept around a lot. I wouldn't ask a woman what her number is, but I've had a few offer a number to me.

PLEASE enlighten the group on what THEY are!!!! And I pray you don't tell us her coochie is stretched out!j
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 103
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 8/29/2013 6:25:13 PM
PLEASE enlighten the group on what THEY are!!!! And I pray you don't tell us her coochie is stretched out!


Didn't you know, the smart men can always tell?

There is not way to tell without asking, just another one of those male myths along with men who sleep around are studs and woman who sleep around are whores.

You know, I have never asked a guy and I have never been asked. My number is what is. A reflection of who I am and the choices I made in my life. My guy and I have both had our share of past partners, but even though we aren't "teaching" each other new things other than the touches that work best for us, sex is amazing. I certainly don't feel any of the been there, done that because I haven't been and done it with him and that is all that counts.

Edit to add. I certainly am not harder to please or satisfy than when I was younger and less experienced. I know what I like now and will speak out if something doesn't do it for me. That is something I learned along the way. So sex is far, far better than it was 30 years ago!
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 104
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Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 8/29/2013 6:52:09 PM
Here's what I've noticed about the numbers....the women have averaged 5 and the men 50....does the math add up? I think the ladies only count the ones they got a name from, and the men are including the farm animals. LOL
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 105
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Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 8/29/2013 7:08:21 PM
It IS slut shaming. When you make a woman feel bad about her choices regarding her body and her sexuality, it is absolutely slut shaming.


It is not my fault if someone feels bad about their choices. I don't feel bad about any personal choices I make unless I feel they were bad choices. Someone else's opinion on it doesn't matter.


Here's the deal... you want a woman that's only had "X" number of partners, where "X" represents whatever number you feel is appropriate... that's fine. Go ahead and make your choices using whatever criteria you wish.


I intend to. I don't require your blessing for my choices and you shouldn't need mine for yours.


Do NOT say anything demeaning, denigrating, humiliating, shaming about her or her choices. THAT is what I'm having issues with.


This is a discussion board for this sort of thing and we are having a discussion. I won't say I approve of something when I do no, just because some people want everyone to agree with their choices. I'm sure I have made some choices you wouldn't agree with, and I have no issues with that.


I'm pissed off about the shaming that I'm seeing happening here about a woman's decision to sleep with whatever number of people she wants.


I believe I have refrained from using any insults here. I don't recall using the word slut either, except to quote others. Like some other men here, I have just stated that I would prefer a woman with fewer sexual partners, as that is the topic of discussion here. Again, I have no problem with a woman sleeping with a million people, I just have no interest in being the next one.


Oh really? Pray tell, what would those be...?


M_church said:
I've been in the situation of being in a room with several men who have had sex with my G/F before I met her... including threesomes etc... Not the most fun experience... Given the choice, I'd rather not repeat that particular time...

This is a pretty good clue that your woman has slept around a little, and he explained how it made him feel.
 TheFuryan
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 108
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 8/29/2013 8:01:32 PM
As a MAN who has been a sexually responsible adult who values his ability to control his own sexual decision making and strived to create respectful and mutually satisfying relationships that also include sex, I'm looking for a woman that has done the same. By no means am I sexually inhibited or inexperienced as a result of it. I'm not asking for something in a woman that I myself can't give to her.

I've never been the the type of guy to sleep around. Even when I was in college. A college football player on campus who was also on the Dean's List and a scholar athlete. Women would literally throw themselves at me but I never believed in having meaningless sex just to have it. I'm looking for a woman who's the same. I have no interest in ANY woman who has treated or treats sex like a recreational sport. So yes, I do care about a "woman's number" and I realize that what I'm looking for is not the rule but the exception to the rule. I'm fine with that. I'm not someone who has a problem being alone or feeling lonely. I don't need anyone's validation, especially through meaningless sex.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 109
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Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 8/29/2013 8:08:25 PM
+1 mr. furyan ^

mchurch:

I asked her, why such a low number (15 in her mid forties)... She said something I will never forget...
"I don't count the mistakes and the one night stands..."

Oh you gotta be f-king kidding.
 Visionaryone
Joined: 5/16/2013
Msg: 110
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 8/29/2013 8:44:03 PM
M_church said:
I've been in the situation of being in a room with several men who have had sex with my G/F before I met her... including threesomes etc... Not the most fun experience... Given the choice, I'd rather not repeat that particular time...

This is a pretty good clue that your woman has slept around a little, and he explained how it made him feel.

Ok so that's ONE example, and you wrote there are PLENTY so can you enlighten us on oh...... let's say two or three more ways you can tell? I'm just curious because I don't want a man that is/was promiscuous either and I want to know the signs so I can tell....it would be the same signs right?
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 111
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 8/29/2013 8:53:14 PM

There are plenty of hints to let you know a woman has slept around a lot.


Oh really? Pray tell, what would those be...?

I think it's the shoes. Every time a gal has a bad night of sex, they go out and buy a pair to feel better. Am I wrong?
I think my Gal has only bought ONE pair since we started dating - and they definitely made MY night better! ;)
She buys lots of pairs of socks, though,... hmmm..... :(
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 112
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 8/29/2013 9:20:19 PM

...... let's say two or three more ways you can tell?

She’s sexually satisfied, emotionally content, physically healthy and smiling.

And since no slut-shaming thread is complete without comparing a woman to a cow or a car let me just say I prefer a woman.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 113
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Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 8/29/2013 9:34:59 PM
Ok so that's ONE example, and you wrote there are PLENTY so can you enlighten us on oh...... let's say two or three more ways you can tell? I'm just curious because I don't want a man that is/was promiscuous either and I want to know the signs so I can tell....it would be the same signs right?


Sure, I can name a couple for you. However, keep in mind that the same signs may not apply to men.
1) The woman gets defensive or upset in a discussion where men say we don't want to date a sexually promiscuous women.
2) She tries to have sex with you on the first date, and says "I don't normally do this sort of thing."

TheFuryan: Props to you. I feel the same way. Be careful though, you may soon be accused of slut shaming.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 115
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Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 8/29/2013 10:23:19 PM
Do we have to count them if they only lasted 2 minutes? LOL
 agoraphobic_insomniac
Joined: 8/13/2013
Msg: 119
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 8/30/2013 3:48:47 AM
And yet here you are.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 120
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 8/30/2013 4:09:35 AM

A lot of women on POF are recovering dirt bags who were passed around like a blunt in there youth but now come on POF without no-one knowing their seedy past. They must crazier than jailhouse rats.

How do you know this? Have YOU passed around a few blunts in your past as well?
(By the way, it's, "...in their youth..." Smart Guy)

Maybe it's not the Sex number we should be worried about. Maybe it's the Blunts smoked number. Or their Jailtime number, or the number of f*cking speeding tickets or how many times they took their driver's test before passing number. Or their boob size (Men included). Or their income level. There's so damn many numbers out there that are so much more significant than the one YOU are demanding.

Dude, the only number YOU need to worry about is the ACTUAL bad number of Bad Dates you've had - because I'm pretty damn sure it's in the single digits --- and like a lot of other POF posters, "Most women lie about their number where as men exaggerate."
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 122
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Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 8/30/2013 5:49:53 AM

A lot of women on POF are recovering dirt bags who were passed around like a blunt in there youth but now come on POF without no-one knowing their seedy past. They must crazier than jailhouse rats.


Good to know that Misogyny and bitterness are alive and well in the community.
Thanks for your service. It's not always easy to see where the bell curve ends...or begins in your case.
:)
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 123
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 8/30/2013 6:25:14 AM
I never asked this question. Even if I did, a person that had many sex partners would probably lie about it.
 63T
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 124
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Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 8/30/2013 6:39:56 AM

Oh you gotta be f-king kidding.

You have eloquently and succinctly expressed my sentiment regarding many of the posts in this thread.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 125
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Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 8/30/2013 6:40:01 AM

M_church said:
I've been in the situation of being in a room with several men who have had sex with my G/F before I met her... including threesomes etc... Not the most fun experience... Given the choice, I'd rather not repeat that particular time...

This is a pretty good clue that your woman has slept around a little, and he explained how it made him feel.

I didn’t ask what m_church said. I asked YOU to tell me how you can tell a woman has slept around.

This doesn’t answer the question either:

Sure, I can name a couple for you. However, keep in mind that the same signs may not apply to men.
1) The woman gets defensive or upset in a discussion where men say we don't want to date a sexually promiscuous women.
2) She tries to have sex with you on the first date, and says "I don't normally do this sort of thing."

I’ve been having sex almost as long as you’ve been alive. Based on that information alone… and my “defensive” attitude.. how many partners is too many? How many partners have I had? Keeping in mind that I’ve been in LTRs for 3.5 years, 10 years and 5 years during that time period. I’ve spent 5 years and 2+ years abstaining completely. What’s my number?


Well, if it's too hard to understand, there is a word for it... It's "Moderation"... LOL

Who determines what “moderation” actually means? Seriously. Give me a concrete number here. The guys that are vociferously protesting “too many” obviously have a number in mind. Say it. Go on. What are you afraid of?

TheFuryan – I was all agreeing with you until this:

I have no interest in ANY woman who has treated or treats sex like a recreational sport.

After my first ltr ended, I decided I wasn’t going to be ashamed or embarrassed to go out and find the sexual gratification that I wanted. When and how and with whomever I chose. Much like men have been doing for thousands of years. I spent the next 5 years doing what I call “living like a man”. Oh the freedom!! In that 5 year time period.. how many sexual partners do you think I had? Go on.. guess. So from the time I was 21 until I was 26… how many partners?


I agree men are not held to the same standard. That's because women can get sex easy.

Men can't.

That’s inaccurate. Entirely inaccurate. In your head, and perhaps in your experiences or observations, that is what you see. It isn’t reality though. I can introduce you to a dozen women that are actively looking for a sexual partner, and aren’t able to find one. I can introduce you to a dozen men that have zero problem getting laid if they want to.

Ok, wait… to be fair, yes… I can get sex easy. If I wasn’t picky about things like being respected, being somewhat attracted to their brain (I’m a sapiosexual gentlemen.. if you’re brain doesn’t turn me on, your penis sure as sh!t isn’t going to either), local, within my age range requirements, and doesn’t mind waiting for me to decide that I’m interested enough to actually meet them, let alone have sex with them. Yes.. that’s right. Shock of all shocks!! I’m picky about who gets into my bed. If I weren’t, then yes, sex can be had easily.


A woman does not have to be that attractive, rich or succesful but she will still be able to get sex, get a man without too much fuss. It may not be the one she wants, but they can still get men pretty easy.

Ugh. Ok.. so now you’re saying she can settle for whatever comes her way? Aren’t you a charmer…


It's because women can get sex so easy was the reason why I made this post. Women will gladly get with a man who has slept with plenty of women, in fact women find men who have slept with lots of women more attractive than the men who have not.

That’s an awfully big assumption on your part there. What you just outlined in the above quote is not something I experience. Your generalizations about women are skewed because at some point, some woman rejected you for whatever her reason might have been, so now all women can get whatever they want whenever they want, and you got rejected. It all makes perfect sense now.


Maybe it's not the Sex number we should be worried about. Maybe it's the Blunts smoked number. Or their Jailtime number, or the number of f*cking speeding tickets or how many times they took their driver's test before passing number. Or their boob size (Men included). Or their income level. There's so damn many numbers out there that are so much more significant than the one YOU are demanding.

Zero, none, none, once, not sayin’, also not sayin’… :P Does that mean I’m a good candidate for a relationship? Hehe..


Good to know that Misogyny and bitterness are alive and well in the community.

Thank you for seeing the same things that I’m seeing and speaking up. More men need to call out others on their BS.
 Visionaryone
Joined: 5/16/2013
Msg: 126
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 8/30/2013 7:06:50 AM
Sure, I can name a couple for you. However, keep in mind that the same signs may not apply to men.

Care to enlighten the group on THAT comment?
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 127
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 8/30/2013 8:23:51 AM

(MsMicki) Complain you want a woman that likes to fuk.....

then complain if she fuks too much...


We don't complain if a woman fuks too much: we complain if she fuks too many other guys. Surely you can understand that fundamental difference...

(sometimes explaining things here feels like trying to teach the Queen's English to dolphins... )
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 128
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 8/30/2013 8:33:20 AM

(jessebunnies) And the Madonna/Whore complex shows it's ugly head once again.


Oh, stop.


What I find interesting is that many men will tell you they want a women who is uninhibited and some what aggressive in the bedroom however what they fail to say is that this type of woman is not "marriage material" in their shallow minds.


And, what *I* find interesting is, that many women seem to think that men want a woman who will fuk anybody the exact same as they want a woman who will fuk only them. As long as she's monogamous when she's with me, I really don't care who/what she did before; and, if it ends, I don't care who/what she does after...
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 129
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 8/30/2013 8:38:53 AM

(m_church) However...
If she's only slept with one other guy... you have a 50% chance of being the best lover...
If she's only slept with 3 other guys, you only have a 25% chance of being her best lover...
If she's slept with 9 other guys, you only have a 10% chance of being her best lover...
If she's slept with 19 other guys, you only have a 5% chance of being her best lover...


Wrong.

If she's only slept with one other guy, there's a 100% chance I'll be her best...
If she's only slept with 3 other guys, there's a 100% chance I'll be her best...
If she's slept with 9 other guys, there's a 100% chance I'll be her best...
If she's slept with 19 other guys, there's a 100% chance I'll be her best...

Sorry you have such a poor view of yourself...
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 130
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 8/30/2013 8:48:05 AM

No man wants to be walking around with a woman on his arms that half the city's men have been with. You're fooling yourself if you think otherwise. I don't know any MEN who want to be that fool.


(WIP) That's unlikely and unrealistic -


You couldn't be more wrong: there is a HUUUGE difference between a girl who has had a few/some/many previous sexual partners, and a girl who has been the town bicycle. You're assuming that *EITHER* a woman is virginal, *OR* that she has jumped between the sheets with every guy that looked at her, and that they are both *EXACTLY THE SAME*.



A lot of women like you


(WIP) Women like her? What does this mean?


It means, that she's exhibiting behaviour that the poster has also seen being exhibited by some other women. Seems pretty straightforward. Approaching a problem logically doesn't require one to abandon common sense, or to ignore, or make issues of, universal linguistic expressions, and pretend that you have to have *EVERYTHING* explained to you at a Grade 3 level...
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 131
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Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 8/30/2013 9:02:54 AM

sometimes explaining things here feels like trying to teach the Queen's English to dolphins..

Yeah.....'bout the same as trying to explain sarcasm and humor .....
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