Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 tatersprout
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 237
Do you care about a womans number ?Page 8 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
Do men and women really ask about and care about numbers?

Experience and skill have nothing to do with numbers, and neither does the capacity to commit to one person. I really don't understand the focus.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 239
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 9/26/2013 8:46:54 AM
OK, here is yet another one here the original post and original poster are missing.

what WAS the post that as being responded to? was it cut and pasted anywhere?
 Penny_Farthing
Joined: 8/4/2013
Msg: 241
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 9/26/2013 9:17:48 AM

what WAS the post that as being responded to? was it cut and pasted anywhere?


^^^ Moonbeam,Op has gawn but he was very worked up about a woman who'd had a lot of sexual partners.
I got the distinct feeling from his follow-up Posts that he wasn't too impressed.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 242
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 9/26/2013 9:34:57 AM

what WAS the post that as being responded to? was it cut and pasted anywhere?


^^^ Moonbeam,Op has gawn but he was very worked up about a woman who'd had a lot of sexual partners.
I got the distinct feeling from his follow-up Posts that he wasn't too impressed.


ah, gotcha.

well, I care about a person who cares about numbers, AND who doesn't have a scary number themselves I will admit.

Think about it. if you get "together" with someone, you are with every person they have ever been with as well, and if everyone THEY'VE been with has also been with a ton of people, then you have ALSO been with everyone their partner's been with.

And if their partner had been with people who also have been around a scary amount of people?

You all of a sudden could have exposed yourself with one person to literally, if you do the math, thousands of people and whatever they have... and for all those who say protection keeps you protected?

Tell that to my two sons, who BOTH were conceived with a condom and spermicide. Protection can and does fail.

So I think there should be SOME caring. Indescriminate sex is totally cool for some people; not judging in the least.

But if safety and health are important? It should matter at least a little. Because what you don't know about your partner and their history and THEIR partner's history? Can and frequently does hurt you if you expose yourself to it.
 257815
Joined: 3/29/2013
Msg: 243
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 9/27/2013 3:51:42 PM
I just think it would be pretty sick to be with a girl / woman that has slept with people I knew!
 soltraveler
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 244
view profile
History
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 9/27/2013 10:02:40 PM
I hear u never worried about the number only when I was with them
 soltraveler
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 245
view profile
History
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 9/27/2013 10:05:43 PM
I hear u hun the more the woman knows what gets her there the easier it is to please her damn who ever thaught it to her she would be with him if she still wanted him not u
 KratosSpawn
Joined: 10/24/2010
Msg: 246
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 9/28/2013 5:10:49 PM
The number of partners is irrelevant because what is they likelihood of getting an honest number?

With women, they lie about the sexual encounters they have to themselves. Some will say the alcohol they drank caused them to have sex, so the alcohol was having sex not them. If the sexual experience was bad, they will also block that out. so what counts for them is a different story.

With a guy, the honest number may appear but if he has too many the could through the women off and if he has too little it could have the same effect. She could feel that you are either too promiscious or too inexperience for her to deal with you. They also could just lie to pump their ego up.

So why bother even touching on that topic. When all that matters is that you two are together at that moment?
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 249
view profile
History
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 9/29/2013 4:02:55 AM

I can't imagine any intelligent human being actually asking another person "how many people have you had sex with?" Dumbest thing I've ever heard. Only a stupid person would consider asking that question


It's just as stupid to answer it, esp if you are a woman.

Do we count the university wild years after 25 or 30 years have passed?

I dont care if a man has been sleeping around in his twenties and thirties. I do care about the last 10 years and what he may be carrying in his fluids that I do not want.

If people are sharing that information and the answer is over 3/5 for a woman and 10/15 for a man, They are bleeping idiots.

No it's not fair, its life.
 Beauregard63
Joined: 7/15/2013
Msg: 253
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 9/29/2013 8:05:44 AM
3 to 5 for women and 10 to 15 for men


Personally if a woman my age told me she had only been with three to five men and had not been either married or in a convent since she was a girl I would have to wonder about her interest in sex.

What's worse telling someone you have a high number or getting caught lying about it?
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 254
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 9/29/2013 10:35:39 AM

I dont care if a man has been sleeping around in his twenties and thirties. I do care about the last 10 years and what he may be carrying in his fluids that I do not want.

If people are sharing that information and the answer is over 3/5 for a woman and 10/15 for a man, They are bleeping idiots.

No it's not fair, its life.



I don't know if the Twin Cities is higher than other metropoligat places or if it just has a better grapevine...


but I know of a lot of people (scary number really) who will have sex (women) with close to that many on a given WEEK. First meet sleeping together for well, more than a few happens (though obviously the subsequent weeks some of the sleeping together is with the person from the previous week; but many of those are one and dones).

and of the guys, because people know people a lot of us women know who they are, there are quite a few men who EASILY will sleep with that many different women on any given week.

The problem with that is they think everyone does that... so now that POF is considered by many a "hookup" site; and there is a very sexually active population here, they assume everyone on POF rolls that way.

People don't think about the other stuff; and so there ARE a lot of people here with "gifts that keep on giving". being passed around because of it. I once started dating then switched to friends a guy for a while that said he would never sleep with multiple women at the same time... turns out the entire time we were friends he was averaging probably two or three women a week. Luckily I never got to the point of exchanging anything with him, but I literally started to look at him like a walking petri dish and ended the friendship. I got literally repelled by how cavalier his attitude was. Obviously he and the women weree cool with it so live and let live. As long as they KNEW he was banging everything with a pulse (except me LOL) cool; but if he told them what he originally tried to tell me it would not have been cool. He literally on POF posed himself as looking for a relationhsip and being conservative; and the guy would pick up MULTIPLE women (sometimes at the same time) and bring them home without batting an eyelash. ABsolutely zero sexual responsibility at all. And he is far from the only one.

So whether a person lies or tells the truth, if you are in an area where there is a very sexually active community; people need to wait until they can get a sense on what kind of person they are, because relying on someone's truthfulness? Is russian roulette. It doesn't matter what number they say. It matters what the number IS.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 255
view profile
History
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 9/29/2013 12:21:25 PM

Personally if a woman my age told me she had only been with three to five men and had not been either married or in a convent since she was a girl I would have to wonder about her interest in sex.

^^^^^Ridiculous assumption

3/5 men in is generous ( not counting your 20's) if you have serious BFs you don't cheat on and maybe 1 or 2 that weren't thrown in there. Who said anything about never being married?

So a woman that "only" had sex with 5 men but they had sex 7-9 times a week depending on the mans ability to keep up, is not interested in sex?



You do not ask and do not tell if you are an adult where I'm from or you are an idiot.

I am aware of POFs reputation in a certain "POF circle" now that I have been to a few social meets that have a host.

I never knew that or thought that and still don't of most,members just from dating from POF though.




I don't know about you... but most of us have had so called "unprotected sex" in our lives. Especially those of us who started having sex back in the 70's...

^^^^^^^^^^^

No way I would count the late 70's and early 80's. Who the hell could remember that unless they only had sex with husbands or wives.? YOW
 tatersprout
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 256
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 9/29/2013 2:37:49 PM
Having been in 2 committed relationships for 25 yrs of my life, my "number" is extremely low. Having said that, I would still refuse to answer someone who asks me how many men I have been with. It's a rude, invasive question and it's none of their business. I wouldn't dream of asking that question of anybody.
 Beauregard63
Joined: 7/15/2013
Msg: 257
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 9/29/2013 5:56:52 PM
PEP I don't think your read my post correctly. If someone had not been in a relationship or 5 most of their lived or lived in a convent then they would have plenty of time when they were not having a sexual relationship so they would either have a low sex drive or be lying.

For most people if they have not been married or in long term relationships most of their lives then they have usually had more than 3 to 5 sexual partners by the time they are 50 and yes I would be including the 70's and 80's.

Personally I don't care much about a woman's number but I do care if she has a healthy sex drive and is telling me the truth.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 258
view profile
History
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 9/29/2013 7:18:24 PM
tatersprout:

It's a rude, invasive question and it's none of their business. I wouldn't dream of asking that question of anybody.

Except that the trick is that it may in fact be their business, if they're thinking of being with you. It's relevant and appropriate. You may choose to not ask or answer that kind of question, but it's information which certainly applies.

Some may care, and some may not. Some have very different reasons or judgement practices than others, and some do make dumb assumptions about it while some don't. Besides someone's reasons, or how they assimilate the information, or assumptions or lack of...we're just talking about the info itself. Offering or asking for it. You may exercise the prerogative of simply not associating with anyone who's interested in that info, but you may in fact be turning down someone prematurely who you'd love to be with, but don't find out.

And, so...difference in preference, yes. Difference in understanding or attitude on the matter, yes. But, saying that something is rude, invasive, and nobody's business is to imply that it's that way universally, as a point of ettiquette which does or should be that way commonly, for everyone. As if there's a logic which objectively makes it that way. And that's just not the case.
 tatersprout
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 262
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 9/29/2013 10:33:40 PM
Wingmanrides, that is what I attempted to say, but you did a better job.
I also feel like the question is ridiculous, as you have to assume the person is being truthful. I highly doubt that someone who had 500 sexual partners would tell me that. Clean STD report gives you the best info, not the "numbers" chat.

One more thought: Say a woman had 100 partners and practiced safe sex every single time. Her friend had 10 partners but was never committed to any of them and she wasn't using condoms because she was on the pill. Which one would you get involved with?
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 263
view profile
History
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 9/30/2013 4:06:13 AM

PEP I don't think your read my post correctly.

^^^^
Then please accept my apologies.


On lying about it.

You have the 2 extremes, one holding back, the other bragging and the few who would actually be truthful.
So another reason asking about numbers is inappropriate.
Hell YES I would have lied in my 30s about it or just said NONE of your business.
Southerners esp and a few other types would not take it well and disease would NOT be their 1st concern.

Definitely a clean bill of health over any number should be the concern.

Yes it's rude, invasive and none of your business even if a woman has indicated she wants to have sex with you.

You dont ask HOW MANY. You ask if she/he has had recent tests and ask to see them ( you offer yours) then and only then is it appropriate to ask if she/he has had sex at all after the tests (unprotected in any way) and then I still strongly suggest going together and get tested if you are serious and want to be safe.

A monogamous person with only 1 to 2 partners in their entire life is not guaranteed to be disease free as someone else stated.

That ex has possibly been elsewhere even if before the relationship started and we know the numbers that dont think oral is sex..People in a LTR often do not use protection at all.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 264
view profile
History
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 9/30/2013 7:54:21 AM
tatersprout - All of these things would be what one person or another would potentially be interested in knowing in order to form an understanding of who someone is. The other ingredient, of course, is that they be sensible and fair in deciding what all the info together means. But it seems that the thinking for the moment is that for everybody a certain single bit of info is just plain off limits, or irrelevant, or means nothing at all, or means more than it could mean...and it doesn't usually work that way.
 opinionated_woman
Joined: 9/25/2013
Msg: 267
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 9/30/2013 10:25:43 AM
I don't care how many people someone I dating has had sex with in the past - all I care about is how many they are being intimate with now.
 tatersprout
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 268
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 9/30/2013 11:38:19 AM

But it seems that the thinking for the moment is that for everybody a certain single bit of info is just plain off limits, or irrelevant, or means nothing at all, or means more than it could mean...and it doesn't usually work that way.

It looks to me like there are quite a few people who feel as I do. If not answering the "numbers" question is a deal breaker for someone, so be it. I wouldn't want to be with a person like that anyway.
It's a piece of information that can easily be lied about since we don't have a validated list we can carry around. Testing, on the other hand, is factual data.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 269
view profile
History
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 9/30/2013 5:31:57 PM

...if they're thinking of being with you. It's relevant and appropriate.


no.

it isn't.

as wingman pointed out, the only thing that is relevant is the status of the person's health as it relates to them having sex with you. NOTHING ELSE is "appropriate".
 Visionaryone
Joined: 5/16/2013
Msg: 273
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/1/2013 7:41:28 AM
I'd like to know why women don't seem to care how many sexual partners their man has had...yet some men seem to be fixated on the number of partners his woman has had.


I haven't commented on this thread in a while because of the blatant double standards but that seems to be the answer-double standards. It is clearly acceptable for a man to sleep with many multiple partners for whatever reason, however the same does not apply for women. Of course it can be argued that the original question was about a woman's number and not a man's so the fact that men may sleep around is irrelevant (shaking my head on that one). But these double standards we are experiencing here are only coming from a minute percentage of men on a dating forum so most of us are not too concerned with their perspectives, and word of advice-you probably shouldn't be either.
 tatersprout
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 278
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/1/2013 12:35:20 PM

My buddy has slept with about 5 women in his entire life... He just doesn't want a woman who's numbers are far outside his range...
Maybe the guy simply wants a woman who still has new things to experience rather than she's done everything with everybody...

So a low number of sexual partners means less experience in your mind? That's really funny to me. And dead wrong. The chances are better that women in long term committed relationships (hence fewer partners) are the ones more likely to have more diverse experience and have done much more sexual experimentation.
Why? Trust and comfort level in intimacy opens more doors.
Chances are that men and women who bed hop are getting just the basics.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 279
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/1/2013 3:17:30 PM

Maybe the guy simply wants a woman who still has new things to experience rather than she's done everything with everybody...
Maybe it's the "ick" factor... he doesn't want to have sex with a woman who's sucked and fcuked that many penis's...

Maybe a guy has only had one partner all his life... (long term marriage etc...) and doesn't want a woman who has slept with 6o odd guys...


Wow…. 60 guys??? “Done everything with everybody”? “…sucked and f ucked….”? Charming.

You obviously have strong feelings about this, but really that’s going melodramatically overboard. Can’t you tell a woman’s character without grilling her about how many sexual partners she’s had?? You question whether she’s a whore, but you’re gonna trust her numerical answer?? That makes absolutely NO sense.

If you’re determined to stay away from women who have had over 60 sexual partners and “done everything with everybody,” maybe you should stay out of dive bars and brothels….I mean, if a woman’s that used up and/or loose it shouldn’t be too difficult to tell without asking, and she’s probably not gonna be all that truthful when you play the numbers game with her anyway.


It's really not the numbers that matter... it's the WHY of the numbers that matters the most...


How could you possibly know that?? So after she gives you her number, she’s gonna be subjected to your inquisition? Or do you just make convenient assumptions based on whatever number she gives you?


I also think that someone juvenile enough to ask the numbers question is also the type that would ask "is my****bigger than you last boyfriend" or constantly says "was it good for you".


That’s very unattractive insecurity, and probably why some women had to fake orgasms.
 wolvesatthedoor
Joined: 5/8/2013
Msg: 280
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 10/1/2013 3:51:44 PM
The only number I care about is how many times with ME!
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  >