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 Iseedudpeople
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 51
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To MePage 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

Most women tell me "that what is inside is what counts" but still the outside has to count for something.


Most of those women probably wouldn't give a short man, balding man, etc the time of day = HYPOCRITES
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 52
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/30/2013 3:26:53 PM

F him.

That seems to be at the HEART of the problem. She'd like to but he can't get it up.
I don't disagree that she needs to exit this psuedo- relationship.
And decide whether a rigorous lifestyle overhaul is what she wants to do in aid of finding a relationship, or whether she wants to take a nore relaxed approach.
I also agree with you that genuine obesity often has significant underlying causes and I aso agree with the poster who commented on medical situations that cannot always be completely controlled. I've known good sized people who lost weight and were sick all the time thereafter. I've known thin people who were NOT fit, they just had a very over-revved metabolism(often hyper-boosted by nicotine, caffiene or less legal drugs).
I've seen stout women make happy marriages, too.
But I still think that this is not a good situation/relationship for the OP and she should get out of it.
Cindy O
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 53
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/30/2013 3:44:20 PM
I would only talk to people who have actually gone through this process. Everyone eats, so those who've never been obese have no idea why it happens. They come up with assumptions that fit their understanding of why they eat. I used to get angry about it until I realized they honestly had no idea the nature of the demon I was dealing with. Ignore them and use tools that Work and Support you. Ignore judgments, they're ash in the wind.


My sister used to say stuff like this. She'd claim her weight had nothing to do with her eating habits. Then I'd watch her sit down and finish off a large bag of potato chips and a pint of chip dip all by herself. And then she'd have a bowl of ice cream. And then she'd have a second bowl of ice cream. This was just a snack, she also ate large meals loaded with saturated fat and calories. Sure, it had nothing to do with what and how much she ate. And the bariatric surgery didn't force her to eat less which resulted in the loss of 150 lbs.

There's a simple reason an increasing percentage of our society is obese, people are consuming more and exercising less. I don't have to experience obesity to be able to say that.

Those with metabolic issues are a very small percentage of the obese.

I agree that the OP needs to get out of this relationship. I would also advise the OP's guy that he needs to get out of this relationship.
 fieryredhead77
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 54
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/30/2013 4:36:17 PM
I am sure you are right paderic and only fat people believe that if you are told something enough you will believe it. I am sure that it why so many billions goes into marketing- because it doesn't affect how we think. And last time I checked fat people ran the world too and made up all the rules. I am talking basic psychology. You have on your profile that you have a graduate degree. Didn't they cover that in undergrad studies
 BabblingBrookes
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 55
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/30/2013 4:36:34 PM

My sister used to say stuff like this. She'd claim her weight had nothing to do with her eating habits. Then I'd watch her sit down and finish off a large bag of potato chips and a pint of chip dip all by herself. And then she'd have a bowl of ice cream. And then she'd have a second bowl of ice cream. This was just a snack, she also ate large meals loaded with saturated fat and calories. Sure, it had nothing to do with what and how much she ate. And the bariatric surgery didn't force her to eat less which resulted in the loss of 150 lbs.


Sure, you can say people are consuming more and exercising less. *shrug* It's a simplified way of looking at the problem. If you've never experienced obesity, you'll have a hard time understanding why someone lives like that except for a reason you would choose it: You like pie and you hate exercising. That will get you to overweight, but obesity is another beast altogether. I think we all know that you gain weight when you consume more calories than you expend. My point was that the reason why you're doing that likely has to do with how you cope with your emotions, not because you love pie.

My aunt died last month because she couldn't stop compulsively overeating after getting gastric bypass surgery. She thought if she felt full sooner, she'd stop eating. She didn't. She'd eat until she'd get a hernia. She got several hernias before her liver and kidneys gave out and she died.

I feel sorry for your sister if she believes her eating habits have nothing do to with her weight. Of course they do...now she has to understand why her eating habits are what they are. If the surgery helped her, then great. It's helped a lot of people. I just wish people who've never been obese wouldn't add fire to a person already battling an inferno. You're not helping them by pointing out they need to stop eating so much. Seriously? Guilt is an emotion...and you've just piled it on to a person who eats to deal with emotions. Brilliant. *sigh*
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 56
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/30/2013 6:36:48 PM
I am sure you are right paderic and only fat people believe that if you are told something enough you will believe it.


Nice strawman. Unfortunately, it's an argument I haven't made. I would say only gullible people believe that. Fat people tend to like it because it makes them feel better.


I am sure that it why so many billions goes into marketing- because it doesn't affect how we think.


How do you explain gay people or people that are more attracted to the obese? Did the marketing just not work on them? And if the marketing didn't work on them, isn't it possible that it didn't work on others? Just because the majority prefers something, it doesn't prove the media is the cause. By the way, I didn't say the media had no influence. I said it isn't as significant as you're making it out to be.

A lot of my preferences aren't mainstream. What happened there?

Marketers only wish they had that kind of influence.


I am talking basic psychology.


No, you are talking Oprah-esque pop psychology.


You have on your profile that you have a graduate degree. Didn't they cover that in undergrad studies


Actually, I have more than one. But one is an engineering degree and the other is a business degree. Psychology isn't required for either.

And I also have a note on my profile that says not to believe anything on my profile...
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 57
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/30/2013 7:18:57 PM
You like pie and you hate exercising. That will get you to overweight, but obesity is another beast altogether. I think we all know that you gain weight when you consume more calories than you expend. My point was that the reason why you're doing that likely has to do with how you cope with your emotions, not because you love pie.


Eating more than you metabolize gets you to weight gain. Weight gain gets you to overweight and subsequently to obese.

I'm not overweight or obese because I decided early in life that I was going to do everything I could to avoid it. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of thinking that working out daily and keeping fit meant I could eat whatever I wanted. I was wrong, that thinking has been corrected.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 58
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Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/30/2013 8:32:32 PM
Eating more than you metabolize gets you to weight gain. Weight gain gets you to overweight and subsequently to obese.


The big ladies don't like hearing this stuff Paderic. If they started to believe it, they might have to take responsibility for their own actions. Isn't it a much nicer thought to just blame it all on the media?

Just for the record, I have been quite overweight myself in the past. I grew up, started eating better, and hit the gym.


I am a fat person who deals with this same issue. I personally am not attracted to obese men, but I am obese. Hypocritical?completely!


This is just hilarious. I guess the media convinced you that fat people aren't attractive.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 59
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Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/30/2013 8:37:05 PM

I am sure you are right paderic and only fat people believe that if you are told something enough you will believe it. I am sure that it why so many billions goes into marketing- because it doesn't affect how we think. And last time I checked fat people ran the world too and made up all the rules. I am talking basic psychology. You have on your profile that you have a graduate degree. Didn't they cover that in undergrad studies


Before you go on a tangent about education, you should consider that marketing isn't the sole factor for why we feel attracted to certain qualities of the opposite sex. Sure, the media can play a role in the social norms, but it doesn't come close to what our genetics do to make us feel the way we do. It's because of genetics and hormones that we have the desire to mate and reproduce. It guides is to select mates that will give our children the best chance of survival. That's why we have men feeling naturally attracted to slender, younger women and women naturally attracted to men who are leaders or providers. If you want to talk about basic psychology, the first place you look is at the natural functions that have allowed our species to survive.
 fieryredhead77
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 60
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/30/2013 9:26:36 PM
I openly called myself a hypocrite and yes,I do blame the media for some of my feeling about fat people. Not all of them, but some. I won't argue with you about marketing and how it works or any of that because obviously Anything I say as a fat person can't possibly be taken seriously. Although not once have I made any sort of excuse for people being obese, I am just saying that media does tell you what to believe. It is how they sell you stuff. Like weight loss products.

Many things contribute to preference. Maybe a person was raised by a fat grandma and loved them. Or maybe some one dislikes a fat sister who apparently eats chips and ice cream often or a fat mom and so correlates the two. I don't know. But to say that media makes no difference if ridiculous. And yes, education does have something to do with it. I am not trying g to be condescending. Most undergraduate programs force you to take basic core programs.

Back to what I originally said to the Op, is a sexless relationship ok? That is what it boils down to.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 61
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Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/30/2013 9:30:09 PM

Many things contribute to preference. Maybe a person was raised by a fat grandma and loved them. Or maybe some one dislikes a fat sister who apparently eats chips d ice cream often and fat mom and so correlates the two. But to say that media makes no difference if ridiculous.


Yeah, the media plays a big role in our lives, but it's genetics that plays the biggest role when it comes to attraction. The OP's boyfriend should admit to himself that he's attracted to a certain type of girl and the OP isn't what he's looking for. They both need a reality check and there's no way a sexless relationship is going to work.
 katty1981
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 62
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/31/2013 3:03:16 AM
Dosent America have one of The biggest population of overweight people? Seems to be growing quite rapidly to....lol You might want to get used to us fattys, soon we shall rule the world mwah ha ha ha.
 Post_PrepatoryLIFER
Joined: 8/19/2013
Msg: 63
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/31/2013 6:19:52 AM
Ah Yes, the Demon of Marketing:

"Selling concerns itself with the tricks and techniques of getting people to exchange their cash for your product. It is not concerned with the values that the exchange is all about. And it does not, as marketing invariable does, view the entire business process as consisting of a tightly integrated effort to discover, create, arouse and satisfy customer needs." ~ Theodore C. Levitt
Read more: http://www.businessdictionary.com/definition/marketing.html#ixzz2jIvC7l5N

We are indeed bombarded with mass media of marketing from toddler years forward. Its a daily campaign to implant, create desire/demand for a product. Why else have billboards, tv adverts, product placements in tv shows, or mass produced toys? With this, consumer psychologists are employed.

Consumer psychologists study a variety of topics including:
•How consumers choose businesses, products and services
•The thought processes and emotions behind consumer decisions
•How environmental variables such as friends, family, media and culture influence buying decisions
•What motivates people to choose one product over another
•How personal factors and individual difference affect people's buying choices
•What marketers can do to effectively reach out to their target customers
http://psychology.about.com/od/branchesofpsycholog1/a/consumer-psychology.htm

I agree with Babbling Brookes that OP may be an emotional eater - her lack of self restraint along with her emotional disability to effectively and healthily cope with emotions, has led to obesity and the OP would feel like such a weakness had spiralled out of her control and lack of empathy, compassion, understanding in regards to the OP; certainly doesn't help. It is indeed like tossing her in deep, dark waters and she can't swim and just telling her, you are going to have to learn, while not offering her a life line and buoy.

Obesity is as much a psychological as a physical problem. Psychological issues can not only foreshadow the development of obesity, but they can also follow ongoing struggles to control weight. Because the psychological aspects of obesity are so important, psychological assessments and interventions have become an integral part of a multidisciplinary approach to treating obesity, which includes the use of bariatric surgery.
http://www.jlgh.org/Past-Issues/Volume-4---Issue-4/Behavioral-and-Psychological-Factors-in-Obesity.aspx
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 64
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/31/2013 7:16:04 AM
1)since we exist to procreate, I suppose its a bigger blow to our ego to be considered unworthy of fertilizing than to be considered a poor candidate for friendship.

2)if someone told us they weren't attracted to us b/c we were a blonde and they lusted for redheads, would that sting less than being told our body weight was an issue? Both can be altered. the subject people will defend the most vehemently is any subject refering to their sense of identity (the reason why we defend our children--they represent our genes, not to mention our parenting skills). so I'll go along with PPL'r suggestion about obesity moving hand in hand with the psychology of a person.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 65
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Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/31/2013 8:10:20 AM

I can see it working if she accepts that and puts serious effort into losing weight so they have a better love life.

I'm not so sure of that. In my opinion it's highly likely that even if she lost weight he will still feel that same unattraction for her. In other words she will always be the overweight fat girl in his head. But who knows?

At the end of the day I know personally I couldn't stay in a relationship with someone who didn't accept me the way I am/was. Yes losing weight is a great thing but when you start changing yourself to try and force someone else to like/love you it's going to have negative consequences and speaks volumes about how you feel about yourself.

The fact is that the weight is going to take a long time to come off unless OP goes on HCG diet prescribed by doctors but even then it's going to take a good couple months to come down to relatively normal levels. The guy she is with is not physically attracted to her. When someone is emotionally but not physically attracted to someone all you have is friends. Though it's going to be hard to end the relationship, I think in the end that is what needs to be done here. Find someone who is both emotionally and physically attracted to you at your current weight/looks and if you lose weight that's just an added bonus.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 66
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/31/2013 9:10:50 AM
In my experience and in observing other couples, losing weight often tears couples apart as a factor (not on its own).

About a year and a half ago, I lost 30 pounds. I was exercising regularly and partnered up with a personal trainer. It happened in about 8 weeks. I saw the gradual change, I saw that I had once more come to see the hourglass, and everyone around me noticed. I felt great, I had lots of energy, I would often want to keep doing other things after working out instead of being tired, I was not sleepy at the time I usually went to bed, etc. I took one good look in the mirror and decided that I could do much better than the situation that I had with my boyfriend at the time. Of course this was coupled with all other issues we had at the time, but getting back some jolt of life and being active was an energy that ran all throughout my body and I wanted/yearned for more than what I had.

Needless to say, I gained back the 30 pounds in the recent couple of months because of all the dates I've been on. I temporarily lost 12 pounds about a month ago, but also gained it in the last 3-4 dates, lol. Losing it again is proving extremely hard to do right now, with 3 jobs (and soon acquiring a 4th), going to school, going on dates, I'm wiped out by the time I get home. I don't have an issue with my weight but 90% of my business/casual clothes are about a size and a half less than where I am now, and it makes more sense to lose the weight than acquire a whole new wardrobe. But back to the point I was trying to make...........

Scenario#1: She always nagged him to lose weight. He got tired of the nagging after a while, and he started going to the gym, developing a routine, substituting meals with protein shakes, doing pre-workout/post-workout shakes, eliminating junk food, and lost the weight. He got the point where he not only looked like he was toned, he was in shape, feeling great, and looking like he never did before. He took one good look in the mirror, one good look at her, and left. Left as in walked out of the house to never return, moved out, didn't even leave a note.

I have seen that scenario about 5 times with couples you would never think would split. Whether it is the woman or the man, one of them steps out of the relationship with the realization that they can accomplish more with someone else. Each and every time, it was coupled with the fact that either got in extremely good shape.

What's to say that you will want to be with him after you lose the weight? that's if you even want to lose weight, you don't have to do anything, you can just meet someone that won't have an issue with your weight, and tada!

If you're going to lose the weight, do it because you want to, not because of someone else.
 Iseedudpeople
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 67
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/31/2013 9:25:16 AM

I have seen that scenario about 5 times with couples you would never think would split.


That just means they put on a good DISPLAY of a good relationship IMAGE while with others . Probably quite a different story when alone.


Whether it is the woman or the man, one of them steps out of the relationship with the realization that they can accomplish more with someone else.


LOL , I like how you put that " accomplish more " , as in, be with someone MORE PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE .


Each and every time, it was coupled with the fact that either got in extremely good shape.



Of course, but a woman getting in better shape can have much better results than a guy.

A lot of guys THINK they can get a hotter chick when they've become more attractive but unless they have also improved their GAME .... they usually end up scratching their head and then....go crawling back to the ex, LOL
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 68
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/31/2013 9:51:40 AM
In my opinion it's highly likely that even if she lost weight he will still feel that same unattraction for her. In other words she will always be the overweight fat girl in his head. But who knows?

I couldn't disagree more, if she lost enough weight not to be Fat. Remember also, he liked her when she was 250lbs, writing her a lot knowing she was very big, and still for weeks attempted (poor ED) have sex. If one has no ill will toward the other, they're not going to have it stuck in their mind that they're still "fat". Quite the contrary -- their attraction will rise to the occasion! Of course with him and his ED, no pun intended - lol. He could still be lacking attraction in her due to his association with her in bed (due to His ED)... but he wouldn't think of her as "fat" if she went from 5'10" 250 -> 5'10" 170. Her attractiveness would increase Huge.

Yes losing weight is a great thing but when you start changing yourself to try and force someone else to like/love you it's going to have negative consequences and speaks volumes about how you feel about yourself.

I guess that depends on how someone comes across, and how the other takes it, too. I think if someone is notably obese (30+ pounds overweight at avg height) -- it's not a fashion thing, taste thing, and rarely a mere genetic thing, when it comes to that extent.

It's much like a 25 year old guy who just sits on the couch all the time, doesn't want to get a job (or better one than pt at 711), and just wants to play video games to take up much of his time (even though he's in ok shape). Hey, some people don't mind that as much as others and may not even be a big deal and is shared by a gal he may be with. But when his gal complains about the guy being like that, nobody is going to defend the dude and rightfully so, right? If the guy complains about "Why won't women accept me the way I am?" -- nobody's going to console him and say "Yeah, poor you...," even though there may be some women who don't mind that that much.

That guy has less blatant incentive to change the gear he's in and has been addicted-to/locked-into. He can look in the mirror, he's OK. When he does go out he can put on a smiling face and... OK. But a notably obese person has more incentive staring at them in their face (mirror among other things). It can't be a hidden or semi-hidden thing as opposed to the guy.

I think when someone's with someone else who's let themselves go -- they should do all they can to take the positive/encouraging approach and it's not just for the other but for they themselves, too. Whether it be about being being more-than-just-a-bit-chunky or like that guy. If they rebel and fight against the concept no matter how well ya approach it -- drop 'em, they're being childish.

It's an odd human culture thing that we can dismiss a potential significant other because they're lazy lounge lizards or are kept up so poorly looking by dressing overly-frumpy/weird, never combing hair, and letting everything in general dissipate in a negative direction.... but when it comes to becoming solidly obese -- Whoah! That's the way they are (like everyone else) -- how dare you lose attraction or be so shallow & superficial! IMO, it's just as negative as the others! But like the others, one can be too nit picky... but in obesity, folks will claim Everything's nit picky as if we all live in Beverly Hills and it's only ever about +/- 5lbs!
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 69
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/31/2013 10:54:09 AM
I won't argue with you about marketing and how it works or any of that because obviously Anything I say as a fat person can't possibly be taken seriously. Although not once have I made any sort of excuse for people being obese, I am just saying that media does tell you what to believe. It is how they sell you stuff. Like weight loss products.



Show me where I've said anything about your weight (aside from this paragraph). This accusation that I've dismissed your opinions because of your weight is baseless. I disagreed with the content of your post, that's all.

"The media" tells us lots of things, some of which are at opposite ends of the spectrum, and we decide what we believe or not. People have this thing called free will and "the media" is not a single entity with a defined agenda. It's a random conglomeration of different voices. It's helter skelter.

The primary thing I have taken exception to is your hypothesis that people only find obesity unattractive because they've been influenced by "the media." My opinion is that it's not possible to state such a thing with any degree of certainty. Further, I would say that people find obesity unattractive simply because it's not healthy. And opinions like that drive what is said in "the media" a lot more than the other way around (opinions like that being driven by "the media").
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 70
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Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/31/2013 11:26:45 AM
Paderic you are very wrong when you say:


The media is a reflection of us, not the other way around. This notion that "they" can manipulate us into liking or disliking whatever "they" want us to like or dislike is crap.


Between 2011 and 2016, marketers will spend 518 billion in marketing. Companies spend between 10 and 24% of their annual revenue on marketing. If advertising wasn't effective, companies would not spend any money on it, never mind the huge amounts they do. The various industry lobbyists would have much less work to do, if it wasn't important to ensure the "right" kind of marketing was done. Unless you are living well-off the grid, so far off you wouldn't even be posting stuff here, and only come to town twice a year for flour and sugar, you have no chance of escaping media's influence. And if you are in denial about how much you are affected by media, you are just that much easier to manipulate.

You also said:

It's also not healthy, no matter how many excuses you parade out.

Maybe, maybe not. On a recent "Nature" documentary, some commonly held beliefs about health claims were examined. The reporter was slim and exercised regularly and fitness tests demonstrated that she was in great shape. Another woman, who maintained a very active lifestyle, but was on the edge of "obese" by commonly accepted measurements, outdid the slim woman in tests measuring fitness. You may not be attracted to the larger woman, but you cannot assume that fat=unhealthy in every single case.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 71
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/31/2013 11:34:41 AM

That just means they put on a good DISPLAY of a good relationship IMAGE while with others . Probably quite a different story when alone.

It is a possibility

LOL , I like how you put that " accomplish more " , as in, be with someone MORE PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE .

Not really, that's not how I meant it. I meant "accomplish more" as in be with someone who is more compatible with them, who didn't initially had an issue with their weight (which caused resentment toward the other). It's more like "now that I look like this, I don't have to put up with this a$$hole who made an issue out of my weight."

Of course, but a woman getting in better shape can have much better results than a guy.

I don't know if I agree with that. I believe results are more visible on a guy because they aim at getting these (ridiculous,IMO) cuts and proportions that a woman would not be interested in getting (unless she's into body building). A woman has to be craft carefully how to go about looking toned and in shape while not looking overly muscular.

A lot of guys THINK they can get a hotter chick when they've become more attractive but unless they have also improved their GAME .... they usually end up scratching their head and then....go crawling back to the ex, LOL

There is a different between falling in love with yourself (personal trainers often fall into that categories) and being able to attract more people because you're in shape. If a guy gets in shape and starts getting extremely selective (fitness wise) toward females, anyone with a slight mushroom top becomes disqualified. It's gonna be a tougher road to travel. After they aim to get their equivalent (fitness wise) and cannot find the combination of fitness along with other things they like (before the buildup becomes unbearable), they are tempted to go back to their ex because its always easier to do that, than keep looking.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 72
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Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/31/2013 11:45:29 AM

And if you are in denial about how much you are affected by media, you are just that much easier to manipulate.


We are the first generation that has been bombarded from birth by constant media influence, it has become part of the fabric of life and out children are even more exposed to this on many more different platforms so I don't see it getting any better. I think that anyone that claims they are immune to media influence is fooling themselves. They may recognize the more blatant or clumsy examples, but since most of us have never lived without this exposure, we don't have the ability to say we are behaving the same way if we hadn't been exposed.

For many people, fat is evil and think that it is as simple as stopping eating or just excercizing more, that everyone is the same. Very rarely does genetics, illness, culture or upbringing ever get allowed for by these people.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 73
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Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/31/2013 1:14:43 PM

We are the first generation that has been bombarded from birth by constant media influence, it has become part of the fabric of life and out children are even more exposed to this on many more different platforms so I don't see it getting any better. I think that anyone that claims they are immune to media influence is fooling themselves. They may recognize the more blatant or clumsy examples, but since most of us have never lived without this exposure, we don't have the ability to say we are behaving the same way if we hadn't been exposed.


People are quick to blame the media for how we behave, but it's usually the other way around. If we grew up seeing ads with penguins or flamingos standing next to cars, would we be attracted to penguins? That may be a bit extreme, but what if every woman in media advertising was bald? Would we only be attracted to bald women? The media tries to emulate what the average male is attracted to naturally, it doesn't try to change our natural instincts. Men are going to respond well to women who are young, skinny, and have symmetrical facial features. Researches believe that we're programmed to associate people who are overweight with an increased risk of health problems. They've also found a positive correlation between a slimmer waist for women and male sexual satisfaction.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 74
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Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/31/2013 1:24:19 PM
This media conversation continues to amuse me. I think it's hilarious that fat people are actually trying to convince others that they are just as attractive as a more physically fit person, but the evil media has us brainwashed to think that they are not, just so they can sell weight loss products that "don't work." I know people tripping on acid that aren't nearly so delusional.

I've had sex with fat girls. It's just not fun. I don't want a woman to get on top of me and be out of breath in 10 seconds. I would also like to see the feminine curves of the true female form without them being hidden by rolls and rolls of fat.

I have lived a situation very similar to what the OP was in. I met a great girl that I just couldn't have sex with, because she was too fat. When I had problems with my erection with her, she asked me if I was gay, had Ed problems, you name it. To spare her feelings, I told her that I was obviously having ED issues. Truth is, once she was out of the picture, and I started seeing more fit women, the ED issues went away. Funny how that works.

Bottom line for me is this. If the OP wants to be with this guy, she can lose the weight. Not only would it be better for her in every other aspect of her life, she can also be with the man she seems to care about. If she then realizes she has other opportunities with more attractive men because of her weight loss, she can always play the field. Losing weight isn't about changing who you are as a person, it's about shoving less food into your face.
 fieryredhead77
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 75
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/31/2013 1:52:05 PM
It is amusing to me to hear people who haven't ever had a weight issue talk about it like they are experts, and start making derogatory comments about what a 'true' female should look like. I guess my very thin friends aren't true females either?

You also say that you had sex with plenty of fat girls but then couldn't get it up for a point in time. I call that ED, as you state you had no problem having sex with all those other fat chicks and their rolls of fat smothering you. Another guy blaming his health problems on a girl.
If it were as easy as tv claims, then humans would be getting thinner, not fatter. If we want to go into genetic, it has actually been show than we are getting fatter because of genetics. But again, I am fat, so anything I say can't have merit. Be attracted to whatever you want but why do people feel the need to make fun of fat people and then say, oh, it is preference. Do you also prefer blondes blue eyed people and make negative comments about people who dont have that? That is the difference that I am talking about. It isn't right.
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