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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way      Home login  
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 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 51
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Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned wayPage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
the end, however, it may be that women (and men) are struggling with low libido, and hence the "attraction factor" is just simply too low, and most women (and men) would rather just stay in, and fall asleep over a book or movie, than go hang out with a friend or potential lover.


Look, you have been on these boards long enough to know that women aren't men without a penis. For most women it isn't about "low libido" its about needing more than a swinging****to have attraction to someone. Physical attraction is just the starting point when looking for more than a ONS, so while you may employ the shotgun approach to fill your needs at the expense of other factors, you cant demand that woman have the same criteria with the same level of importance.

So what the woman in the original OP may have been trying to explain is that while men seem to be on constant prowl mode to ANY woman that meets a minimum attraction level, most women aren't interested in having a conversation with a man that is looking for someone who is "good enough", they are looking for a man that meets more than 1 criteria rather than waste their time because he has nice eyes, when we know that isn't enough to take it to the next level.
 Theme_Pack
Joined: 5/3/2013
Msg: 52
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 11/8/2013 4:10:02 AM
I think POF represents a very small number of the single female population in my age range and area.....so that might work out to 400 women (search criteria). I do very well with dating on line, but I find in the real world women are more forgiving with many of the online issue like height, weight and the dreaded dress code.
I meet more women walking my dog and at home Depot. I prefer dating off line as I have found people are more genuine upfront and you can read them very well. I have the gift to gab and I'm not shy....
Just an example, I walk my dog everyday and have ran into numerous women that are online, I didn't know they were online except for the fact that made the effort to contact me afterwards and I wasn't wearing a suit! go figure! Workboots, Taticool pants and a work t-shirt.
 HonkyTonk_Woman
Joined: 9/16/2013
Msg: 53
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 11/8/2013 7:04:38 AM

, I walk my dog everyday and have ran into numerous women that are online, I didn't know they were online except for the fact that made the effort to contact me afterwards

Exactly....Whether you like "on line" dating or not...it would be hard to meet anyone IRL that isn't on a dating site....especially in my age group. Those that are no longer in the work force or out clubbing..(where it is more acceptable to approach a stranger)...this is the new norm.
Yes...It probably isn't the best method but if you have a good mind set and don't let the few "bad" dates get you bitter...it can work. You seriously do have to read in between the lines on some profiles.....and yes...we all want to be attracted to the person we date....duh!!!
On line or irl...people are still people...
 FloridaRes123
Joined: 5/11/2013
Msg: 54
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 11/9/2013 12:05:21 AM
I find that online dating can be a crutch to some and doesn't allow for much of a "getting to know you" process. If they see a reason to count you out of the running, they will! LOL

Online dating also allows someone to easily reject someone they probably would not have turned down had they met that very same person in public.

I live in a more rural area and I'm still seeing the same faces of the women who I had already emailed in the past , but nary a response. I'd sometimes would follow up several months later to see if they'd bite, but still nothing. Figured they'd realize in a rural town that they couldn't afford to be overly picky.

Lately though, I'm finding women I meet through social circles to be more willing to date me since they don't have a delete button when you approach them. LOL
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 55
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 11/10/2013 8:34:13 PM

I find that online dating can be a crutch to some and doesn't allow for much of a "getting to know you" process. If they see a reason to count you out of the running, they will!

I think better wording would be;
People don't allow enough getting-to-know-you time in the dating process anymore, and they use online dating as their 'crutch' excuse for why they won't do it.

I think on-line dating would work much better if more people used it as it's intended for, but instead you have wayyy too many men...

I'm just a sick about hearing ladies complain abut the poor signal-to-noise ratio in here as I am hearing guys complain about not getting any responses. There are ALSO plenty of women using online dating that have no intention to stick to what relationships they've advertised in their profiles, and plenty on BOTH sides that are just simply too f'n vague and boring - so whining about bad advertising is a TOTAL moot point. Things also accidentally get lost in translation from BOTH sides of the gender gap, and it would do you BOTH a helluva lot of good to question each others' intentions through REAL communication instead of assuming your opinions are always going to be right.

A couple starter tips;
Ladies - if you're not going to message a guy first, then get a helluva lot more specific instead of more vague with your advertising.
Guys - be yourself, be unique, and stop pandering to the dumbest common denominator to impress EVERY woman when you only need ONE.
 cesska
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 56
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Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 11/10/2013 9:49:14 PM
WHAT is the old fashioned way
a street pick up
meet in a bar, marry then wonder why he is always in the bar
well u found him there
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 57
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 11/10/2013 11:16:57 PM

I'm pretty sure people "really communicate" the problem is talk is cheap,


Communication is more than just talk, and a helluva lot more than just texting and messaging. People communicate through actions and gestures too. The phrase 'Actions speak louder than words' means something. It means you have to look beyond just an introduction to understand the person.

Online is nothing more than an introductory tool to get people interested in real-life communication, nothing more, nothing less. Why people tend to bank on it as something more 'real' is totally beyond me.

If a person placed a classified ad in a newspaper selling a car or something significant - you're not going to buy it sight unseen, right? You gotta check it out and start it and test drive it and inspect it for leaks and such, right? How the hell can you do that from a computer?!? Seriously?!?

If the men approaching you are just 'rampant' with false motives, then why the heck can't you just ignore them and find your own choices and message them first? How is that such a miserable concept to take? Or are you worried about being rejected or ignored or worse yet - accused of your OWN false advertising?

Face it, effective communication is a TWO WAY street - you cannot demand it if you won't supply it yourself. Your online messages and such are still coming from an 'internet stranger' until you do something extra in REAL LIFE to prove you are a real person. It's always a gamble - but so is talking to the guy at the bar who just bought you a drink - OR talking to the guy that you decided to buy HIM a drink.
 FloridaRes123
Joined: 5/11/2013
Msg: 58
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 11/11/2013 2:16:32 AM

If a person placed a classified ad in a newspaper selling a car or something significant - you're not going to buy it sight unseen, right? You gotta check it out and start it and test drive it and inspect it for leaks and such, right? How the hell can you do that from a computer?!? Seriously?!?


Believe it or not, I had actually come across an ad off a woman that let's just say she runs in very large social circles downtown. She even hosts singles events in the area where tons of both men and women meetup to mix & mingle. She's a media marketing person and rubs elbows with a lot of the local business pubs, restaurants, and lounges.

When I saw her profile her online it was rather ironic and she already had a canned response of "I don't have problem meeting men, it's just not that I'm meeting the right kind of guy in my area as I am VERY selective".

So apparently she's had plenty of real life encounters being the social butterfly that she is, but apparently it has not been enough.

Real life for her has a reverse effect because she has tons of options in real life, too.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 59
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 11/11/2013 10:09:37 AM
Did YOU even finish reading my whole post? Geez, talk about not paying attention.

If the men approaching you are just 'rampant' with false motives, then why the heck can't you just ignore them and find your own choices and message them first?


Guys DO get messages from poor matches, too. Plenty of "Hey, There" one-liners and even just stupid smiley faces. Plenty of older, overweight and insecure people sending poorly worded stuff that reeks of desperation. We ignore posts all the time as well. The ONLY difference is the quantity, not the quality. If you believe you have a higher standard to a match and want to be discriminatory about who you correspond with, it is YOUR BURDEN to deal with, and NOBODY else's.

NOBODY in here is restricted to certain 'types' they can message - Aside from the obvious rules about age differences and sexual preferences - and that's the 'Beauty' of online dating! It cuts down barriers of distance, income, social circles, all of that nepotism crap - and allows ANYONE and EVERYONE to find a match.

If you're so wound up about NOT taking the bad with the good, then maybe it's time to try a more specialized site like millionairematch.com if you think that will make it "better". Judging from the results on other common sites, paid and prepaid, I seriously doubt it's going to matter - I'm willing to bet you're still going to find a higher price jerk or criminal on those sites. If all you want is something like what you've had before in your circle of friends, then stay offline and keep going to your local haunts.

Why the hell ANYone expects a GLOBAL dating site to conform to exclusively what 'YOU' want is just mind-boggling. My advice is; learn to ignore people and NOT feel guilty about it; find what YOU want; and ACT on it instead of pretending you've got better things to do. Meeting people in real life is the true eye-opener, sometimes it's worse than advertised - sometimes it's far better - but you'll never know if you're still sitting behind a screen doing the judging.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 60
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 11/11/2013 6:00:06 PM
in short online dating takes less effort
also online dating sucks!
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 61
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 11/11/2013 6:55:06 PM

And if people would use it as intended, I'm sure it would do more than just "allow" any and everyone to find a match.

So what IS online dating's 'Intended' purpose? Please elaborate. --Try not to bash an entire gender while doing so.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 62
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 11/11/2013 7:11:29 PM
the intended purpose is to cater to women who feel any and every guy who approaches them offline is creepy!
Smell that? Thats the smell of good old fashioned gender bashing!
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 63
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 11/11/2013 9:24:34 PM
^^^
Creepy guys online. Creepy guys offline.
Too busy to meet guys offline. Too busy to read and respond to messages online.

Yep a good man is hard to find ...or any man to be exact.
 aanarchist
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 64
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 11/13/2013 8:40:38 PM
well i've yet to actually try online dating myself. but my assumption was that men and women could get more insight into a person without having to dance around with courtship rituals that end up as wasted time and resources. i know that for myself personally, few women fit into the demographic i'm looking for in a partner, most women hate geeks, so i don't want to date someone only to find out that they are intolerant of some of my more quirky personality traits and hobbies/mannerisms, and i especially don't want to end up with someone who would put up with it rather than accepting and embracing those sides of me. i was under the assumption that the quality women that go online were hoping to have an easier time finding like minded guys who want more than to get in their pants. unfortunately what seems to have happened with the online dating world is the same trash that creeps offline has come online once they realized that they might have an easier time getting laid there. the women get flooded by the same trash they got flooded with in the real world and it's back to square one.

i think the end result is men and women who take the time to message others have an easier time looking for what they want in an online environment, but actually finding it stays equally hard.
 cesska
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 65
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Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 11/25/2013 8:37:58 PM
where do u go to meet new people
the bars
well I would rather meet a man in a forum
I like men that can write
 Carennedy
Joined: 11/30/2013
Msg: 66
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 12/4/2013 9:28:29 AM
Thanks for your feedback on the two types of dating in today's world. Some stories freak me out but for the most part the more I read on this forum about 'dating' in todays world and online dating in particular the more comfortable I am about the whole dating thing.
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 12/4/2013 12:26:21 PM
Lots of people are shy (especially when it comes to making an initial approach) & or they've grown tired & disenchanted with the 'bar scene' etc.
 razors_edge55
Joined: 11/25/2013
Msg: 68
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Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 12/4/2013 2:04:38 PM
I try to talk right away and meet , I like the old way and realy hate this place. here you are guilty till proven inocent ,IMO
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 69
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 12/4/2013 3:18:47 PM
yes, I'm coming late to this discussion but I feel oddly compelled to AGAIN point out that you cannot "date" online.
All you can do is make contact with people that you might want to date/socialize/interact with.
Online contact venues do offer a wider scope to those in small towns/rural areas, older people, people who are extremely busy, I think that in the long run it will take the "well (s)he is better than being single" mindset that may have been a bigger factor than anyone realizes, out of the equation.

Online contact venues are NOT necessarily a haven for the unattractive/undesirable/socially inept. Many attractive and desirable people use them as a PART of their method of meeting potential dates/relationship prospects. No matter how beautiful a woman or handsome a man might be, if their real-world environment doesn't contain a lot of
people who they find attractive and interesting enough to date, then why wouldn't they seek ways to widen their search?
Cindy O
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 70
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Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 12/4/2013 3:59:58 PM
OP, I'll take a stab at this. I think online is the only safe way (for a man at least) to pursue a relationship with a woman. If it is in school, work, or just about any other venue other than a bar, the man risks lawsuits over "sexual harassment". At least online, there are the few women here that are actually looking for a relationship by their very presence here, so it is a safe bet there won't be any litigious activity as a result.
 sweetpe4u
Joined: 11/4/2013
Msg: 71
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 12/4/2013 7:02:19 PM
Online dating is simply another avenue in which to meet people you would not normally in your day to day life. If she is looking for a particular type of man to date, then I see no issue with exploring her options vis-a-vis online dating.

For me, I find that when I go to the grocery store, out to lounges with friends, etc. I am sometimes approached by men whom do not interest me at all. I am guilty of having a 'type' that I find attractive and would consider dating. I can certainly understand anyone having a preference for quality over quantity.
 PlentyofThis123
Joined: 11/23/2013
Msg: 72
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 12/5/2013 3:35:59 PM

For me, I find that when I go to the grocery store, out to lounges with friends, etc. I am sometimes approached by men whom do not interest me at all. I am guilty of having a 'type' that I find attractive and would consider dating. I can certainly understand anyone having a preference for quality over quantity.


Before the internet, I suppose people just dated those who they met in person? Be it at a college class, out with friends, etc?

In fact, I think prior to the internet...most people I've ever talked to claimed to have met "through friends" as they put it. It was the most common way to meet prior to the existence of the internet. Now, there are an abundance of options.

How many men does it take to approach you that don't interest you to decide to develop a profile online?

I think online dating has turned things into a "kid in a candy store" situation. What happens when you have came to the level of saturation even when meeting people online..seriously?

I saw this profile very recently , the only thing she had in the "About me" section was, "At this point I'm not sure if the guy I'm looking for even exists ."

See, she has reached her saturation point here online. What's next...relocate?
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 73
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Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 12/5/2013 7:14:26 PM

doria0819 wrote:

Sooner or later you have to meet in the physical to have a proper relationship and sexual harrassment and litigation can occur just like in real life. WHat is safe about that?? A man risks lawsuits over sexual harrassment if he behaves in an offensive manner as deemed by the person at the other end of it. So he just has to behave in a respectful manner, right??
I agree that women are more likely to be put off by approaches made by a guy she doesnt fancy,and complain, as to opposed to a guy that she does..... that is life...


True, but if a man has already engaged a woman in messaging / phone calls etc. And if they set up a date, it pre-supposes that she is already interested in him rather than trying to retire on a golden parachute. But then again, there are THOSE women who are constantly looking for the gold brick I suppose, so you probably nailed them right there.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 74
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Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 12/6/2013 9:35:41 AM

Before the internet, I suppose people just dated those who they met in person? Be it at a college class, out with friends, etc?

In fact, I think prior to the internet...most people I've ever talked to claimed to have met "through friends" as they put it. It was the most common way to meet prior to the existence of the internet. Now, there are an abundance of options.

How many men does it take to approach you that don't interest you to decide to develop a profile online?

I think online dating has turned things into a "kid in a candy store" situation. What happens when you have came to the level of saturation even when meeting people online..seriously?


Before the Internet, people worked from a smaller pool in general, and therefore settled for less than they would with a larger pool. Some got lucky and met a close-to-optimal person, but, by and large, the majority of people settled for much less of a match than the would with the kind of exposure the Internet gives you. Now you can use "through friends," bars, church, etc. AND the Internet and find someone more of a fit than you would without the option of viewing hundreds or thousands in a larger vicinity.

If you don't find anyone even still, then you just stay single instead of forcing a relationship, unless being with someone is so important with you that you will put up with a level of issues or work you otherwise would not.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 75
Why some people prefer online dating than the old-fashioned way
Posted: 12/6/2013 10:16:32 AM

Before the Internet, people worked from a smaller pool in general, and therefore settled for less than they would with a larger pool. Some got lucky and met a close-to-optimal person, but, by and large, the majority of people settled for much less of a match than the would with the kind of exposure the Internet gives you.


Funny how that worked - generations of people meeting 'less of a match' and STILL stayed together. Don't forget that part of the 'internet effect' isn't JUST about being more selective about who you pick - it's also severely weakened the resolve of people to stick with ANY relationship - good, bad, or in-between.


If you don't find anyone even still, then you just stay single instead of forcing a relationship, unless being with someone is so important with you that you will put up with a level of issues or work you otherwise would not.

Pardon my French, but what a sh1tty hunk of advice to give anyone. Every person on this planet has a level of 'issues' because they're human beings. A lot of the poor relationship results are NOT about picking someone poorly - it's about being sissies when it comes to working out issues together. Just because you don't have a perfect match doesn't mean you are a VICTIM and should bail and run away.

A lot of forumites are more than willing to talk about how to choose a proper mate, but it's almost stunning how few are willing to put up with ANY sort of setbacks/impurities and stick to a relationship. That baggage from past faults, problems and abuses makes that commitment strength weaker than a 100-year-old's hip bone.

I don't care how I meet someone new - introductions through new technology or ancient dating methods - what the 'Old-fashioned' way of dating SHOULD teach you is to WORK on a relationship and stick to it instead of believing there's always something 'better' - that you DESERVE 'better' - instead of just investing a little effort working on what you've already got.

People may protest that statement, because they've come from abusive, manipulative relationships - but those are the exceptionally BAD matchups, not the commonplace ones. People in these forums tend to broadcast their negativity and not their successes, so keep that in mind when you judge this whole online dating experience by these few threads.
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