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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Marriage, Is it a must???      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 130
Marriage, Is it a must???Page 7 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

That would work out to be a good deal for guys in the dating world if women followed that philosophy.

Some do, find one.

That would mean guys don't have to provide free meals and drinks,

Not all do - whether they are expected to or not, no one's forcing them.

no gifts and cards on those special "buy stuff" days,

Yep, not all women want that either - and again, no guy HAS to conform to that.

the couple goes dutch on every date, etc.

Some couples do.

If a woman says anything about not being happy about it, a guy can simply say "Happiness is your responsibility. It's not my job to make you happy". Is that how making yourself happy works?

It is. In my life and my relationships, it's never anyone else's job to make me happy - and it's not my job to make them happy...we have to be happy already. The other person coming along is a bonus.

If you want a woman like this, then don't date unless/until you meet one. Simple simple. They are out there. They may be rare, but they exist. So aspire to that.

Not sure if it's a must anymore, but it sure made the workday go a lot nicer and faster...looking down at your wedding ring and knowing someone would be waiting for you at home at the end of the day.

Why does someone have to be there for you to enjoy going home? While being involved is nice, some of the best nights for me can be nights I go home to just quiet, and getting some alone time where I can just veg out.
 lostnfoundluv
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 131
Marriage, Is it a must???
Posted: 11/13/2013 5:46:58 AM
sometime for some people the grapes are just too sour !!
 imlivin
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 132
Marriage, Is it a must???
Posted: 11/14/2013 9:41:12 PM

Have you not yet learned how to be happy without needing someone to live with?



I don't want to settle down, get married or stay involved to avoid loneliness - I have a bunch of friends, family, and luckily I kind of enjoy having solitude when that happens as well. I know I wouldn't want someone attaching to or staying with me out of fear of being alone.

I'm not saying get married because you don't have a life or friends. I just don't think it's feasible to date when you get older so maybe it would be better to find that companion. You just don't hear about 60+ year olds with friend with benefits, booty calls or these new types of relationships. Like womaninprogress said I enjoy coming home to peace and quiet and doing my own thing. I am happy by myself but there are times I would like to have someone special waiting at home as well. it's the whole " have your cake and eat it too" dilemma.
 carbonius
Joined: 11/13/2013
Msg: 133
Marriage, Is it a must???
Posted: 11/17/2013 2:47:51 AM
marriages are extremely valuable.

especially to lawyers.
 Archiver
Joined: 3/10/2013
Msg: 134
Marriage, Is it a must???
Posted: 11/17/2013 7:22:31 AM

I'm not saying get married because you don't have a life or friends. I just don't think it's feasible to date when you get older so maybe it would be better to find that companion. You just don't hear about 60+ year olds with friend with benefits, booty calls or these new types of relationships.


Guess again. 60+ olds do have companions, lovers, and friends with benefits. Didn't Mylie Cyrus recently disingenuously suggest that people don't have sex after age 40? Well, I know they do after 60, 70, and 80, too. I'll have to ask the nonagenarians I know if they're still getting it on, too.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 135
Marriage, Is it a must???
Posted: 11/17/2013 2:14:00 PM

You just don't hear about 60+ year olds with friend with benefits, booty calls or these new types of relationships.
LMAO Spend a little time in Florida or Arizona, and you will be enlightened.
 ForumFiona
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 136
Marriage, Is it a must???
Posted: 11/17/2013 2:39:41 PM

Spend a little time in Florida or Arizona, and you will be enlightened.
I'll be flying into Phoenix sometime in March so I guess I will have to wait awhile before finding out lol.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 137
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History
Marriage, Is it a must???
Posted: 11/17/2013 3:15:26 PM
"You just don't hear about 60+ year olds with friend with benefits, booty calls or these new types of relationships. "

???

According to your profile OP, you are 38 yrs. old and divorced 2 yrs.

Maybe these are ideas you have just never thought about.

Relax, enjoy your life.

" I am happy by myself but there are times I would like to have someone special waiting at home as well. it's the whole " have your cake and eat it too" dilemma."

The benefits of having a long term non live in relationship may surprise you.
 imlivin
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 138
Marriage, Is it a must???
Posted: 11/18/2013 5:47:11 AM
thanks everyone I have learned a lot and have a new perspective. Maybe I don't have to have my cake AND eat it too. :)
 KingofWisdom
Joined: 12/26/2013
Msg: 139
Marriage, Is it a must???
Posted: 3/11/2014 9:00:09 PM
Could YOU love, live with, commit yourself to and be happy forever without ever getting legally married . . . ?


Yes, considering I don't want to get married. It really is just a legal document, and when you look at statistics, over 50% of US marriages fail. Then when you consider how expensive weddings and divorces are, and how much they can screw people over, it just doesn't seem worth it at all. It's an outdated system.


or would that bother you?

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I'm more afraid of women not being interested in me because I "fear commitment".
 Howdy_From_Harry
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 140
view profile
History
Marriage, Is it a must???
Posted: 3/11/2014 10:21:16 PM
I believe in love, I believe in marriage. I've seen too many work out till death do us part to believe it's not a good thing.

I will say this though ... I only saw one good marriage before I became a Christian and that was between a Christian couple. Right now a lot of you are going to say one of two things, either (1) Christians get divorced all the time, or (2) I know plenty of happily married people (or happy people living together) who don't go to church. That's fine but it still doesn't change my experience or belief or viewpoint.

I believe in love and I believe in marriage. I never had the latter but it was mostly me or her, not the evil of marriage itself. I know marriage is more than a paper license.

So what's the glory of living..........doesn't anybody stay together anymore?
And if love never.........lasts forever..........what's forever for?
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 141
Marriage, Is it a must???
Posted: 3/11/2014 11:00:05 PM
Yes, I could definitely love without ever getting married. The problem with marriage today is all the financial implications and other legal entanglements it brings with it. It's just too complicated now. It's not a simple proclamation of love and devotion, it can end up ruining you financially if things go wrong. I've seen so many people (men especially it seems) have to forfeit their savings, property and 401k's in order to extricate themselves from a marriage should the time come. I'm one to cover myself, and protect what I've built in my life, and I have been thru a marriage and divorce.

That was 18 years ago. My last bf was looking to get married, and I was not, and probably will never again. We broke up because I did not want to take it to the next level. The idea of merging my life..again with someone, just did not register as necessary for me, personally-to enjoy someone in my life. He did not share this philosophy..so we ended it and he moved on to get married.
 margareta08
Joined: 2/28/2014
Msg: 142
Marriage, Is it a must???
Posted: 3/12/2014 12:11:22 AM
The beauty is that some of the old guys think they are with a new woman every night. BOnus of Alzheimers!!
lol!!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 143
Marriage, Is it a must???
Posted: 3/12/2014 8:15:51 AM
There are a lot of people who are totally obsessed with marriage, thinking that's the only way to have a long term successful relationship, but would refuse to combine their income with their partner into one joint bank account and want to keep their assets (if they have any) separate. The main reason being: If things don't work out, they aren't left totally broke and haven't lost assets they came into the marriage with. But a lot of the same people would be totally offended if their partner suggested getting a pre-nup, complaining that their partner is preparing for divorce, and that's the wrong way to prepare for marriage. And it means there's not complete trust in the relationship. You can't have it both ways. Partial trust is pretty much useless. If you truly believe your marriage is the special one that will last forever, you should be willing to sign any document and not be concerned with protecting assets and income.
 KingofWisdom
Joined: 12/26/2013
Msg: 144
Marriage, Is it a must???
Posted: 3/12/2014 1:19:09 PM
Prenups aren't really foolproof anyway. It's hard to anticipate every change in circumstance that might occur between the time a prenuptial agreement is written and when the marriage falls apart. And there are too many loopholes.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 145
Marriage, Is it a must???
Posted: 3/12/2014 6:09:39 PM

Could YOU love, live with, commit yourself to and be happy forever without ever getting legally married or would that bother you?


I'd love to be in a committed relationship and happy forever without getting married. But, I don't know if it would bother me down the road. Ahhhhh, cross that bridge when/if I get there. :)
 AnEvilGenius1
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 146
Marriage, Is it a must???
Posted: 3/12/2014 8:46:37 PM

Could YOU love, live with, commit yourself to and be happy forever without ever getting legally married or would that bother you?


That was the plan, her's too when we met 2 years ago. Both of us swore we would never marry again so there was no questioning or bickering about it.



We were married two weeks ago tomorrow in Daytona beach.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 147
Marriage, Is it a must???
Posted: 3/13/2014 12:41:38 AM
^^^^^^Congratulations!
 margareta08
Joined: 2/28/2014
Msg: 148
Marriage, Is it a must???
Posted: 3/13/2014 3:33:36 AM
You mean 60+ are having sex, with each other?? lol!! Spare me lol!
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 149
Marriage, Is it a must???
Posted: 3/13/2014 6:06:33 AM

There are a lot of people who are totally obsessed with marriage, thinking that's the only way to have a long term successful relationship, but would refuse to combine their income with their partner into one joint bank account and want to keep their assets (if they have any) separate. The main reason being: If things don't work out, they aren't left totally broke and haven't lost assets they came into the marriage with. But a lot of the same people would be totally offended if their partner suggested getting a pre-nup, complaining that their partner is preparing for divorce, and that's the wrong way to prepare for marriage. And it means there's not complete trust in the relationship. You can't have it both ways. Partial trust is pretty much useless. If you truly believe your marriage is the special one that will last forever, you should be willing to sign any document and not be concerned with protecting assets and income.


The whole thing seems like a fail in logic.

If you believe marriage is important, you should be willing to mingle assets. When you get married, you are tied to that person financially, trying to avoid that isn't going to really work well. If they run up debts, you are going to be responsible as well, it's hard though not impossible to avoid.

If one person truly believes their partner is the special one, and the partner wants a pre-nup, then their partner doesn't fully trust that the marriage will last.

IMO just don't get married if you are that worried about assets.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 150
Marriage, Is it a must???
Posted: 3/13/2014 10:12:15 AM

The whole thing seems like a fail in logic.

If you believe marriage is important, you should be willing to mingle assets. When you get married, you are tied to that person financially, trying to avoid that isn't going to really work well. If they run up debts, you are going to be responsible as well, it's hard though not impossible to avoid.

If one person truly believes their partner is the special one, and the partner wants a pre-nup, then their partner doesn't fully trust that the marriage will last.

IMO just don't get married if you are that worried about assets.

I don't know...marriage was always a business arrangement - only recently did we make it about love and trust. It's no different than buying a car and trusting that you don't need auto insurance. Sure it would be nice to live in a world where everyone else was a safe driver, but once you end up with a totaled car it's a painful second guess.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 151
Marriage, Is it a must???
Posted: 3/13/2014 10:49:06 AM

I don't know...marriage was always a business arrangement - only recently did we make it about love and trust.


First, why do wealthy people, or wealthy movie stars get married? They don't lack for sexual partners, they don't need any more money, so what is the reason? What is the reason someone like Clint Eastwood been married for so long, Steven Spielberg has been married since 1991, Warren Buffet remained married until his wife died.

Most highly successful people are married, that's a pretty clear fact. So something else is going on more than a business arrangement.

So I don't buy marriage has always been a business arrangement, but it doesn't matter to my argument that this is a fail in logic. Maybe it was to insure that the children in the marriage were more likely to be one's own.

Most of us no longer need to get married for financial reason, so why get married at all?

Personally I am neutral on the subject, I neither care about getting married or staying single while in a relationship. There are advantages to getting married as long as you choose well.

IMO either you both trust each other equally, or don't get married. If I felt I needed a pre-nup, it would be a signal that I subconsciously didn't trust something.

It's better to self insure as far as car's are concerned, it's just that most people don't have the discipline to self insure. And not having a car at all (not being married) is the way to avoid car insurance. I am not sure the analogy is a good one.
 raggedyanna
Joined: 5/26/2013
Msg: 152
Marriage, Is it a must???
Posted: 3/13/2014 4:23:53 PM
I think this whole topic is way over analyzed. It's completely up to the people involved. There are far more circumstances than meet the eye.

I was married for 22 years. Bad marriage from the start but I/we stuck it out for 22 years. I ended up leaving with absolutely no financial advantage. I walked away broke, just to be able to walk away. Believe me when I say there were lots of joint assets that stayed with the ex, but it made more sense to not go after it than to struggle through the grief. (stupidity or integrity or laziness?) Even after this experience I still believe in marriage.

Now that I've said that I'm going to tell you I also believe in common law relationships that last a life-time. I had that with my last "husband" who has passed away. Because of different obstacles we never married. But, we did create our own ceremony of sorts and promised to love, honor and work through any difficulties together until death do us part.

After over 13 years of the most perfect relationship he passed away. As someone mentioned way back near the beginning of this thread, in Canada after living together for 6 months you are considered legally married, in all aspects. During those 13 years we shared everything, including bank accounts. Although we talked over purchases neither one of us HAD to consult the other if we didn't want to. It was as if we were one, tied by an invisible gold cord. We referred to each other as husband and wife.

I guess my point is that if you choice the right person, marriage, or cohabiting, feels right and is right. I cannot imagine wanting a relationship, committed or otherwise, without living under the same roof, sharing everything. Would you want to do that to be able to flee easily if you decide it isn't what you wanted after all? Or maybe because you want to keep your options open in case someone better comes along? No real commitment? No promise to work things out if they go off track? Just change the lock on your door?

Now about the comments about growing old. Yes, if you aren't in a committed relationship and don't want one and are more than happy living how you please, when you please, making your bed or not, there will come a time when you just won't be able to do much of anything any more, let alone by yourself. Most of your friends will have died. And if they haven't they'll be in the same predicament you are. Your children, if you have them, will be busy with their own lives, and issues. You'll be forced into a retirement home, sitting alone, staring at the four walls. Or, you'll be in the hospital with no one to visit you or make caring decisions for you. I know, that can happen even if you were married and your spouse died before you. Do you really want to make that a certain reality or opt for the chance that you and the one you love will be together for the long term?

Life is what you make of it. Relationships are what you make of them. At least you can try. I'm over 60 and am giving it yet another go in a rather new relationship.... not yet even thinking about marriage or living together. It will be one or the other if it happens. I want to be the white haired couple walking slowly down the street holding hands and helping each other cross the street. (I personally know several)

Yeah yeah, I know that sounds sappy, but at least I'm going to try. If it doesn't happen, I'll pull up my big girl panties and live with it!
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 153
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History
Marriage, Is it a must???
Posted: 3/13/2014 4:58:43 PM

I was at a family get together this weekend and the discussion of re-marriage came up. One oppinion was that a marriage license has absolutly nothing to do with love or two people commiting to each other. That it is nothing more than a government contract that only comes into play for benifits and when a divorce happens. The other side was that people were meant to be married and that it is a must however they could not quote any specific reasons it's "a must". All this got me thinking and wondering about this question. Could YOU love, live with, commit yourself to and be happy forever without ever getting legally married or would that bother you?

The subject of marriage and whether or not the formal officialization has any purpose is periodically discussed in these forums in more than one place...and when people say that it is "just" a ritual or piece of paper (with or without the practical effects mentioned), I think that something is forgotten about - Marriage isn't always useless or pointless, because for some, the point is to show that you are willing to "get married" as a way to prove your feelings or committment. Of course, it can be said that if you really have that true connection, then you wouldn't have to prove anything or show some concrete way in which you invest and committ yourself to another. But that's not necessarily the same discussion.
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