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 AUTHOR
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 36
Sex is overrated???Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

To all those who are posting that sex IS overrated and that no one should expect you to do THAT icky thing.... really?


Haven't read anywhere here where anyone said sex was "icky"????? Can ya quote it????

And yes, you are "going on" to number 3, you just told us you have been married twice, which means the next one is number 3. Unless you count different than the rest of us.

You, are not "reading" what some are telling you here. We are not telling you are "wrong" in want you "want"(people can live without sex, so it really isn't a "need" by definition, only a personal requirement,by you) with regards to the physical part of the relationship. What we are telling you is that you and he are not seeing or expecting the same thing. And you, by your own choice can not communicate your wants to this man. So, some of us are telling you, that you are best to leave this scenario.

Again, because of your past experinces, you can't seem to understand that some people, couples CAN HAVE a positive relationship "without" what you think is a need. And then, as you state, some CAN'T. Seems to a lot of us here, he can, and you can't. It ain't hard math.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 39
Sex is overrated???
Posted: 10/15/2013 3:01:11 PM

Walts:
Every post of yours on this subject appears to be an angry one. Perhaps this subject is a little personal to you.


I'm not happy with the generic shiat/reasoning the OP is using/stating. Irish Catholics don't like sex???? Sex is "required" for a good long term relationship????? Honestly, does anybody leave their own neighbourhood anymore?????

I've met enough people to understand that not all couples/individuals put such a high value on swapping body fluids, and yet, surprisingly,can still have a long term relationship. Not once have I stated my personal preference on my wants of sex between consenting adults.(for fear of being banned). And yes there is a "biological reason" for sex, and it has nothing to do with "long term relationships. Biology 101.Breeding has nothing to do with "relationships".
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 40
Sex is overrated???
Posted: 10/15/2013 4:07:45 PM
OP, no matter what others say, you feel it is important in your life to be in a relationship that includes sex as a big part of it. Other big parts of a relationship including a good sex life is communication, trust, honesty and enjoying each other. Sounds like this guy doesn't fit what you need and what you need is what you want! You already know your answer so IMO I would let the guy know soon so he can also move on.
 RERE1026
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 41
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History
Sex is overrated???
Posted: 10/15/2013 4:19:32 PM
Rock on....someone keeping my toes curled is a nice thing........especially if I get along with them...
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 42
Sex is overrated???
Posted: 10/15/2013 4:33:40 PM
In a relationship, sexual intimacy is huge. Big difference when you love someone compared to just a one niter. Big difference when you feel that special closeness with someone and not a temporary "high".
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 43
Sex is overrated???
Posted: 10/15/2013 5:01:50 PM
Absolutely how you just described a certain type of guy as unhealthy. The problem there is there is no problem, a woman should never be with a man if he is like that. Problem never becomes one. You state that you know some couples "mostly men" that use sex as only way to express any love feelings. I would question both the man and the woman in that couple setting. Doesn't say much for either person. Yes, sex is only part of a healthy relationship.
 elmuchoburrito
Joined: 8/27/2013
Msg: 45
Sex is overrated???
Posted: 10/15/2013 8:21:59 PM
Over rated - sure.
It is a loaded gun with a couple of rounds in the chamber
At some point the drama is NOT worth the sex
ie the price you must pay in money, time, effort, drama, guilt, game and admission is not worth it.
it is why most will drink before a quick hit and hook booty call - they can blame the actions on the booze.....
but at some line in the sand
there is just simply not enough booze to make it worth the while or work.

Besides wasn't there an entire genre of films about how a hot apple pie was better than sex ?.....
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 46
Sex is overrated???
Posted: 10/16/2013 6:37:02 AM
If you don't think sex is important in a relationship, if you can
separate it from love and a relationship, if you figure other things
are more important...no problem.

If you think sex IS important to you and to your relationship and
your (potential) SO doesn't, you're simply incompatible.

Who cares what reasoning someone uses to try and understand why
someone would tell another "sex is overrated" and expect them to accept
it without question.

It's one thing to tell someone you have problems or concerns with sex and
you might want to do things differently, it's quite another to inform them
before you've even had it, that sex with them is already overrated.

I can see the difference.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 48
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Sex is overrated???
Posted: 10/16/2013 10:03:00 AM
Yup, exactly, and that's what I was trying to say, above, as well.

Two completely different animals, which is why I'm suggesting that the OP address this in a very straightforward manner, because if it's the latter, they are not a match, but if it's the former, and they're otherwise getting along well and are well suited to each other, it can possibly be worked out.

A good man IS hard to find, so, I think it's premature to DTMFA, before she's even really talked to him about it in depth.

Of course, if he's unwilling to talk, she should walk, imo.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 49
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Sex is overrated???
Posted: 10/16/2013 10:22:06 AM

Sex is overrated." I just about choked when that came out of his mouth, because I completely disagree. When I said I disagreed and we talked more about it, he said he thinks sex should be an offshoot of a good relationship but that he thinks his parents rarely did it and he knows they loved each other very much (crazy thinking that his parents never did it IMHO), and we're no longer 16 so we shouldn't expect to act like that anymore. He also said you can have a great relationship without great (or even good) sex.


If I was going to hazard a guess...which I am..I would say that this is one of three things:
1. Religious or parental shaming of the act.
2. A man who has been through a relationship where sex was used as both a weapon and a means of getting things.
3. He has had only one or two significant relationships and the sex wasnt great in either of them so he has minimized it's importance.

Either way, talk is in order to see what the deal is and to figure out if a fullfilling sex life can be part of the equation.
If he really is as great as you say, the talk wont be that difficult.

Let us know how it turns out?
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 50
Sex is overrated???
Posted: 10/16/2013 10:23:48 AM

Sex is sex, and relationsips are relationships - totally separate


Signugq - (see message 51) - Amen to that.....and this is the place where a LOT of women seem to get lost.....

Sex doesn't mean "love" or "exclusivity"

It's just sex and nothing more.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 51
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Sex is overrated???
Posted: 10/16/2013 12:03:10 PM
I've met enough people to understand that not all couples/individuals put such a high value on swapping body fluids, and yet, surprisingly,can still have a long term relationship.

Yeah, exactly. Sex is not a requirement of a relationship, as long as both people agree.

Someone said "Sex is the glue that holds the relationship together", and I have to vehemently disagree with this.

Love/respect is what holds a relationship togethers. Sex does not. Sex probably does more to make relationships end than almost any other thing, simply because people make such a big deal out of it:

He/she doesn't want sex enough;
He/she wants sex too much;
He/she wants kinky sex;
He/she doesn't want kinky sex;
Sex with anyone else is an automatic relationship-ender, regardless of how well the relationship works in every other sphere.
I'm entitled to have my sexual desires met, regardless of how my partner feels about it.

I'd be willing to bet that it's only in Western culture that sex takes the center of the stage, and that relationships rise and fall only on the sexual aspect, as if nothing else was of importance.

So I think I agree with the OP's friend: in this culture, sex is over-rated and focused on far too much. This is not the same as 'not pleasurable' or 'not desirable', but that so much focus on sex takes away from other aspects of the relationship.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 53
Sex is overrated???
Posted: 10/16/2013 12:28:14 PM
IMO, a guy of middle or older years saying "sex is overrated" translates to "ED problems".
This does NOT make the man a totally bad person or one unworthy of a relationship. And I can completely understand that a guy might not want to make an announcement right out of the gate,regarding his difficulties.
However, there does come a point where honesty needs to be respected, and IMO this man is EVADING being honest.
Another thing comes to mind-that if the "sex is over-rated" comes from a basis of physical/mechanical dysfunction, then there may well be an underlying medical cause that a prospective long-term partner is entitled to be aware of.

I don't DISagree with those who suggest that his statement is based in psychological/emotional misteachings, but at the end of the day, OP, if you like sex and he doesn't, trying to have a pair-bond/life partner type of relationship is going to result in disagreements and arguments...about sex.

I see no great harm in you trying to get to the bottom of the problem, worst case scenario he gets all PO'd-and/or butthurt- and dumps you.
Or if you want to keep him as a social companion/platonic friend...
But IMO a relationship between 2 reasonably healthy adults under the age of -oh, say,80-that is devoid of sex/physical affection would be kinda 3-legged,yanno?
I also don't disagree that perhaps our culture puts an undue amount of emphasis on sex, but for an individual to pretty much outright declare that there will be no sex in the relationship?
How many of you men would continue to date a woman who said she thought sex was over-rated and wasn't interested in doing it?
Cindy O
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 57
Sex is overrated???
Posted: 10/16/2013 10:28:25 PM
Seems like people have different definitions of sex. If someone is only into another person for just sex, then it really isn't an intimate, sensual, secure, healthy relationship. If two people are totally into each other, intimacy goes along with the rest of the great relationship and that includes sex. It's two people totally into each other and a really beautiful thing. So the question was is sex over rated? If a man or woman is only into the other sexually, then being sexual is hollow. If both people truly love each other, sex is far from hollow, it is part of a healthy relationship.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 59
Sex is overrated???
Posted: 10/17/2013 6:54:30 AM

If it's caring awesome hot sex in a monogamous relationship, bring that right over here. And often! Now THAT is hardly overrated...



Bingo.


Men as well as women can use sex simply as a physical activity. We can have a complete disconnect from the emotions, yet if you have ever experienced mind blowing sex with a person that you absolutely love. That the sex becomes as well and extension of those emotions. Sex becomes a tantric experience, an exploration, a meditation, a joining of the minds as well as the body. This type of sex is not over rated. But to achieve it, you have first to believe it, and then be in a relationship that is not just about sex, but about intimacy, and then it's willing to open up and explore.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 60
Sex is overrated???
Posted: 10/17/2013 12:41:16 PM
Luv life and Outmind, that is exactly what I am talking about!!
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 61
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Sex is overrated???
Posted: 10/17/2013 1:22:16 PM

If both people truly love each other, sex is far from hollow, it is part of a healthy relationship.

I think my parents 'truly' loved eached other, but as far as I know they went the last 20-30 or so years of their life together without having sex. They didn't seem to care for each other less, or fight more; apparently, whatever they had together didn't also require sex. If I had a man who'd love me and stay by me the way my father stayed by my mother during her illness, I'd count myself extremely lucky - even if we hadn't had sex since our marriage night. If a man looked at me the way my mother looked at my father until the day she died, I'd be happy to live with mediocre or even no sex.

It's not that sex isn't a great, wonderful, bonding experience; it's that it isn't nearly as necessary for a happy, loving relationship as people have been brainwashed into thinking since the dawn of the 'romantic' age.
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 64
Sex is overrated???
Posted: 10/18/2013 8:21:47 AM
When I was young, sex was about getting off. That's all I knew.
At the same age, "dinner" was usually fast food, eaten on the run.
Now that I'm 60, sex has morphed into intimacy, and it's a wonderful thing.
Fast food is also nowhere near as satisfying as it was 40 years ago, and I feel sorry for adults who have not learned to appreciate those differences.
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 65
Sex is overrated???
Posted: 10/18/2013 10:57:39 AM
+1 to /GreenThumbz18
With experience comes wisdom.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 66
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History
Sex is overrated???
Posted: 10/18/2013 1:16:15 PM
To me it is obvious that sex is overrated. So overrated in fact that our society thinks there is something VERY wrong with you if can be happy without it. But also feel, based on your sexual incompatibility and your view of him, you should probably just let it be and move on. A man or woman who says sex is overrated and doesn’t seem to be interested in it is not going to change just because you have a talk.

Some people simply are not interested in sex. And this includes atheists, liberals, and people who are perfectly healthy, maybe even more than others. Just because he doesn’t fit the norm and acts “normal” in our eyes does not make him depressed or have deep rooted issues any more or less than someone who can’t be happy or image a relationship that’s based on or includes sex. As long as our society continues to ignore the difference between intimacy and sex, they will remain one and the same thing to us.

I am not anti sex by any means but I have seen perfectly healthy people desire and maintain intimacy without sex and don’t see anything wrong with it, provided it is mutual.

In your case it is not mutual, so there is no need to try and change him, just like he is not trying to change you or assumes you must be suffering from something. I think one major reason most people think anyone who doesn’t desire sex has issues is because we have learned to measure our self worth by how desirable we are sexually and we feel threatened by others who can embrace us for who we are outside of our sexuality. Really, something to think about.
 Theme_Pack
Joined: 5/3/2013
Msg: 68
Sex is overrated???
Posted: 10/18/2013 4:53:26 PM
Some people want sex, some people want love...its what happens after the fact that defines what has just happened.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 70
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Sex is overrated???
Posted: 10/27/2013 3:31:03 PM
It could be any or all of the health issues that have been brought up. Then sgain, it could be exactly what he said. There people who just are not interested in sex. I am curious as to why he dates if he is not interested in sex. I dont mean having sex with everyone a person dates, but if a couple is together for awhile, they are usually going to have sex at some point
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 71
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Sex is overrated???
Posted: 10/27/2013 6:53:14 PM
Why do I get the feeling that this is just something stupid this guy said and that the OP is over analyzing it to death?
 lowmiles2
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 74
Sex is overrated???
Posted: 10/30/2013 10:56:08 AM
OP,

While in his arms and you kiss... reach down his pants and massage his manhood. If then he pushes you away then you will know it wasn't to be. Sex is not overrated and by god we all should get more of it.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 75
Sex is overrated???
Posted: 10/30/2013 1:24:03 PM

dated the sort of feminists who thought he should feel guilty about having a penis.

Genuine feminists do not seek to tear men down. Misandrists posing as feminists might do such a thing...
anyway I still say the OPs' guy is trying to evade admitting he has ED issues or a small penis.
Cindy O
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