Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 26
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned wayPage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
How often have guys 'blown up' when you've rejected them IRL? Personally I've never witnessed anything of the sort out in 'meatspace' and assumed it was pretty much an internet phenomenon.

In fact, I had always thought it was the other way around IRL, women dumping drinks on guys who approached them, etc.
 FloridaRes123
Joined: 5/11/2013
Msg: 27
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 10/21/2013 1:56:27 PM
I have a lot of interests, but hesitate to date men in my social circles


To be honest, I think you may be doing yourself a disservice by not dating anyone in your social circle. I'm sure there are outdoor related events or game nights or whatever special interests groups on Facebook you may find (kayaking group, hiking group, etc), most people have started relationships in this fashion and even got married.

I mean it's one thing to date where you work, but being fearful of dating who you go out and have fun activities with? I am not sure how this would be a problem, with dating there are risks involved and you may be severely limiting yourself.

I mean, more power to you that you did find someone on here, but in general, I think it's inadvisable to limit yourself socially by not dating within your social circles.

It's like people don't want to date those they will be seeing on a routine basis, when in fact, that's probably the best way to get to know someone. In fact, you can probably get to know how some people are in a group atmosphere before consider even asking them out.


I can approach men I'm interested in, and reject the men I'm uninterested in with relative ease. A guy blowing up at you online is a lot easier to deal with than offline.


Right, I mean there's no "DELETE" button in person, right? LOL

But, you're kind of stuck with the guy introducing himself to you at the refreshment table or some public venue. I think part of the problem with online dating is the ease of ignoring someone, where as you would have probably liked them if you've met them face to face.

I've heard of this happening, I think I may have said earlier that chances are likely you would turn down someone online easily and less likely with the same in person only because you have that "face time" with him.

I just think there's something about fearing confrontation that you may want to overcome.

How often have guys 'blown up' when you've rejected them IRL? Personally I've never witnessed anything of the sort out in 'meatspace' and assumed it was pretty much an internet phenomenon.


You've actually had guy blow up at you face-to-face when you turned him down?
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 28
view profile
History
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 10/21/2013 3:11:32 PM
OP, I tried dating in the real world for years unsuccessfully. That's the only reason I came online. Haven't had any success here either.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 29
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 10/21/2013 3:13:26 PM

To be honest, I think you may be doing yourself a disservice by not dating anyone in your social circle. I'm sure there are outdoor related events or game nights or whatever special interests groups on Facebook you may find (kayaking group, hiking group, etc), most people have started relationships in this fashion and even got married.

I mean it's one thing to date where you work, but being fearful of dating who you go out and have fun activities with? I am not sure how this would be a problem, with dating there are risks involved and you may be severely limiting yourself.

I mean, more power to you that you did find someone on here, but in general, I think it's inadvisable to limit yourself socially by not dating within your social circles.

It's like people don't want to date those they will be seeing on a routine basis, when in fact, that's probably the best way to get to know someone. In fact, you can probably get to know how some people are in a group atmosphere before consider even asking them out..


do you do those types of groups? I used to be in one and witnessed a TON of issues with people who "tried" the romantic, broke up and then people had this incredibly awkward uncomfortable tension if both of them did anything after the fact.

Sometimes people can click and I actually DO know many who have not only met but gotten engaged. But I also know people who felt like they had to quit the groups they loved because they were so uncomfortable being around a person who was a friend before who made things EXTREMELY awkward. It can (and I saw it frequently did) become a serious problem for some people who had especially rough breakups. And as the coordinator I FREQUENTLY had people come to me complaining about people hitting on them when they only wanted friendship, not romantic.

That was why I avoided group people dating wise except one exception, it is not as harmless as you think. There is a reason people are careful there. But the ones who worked, worked well. But it will not work for everyone, and it does have to be done with some tact and care.
 BabblingBrookes
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 30
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 10/21/2013 4:09:07 PM

To be honest, I think you may be doing yourself a disservice by not dating anyone in your social circle. I'm sure there are outdoor related events or game nights or whatever special interests groups on Facebook you may find (kayaking group, hiking group, etc), most people have started relationships in this fashion and even got married.


I've been a part of various Meetup groups since it was launched. When I lived in my hometown, I joined after most of my friends got married and had kids. When I moved, it seemed prudent to join again to meet new people. I watched so much drama unfold because of people wanting to date in these groups. There'd be a group Lothario that would work his way through the single women...a pretty flirt who loved attention, but didn't want to settle down with one guy...and everything in between. Some people would get angry if they were rejected by a person, but that person went on to ask someone else in the group out. It was mess after mess. I saw a few couples come out of there married, but it was a low percentage.

I weigh odds and always choose the path I believe will deliver the best results with the least amount of emotional cost. I would only feel the need to use those groups for those purposes if I believed the cost of not finding someone outweighed the loss of the group. I made sure to be polite when I rejected every guy that approached me in those groups to avoid drama.


You've actually had guy blow up at you face-to-face when you turned him down?


Oh my god, yes. I've been spat at (didn't make contact), called b!tch, laughed at, told they'd find me and harm me later... I'd probably be hiding in my house if it was common, but thankfully it wasn't. I learned when I moved here to not make eye contact with strangers. I was raised on Naval Bases, so it's common to acknowledge people while you're walking around. It was never seen as an invitation. I moved here and suddenly I'm "inviting" men to approach me just because I smiled and said Good Morning. Talk about culture shock. *lol* I talked to some of my female co-workers and they told me what to do to keep negative interactions to a minimum. I haven't had any issues since then.
 FloridaRes123
Joined: 5/11/2013
Msg: 31
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 10/21/2013 4:26:10 PM

Lothario


First time I ever heard that word, until I Googled it. lol Learn something new everyday.

If being spat at, laughed at, etc on numerous occasions, my only guess is that you're meeting them at a bar or club, when the alcohol is flowing?

I could understand it happening on a rare occasion, but you make it sound like it happens all the time. I've never been witnessed to such behavior. Must just be your venue or location.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 32
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 10/21/2013 4:37:37 PM

I was raised on Naval Bases, so it's common to acknowledge people while you're walking around. It was never seen as an invitation. I moved here and suddenly I'm "inviting" men to approach me just because I smiled and said Good Morning. Talk about culture shock. *lol*


I always felt safe and respected on Navy bases, as well. It IS culture shock when suddenly treated disrespectfully by men….I agree.


How often have guys 'blown up' when you've rejected them IRL? Personally I've never witnessed anything of the sort out in 'meatspace' and assumed it was pretty much an internet phenomenon.



You've actually had guy blow up at you face-to-face when you turned him down?


Who are you talking to? I thought the above poster was a man…..? Well I know you weren’t asking me but I’m gonna answer anyway. :)

Men may not literally “blow up” but I’ll tell you what some will do…..try to coax me into changing my mind, follow me around, tell me nasty things about other men who might approach me, get “friends” to approach me to put in a good word for him, try to get the scoop on me from other people, buy me drinks I don’t want, give me or one of my friends his phone number to give to me, wait for me out in the parking lot, approach me the next time or the next time or the next time…..just because you “personally have never witnessed,” something, doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened.

I wouldn’t meet a strange man from an online “dating” site. No thanks. Some may see it as a “weeding” process but by my way of thinking, the “weeding” wouldn’t be necessary if you stay out of the scrub.

You know eventually if you want to actually “DATE” someone you’ve “met” online, it will have to be in person. Sending lame messages back and forth isn’t real “dating.”
 NDTfan
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 33
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 10/21/2013 4:50:22 PM

How often have guys 'blown up' when you've rejected them IRL?


I don't know about her, but with me it's at about 50%. Enough so that I avoid certain places, don't go out often alone and don't make eye contact.

I've lost track of the number of men who have told me that I shouldn't have (insert reason here) if I wasn't going to have sex with him. These reasons range from leaving the house, to having my body, to going grocery shopping at a certain time. One man told me that if I didn't want him to come up to me every time he saw me, I should gain 100 pounds.

I've also been slapped, been pinned between a building and a door, groped, spit on, screamed at, called names, punched, kicked, been followed, approach other men in the place to tear me down and eliminate competition, etc. Once I had a drink poured on me because I refused it from a rather unattractive man.

You guys don't get it, because men don't do it to you you just assume it doesn't happen. Then you cry foul when women cringe because you're "not like that" instead of placing the blame where it belongs.

ETA: And once I was dragged by my hair down a set of concrete stairs outside a concert venue because I refused to go to his car for a quickie. I'd never seen him before in my life.

Just last year a man in his 60s literally grabbed a 16 year old girl and raped her up against the building she was walking past in broad daylight. The building was a police station.
 Strider324
Joined: 8/27/2013
Msg: 34
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 10/21/2013 4:51:29 PM
I find both types of dating are a two-edged sword.

I like the online dynamic because it has allowed me to meet some wonderful people that I never would have in a traditional manner.

But old school has some significant benefits.....

"Dude, that Sarah chick is hot. Is she seeing anyone?"
"Brother, she is a raging alcoholic. Has 2 DUI's. Her next one means 2 years in jail". I would pass if I were you."

"Hey, that guy Frank seems pretty nice."
"Girl, my friend Julie knows him. He has a restraining order from his ex for beating her."

You get none of that online. You make decisions based solely on what they tell you in their profile, depending almost completely on their honesty and self-awareness.
 forumfella
Joined: 10/18/2013
Msg: 35
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 10/21/2013 5:12:10 PM
Wow NDTfan, can't say I blame you for not wanting to leave your house, sounds like a rough neighborhood !
 NewYorkFan1
Joined: 6/30/2013
Msg: 36
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 10/22/2013 5:36:59 AM
I started online dating after my divorce almost three years ago and just moving back to NY after living in Florida for over twenty years. It was the middle of the winter when I moved back and found there is not a lot to do when it is twenty degrees out. I swore I would never do the online dating thing while going through my divorce after seeing my ex on this site while going through the divorce. And no, I didn't have an acct yet, we owned a business together and when I walked past her a couple times while she was on the c0mputer, she was on POF.

Anyways, after almost three years on this site and one other site, I have met quite a few women, been in a few relationships that didn't work out for one reason or other, and I find it easier to meet women on here then real life. I believe one of the reasons I have a hard time meeting women irl is because when I do go out with friends, two of my closest friends are women that I have known forever and the three of us go out once in awhile but most people look at us and think I am with one of them.
Most of my guy friends here are married so they are always doing the stuff that married people do.

I believe online can and does work as long as you have patience and you can tolerate going through a few bad apples to find a good one. And I guess they are not really bad apples, not just the apple I am looking for. For the most part I have met some very nice people. The lying about their ages has been something I have really been finding a lot lately, and that really bothers me because I am honest about everything on my profile. And then they all have some dumb ass excuse for lying. I am sorry, if you are going to lie about your age, you are willing to lie about anything then...
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 37
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 10/22/2013 5:42:30 AM
I only want people that I like to contact me. Which includes the young ones with the tight units. And the ones that can think and articulate. And the ones that tie flies. And the ones comfortable on their knees. And of course, a liquor cabinet that actually has the good stuff in it.

The rest I just quickly eliminate, with nary a word from me. How dare they even try to contact someone like me!!!!!! Don't they have a mirror?????

Yes, I LOVE "online" dating. Eliminates a shiat load for me. Thank goodness for that!!!!!!
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 38
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 10/22/2013 12:13:42 PM

She said in her profile that she gets asked why a woman such as herself is doing on a dating site, and her response was basically that she is trying to look for quality men as opposed to the men out and about through social venues or in public that have been approaching her. Apparently, they aren't doing it for her.

Depends where you live, where your friends insist on hanging out, etc. And of course, possibly one's own attitude (nobody ever likes to blame themselves, being the common denominator). But regardless, when one's in a rut in charming or finding someone suitable of the opp-sex, online is a good place to try. But if they're ubur-picky, I would say focus on one of the pay sites first.

I mean I have no idea as to what kind of men are approaching her...I could only shrug my shoulders on that, but if she has no problem with men in public trying to ask her out and then its seemingly the primary motivator to go online to meet other singles.

It's easier to shrug off people approaching you online, and to accept rejection online. In her case, the latter will make her get barraged much more online. But, again, easier to take. Some women are sensitive about mere messages given by strangers -- others will take it as "whatever" and it won't bother them. Online a great catch of a gal is going to get MUCH more rude come-ons, that's for sure. But it's in a different dimension of course; so it may be easier for some to take.

All in all, if a gal is "sick of" guys coming onto her, going online is not going to solve her problem, notably a highly-populated, free-for-all site like POF. BUT the positive side to that is that even though there's a lot of garbage incoming messages, she could reach out and approach the few good matches that fit her desires.

When I was younger, before the internet, when I would see married people or people coupled up , their MAIN reason for meeting....."We met through friends", nothing simpler than that.

Or from work, etc. Yeah, people through other people. People still met at events, bars, etc, though too. People still prefer to meet someone through others -- their guard is less up, less worrying -- better comfort zone. As a side note, that's why fools try to re-create a "friends first" thing on an online matchmaking site. :)

But with the online venue , I think people are being driven more to the online dating realm and not really keen on attempting to nurture relationships in person as much as they used to?

Wait though... for 99.9% of it, there is no such thing as "online dating". You don't date online. At all. It's a platform to meet in person. People don't run around online to begin or "nurture" relationships online.

Online is an avenue to approach strangers (much like at an event, bar, club, etc)... but not being an intrusive situation since it's virtual, and also being able to see a "stat sheet" which one can't get if they were even more intrusively approach the stranger in person. It has it's pros and cons, but when you approach a stranger IRL and chit-chat and get a #, it's on the same plane as doing so online, VS meeting someone in a social group or through friends.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 39
view profile
History
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 10/22/2013 3:07:55 PM
NDTfan, men have "blown up" at you because you rejected them?? Women have rejected me all my life, but I've never blown up at any of them. In the end, I think that women just want to be asked out by men they find attractive. Obviously, I'm not one of them. I just walk away. For me, when a woman isn't at all into me, that's the biggest turn off for me, and the biggest deal-breaker.
 chill78
Joined: 10/13/2013
Msg: 40
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 10/22/2013 8:28:44 PM
Online dating can increase your potential options. That can be both a good and bad thing. A person can possibly date someone that (s)he probably wouldn't have met in their normal routine. But some people can raise their expectations when there are more options. Thus they may turn down potential matches because of something trivial. Such as inch or literally a few extra pounds. It doesn't have to either or though. Online dating should be an additional ( not the only ) way to find possible dates
 FloridaRes123
Joined: 5/11/2013
Msg: 41
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 10/23/2013 3:02:42 AM

In the end, I think that women just want to be asked out by men they find attractive.


THIS is probably the common denominator here.

Well, sometimes I think, and this is just a theory, that women tend to prefer to be more reclusive these days as opposed to going out with friends. I could be completely wrong on this, but I have had some female friends that had been trying to get their "one friend" to go to a house party , BBQ, or some other private social gathering where there would be a good amount of people congregating.

They couldn't make them budge, it's kind of weird, they would blow off their friends the same reason they'd blow off a guy asking them out. lol That they are too busy or something like that.

From the jists of some of the people here, they admit to keeping their ear buds in their head the entire time they out in public to avoid those who may approach them. It's kind of sad, but personally, I think , as with the quote above, they avoid going out because lately they just haven't been meeting men they find attractive, so they just stay in on a Sat. night logged into Match.com or some site and just rely on it to do its magic.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 42
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 10/23/2013 5:18:09 AM

From the jists of some of the people here, they admit to keeping their ear buds in their head the entire time they out in public to avoid those who may approach them. It's kind of sad, but personally, I think , as with the quote above, they avoid going out because lately they just haven't been meeting men they find attractive, so they just stay in on a Sat. night logged into Match.com or some site and just rely on it to do its magic.


The problem isn't that the people approaching in real life have not been attractive. More than a few have been downright gorgeous. The problem is that they have been extremely one dimensional. Would prefer to be talked with and asked out not propositioned to and asked home, if you know what I mean. In spite of what people in here think, we are not desperate for attention from extremely hot; I am wanting multi faceted interacting with someone who has "mental hotness" and by that I mean someone who is intelligent, curious and extremely passionate as a person (not sexual passion; but someone who lives life with passion intellectually and in their actions.)

And don't know if in person they AREN'T multi dimensional or not; but if you don't see it because they are all about immediately hooking up with you, it doesn't really do you any good does it? Not attracted to one dimensionality. Looks has nothing to do with it. How diverse and complex are they? In real life, way more often than not, you just see the one side. And having the ONLY conversation being the hey baby you're hot wanna blow this joint as an approach leaves me cold. Online you get to at least see if they HAVE another side before they start talking with you.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 43
view profile
History
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 10/23/2013 5:48:47 AM
Online dating provides access to a lot more people, and, because it's initially based on verbal communication, it weeds out the most obvious mouth breathers.
 Theme_Pack
Joined: 5/3/2013
Msg: 44
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 10/23/2013 3:18:56 PM
I no longer have to meet her parents....for approval, the once over and being asked all sort of small talk...like are you Catholic, like that's going to make me a gentleman.
 localRenoite12
Joined: 4/17/2013
Msg: 45
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 10/28/2013 1:14:16 PM
I think the "old fashion way" only works if you are constantly exposed to the person you're interested in. Like they work with you, are in a class, or always go to the coffee shop at the same time you do. I have never seen anyone get into a relationship (sex is a different story) by just approaching a stranger on the street they never met before and ask for a number. With online dating there are clear goals and intentions, plus you're not barging into someone's day to let them know you're interested.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 46
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 10/28/2013 7:05:29 PM
^^^^^ and why is that
because murderers, rapist, stalkers, and players ruined getting numbers from strangers! I'm shy by nature but when I do get bold and attempt to flirt with a stranger or just get a woman's attention the results for the past year have been "sorry I have a boyfriend" And my experience online has had negative effect on trying to date offline. Now I have seen just how picky some ladies really are. Now when approaching women offline I have to worry if my race alone is a deal breaker.
Anyway dating is hard when you are shy. a friend once told me "closed mouth dont get fed"
online or off If you want to meet someone you gonna put effort into it.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 47
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 10/31/2013 8:28:17 PM
maybe there should have never been online dating period haha
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 49
view profile
History
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 11/6/2013 7:48:00 PM

FloridaRes123 wrote:

Well, sometimes I think, and this is just a theory, that women tend to prefer to be more reclusive these days as opposed to going out with friends. I could be completely wrong on this, but I have had some female friends that had been trying to get their "one friend" to go to a house party , BBQ, or some other private social gathering where there would be a good amount of people congregating.

They couldn't make them budge, it's kind of weird, they would blow off their friends the same reason they'd blow off a guy asking them out. lol That they are too busy or something like that.

From the jists of some of the people here, they admit to keeping their ear buds in their head the entire time they out in public to avoid those who may approach them. It's kind of sad, but personally, I think , as with the quote above, they avoid going out because lately they just haven't been meeting men they find attractive, so they just stay in on a Sat. night logged into Match.com or some site and just rely on it to do its magic.


Having given this a bit more thought, and stepping back and looking at the big picture, here's what I see. Women it seems (in more recent times) lack that feeling of attraction to men in general. Now before anyone goes getting their shorts in a knot, lets delve a bit deeper here. The television, the email, and media ads just about everywhere nowadays are peddling all kinds of little pills to help men and women increase their libido. Now why is that? I remember reading a study about a year ago, saying that the twenty something crowd are the biggest consumers of Cialis and Viagra. When I was in my twenties, I jizzed at least twice a day every day. I also eat a strict organic diet to this day, and the only problem I have is too much sex drive. At the risk of sounding like a "conspiracy theorist", I'm going to go out on a limb here. But knowing that Big Pharma who peddles these drugs, are the same companies that put hormones, sterriods and anti-biotics into our food chain, it makes one wonder, if all these drugs aren't there to simply counteract the effects of the ones put in the food chain. It would be brilliant economic strategy for any drug company to do this. They make money coming and going. Speculation only but based on economic logic.

In the end, however, it may be that women (and men) are struggling with low libido, and hence the "attraction factor" is just simply too low, and most women (and men) would rather just stay in, and fall asleep over a book or movie, than go hang out with a friend or potential lover.

Something to ponder anyway.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 50
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 11/6/2013 8:12:37 PM
perhaps another reason people tend to "cocoon" (to borrow FaithPopcorn's prediction) is a combination of being too stimulated during the day (email, voicemail, cellphone, a job that requires you to do the work of two people in order to save the company money), then coming home to theater TV, movies on demand, video games, etc.

In times past, living in a small town that shuts down after 6pm was a bore. If you weren't the type to fall asleep on the couch, you needed to go "out on the town" for stimulation/interaction. Now, you can come home mentally exhausted, and dial up entertainment tailored to your mood on your TV or laptop. You don't have to dress up, get yourself into a social mood, and then shell out for parking and cover charge.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way