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 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 76
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Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To MePage 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

People are quick to blame the media for how we behave, but it's usually the other way around. If we grew up seeing ads with penguins or flamingos standing next to cars, would we be attracted to penguins?

Since the object is to make the car more attractive by using the woman (or penguin, or flamingos), this question doesn't make any sense. However, the way the woman standing beside the car has changed over the years, from clothes, to hair, to facial features, and size. That's where the influence comes in.

But about the use of animals in media: People/children who have only seen wild animals used as "friendly" personnas in advertisements/media do really stupid things around wild animals because they have an unrealistic idea of these animals.

In Canada, Telus (a phone company) promotes their 'brand' using cute animals; I went to a focus group once, and out of about 10 people, I was the only one who said "What do these animals have to do with a phone service? Everyone else was 'oh, they're so cute, those are great ads'. WTF? There isn't any information given in those ads, just the stupid (but cute) animals and a tag line that makes no sense, but sounds friendly. But that didn't seem to matter; those people felt good about Telus and that's what Telus wants, of course.


That may be a bit extreme, but what if every woman in media advertising was bald? Would we only be attracted to bald women?

You would probably start to find bald women more attractive than you previously had, and might even come to find them equally as attractive as women with hair. And yes, there would be some men who would decide that only bald women were sexually appealing.

The media presents images of what is attractive/desirable; they do this endlessly, and then when the consumer heads out into the big wide world, they make decisions based on what the media has presented to them. Most people are entirely unaware of how influenced they are.


Men are going to respond well to women who are young, skinny, and have symmetrical facial features..... They've also found a positive correlation between a slimmer waist for women and male sexual satisfaction.

The response that men have to women is based on the ratio between hips and waist, smooth skin, clear, bright eyes and shiny hair. All of this, including the hip/waist ratio can exist in many different body sizes (and ages), not just "young, skinny" women.

But the media does not regularly present larger women with these sexually attractive attributes, only the smaller ones. In my 20s and 30s and early 40s, I weighed between 150-160 lbs, wore size 12, with measurments of 36, 26, 37 which gave me the .70 hip/waist ratio considered intrinsically attractive and healthy; at 43, I looked in my late 20s. But would a man subjected to American media consider me as attractive as a woman who weighs 120 lbs, with the same hip/waist ratio? Given that meeting a "fat" woman is generally men's greatest fear when meeting someone from a dating website, I think not. And it's not because a woman such as myself isn't healthy, or fit - it's because many men have been conditioned to believe that smaller is better, at least when it comes to women. In my experience, men from other cultures are much less concerned about size.

That is how media influences people - it doesn't make you love something you previously disliked; it influences you so that given a choice between A and B, you'll choose what they've told you to choose, and you'll tell yourself you made up your own mind.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 77
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Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/31/2013 3:13:34 PM

You also say that you had sex with plenty of fat girls but then couldn't get it up for a point in time. I call that ED, as you state you had no problem having sex with all those other fat chicks and their rolls of fat smothering you. Another guy blaming his health problems on a girl.
If it were as easy as tv claims, then humans would be getting thinner, not fatter. If we want to go into genetic, it has actually been show than we are getting fatter because of genetics. But again, I am fat, so anything I say can't have merit. Be attracted to whatever you want but why do people feel the need to make fun of fat people and then say, oh, it is preference. Do you also prefer blondes blue eyed people and make negative comments about people who dont have that? That is the difference that I am talking about. It isn't right.


Why do you keep resorting to sarcasm and repeating phrases like "I'm fat, so anything I say can't have merit."?
I'm talking about facts that have been compiled by researchers that study attraction. I'm not making fun of fat people at all, I'm simply saying that men and women are attracted to certain physical qualities. I'd like to see your sources that say we're getting fatter because of genetics.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 78
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Posted: 10/31/2013 4:12:58 PM
I'd like to see your sources that say we're getting fatter because of genetics.

Ask and you shall receive:
To date, more than 400 different genes have been implicated in the development of overweight or obesity, although only a handful appear to be major players. Genes contribute to obesity in many ways, by affecting appetite, satiety (the sense of fullness), metabolism, food cravings, body-fat distribution, and the tendency to use eating as a way to cope with stress.
Complete article: http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsweek/Why-people-become-overweight.htm

The overall obesity study looked for genetic determinants of body mass index (BMI), calculated as an individual's weight in kilograms over height in meters squared. Investigators combined data from 46 studies involving nearly 124,000 people and confirmed the top results in almost 126,000 more individuals to identify a total of 32 sites consistently associated with BMI, 18 of which are new.
Conmplete article: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/10/101010133620.htm


In the mouse study, the research team determined that mutations in the Mrap2 gene led the animals to eat less initially but still gain about twice as much weight as they normally would. While their appetites returned, these mice continued to gain weight despite being fed the same number of calories as a group of control animals. That led the scientists to figure out that the mice with the mutated gene were simply sequestering fat rather than breaking it down for energy.

Read more: New Genes IDd in Obesity: How Much of Weight is Genetic? | TIME.com http://healthland.time.com/2013/07/19/news-genes-idd-in-obesity-how-much-of-weight-is-genetic/#ixzz2jLMWEJvD

My BF can eat several quarts of ice cream a week, at about 1000 calories per quart; in an evening, he'll have more calories in ice cream than I have in an entire day of eating. He can also scarf back pints of yogurt, plus eat his 'regular' meals. He exercises more than I do, but not that much more. If I ate like he does, I'd weigh twice as much as I do now, but he's never gained any weight. My ex-mother-in-law was very large, yet didn't eat as much I did. She wasn't one to sit around and watch TV, either; she was always busy doing something, going somewhere. But regardless of how much she ate or didn't eat, her body shape/weight never varied. And I've already posted about the woman who is just below 'obese' on current measurements, yet is a champion snowboarder and works out daily, while being careful about what she eats because it's important to her to be in shape.

So yeah, I'd say genetics has a lot to do with one's body size, and how difficult they find it to either lose or gain weight, although it's not the entire answer. Exercise and how much you eat is certainly a factor, but it's not the only one.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 79
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/31/2013 4:55:37 PM
Between 2011 and 2016, marketers will spend 518 billion in marketing. Companies spend between 10 and 24% of their annual revenue on marketing. If advertising wasn't effective, companies would not spend any money on it, never mind the huge amounts they do. The various industry lobbyists would have much less work to do, if it wasn't important to ensure the "right" kind of marketing was done. Unless you are living well-off the grid, so far off you wouldn't even be posting stuff here, and only come to town twice a year for flour and sugar, you have no chance of escaping media's influence. And if you are in denial about how much you are affected by media, you are just that much easier to manipulate.


Yawn. The fact that companies spend billions in marketing proves nothing about the effectiveness of their efforts. All it proves is that they spend a lot of money.

I'm not in denial about anything. The argument is that I would not find obese women unattractive if it weren't for this entity we call "the media." This is just a hypothetical argument that is impossible to prove.


You may not be attracted to the larger woman, but you cannot assume that fat=unhealthy in every single case.


Why do so many rely on the strawman argument on these threads? I did not argue that fat = unhealthy in every single case. The health risks associated with obesity are well known and well documented, do you really want to debate this?
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 80
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Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 10/31/2013 10:03:34 PM

It is amusing to me to hear people who haven't ever had a weight issue talk about it like they are experts, and start making derogatory comments about what a 'true' female should look like.


Actually, I have stated in this thread that I did struggle with my weight at one point in my life. Thing is, I stopped eating unhealthy foods as often, started working out, and lost weight.


If it were as easy as tv claims, then humans would be getting thinner, not fatter.


It takes 3500 calories to create one pound of fat on the human body. Figuring out how to lose weight then becomes an issue of simple math. The reason it is so hard for most people is because they don't want to give up their junk food and don't want to exercise.

You also say that you had sex with plenty of fat girls but then couldn't get it up for a point in time. I call that ED, as you state you had no problem having sex with all those other fat chicks and their rolls of fat smothering you. Another guy blaming his health problems on a girl.

Not plenty of fat girls, just a few. If you had a penis, you would find it difficult to always be able to get and keep an erection with someone you weren't attracted to. Always being the key word. Like the situation the OP described, I found myself putting off sex, and doing it much less often when I dated the large girl. When a man isn't aroused by fat women, it obviously means he has ED, right? It couldn't be that those women just aren't attractive.


Do you also prefer blondes blue eyed people and make negative comments about people who dont have that? That is the difference that I am talking about. It isn't right.


If, in some bizarro world where very few men were attracted to blonde, blue eyed women, and these women were unwilling to accept that at face value, and started insisting that those men were being brainwashed by the media, or having ED, I would definitely call them out on it.

Most of the men that I know find most women attractive, as long as that woman isn't horribly disfigured, or obese.

Back on topic, I hope the OP does the right thing and loses the weight for her own good, and not just to get some guy to wanna have sex with her.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 81
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Posted: 11/1/2013 3:42:04 AM

Figuring out how to lose weight then becomes an issue of simple math.

Now we have advise op didn't ask for and its wrong.

Anyone can do it easly if that were true.
Its much more complex than that.


The guy is using op for convenience as she will put up with him and help him in some way.
He cant cope alone .
He needs help with bills/whatever and a "tolerant" person.
She fills that void and he isn't going to suddenly find her sexy even if she loses weight because she puts up with his crap and has no self esteem.

He sought that type out and found it.

He also has a built in cheater excuse.
I love YOU, but have needs outside of the relationship and you were warned that you can't fill them..
I have "issues". I can't help it.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 82
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 11/1/2013 7:12:42 AM
For 90% of the population, it is that simple. Feeling hungry is the reason most people can't do it. Maintaining a 200-300 calorie per day deficit is not comfortable. And that pace must be maintained for 10 days just to drop a pound. One binge can wipe out those 10 days of discipline. Losing 50 pounds in a year requires a 500 calorie per day deficit. That is a tall order, a person attempting it will be quite hungry all the time.

Maintaining a healthy weight is a much easier path. But it involves a lifestyle that many people aren't willing to adapt.
 Iseedudpeople
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 83
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 11/1/2013 7:27:19 AM

Maintaining a 200-300 calorie per day deficit is not comfortable. And that pace must be maintained for 10 days just to drop a pound.


Wait that can't be right - I'd be willing to bet a LOT of money that I would lose more than one pound if I did this !
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 84
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Posted: 11/1/2013 7:36:10 AM

People are quick to blame the media for how we behave, but it's usually the other way around. If we grew up seeing ads with penguins or flamingos standing next to cars, would we be attracted to penguins? That may be a bit extreme, but what if every woman in media advertising was bald? Would we only be attracted to bald women?


I find this an odd argument. Of course media has an influence on what we see and what can become normal and desirable. It is very easy to point out something that is completely unnatural and unthinkable 50 years ago yet has now become desirable and considered attractive among the average male, Large and ridiculously fake breasts.

Explain that away, how did an ridiculously obvious fake body part morph into something that has become so mainstream acceptable and desirable? How do men look at a plastic filled bag of silicone or saline implanted onto a woman's chest and see something attractive or sexy? It is clearly fake and unnatural, yet many men pay for them to be installed into their wives or daughters without a second thought, despite the many health risks that these things can create. You cant pick up a skin magazine or rent a porn that doesn't have all or almost all of their "talent" sporting clearly fake breasts, and this has now become a prerequisite for the talent in order to garner the sales of the product they are churning out, the very thing that many men use for their sexual fantasies and sexual release starting from a very young age.

Are you going to insist that what you see on a regular basis doesn't affect you? Especially when you are exposed to it when your critical thinking skills are non existent? Because I am pretty sure if we told you that when you grow up you are going to find bags of saline inserted into a woman chest desirable you would be horrified. Yet here we are...
 talldarklove
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 85
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 11/1/2013 7:39:25 AM
Don't look at yourself to fix the problem, believe me there are men regardless of race that love women regardless of shallow reasons. If he accepts you for who you are then that's a great start, while sex may not be as important to others only you can say how it affects the relationship. I feel like both partners in a serious relationship should be satisfied, nothings perfect but if you aren't happy then you should find someone who can fill that position before things get serious if they aren't already.

-Kevin
 Luv_Life_Now
Joined: 8/6/2013
Msg: 86
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 11/1/2013 8:22:57 AM
The problem is, that most men try to be honest and sometimes, we as women think we can change them if we just change the thing that they don't like. You may be able to change yourself physically and reach your goal weight, and for your health and well being you should do so. BUT, you will NEVER forget that he once said he didn't find you physically attractive. It's just not going to happen. Can you live with that??

There is also the ED problem. And sometimes a man will blame his ED issue on the woman so he doesn't have to work on it and feel the negative feelings about about his issue.

Is there, perhaps, also a porn problem? Too much porn will cause performance issues too. He can get so used to looking at something that's not real life that it doesn't jive when he's actually in a situation where he can enjoy instead of just watching. Just a thought...

In the end, there is only so much that you yourself can do about his problem. And there are plenty of men who will be attracted to you just as you are. NEVER settle for someone who says they don't find you attractive. Men start the love process with their eyes. If he is truly that turned off and a medication or other changes don't help this issue, you should move on. It will never be healthy for you. You can't help a man who doesn't want to work on his issues himself. Your feelings are just as important. Fix and love yourself first and let a man worry about fixing his own issues.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 87
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Posted: 11/1/2013 9:44:32 AM

The fact that companies spend billions in marketing proves nothing about the effectiveness of their efforts. All it proves is that they spend a lot of money

That's right, because businesses are in the habit of tossing money out in the "hopes" it will work. The don't do any research, or track results - they just close their eyes and pray as they write checks to marketing firms, television and radio stations, google clicks, you-tube ads. Yup, Paderic, you are in denial.


The argument is that I would not find obese women unattractive if it weren't for this entity we call "the media."

My argument with you is that claiming the media is a reflection of us, and doesn't influence us ... as you claimed in msg 53. Right now, the media portrays attractive women as smaller than what's normal for a healthy, fit woman. Most of the women one sees on TV, or in movies and magazines, come nowhere near what's average; most of them are underweight for their body type and size. The media doesn't show us healthy, or even average and they certainly don't make a habit of portraying fat people as even remotely attractive. Our entire culture has been influenced to believe smaller/skinnier is better, which is why we end up with young girls and even older women with eating disorders and men who are clueless about female body size and weight.

A really clear example is the two young women I work with in my office; both are actively involved in sports, and they are both so good at their chosen sport that one got a full scholarship at an American University, and the other was considered for the Canadian Olympic team; both girls are under 25. During lunch one day, one of these girls mentioned her weight was 140 lbs. Her boss, sitting with us, couldn't believe she weighed that much - he literally choked on his food and said several times how surprised he was. Aside from mortifying my co-worker (and making the other girl swear to never reveal her weight), his response indicated just how absolutely clueless he was about how much a healthy, fit young woman actually weighs. I think most men are the same and I think it's largely because of how women are presented in the media.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 88
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 11/1/2013 10:25:33 AM
That's right, because businesses are in the habit of tossing money out in the "hopes" it will work. The don't do any research, or track results - they just close their eyes and pray as they write checks to marketing firms, television and radio stations, google clicks, you-tube ads. Yup, Paderic, you are in denial.


Nope, no denial here. If you could provide data that shows how much an expenditure affects the bottom line, that would constitute proof. However, the mere existence of the expenditure does not prove anything.

In order to prove that it changes their bottom line, you would have to convince them and all of their competitors to stop. Good luck with that...


My argument with you is that claiming the media is a reflection of us, and doesn't influence us ... as you claimed in msg 53.


Another strawman. I have since clarified my comments in subsequent posts. I wasn't trying to say the media has NO influence on us, I was trying to say the other poster exaggerated the extent. The media reacts to popular opinion, it does not dictate it. Neither we nor the media exist in a vacuum, influence goes both ways. It is not a one way street as some have proposed.

The so called media consists of people. THEY are a part of US. For the most part, THEY echo what they hear from US. THEY don't create the trends, THEY report them. The media is just a popular scapegoat, that's all.

I'm curious, do you feel the media is also to "blame" for the fact that women tend to prefer taller men?

A really clear example is the two young women I work with in my office; both are actively involved in sports, and they are both so good at their chosen sport that one got a full scholarship at an American University, and the other was considered for the Canadian Olympic team; both girls are under 25. During lunch one day, one of these girls mentioned her weight was 140 lbs. Her boss, sitting with us, couldn't believe she weighed that much - he literally choked on his food and said several times how surprised he was. Aside from mortifying my co-worker (and making the other girl swear to never reveal her weight), his response indicated just how absolutely clueless he was about how much a healthy, fit young woman actually weighs. I think most men are the same and I think it's largely because of how women are presented in the media.


LOL, your anecdote doesn't prove squat (even if I accept it as being accurately portrayed). I have met a lot of clueless women in my life, but I know better than to suggest that they are representative of the female population.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 89
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Posted: 11/1/2013 11:11:32 AM

My argument with you is that claiming the media is a reflection of us, and doesn't influence us ... as you claimed in msg 53. Right now, the media portrays attractive women as smaller than what's normal for a healthy, fit woman. Most of the women one sees on TV, or in movies and magazines, come nowhere near what's average; most of them are underweight for their body type and size. The media doesn't show us healthy, or even average and they certainly don't make a habit of portraying fat people as even remotely attractive. Our entire culture has been influenced to believe smaller/skinnier is better, which is why we end up with young girls and even older women with eating disorders and men who are clueless about female body size and weight.


Which media are you talking about? Most actresses and female singers aren't extremely thin. You can claim that the media doesn't show us healthy or average women, but where is the evidence? It seems like you're focusing on a few of the skinny runway models and ignoring the rest of the world. There is also no evidence to prove your assertion that "Our entire culture has been influenced to believe smaller/skinnier is better,". Men will always be attracted to thin women because of genetics, but there is no evidence that our entire culture values anorexic women more than healthy/thin women.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 90
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Posted: 11/1/2013 11:34:49 AM

I'm curious, do you feel the media is also to "blame" for the fact that women tend to prefer taller men?

I'm certain it's an influence, since short-statured actors playin "heroic" men are shot to appear taller than they are, and spokesmen are rarely short. So yeah, we women are conditioned to expect/believe that a taller man is more attractive than a shorter man.
Men will always be attracted to thin women because of genetics, but there is no evidence that our entire culture values anorexic women more than healthy/thin women.

Did you not read my other post? Men are genetically attracted to women with a hip/waist ratio of .70, along with smooth skin, clear eyes and shiny hair. A woman does not have to be 'thin' to possess those traits which make her genetically attractive to a man. Any man who thinks that "thin" women are genetically attractive to men doesn't understand the actual data.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 91
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 11/1/2013 11:36:59 AM
Most actresses and female singers aren't extremely thin.

Many aren't. Playboy isn't going to have the super-thin runway models as their standard playmate. Guys like curves. Guys are not choosing super-thin women over women who are in Shape. Media, over time, can only influence so much to a certain degree. It will more influence the fashion look, and also for movie stars the facial look. It has a bigger influence on women's tastes than guys' tastes, though. Guys are more primitive in their tastes -- less influenced by what is "chic".

A 40-something guy who always sits around, is out of shape, has a nice sizable gut, drinking his micro-brews watching Nascar all day -- he's not going to cry out "Oh, it's genetics!" Some genetics & lifestyle is more tolerant of extra calories, yes. But people don't want to take blame. They want to point to the thin guy or gal who can eat a lot of bad food but still be relatively thin -- and therefore, foolishly, think it's not their fault they're 30+ lbs overweight. WTF? lol

Beer commercials don't make me want to drink beer, and they're not the reason someone's going to want to drink a lot -- drinking the beer itself is. Same with cigarette ads -- the nicotine. Same with loving to mow down 3,000 calories thanks to tons o cheese, mayo, etc. "It's my metabolism!" is a pathetic inaccurate excuse that way too many people love to use. We're not talking about being 5-10 lbs overweight vs someone who is -5 under to 0.

Good luck finding a gal who's 50 lbs overweight who has historically & presently only ate 2,000 calories a day. Will be a heck of lot less harder finding one who claims it's not really "her fault" and it's genetics, the media, etc.

And no, the media is not going to make a guy be attracted to another guy, or guys be attracted to gals 40 lbs overweight (who otherwise wouldn't be).
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 92
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 11/1/2013 11:49:50 AM
I'm certain it's an influence, since short-statured actors playin "heroic" men are shot to appear taller than they are, and spokesmen are rarely short. So yeah, we women are conditioned to expect/believe that a taller man is more attractive than a shorter man.


There's a problem with this logic; correlation does not prove causation. That men are portrayed a certain way doesn't prove that it has caused women to be more attracted to that type of men. It's an equally plausible explanation that women are more attracted to that type of men, so the media prefers to employ them.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 93
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Posted: 11/1/2013 11:57:17 AM

I'm certain it's an influence, since short-statured actors playin "heroic" men are shot to appear taller than they are, and spokesmen are rarely short. So yeah, we women are conditioned to expect/believe that a taller man is more attractive than a shorter man.


Women prefer taller men because of genetics, not because of social conditioning. If you believe it's because of conditioning, you need to show evidence. With or without the media, women prefer taller men.


Did you not read my other post? Men are genetically attracted to women with a hip/waist ratio of .70, along with smooth skin, clear eyes and shiny hair. A woman does not have to be 'thin' to possess those traits which make her genetically attractive to a man. Any man who thinks that "thin" women are genetically attractive to men doesn't understand the actual data.


I was about to ask you the same thing. I've already stated that a woman does have to be thin to be genetically attractive to a man because a fat women sends cues that there may be health problems. The waist to hip ratio plays a part, and so does symmetrical facial features, so a thinner woman with a better hip to waist ratio and better facial features will be more attractive than a thin woman with less symmetrical features. I've already proven that men are attracted to "thin" women rather than "overweight" women based on studies and data.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 94
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 11/1/2013 12:03:04 PM

That men are portrayed a certain way doesn't prove that it has caused women to be more attracted to that type of men.

Maybe a bit off topic, but guys who look like said hero in the movies will be found to be more attractive by a number of girls. A guy who has the same facial structure/look, even usually as the less attractive version but gets the "hey you look a lot like [star name]", will find a better looking catch here and there due to it.
 fieryredhead77
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 95
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 11/1/2013 12:45:47 PM
^^^^completely on topic and proving the point that what we see in media makes a difference.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 96
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Posted: 11/1/2013 1:17:54 PM

^^^^completely on topic and proving the point that what we see in media makes a difference.


It actually proves genetics more than it proves media influence.
The "hero" in the movie represents the alpha male that triggers attraction for women because he takes care of loved ones, protects the tribe or family unit, he's desired by other women, and he's a leader. Women being attracted to a man that they associate with an alpha male character reinforces attraction triggers, not media influence.
 IsabelleClaire
Joined: 10/28/2013
Msg: 97
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 11/2/2013 8:00:04 AM
Anti depressants are notorious for causing erectile dysfunction in men. Seeing as he already knew full well what you look like and what size you are then It's a definite possibility that the pills are causing him to not be able to get it up or to stay erect. Anyway no matter what the reason is the man is telling you that he is not sexually attracted to you,but you are too him. This will not change. Do you really want to be friend zoned by someone who you feel far more then friendship for?
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 98
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Posted: 11/2/2013 8:20:03 AM
For 90% of the population, it is that simple. Feeling hungry is the reason most people can't do it. Maintaining a 200-300 calorie per day deficit is not comfortable. And that pace must be maintained for 10 days just to drop a pound. One binge can wipe out those 10 days of discipline. Losing 50 pounds in a year requires a 500 calorie per day deficit. That is a tall order, a person attempting it will be quite hungry all the time.


I'm glad you at least conceded to the "90%" instead of generalizing everyone Padrick.

I actually do not get hungry. I often go all day without eating and not even realize it until night time (usually) or some point during the day when I get a headache, feel tired, or my stomach starts burning. I's very very rare to feel a hunger pain, I just start feeling "icky" and know I need to eat. Cutting 300 calories a day would be nothing, but I seriously doubt it would result in much if any weight loss.

Maybe there is where some people get the attitude, eventually, that they are just going to accept themselves. They've done the diets, seen their weight loss (and quick regain when they eat again) and decide they just aren't going to do that to themselves. As one poster stated, the guy I live with eats much more than me, much worse than me (chips and baloney almost every day for lunch, which grosses me out because of the fat in the arteries thing) yet gains nothing. If I ate that, I'd put on 10 pounds in a matter of a couple months. Everybody knows metabolism is different, this isn't new.

As far as the comments to "rolls of fat" and women getting out of breath during sex, I don't think most in the 'obese' range medically have "rolls of fat". I certainly do not get out of breath during sex LOL.

Funny thing is, at 5'3 and 200 lbs, and a 36% BMI, people (unless they are being nice) say they wouldn't consider me a BBW.

People create images in their mind when they hear a number that may not be accurate.

My goal in life is to stay at 200 or less. I don't really care at all if anyone likes it or not, but I do care how others are treated who are over weight, or any physical un-norm they might have. The immediate slam and disgust shown here on this media over that is surprising.

Perhaps it's just pushed some buttons in some people over some of their own issues regarding weight.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 99
Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 11/2/2013 9:03:10 AM
I actually do not get hungry. I often go all day without eating and not even realize it until night time (usually) or some point during the day when I get a headache, feel tired, or my stomach starts burning. I's very very rare to feel a hunger pain, I just start feeling "icky" and know I need to eat. Cutting 300 calories a day would be nothing, but I seriously doubt it would result in much if any weight loss.


Cutting 300 calories per day is not having a calorie deficit of 300 calories. If your current diet is at a calorie surplus, which it most likely is if you are overweight, you have to cut the surplus PLUS 300 calories. Doing it for one day is meaningless, you need to do it every day and you will lose about 2-3 pounds per month (on average). That weak, light headed, icky feeling is hunger. If you are going to lose weight, you'll have to get used to it. Most people can become accustomed to it, but it isn't fun.

Funny thing is, at 5'3 and 200 lbs, and a 36% BMI, people (unless they are being nice) say they wouldn't consider me a BBW.

Have you considered that they aren't being honest with you?

By the way, BMI is just a number, it is not expressed as a percentage.

As one poster stated, the guy I live with eats much more than me, much worse than me (chips and baloney almost every day for lunch, which grosses me out because of the fat in the arteries thing) yet gains nothing. If I ate that, I'd put on 10 pounds in a matter of a couple months.


Men typically have a larger frame and more muscle mass, they require more to maintain their weight.

Fat does not collect in the arteries. Certain types of fat in the diet can promote the buildup of plaque, which is atherosclerosis. This can happen regardless of a person's body type, although the obese are more prone to it. The fact is, your body needs some fat in your diet. The issue with most in our society is they eat way too much of it.

I don't really care at all if anyone likes it or not, but I do care how others are treated who are over weight, or any physical un-norm they might have. The immediate slam and disgust shown here on this media over that is surprising.


I'm not slamming anyone, I'm just being brutally honest. Being happy with your body shape is fine, but ignoring the health risks isn't going to make them go away.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 100
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Loves Me But Not Sexually Attracted To Me
Posted: 11/2/2013 1:10:11 PM
Sometimes men will have a better metabolism than women because they have a higher percentage of muscle mass and less body fat. It's actually quite easy to eat below how many calories you need if you eat a lot of fruits and vegetables instead of heavy starch and fats.
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