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 BlasphemousBombshell
Joined: 11/19/2013
Msg: 49
Do you want children?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
By pass the woman who say yes. It's better for you in the long run. Why spend years, and resources on someone who in the end will leave to have kids? There are plenty of people out there who don't want babies, and those girls aren't certain to leave once the click starts ticking.
 Mrhugodrax
Joined: 12/20/2013
Msg: 50
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/23/2013 10:10:34 PM
What surprises me are women in the 40s who say they want kids.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 51
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/24/2013 7:12:14 AM
^^I have that same reaction when I see men in their 40s say that. Do they really want to be 60+ year olds going to HS graduations? Odd.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 52
no, I was thinking I'd try the cole slaw
Posted: 12/24/2013 6:30:02 PM
or worse, have they read the medical findings that being a dad at 40 increases the odds the child will have Downs?

adopt instead. do an orphan a favor. or maybe get a dog--they're this century's version of having kids, apparently.
 CheekyCapricorn
Joined: 9/12/2012
Msg: 53
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/26/2013 4:01:05 AM
Mine is set to do not want kids, it's not negotiable. yet i still get messages from those who want kids, people think i don't know my own situation, that i may change my mind, i can never be sure, but alas it is 100% not an option. So it does get annoying when you get messages from guys who choose not to acknowledge that!
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 10/8/2013
Msg: 54
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/26/2013 4:00:39 PM
Newsflash - women in their 40s are still perfectly able to have babies, even without fertility treatments. I work as a pediatric nurse and I have seen a lot of babies whose mom's had them by accident in their 40s, having believed the myth that after 35 a woman can't have kids anymore. I had my daughter at age 37, totally unplanned. Perfectly healthy too. I personally do not want any more kids, but I also know to never say never.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 55
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/26/2013 4:39:16 PM
I really get nauseated by the people in here that 'scold' others of all the bad things that can happen from trying to have a kid past age 35 or whatever. It seriously sounds like the same scolding we get ad nauseum from animal rights people about buying pets at Christmastime. If the kid is old enough and mature enough and willing to take care of a pet, there is NOTHING WRONG with getting one for Christmas.

If a person wants to be a parent, and is capable of doing so, that is THEIR choice to make. They don't need armchair gynecologists in here telling them all the risks. There's a bajillion things that can go wrong when having a kid, and it is NOT limited to just the old farts. Good God it's not like someone who has a kid with Downs syndrome is going to abandon them on the side of a cold deserted roadway because they're not a perfect 'fit' or something. This isn't the 1800s.

If you don't want to have kids, that's fine. It's your choice. If you don't feel like explaining 'why', you don't have to. But if your fear of having kids is based on a fear of having a less-than-normal one, you've got a LOT of growing up to do. A kid with special needs is like an extra gallon of gasoline in a roomful of dynamite - if you're willing to walk into that mine shaft with a lit candle, what the hell difference is that little extra danger going to make?!?
 forumfella
Joined: 10/18/2013
Msg: 56
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/26/2013 5:41:16 PM
Pretty simple really men, don't want kids, or people trying to change your minds...get yourself a vasectomy..pretty simple operation and the discussion is over! Plus the added benefit of not needing to wear condoms. ( and before the std police snap at me, I mean after a relationship has been established)
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 10/8/2013
Msg: 57
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/26/2013 6:34:21 PM
forumfella, not to bust your bubble,but even vasectomies are not 100%. Had a couple in with their newborn for a checkup the other day, and I asked them if it was their first. They both laughed and said that their other kids were in high school and college, and the Dad had a vasectomy 10 years ago. But still somehow nature found a way and bam - they had another baby. They only 100% sure method is no sex at all or a hysterectomy. Even tubal ligations are not 100% and worst case could lead to a tubal pregnancy.
 BabblingBrookes
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 58
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/27/2013 6:54:38 AM

I really get nauseated by the people in here that 'scold' others of all the bad things that can happen from trying to have a kid past age 35 or whatever. It seriously sounds like the same scolding we get ad nauseum from animal rights people about buying pets at Christmastime. If the kid is old enough and mature enough and willing to take care of a pet, there is NOTHING WRONG with getting one for Christmas.


I think the purpose of the "scolding" is to protect the potential child/dog from harm. It's not for the adult's sake, it's for the innocent's sake. I personally volunteer at an animal shelter, and it disgusts me how many animals are there as "owner surrenders". A puppy that was never trained became "destructive", or "too big" or "too aggressive", etc. A pet was purchased for an elderly relative to keep them company and is abandoned when that relative dies. Who the hell does this shit?? You are never buying an animal for a child...you are buying it for yourself and monitoring the care given by the child. If the child ever grows out of "wanting a puppy" or is a poor caretaker, then it's YOUR dog. Don't buy it for the sake of someone else. You never know how they're going to treat it.

I think what people who do the scolding fail to see is that having a child is inherently selfish. That's the case for everyone who's had a child regardless of their age. You brought them into the world for your sake, not theirs. They had no say in the matter, so how could you know what life they would have. You did it for the opportunities they bring for you, the world and themselves. No one would have children if they were inherently awful things that were more trouble than they're worth. You breed (aka gamble) and then hope the dice fall in your favor: A mentally and physically healthy child.

A child being born healthy isn't just for the parent's sake...it's for the child's sake as well. They're the ones who have to live with your decision. Some people would rather adopt than subject their child to potential harm for a decision they made: waiting too long to have children. Obviously, it's a gamble. You could have unhealthy children at any age. In the end, people usually find a way to do what they want to do. I myself am in the "danger zone" and intend to have children. That's my personal decision, but I understand why people tell me the dangers.
 forumfella
Joined: 10/18/2013
Msg: 59
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/27/2013 7:08:07 AM
^^^^ I agree BB, well said^^^^

After our second child, I knew I didn't want anymore children, that I wouldn't be able to give them the proper attention they deserved, so in 1999, I decided to get fixed, never regretted it, and yes Karma, you're right, not fool proof, if you wait 3 months till a doctor checks to make sure all your swimmers are gone, 1 in 2000 chance of pregnancy.6-1%, so my bad.
I just enjoy my great nieces and nephews now, and then I go home to peace and quiet. ;)
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 60
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/27/2013 10:20:36 AM

Some people would rather adopt than subject their child to potential harm for a decision they made: waiting too long to have children.

The irony is that most children ready and available for adoption are indeed already 'damaged' goods in a matter of speaking. Trying to adopt a healthy child is an extremely lengthy and ridiculously expensive progress.

Yes, having children may seem to be an inherently selfish act, but the duty and responsibilities associated with parenthood are FAR from selfish. You don't get to decide if someone older wants to take the gamble of having a healthy one of their own, or be burdened with the duty of a lifetime of special needs. That's always going to be their choice - and God's. If you truly think people should invest in special needs children versus attempting to have one of their own, then I strongly suggest you lead by example and adopt one yourself before you start preaching guilt to non-parents. Seriously.
 BabblingBrookes
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 61
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/27/2013 10:48:01 AM

If you truly think people should invest in special needs children versus attempting to have one of their own, then I strongly suggest you lead by example and adopt one yourself before you start preaching guilt to non-parents. Seriously.


I'm always amazed at how you interpret statements. *sigh*

I don't think people should invest in special needs children versus attempting to have one of their own.

I said, "Some people would rather adopt than subject their child to potential harm for a decision they made: waiting too long to have children." I never said what I personally believe ANYONE should do. It's their choice, and they can ignore any naysayers if they wish. The naysayers have every right to voice their opinion. Don't like it, ignore it.

I honestly SAY exactly what I MEAN. There's no need to fabricate off the wall interpretations based on your own misgivings.

Informing someone of the drawbacks of their decisions is hardly preaching guilt. I appreciate going into any situation with my eyes open and assume any responsible adult would want to do the same. Seriously.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 62
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/27/2013 12:19:52 PM
I'm with Babbling Brookes - too many people want kids/pets for their own sake with no regard to the responsibility of it or the kid or pet's life.

I worked in a shelter too when I was younger - it can really depress you, as a downside. I had to quit because I wanted to just beat people with a tire iron for the stories they came in with as a valid reason to drop a pet off they no longer wanted, and the blatant disregard for the care a pet needed after adopting one from us.

Wanting kids sounds good but few consider the length of time and amount of money and attention it actually takes. I believe many just wing it and hope it turns out OK. For many luckily it somehow does. I always believed that a woman should never have a child if they feel they might ever need anyone's help raising it - that way the child is secure no matter what happens. The people around who do pitch in are a nice bonus but should never be depended on as part of the decision.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 63
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/27/2013 3:30:46 PM

Informing someone of the drawbacks of their decisions is hardly preaching guilt. I appreciate going into any situation with my eyes open and assume any responsible adult would want to do the same. Seriously.


What's wrong with informing them of the positives as well? C'mon, you're not talking to teenagers and twentysomethings having unprotected sex - your audience is people who've been around for a while and KNOW the risks. Talking about how the kids and pets are 'innocents' is NOT informing them of something new - it's coloring them in a light that makes potential parents feel guilty. 'Potential harm' is why thousands of parents leave out pictures of their kids in dating profiles, because rumors abound of pedophiles stalking here. Never mind THAT chance is probably less than getting hit by lightning - but it's still something to fear, right?

People spend too much time in here looking for shortcuts to taking risks - people are always fishing for 'insider' information that they seem to be lacking. People get scared to try anything anymore, because the naysayers in here are always pushing what could go wrong instead of what could go right. At least God/Mother Nature got it right to compel us to mindlessly screw our brains out every once in a while so the species can continue.
 naysaying_knicktwist
Joined: 11/19/2009
Msg: 64
Do you want children?
Posted: 12/27/2013 3:44:36 PM
Not everyone wants to jump in the water without checking the depth, Sweet_Danimal. Not everyone thinks ignorance is bliss.
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