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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Seemingly good first dates, no second dates      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 heybabaganoush
Joined: 7/20/2013
Msg: 120
Seemingly good first dates, no second datesPage 6 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

You are entitled to your own opinion, but not your own facts.


Considering that quote of yours seems to only appear on tumblr and a few other blog posts with zero citations in medical literature, perhaps you should, I don't know, actually present some facts yourself, instead of pseudo-science.

baba
 blueprint770
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 121
Seemingly good first dates, no second dates
Posted: 11/25/2013 3:06:32 PM
Maybe you didnt make her feel like you were really interested.
Maybe shes scared that you would be good for and shes doesnt Know
How to handle it.
These kind of behaviors Can sometime be suprising
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 122
Seemingly good first dates, no second dates
Posted: 11/25/2013 6:20:31 PM
The male brain experiences an acid flush about three months into gestation damaging the corpus callosum......and blah blah blah...refer to message #135.


GOOD GRIEF.....I just want to meet a guy for drinks which hopefully leads to dating which hopefully leads to a relationship. Geeeeeeez.......talk about acid flush.....no doubt......Maybe if SpongeBob said the same thing, it would be more interesting???? ;P
Z Z Z Z z z z z z z
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 123
Seemingly good first dates, no second dates
Posted: 11/25/2013 6:33:56 PM
I have heard if one watches enough SpongeBob, the urinal cranium and the endorphins it creates is really when second dates happen and actually, marriage is two weeks later. And during that period the moon and the sun are brighter then normal. Oh hell, just go meet someone for a drink if what you read and who you talk to a few times before meeting sounds good. Apologies to SpongeBob and demeaning his popularity with my grandkids and many other children (haha)
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 124
Seemingly good first dates, no second dates
Posted: 11/25/2013 7:56:13 PM
John255317: Did you have a birthday recently as I cannot email you....PoF won't let me....Well Happy Birthday and I'm sure SpongeBob wishes you a Happy Under the Sea Birthday as well ! :)
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 125
Seemingly good first dates, no second dates
Posted: 11/25/2013 8:14:59 PM
drivingharmony2, I requested that POF not allow you to email me.................lol. Kidding. Yes, I am one year older and good old POF does have its rules. I dated a 43 year old for a few months earlier from another site but sooooo glad POF knows better! And all we have done in the past is email regarding the forums (stupid rules) Thanks for the happy birthday and the good posts you write. Need more like you. Now you have made me singing the spongebob squarepants song.....lol
 -Flying-
Joined: 10/31/2013
Msg: 126
Seemingly good first dates, no second dates
Posted: 11/26/2013 12:06:32 AM
So first we had a cowboy doing this.

Now we have Chuck Norris here stroking his faux chivalrous emotions by arbitrarily agreeing with certain women's opinions which is leading him directly to the dating black hole known as the friend zone. On a dating site I might add...
 NDTfan
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 127
Seemingly good first dates, no second dates
Posted: 11/26/2013 4:02:05 AM
OP, you're obviously misreading the women you date and I think it's because you can't or won't empathize with them. There seem to be quite a few men who project their feelings and excitement on women because actually paying attention to what she's doing is less of a priority to him than his expectations. We can pick up on that. I've actually started walking with my head down and booking it like an Olympic speed walker because so many men thought that making split-second accidental eye contact was a sign that I was interested, and would lash out at me for disappointing them. I've sat across from a man who looked up from his phone 4 times total the entire date, but thought it was "going great". Sure, it was great for him because he got to play with his phone and have someone there to amuse them between texts, but it never once entered his mind that from my perspective I was sitting across from someone who did little more than grunt agreement to words that never really registered, bored to tears and reading the menu fine print and all for the 7th time in a row.

One day, at a fast food restaurant a guy had a book of coupons that he was offering to people. I requested one for what I intended to order, and he actually got mad when I turned down his offer to come to my house to cook for me (and I'd provide dessert *wink*) because he had done something "nice" for me. I pointed out that he'd given it to the very large, hairy man behind him too, but he didn't expect time or sex from him. He actually thought that I'd find an offer to trade my time and my body for a 40 cent off coupon irresistible. Bestill my heart.... Sigh.

I'm very straight forward with the men I date and tell them what my expectations are (most of all that I expect dates to be actual out of the house, going somewhere dates and how disrespectful it is to try to convince women you've just met that 2 am at her house is a date) I come right out and tell that that's why every guy before them has gotten dumped.... because they tried to fast track to the stage of a relationship where I'm "his" and he doesn't have to put in any effort at all, ever. Usually this happens after one meet and 2 weeks worth of communication. Then they're shocked that a glass of wine on a first meet and driving to a fast food restaurant isn't enough effort to convince me that he's long term material. Then they complain about how nothing is ever "good enough" for me and how it's unrealistic to expect men to be excited, or to show me that he's into me. Because while they were sitting there thinking how awesome it is to snag "someone", I was bored to tears and a lifetime of nights spent nothing but sitting on the couch waiting for scraps of attention in the form of an erection was flashing before my eyes. Since that's all they wanted they were content they thought things were "great".... never once realizing (and I assume caring) that even though their momma said they're something special, that other women just might need a little convincing.

Way too men believe that women aren't actually people but props for their ego, their sex lives, their social status, etc. and care very little about the actual person behind the vagina. And it's getting worse. Look at all the average or below average men on the forums alone complaining that none of ANY of the women he's sending crap messages to will give him the time of day. It's because it never once enters their mind that women should have expectations or standards of their own.... and that carpet bombing women with the same message that every other average or below man isn't as impressive as they actually believe it is.... that since they would love to get a "hi" from a woman then she should be over the moon about his "effort".



Now we have Chuck Norris here stroking his faux chivalrous emotions by arbitrarily agreeing with certain women's opinions which is leading him directly to the dating black hole known as the friend zone. On a dating site I might add...


Ah yes, because we all know that the only reason a man can agree with a woman over another man is if he's being fake. Let me tell you a secret -flying-, whiny petulant men aren't attractive to women. And it seems that lately they're EVERYWHERE. The "nice guy", the angry guy, the I-wanna-f*ck-a-woman-but-have-no-idea-how-to-relate-to-her-so-it's-their-fault-I-can't- get-laid guy. It doesn't bode well for the next crop of up and comers.
 Lexti
Joined: 3/14/2013
Msg: 128
Seemingly good first dates, no second dates
Posted: 11/26/2013 4:29:45 AM

So first we had a cowboy doing this.

Now we have Chuck Norris here stroking his faux chivalrous emotions by arbitrarily agreeing with certain women's opinions which is leading him directly to the dating black hole known as the friend zone. On a dating site I might add...


Op/Pot, Please refer to your post #130 again. :-)



Ad hominem attack is a general category of fallacies in which a claim or argument is rejected on the basis of some irrelevant fact about the author of or the person presenting the claim or argument. Ad hominem involves attacking the traits of an opponent as a means to invalidate their arguments. Equating someone's character with the soundness of their argument is a logical fallacy.


Classic example of a guy thinking "logically", instead of "emotionally", would be the date I spoke to for 3 days on the phone before our meet. He was being a jerk because 30 min into the date, he felt I wasn't opening up to him. I ended the date at the appetizer and by the time we reached my car he was crying and sobbing for me not to leave and saying how he'd never felt like this about anyone. In his mind, 3 days of phone conversation equated to us being in a full blown relationship and he didn't understand how I could just "cut him out of my life like that". I ended up having to block his number because he wouldn't stop calling and texting. Definitely a man operating on logic!
 -Flying-
Joined: 10/31/2013
Msg: 129
Seemingly good first dates, no second dates
Posted: 11/26/2013 8:49:19 AM
I wasn't the one who started that exchange... And I didn't even care that some girls were taking shots at me but at least staying on topic. These guys piling on though .. really ?


He was being a jerk because 30 min into the date, he felt I wasn't opening up to him


Understood. Guys like that don't understand how meaningless a 1st date has become. I've heard stories of these guys before. But some guys are emotionless zombies , who won't have an iota of concern that a woman isn't opening up to them in a 1st date. But that opens up other issues. Mainly, women that show so little visible interest that the emotionless guys don't even know if it went well enough to follow up on the date.

Which sex is guilty of showing too much interest and not enough calculated skepticism before meeting a person in real life though ? Sending messages and chatting on the phone is easy. I usually take a break from communicating with a potential date or lose interest in them completely if they are showing too much interest. Because its almost impossible to live up to the hype. They have too high of expectations for a guy having the ability to finesse a date. Sometimes I feel like telling them to just stop. Stop using !! marks, stop complimenting me, stop the hype. Lets just go on a date and see if there's anything here...
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 130
Seemingly good first dates, no second dates
Posted: 11/26/2013 8:51:17 AM
-Flying-........"Ad hominem attack is a general category of fallacies in which a claim or argument is rejected on the basis of some irrelevant fact about the author of or the person presenting the claim or argument. Ad hominem involves attacking the traits of an opponent as a means to invalidate their arguments. Equating someone's character with the soundness of their argument is a logical fallacy." AND......."Now we have Chuck Norris here stroking his faux chivalrous emotions by arbitrarily agreeing with certain women's opinions which is leading him directly to the dating black hole known as the friend zone. On a dating site I might add..."

Hey Flying, maybe you should practice what you preach^^^^^^^^^^^^.

For me, I am VERY slow with who I talk to, have interest in or to meet. I have been on and off of here and during those times you won't ever see me have met 20 or 30 or 50 or 500. I know what I want and for me, I don't have to go out with lots. And that is the way I work.

Flying, a word of advice, stay away from the women that continually go on first dates only and have hundreds of examples of that. Maybe your picker is bad. For me, you won't see me doing that because I have a great way of seeing those things and I am not going there. Works for me and you don't see me whining. Call it judging someone or whatever but it works for me. The question would be: What are you doing wrong in meeting women? Obviously it isn't working for ya.

Your posts about your "facts" are not very factual.

And the above post you made about myself agreeing with women and leading me to the friendzone, I don't have to play that game Flying because I never get myself into those situations. Again, you bringing that up sounds like maybe you get friendzoned. Hmmmmmm

Flying, I wrote this post last month and waited until you posted what you did to post this. I already knew weeks ago exactly what you were going to post. In fact I will always be ahead of you in thoughts, before they even happen for your brain to think about. Uh oh, I see more posts of nonsense coming our way.

Happy Thanksgiving

Chuck
 sweetpe4u
Joined: 11/4/2013
Msg: 131
Seemingly good first dates, no second dates
Posted: 11/26/2013 12:31:50 PM

It's because it never once enters their mind that women should have expectations or standards of their own....


Women having expectations of their own??? Seems like such a foreign concept..
 aanarchist
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 132
Seemingly good first dates, no second dates
Posted: 11/26/2013 12:44:51 PM
You better watch out with the talking shit about chuck norris dood. You know he's got another fist under that beard right? Btw facts are just the stories that make the most sense to the reader. I could spout facts and truths all day but if the person doesn't buy into it then it won't do them any good.

I'd call bs on the whole standards and expectations thing cuz I know something you don't(hehehe), but I won't cuz I totally get what you're saying. I do however understand that it's important to find a balance between standards and expectations, and being in touch with reality, things that like maybe 15% of the population have.
 -Flying-
Joined: 10/31/2013
Msg: 133
Seemingly good first dates, no second dates
Posted: 11/26/2013 12:55:04 PM

Flying, a word of advice, stay away from the women that continually go on first dates only and have hundreds of examples of that. Maybe your picker is bad. For me, you won't see me doing that because I have a great way of seeing those things and I am not going there.


Advice taken Chuck. I have been implementing some policies to weed out the hopeless romantics recently. Starting with the ones who pick the adage "hopeless romantic" to best describe themselves. Picker is being re-calibrated...

Cheers
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 134
Seemingly good first dates, no second dates
Posted: 11/26/2013 3:20:47 PM

The male brain experiences an acid flush


Well that explains a lot.

 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 135
Seemingly good first dates, no second dates
Posted: 4/20/2014 5:54:54 PM
No, a good second date does not predict LTR, at least not for me.

Early this year I found a girl on another site. First date went well. Second date even better. We tentatively scheduled #3 subject to weather. Forecast improved and I gave the go-ahead. That afternoon she emailed me saying the doctor postponed her appointment so she couldn't make it. She gave no alternate plan. She went out of town to visit her parents. Never heard from her again (I called her around the day of her return and got voicemail).

You did more with your date than happened on both of those, so your situation might be more solid.

During your 2nd date you can talk about the possible 3rd.
 MikeTO12345
Joined: 2/9/2014
Msg: 136
Seemingly good first dates, no second dates
Posted: 4/20/2014 6:29:46 PM
This is nothing new online or real life. I know a guy dated over 15 women before dating someone seriously.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 137
Seemingly good first dates, no second dates
Posted: 4/20/2014 7:57:29 PM
You have the confidence to be yourself and never feel bad for being rejected for that. That being said, be grateful you didn't have a week of mind blowing experiences for a week and then get rejected for no connection.

You know, the instant relationship, try you on for a few days, and then dump you. That is much more hurtful then no 2nd date.
 Jackplug
Joined: 10/4/2007
Msg: 138
view profile
History
Seemingly good first dates, no second dates
Posted: 4/22/2014 5:12:02 AM
I had a date at the weekend, we spoke on the phone for ages, we had lots in common, we swopped photos and selfies for a week. We met up and it was great, just where we left off. Date ended we kissed and that was it, never heard from her again!

Known mysteries of the world should just be the woman and as for the rest, I'm sure we will figure them out eventually!
 Jackplug
Joined: 10/4/2007
Msg: 139
view profile
History
Seemingly good first dates, no second dates
Posted: 4/26/2014 11:08:54 PM
She never answered my txt or calls or messages on here.
 Friendsfirst58
Joined: 6/29/2013
Msg: 140
Seemingly good first dates, no second dates
Posted: 5/1/2014 3:20:51 PM

"I had a lot of fun, but I just didn't feel a connection/there was no spark, good luck with your search".

It's rare if I even get that courtesy. Usually, they just disappear. So I have decided to get back to the old fashioned way of just greeting a woman in person if I think is attractive, and if she is not apprehensive about men, I will engage her in some topical conversation and see where that takes us, just like my Dad did before the internet and smart phones created this wedge between the genders.
 JohnX1200
Joined: 4/23/2014
Msg: 141
Seemingly good first dates, no second dates
Posted: 5/2/2014 4:35:03 PM
Eh, don't know if anyone is reading replies by now. Here's the key to SUCCESS from start to finish:

Are you ready?

The answer for both sexes is: Don't **** out after the first setback

The only answer you should accept, and yes YOU NEED TO ACCEPT, is a flat: "NO"

If the word "NO" is not in the sentence, keep prodding for weakness and pushing.

*edit* yea you do need to give her some breathing room after she puts up a wall, to give her a chance to feel comfortable again but then it's back to pushing.

Everyone is like, "I don't want to be a stalker, or seem desperate". The truth is, everyone has a wall that you need to get past. Do you think kings would win battles if they quit after one of their men died trying to climb a castle wall? Same thing for success in a relationship. Also, get a thick skin, because if you push, the truth will come out. They'll really tell you why they don't ever want to see you again. Rather than take it personal, just learn from it and improve.

Finally, talk to someone who is successful at dates, not random internet forums full of people who are often here because they are not successful and are in the same boat as you.

I'll give you a tip though, if you want to make that special 'spark' on the first date. You HAVE TO TOUCH HER. I don't mean inappropriately, and I don't mean a kiss. It can be simple, a brush of the hand and a smile. You also need to make eye contact when you do it.

Getting the timing right is the real trick though, that takes practice. Anyway, hopes that helps for anyone that reads.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 142
Seemingly good first dates, no second dates
Posted: 5/3/2014 9:11:34 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Ditto. I've done that when I first started dating. Why? I wasn't ready to date yet and realized it's immature to lead people on.

Too many people jumping into the dating pool that aren't ready yet. It honestly comes across like an ego boosting thing. You know, wow, somebody finds me attractive and I don't have to risk being vulnerable with them.
 KYYSS
Joined: 11/6/2013
Msg: 143
Seemingly good first dates, no second dates
Posted: 5/5/2014 2:47:53 PM
I always show up on time, dress decently, keep my mouth shut and let things develop naturally, don't grab on for hugs or kisses, pay my own way, blah, blah, blah.

I think it's just the internet thing. There is always the potential of something bigger and better waiting right around the corner and I think men are just wired to keep looking for their perfect 10.

As far as women? Maybe the same way for them- but while men are hooked on looks and being thin, I think women are looking for handsome and someone with ways and means about them- mostly someone who has money.

I do go on dates where the guy wants to go out again, but for me there usually isn't any connection physically or I've had one or two who were couch surfers and I don't live that lifestyle, so they didn't appeal to me.

If I have a physical connection to someone, these are always the ones who disappear. Every. Single. Time.

I would like to stick to real world dating too, but as much as I go about, I just don't meet anyone- I don't think I've been anywhere in my life, even when I was younger where I met single men, so it seems the internet is pretty much my only option, that what sucks about it.
 KYYSS
Joined: 11/6/2013
Msg: 144
Seemingly good first dates, no second dates
Posted: 5/5/2014 2:50:32 PM
That's why I don't know why people waste so much time texting and talking on the phone before meeting.

CHEMISTRY is either there or it isn't (attraction, awful hard to tell in photos if it's there) and the longer you put off meeting, the more chance one or the other of you will be disappointed when you actually do meet.

I always say meet up front after a couple of emails- in person meeting is the best way to go. Less disappointing if the other party isn't interested.

When you build up three weeks worth of phone calls, texts and selfies, then meet in person and it goes over like a lead balloon, then one of you is left wondering what went wrong-
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