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 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 30
Do you want children?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Totally agree with you Bookbelle. When a young person says they want to have kids someday, why don't people say: "You are too young to know if you want kids someday. You might change your mind."? It's too bad a lot of people put no thought into baby making, and many people do it "cuz that's what people do" or it's an accident. People who make the decision to be childfree have put a lot of thought into the decision.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 31
Do you want children?
Posted: 11/27/2013 12:34:02 PM

whenever this topic is brought up, a lot of people in the peanut gallery are always shouting "You might change your mind". They are not capable of comprehending the fact that some adults actually know what life path they want to take-and sometimes that path includes being child free. They don't understand how some people have avoided being brainwashed into believing that breeding is the only choice in life.

I agree with this. I knew when I was 12 what I wanted - and tried to get spayed when I was in my late teens but was not taken seriously because I was young. Just because I am capable of it doesn't mean I will automatically want to procreate. Years later, sure enough I haven't changed my mind from that initial decision - you are 25, so you are a lot older and should absolutely know what you want by now. Be clear about that up front - there are plenty of women who don't want them either. Don't worry about the ones who do.
 DomLS1
Joined: 12/18/2009
Msg: 32
Do you want children?
Posted: 11/27/2013 12:47:17 PM
You have to understand something here... 99% of women are going to have "I want children someday." Having a child is sacred to a woman as it is something that a man cannot do. Girls dream about two things from the about the time they are 7, until it actually happens: Having a kid, and getting married. If you don't want kids, that's your own personal choice and there's nothing wrong with that. But if you want to get technical, you're going to have more women disinterested in a serious relationship with you because of that choice and therefor I don't think being picky about this subject is really best for you. You say you can't help thinking "What if" and it being ruined over something simple like that. Well, children to a woman is not something simple. It's a complex part of life that can't be understood until you have one. Here's a what if for you.. WHAT IF you meet a girl and you like her so much that it makes you want to have children with her? What then? See what if's mean absolutely nothing until they happen because you never know. Just because she says she want's kids should NOT be a dealbreaker... search for more important dealbreakers in women.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 33
Do you want children?
Posted: 11/27/2013 2:12:32 PM

Having a child is sacred to a woman as it is something that a man cannot do.

That's a pretty silly statement. Women who want kids don't want them because men can't give birth...? Hogwash. At least I'm fairly certain - but I'll ask women to chime in on this in case I am way off.

WHAT IF you meet a girl and you like her so much that it makes you want to have children with her?

That's as crazy as a person telling me I don't want kids now, but when I meet the right guy I'll think differently. BS. Either I want them or I don't. Who I meet and end up with has nothing to do with that.
 LifeExpedition
Joined: 10/30/2013
Msg: 34
Do you want children?
Posted: 11/27/2013 2:48:44 PM
I want rug monkeys like I want higher taxes, less representation in government and a boatload of STDs. I don't want to date women with kids that aren't at least 18...and not the normal 18 year old that sits at home, smokes weed and has mommy do all his chores. Preferably the woman doesn't have any kids nor does she want any. I love mine, but the whole process is overrated.

I always wonder when I see a woman around 40 or above who says she wants kids, if she's mentally unbalanced. I can't imagine chasing a rug monkey around on the floor at this age. Much less the dreaded potty training. They don't even get really interesting until the little aliens learn to speak English.

There's so much unnecessary over breeding these days, and by too many people that should never have bred in the first place. So yeah, if you decide, like me that you don't want to procreate anymore then the odds of finding a match anywhere goes way down. I'm also surgically enhanced so that I cannot inadvertently unleash my legions upon the earth. This is much preferable than being tied down until I'm 60 so that I can go explore the world and travel when the kid launches out of the nest.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Do you want children?
Posted: 11/27/2013 3:33:35 PM
"99% of women are going to have "I want children someday." Having a child is sacred to a woman as it is something that a man cannot do. Girls dream about two things from the about the time they are 7, until it actually happens: Having a kid, and getting married. "

List your source for this information.

Many women don't want children. Some don't even want marriage.

"But if you want to get technical, you're going to have more women disinterested in a serious relationship with you because of that choice and therefor I don't think being picky about this subject is really best for you."

Are you really suggesting that men have children they don't want just so they can have a women they are interested?
Do you really think anyone should have children when they don't want them.
That would be unspeakabely cruel to the children and beyond stupid of the adults.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 36
Do you want children?
Posted: 11/27/2013 6:33:47 PM

...you're going to have more women disinterested in a serious relationship with you because of that choice and therefor I don't think being picky about this subject is really best for you."


Is this much more different than a person whose dream is to have a large family-an SUV full of kids-meeting someone who wants only one child? How would that work out?
 elmuchoburrito
Joined: 8/27/2013
Msg: 38
Do you want children?
Posted: 11/28/2013 12:02:58 PM
BookBelle
find another doctor. I had to go through three of them before I found one that would do it.
Snipped and cut - age 18. No regrets. Never any second guesses.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 40
view profile
History
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/1/2013 8:59:34 PM
Unfortunately, this question is so vague that any answer (Yes, no, undecided/open) is equally vague. I wish it was more specific like elmuchoburrito says in msg.29.
 BabblingBrookes
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 42
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/2/2013 1:42:02 PM
If I were you, I'd contact women and let them decide whether your status means anything to them. They can decide for themselves if they're OK with dating a guy who doesn't want kids.

I personally ignored anyone who put "no" or "undecided" under that section. I'm firmly in the, "want kids" camp, so I'm not going to waste time with a guy in the, "unsure" camp. There are guys who definitely want kids one day. I'm in a relationship with one. I don't see any reason to start dating someone I'd never consider marrying. I obviously don't want to marry everyone I date, but I won't date someone I definitely wouldn't marry. I'd be wasting both of ours time.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 43
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/2/2013 4:03:47 PM

Unfortunately, this question is so vague that any answer (Yes, no, undecided/open) is equally vague.


I agree that the question is very vague. The time frame of when to have kids and the quantity of kids desired can be a deal breaker as much as not wanting kids. Some people might want a boat load of kids starting right away, while another person might want one or two kids starting after 4 or 5 years of marriage in order to get financially established first. They obviously would be a bad match, even though they both want kids. So just knowing if someone wants kids is just a small part of finding the right partner. A couple has to be on the the same page when it comes to when (kids and marriage) and how many. I and a lot of guys will avoid women who are desperately husband shopping-looking for someone to marry after a very short courtship-in order start the breeding process.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 44
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/3/2013 12:49:19 PM
DomLS1:
Having a child is sacred to a woman as it is something that a man cannot do.


WomanInProgress:
That's a pretty silly statement. Women who want kids don't want them because men can't give birth...? Hogwash. At least I'm fairly certain - but I'll ask women to chime in on this in case I am way off.


Oh besides being nauseatingly cliché….. it’s just the same old staggering delusion some men cling to…..that MEN are the center of every woman’s universe and everything we think, say, do, etc. is somehow determined by MEN, or our reactions to MEN, or blah blah blah MEN. I suspect it’s because their own existences revolve around WOMEN.


Girls dream about two things from the about the time they are 7, until it actually happens: Having a kid, and getting married.


Uh yeah. I never “dreamed” about either one of those things. Seems like you’ve been watching too many chick flicks.

However I do agree that the “dream” would most definitely come to a crashing end with the reality.


I want rug monkeys like I want higher taxes, less representation in government and a boatload of STDs.


So you’re open to it?


I and a lot of guys will avoid women who are desperately husband shopping-looking for someone to marry after a very short courtship-in order start the breeding process.


Curious…..just how can you and “a lot of guys” tell that about a woman? Is she constantly looking at the clock and counting down the minutes til her ovaries expire? Does she carry a sperm count kit on dates? Seems to me any woman that desperate for impregnation would have done something about it sooner, like visit a fertility clinic and avoid the unnecessary male drama altogether.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 45
view profile
History
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/3/2013 4:42:59 PM
Seems to me any woman that desperate for impregnation would have done something about it sooner, like visit a fertility clinic and avoid the unnecessary male drama altogether.


How much child support can she collect from the fertility clinic?
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 46
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/3/2013 4:58:09 PM
It leaves me puzzled when I see women aged in my preferred 41-51 y.o. span indicating "yes" to creating children.
This is certainly very gender-neutral, so I would think most women would be puzzled about a guy in his mid-40's who might similarly wish to explore being a father for the first time? Sometimes cards are dealt the way they are dealt.
 lowmiles2
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 47
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/18/2013 2:06:23 PM
Like someone said before me. I find it strange to read (yes or undecided) from a woman is in her late forties early fiftys. By their pics some look like they could handle having a baby but some others not so much. I just move on to the next.
 BlasphemousBombshell
Joined: 11/19/2013
Msg: 49
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/20/2013 4:11:26 PM
By pass the woman who say yes. It's better for you in the long run. Why spend years, and resources on someone who in the end will leave to have kids? There are plenty of people out there who don't want babies, and those girls aren't certain to leave once the click starts ticking.
 Mrhugodrax
Joined: 12/20/2013
Msg: 50
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/23/2013 10:10:34 PM
What surprises me are women in the 40s who say they want kids.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 51
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/24/2013 7:12:14 AM
^^I have that same reaction when I see men in their 40s say that. Do they really want to be 60+ year olds going to HS graduations? Odd.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 52
no, I was thinking I'd try the cole slaw
Posted: 12/24/2013 6:30:02 PM
or worse, have they read the medical findings that being a dad at 40 increases the odds the child will have Downs?

adopt instead. do an orphan a favor. or maybe get a dog--they're this century's version of having kids, apparently.
 CheekyCapricorn
Joined: 9/12/2012
Msg: 53
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/26/2013 4:01:05 AM
Mine is set to do not want kids, it's not negotiable. yet i still get messages from those who want kids, people think i don't know my own situation, that i may change my mind, i can never be sure, but alas it is 100% not an option. So it does get annoying when you get messages from guys who choose not to acknowledge that!
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 10/8/2013
Msg: 54
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/26/2013 4:00:39 PM
Newsflash - women in their 40s are still perfectly able to have babies, even without fertility treatments. I work as a pediatric nurse and I have seen a lot of babies whose mom's had them by accident in their 40s, having believed the myth that after 35 a woman can't have kids anymore. I had my daughter at age 37, totally unplanned. Perfectly healthy too. I personally do not want any more kids, but I also know to never say never.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 55
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/26/2013 4:39:16 PM
I really get nauseated by the people in here that 'scold' others of all the bad things that can happen from trying to have a kid past age 35 or whatever. It seriously sounds like the same scolding we get ad nauseum from animal rights people about buying pets at Christmastime. If the kid is old enough and mature enough and willing to take care of a pet, there is NOTHING WRONG with getting one for Christmas.

If a person wants to be a parent, and is capable of doing so, that is THEIR choice to make. They don't need armchair gynecologists in here telling them all the risks. There's a bajillion things that can go wrong when having a kid, and it is NOT limited to just the old farts. Good God it's not like someone who has a kid with Downs syndrome is going to abandon them on the side of a cold deserted roadway because they're not a perfect 'fit' or something. This isn't the 1800s.

If you don't want to have kids, that's fine. It's your choice. If you don't feel like explaining 'why', you don't have to. But if your fear of having kids is based on a fear of having a less-than-normal one, you've got a LOT of growing up to do. A kid with special needs is like an extra gallon of gasoline in a roomful of dynamite - if you're willing to walk into that mine shaft with a lit candle, what the hell difference is that little extra danger going to make?!?
 forumfella
Joined: 10/18/2013
Msg: 56
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/26/2013 5:41:16 PM
Pretty simple really men, don't want kids, or people trying to change your minds...get yourself a vasectomy..pretty simple operation and the discussion is over! Plus the added benefit of not needing to wear condoms. ( and before the std police snap at me, I mean after a relationship has been established)
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 10/8/2013
Msg: 57
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/26/2013 6:34:21 PM
forumfella, not to bust your bubble,but even vasectomies are not 100%. Had a couple in with their newborn for a checkup the other day, and I asked them if it was their first. They both laughed and said that their other kids were in high school and college, and the Dad had a vasectomy 10 years ago. But still somehow nature found a way and bam - they had another baby. They only 100% sure method is no sex at all or a hysterectomy. Even tubal ligations are not 100% and worst case could lead to a tubal pregnancy.
 BabblingBrookes
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 58
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/27/2013 6:54:38 AM

I really get nauseated by the people in here that 'scold' others of all the bad things that can happen from trying to have a kid past age 35 or whatever. It seriously sounds like the same scolding we get ad nauseum from animal rights people about buying pets at Christmastime. If the kid is old enough and mature enough and willing to take care of a pet, there is NOTHING WRONG with getting one for Christmas.


I think the purpose of the "scolding" is to protect the potential child/dog from harm. It's not for the adult's sake, it's for the innocent's sake. I personally volunteer at an animal shelter, and it disgusts me how many animals are there as "owner surrenders". A puppy that was never trained became "destructive", or "too big" or "too aggressive", etc. A pet was purchased for an elderly relative to keep them company and is abandoned when that relative dies. Who the hell does this shit?? You are never buying an animal for a child...you are buying it for yourself and monitoring the care given by the child. If the child ever grows out of "wanting a puppy" or is a poor caretaker, then it's YOUR dog. Don't buy it for the sake of someone else. You never know how they're going to treat it.

I think what people who do the scolding fail to see is that having a child is inherently selfish. That's the case for everyone who's had a child regardless of their age. You brought them into the world for your sake, not theirs. They had no say in the matter, so how could you know what life they would have. You did it for the opportunities they bring for you, the world and themselves. No one would have children if they were inherently awful things that were more trouble than they're worth. You breed (aka gamble) and then hope the dice fall in your favor: A mentally and physically healthy child.

A child being born healthy isn't just for the parent's sake...it's for the child's sake as well. They're the ones who have to live with your decision. Some people would rather adopt than subject their child to potential harm for a decision they made: waiting too long to have children. Obviously, it's a gamble. You could have unhealthy children at any age. In the end, people usually find a way to do what they want to do. I myself am in the "danger zone" and intend to have children. That's my personal decision, but I understand why people tell me the dangers.
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