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 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 45
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online dating has it made you wary.Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I have become aware that it is a total grab bag. Reach into the bag but wear a bite-proof glove on your hand. Remain guarded until you really truly know what you have.
 OceansideSmile
Joined: 11/29/2012
Msg: 46
online dating has it made you wary.
Posted: 12/25/2013 10:04:05 AM
I'm kind of becoming turned off to online dating. Went on 2 dates within 2 months. Was disappointed. Girl 1 went back to her ex bf, wanted to be friends, we tried that, but then she claimed "anxiety." Then she sent me a blank text at 6am, and I replied to ask her what was it that she wanted to say then she claimed that wasn't her number anymore while using her name in the text to say this is not "Sara's" number anymore. I thought come on. Lol. 2nd girl was a nice girl, but into money too much, and we were not compatible. But it was a good learning experience.


pumpkin0987: Genuinely sorry to hear about your bad luck with online dating!
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 47
online dating has it made you wary.
Posted: 10/6/2016 11:55:31 AM

online dating has it made you wary.


More like "weary".
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 48
online dating has it made you wary.
Posted: 10/6/2016 2:40:33 PM
Elmer Fudd would say "It's wawy intwesting"
 Kodanshi
Joined: 9/19/2015
Msg: 50
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online dating has it made you wary.
Posted: 10/10/2016 7:28:29 AM
Yes, it amuses me the sheer number of women who want a 'knight in shining armour'. As in, his armour is freshly made, and therefore unused? Instead of someone who actually does 'knightly' things?
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 51
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online dating has it made you wary.
Posted: 10/10/2016 8:16:23 AM
What does a women want when she yearns for a "knight in shining armour"?

Well, knights in mediaeval times were generally born into rich families.They started out as pages who waited at court on their lords before becoming squires and training as a knight in battle. It was an expensive business and those who couldn't afford the trappings of a knight, such as fine clothes, a fine house, armour and weaponry became batchelors until they could afford to keep up such a lifestyle. Once they became a knight, they would employ a squire and stablehands to keep their armour and weapons clean and their horses ready for battle.

In other words, it's all about money and status, isn't it? ;)
 PlutoLover68
Joined: 7/28/2016
Msg: 52
online dating has it made you wary.
Posted: 10/10/2016 8:39:10 AM

More like "weary".


you dug up a 3 year old thread to correct a spelling error? You need to get out more! ;)
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 54
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online dating has it made you wary.
Posted: 10/10/2016 10:25:30 AM
I've grown weary of the wariness, that online dating at times is instilling.
To always have ones guard in place, is sometimes necessary but seldom thrilling.
 PrettyBr0wnEyed1
Joined: 7/5/2016
Msg: 55
online dating has it made you wary.
Posted: 10/11/2016 12:33:35 AM
I moved to a small military town and the norm of what's here is horrendous, so I have tried to keep an open mind to online dating. I have gone on a handful of dates as I am not open to meet guys just for the sake of meeting. I have tried to only reserve meeting for those that I have communicated with and assessed a connection.

The first two that I met had serious stalker potential. The first more so than the second as he would blow up my phone and then told me he preferred that I always answer his calls. That was after just the first time meeting him for dinner, but he didn't show that until after the date. The second was similar, but not as intense with the phone calls and TONS of text (like the first).

I am not asking for much in stating that I am not open to married or involved men or group sex, but some guys on here feel that entails having too high standards being that I have gotten hate mail from married/separated males.

I am NOT attracted to any male that has long braids/dreads, gold teeth, baggy saggin' pants, thuggish, etc. I am NOT and I am not open to change that just because I'm living in thug-wanna be central aka the south. That does NOT stop them from sending me messages, even though I preface that I am NOT attracted to them at all EVER, NEVER will I EVER be, EVER.

The last guy that I met had potential, but he ruined any chance by exposing his hand to press things sexually after the second time that I saw him and he tried to back track that he was not pressing things sexually, but he was. He kept making sexual comments about my body and then when he kept blowing up my phone with text at all hours, I replied that I was trying to nap and he replied that we could be laying down together. This was after the night before when we had the second date at the end he went in for a kiss and I was okay with that, but it was the groping and him putting his hand in my hair and hand behind my neck to attempt to pull me close. I pushed him away and said "too much too soon".

I think I'm done. It's definitely the area that I'm in and yes, my attitude has changed, because I know what I'm accustomed to and 99.9% of these males only know fake, flake or speed - meaning most are already involved, the flakes want to waste a bunch of time online and then if they ask you out, it's a feeble attempt of them having no plan, but just to meet and the speeders are like the last date that I mentioned.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 56
online dating has it made you wary.
Posted: 10/11/2016 1:43:03 AM
" hasn't made me more wary, if anything, it's made me more cynical."

Yes, let us split hairs. Cynical, wary, trepidatious, etc... Joining you in that is the other gender.

"Girls around my area seem to want a man who'll give them the world, and that's just for breakfast."

Yes, and I bet you were looking for a youthful, symmetrical milkmaid as well, vs the reality.
Just something small like that.

This plaint women want MORE than simplicity minded/easy going men(a one track mind is simple, but still it's not asking for 'less') just points to what the fantasy is for women (safety, security, a provider for their kids) vs men (being irresistible to good looking women, freedom, having many experiences).

The fantasies are at cross purposes. Sure and online promotes a
"I deserve flawless perfection" in both, status seeking in both.

People don't go online for average joes /janes. That is no fantasy. Unless the person is somewhat realistic (rare) or desperate to glom onto anyone(common), it's a waste of time.

Who dates online realistically? Dating somebody of similar age, income, looks, lifestyle...there is no fun in that. They want some gain. It brings out the magic thinking. Lottery dreams.
 PrettyBr0wnEyed1
Joined: 7/5/2016
Msg: 57
online dating has it made you wary.
Posted: 10/11/2016 3:46:25 AM

People don't go online for average joes /janes. That is no fantasy. Unless the person is somewhat realistic (rare) or desperate to glom onto anyone(common), it's a waste of time.

Who dates online realistically? Dating somebody of similar age, income, looks, lifestyle...there is no fun in that. They want some gain. It brings out the magic thinking. Lottery dreams.


You summed up many people's expectations on this site. I have seen some very misaligned expectations - whereas some guys that appeared to NEVER workout and no, the physical appeal is not everything, but it does need to be mutual on some level. Many times the interest is one sided and many forget that attraction should be mutual.

Even down to my absolute abhorrence for the thuggish or unkempt looking males that are in the majority in the town that I'm in or even on here in the local search. They seem to ignore that I am NOT interested or attracted to them at all and still continue to try to contact me. I have never dated a thug type and tend to be attracted to a man that mirrors the lifestyle that I live.
 PrettyBr0wnEyed1
Joined: 7/5/2016
Msg: 59
online dating has it made you wary.
Posted: 10/11/2016 8:06:49 AM
I agree! I had to write a paper about the state of dysfunction regarding dating, relationships, cohabitation and marriage now. Online dating and social media has changed so many things. I totally agree that trust has to proven with consistency over time, because many people have a very disposable mindset when it relates to dating and relationships.
 InnerGorilla2
Joined: 8/1/2016
Msg: 60
online dating has it made you wary.
Posted: 10/11/2016 8:37:04 AM

I totally agree that trust has to proven with consistency over time, because many people have a very disposable mindset when it relates to dating and relationships.


While I agree with this statement, I also believe that people will do what they have done before.

So you go out on a date and it comes out that the reason for their split before was that he/she met someone else and bottom line, they cheated. This is behavior that they will repeat. Some people take the high road and when something goes bad in a relationship, they try to fix it, work with it, but are loyal until the decide to call it quits. But the ones that tend to jump boat when things are not exactly the way they like it will jump boat and will always come up with a great excuse for why they did it.

So, while trust is proven over time, I also believe that history repeats itself.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 61
online dating has it made you wary.
Posted: 10/11/2016 12:29:13 PM

but he ruined any chance by exposing his hand


Well, that's better than exposing some other things.


I have tried to only reserve meeting for those that I have communicated with and assessed a connection.


1)

The first two that I met had serious stalker potential. The first more so than the second as he would blow up my phone and then told me he preferred that I always answer his calls. That was after just the first time meeting him for dinner, but he didn't show that until after the date. The second was similar, but not as intense with the phone calls and TONS of text (like the first).


2)

The last guy that I met had potential, but he ruined any chance by exposing his hand to press things sexually after the second time that I saw him and he tried to back track that he was not pressing things sexually, but he was. He kept making sexual comments about my body and then when he kept blowing up my phone with text at all hours, I replied that I was trying to nap and he replied that we could be laying down together. This was after the night before when we had the second date at the end he went in for a kiss and I was okay with that, but it was the groping and him putting his hand in my hair and hand behind my neck to attempt to pull me close. I pushed him away and said "too much too soon".


I'm left wondering exactly what kind of "connection" you had assessed that you had with these guys to start with.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 62
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online dating has it made you wary.
Posted: 10/11/2016 12:34:18 PM


The last guy that I met had potential, but he ruined any chance by exposing his hand to press things sexually after the second time that I saw him and he tried to back track that he was not pressing things sexually, but he was. He kept making sexual comments about my body and then when he kept blowing up my phone with text at all hours, I replied that I was trying to nap and he replied that we could be laying down together. This was after the night before when we had the second date at the end he went in for a kiss and I was okay with that, but it was the groping and him putting his hand in my hair and hand behind my neck to attempt to pull me close. I pushed him away and said "too much too soon".


After more than 6 years on this forum, I can definitely state that we do see a lot of recurring themes. And the above is one that annoyed me when I first saw it, and still annoys me now.

The real problem here isn’t that he was “too fast” or “too soon”, it was that you weren’t attracted enough. And everyone knows that, even you, whether you’re willing to admit it or not.

Is that your fault? No, there is no blame associated with not being attracted. But I do fault you for coming on here and yelling “too much too soon”. Be brave, tell the truth. He was feeling it, you weren’t, and he wasn’t smart enough / observant enough / experienced enough to notice that and just move on.
 MarsWarGod
Joined: 9/9/2016
Msg: 63
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online dating has it made you wary.
Posted: 10/11/2016 2:00:11 PM
Online dating seems rather impenetrable nowadays. It's a rare thing these days to actually get an answer to someone that you messaged. I'm not wary of anything, but it has made me manage my expectations to a greater extent.

I almost thought that something was wrong when I got a message in my inbox today!
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 64
online dating has it made you wary.
Posted: 10/13/2016 7:35:26 AM

People don't go online for average joes /janes. That is no fantasy. Unless the person is somewhat realistic (rare) or desperate to glom onto anyone(common), it's a waste of time.


The increased amount of potential options from OLD is a double edged sword. The good thing is people can find other potential matches that they probably wouldn't see in their normal routine. The bad thing is many people can raise their expectations and develop the "grass is greener" attitude.

If someone doesn't exactly match a long of requirements or isn't extremely physically attractive, the other person often won't be interested. I understand there needs to be at least some physical attraction. But I can be flexible with looks and other traits to a certain extent.
 PrettyBr0wnEyed1
Joined: 7/5/2016
Msg: 66
online dating has it made you wary.
Posted: 10/13/2016 8:39:16 AM
quote] The real problem here isn’t that he was “too fast” or “too soon”, it was that you weren’t attracted enough. And everyone knows that, even you, whether you’re willing to admit it or not.

Is that your fault? No, there is no blame associated with not being attracted. But I do fault you for coming on here and yelling “too much too soon”. Be brave, tell the truth. He was feeling it, you weren’t, and he wasn’t smart enough / observant enough / experienced enough to notice that and just move on..

When I refer to "too much too soon" I mean it. I can only speak for me. I'm not casual about sex, I'm not engaging in sex and have been celibate since my last mutually monogamous relationship. So yes, there is such a thing as too much too soon.

Yes, he killed it, because I'm NOT looking to be rushed into ANYTHING period. Have I been rushed into a situation in the past? Yes. Hence why I'm NOT open to it, it does NOT work and the aftermath is like picking up shredded pieces of a paper and trying to put them back together as they were prior.

So no, he was attractive enough, but I'm not merely moved by an attractive male. I'm seeking compatibility that would be suited for a longterm relationship, but maybe that's not reasonable online, because most seem to only focus on the short-sighted time frame.
 PrettyBr0wnEyed1
Joined: 7/5/2016
Msg: 67
online dating has it made you wary.
Posted: 10/13/2016 8:43:57 AM

This is a classic sign of PTSD...

Been there myself with guys that do this and its... its difficult to deal with...

Guys with PTSD should not be starting to date until they can calm their nerves. Basically what is going on is that they are having a panic attack every time they think about you... obviously when just starting to date they will be thinking about you a lot... so lots of major panic attacks...


You know that could very well be the case. I never even thought it possibly be PTSD, but being that I'm in a small military town that could be true.

I don't ever want to encounter that type of individual again, because he seemed to be the type that show up at your door to terrorize you.
 MarsWarGod
Joined: 9/9/2016
Msg: 68
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online dating has it made you wary.
Posted: 10/13/2016 10:59:12 AM

People don't go online for average joes /janes. That is no fantasy. Unless the person is somewhat realistic (rare) or desperate to glom onto anyone(common), it's a waste of time.

Who dates online realistically? Dating somebody of similar age, income, looks, lifestyle...there is no fun in that. They want some gain. It brings out the magic thinking. Lottery dreams.


Not to me. I'm pretty average looking, so I date realistically. Being unrealistic and going for some woman who is way too far out of your league is a waste of time. Best to keep your prospects within reason and expectation.
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