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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > How can I use this to let go ?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Post_PrepatoryLIFER
Joined: 8/19/2013
Msg: 22
How can I use this to let go ?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
You have this 'attachment' that you deem 'love' for someone you only were 'intimate' with and 'seen' 2 to 3 times a month? Its been over a year and you are CHOOSING to not let it go. Why?

If its not objectifying Co-Worker.
If its not putting Co-Worker on a Pedestal.
Is it emotional chasing?
Perhaps you need to see it from a removed from emotion and personal perspective- that this is sounding more like
Relationship Repetition Syndrome?

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201101/relationship-repetition-syndrome-and-you
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 23
How can I use this to let go ?
Posted: 11/13/2013 2:29:37 PM
You’re “withdrawing” from a married woman you got together with two or three times a month?? You must have spun yourself quite a fantasy….that’s what you don’t want to let go of; not her. You never had her to begin with.

She’s not moving on from you, she doesn’t have to, because she never moved on TO you from her husband. They’re staying together in the same house but separate bedrooms for the sake of the children?? BUT she’ll have a fling (or several) because if discovered the children could recover from the fact that their mother is an adulterous cheating liar than if their parents simply divorced and actually DID move on.
What. The F uck.

Maybe you like tormenting yourself over this non-existent relationship….I don’t remember reading anything you’ve said is appealing about this woman, so what’s the problem? You don’t have to let go of someone you never had. There’s nothing to let go of except your own imagination.
 Iseedudpeople
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 24
How can I use this to let go ?
Posted: 11/13/2013 2:59:28 PM
You’re “withdrawing” from a married woman you got together with two or three times a month?? You must have spun yourself quite a fantasy….that’s what you don’t want to let go of; not her.


I worked right next to her 5 days/week for 4.5 years also... that's a lot of time IMO


You never had her to begin with.

She’s not moving on from you, she doesn’t have to, because she never moved on TO you from her husband.


You're preachin to the choir here, I was waiting and waiting for her to move on to me but she never did.


They’re staying together in the same house but separate bedrooms for the sake of the children?? BUT she’ll have a fling (or several) because if discovered the children could recover from the fact that their mother is an adulterous cheating liar than if their parents simply divorced and actually DID move on.


Their situation had been like this for 10 years when I met her so I would hardly consider her a cheating spouse when their marriage ended long ago where it matters ( IN THE HEART ).
They may have still been married technically but in a case like this a marriage certificate is just a piece of paper IMO.



You don’t have to let go of someone you never had. There’s nothing to let go of except your own imagination.


Well all the lovemaking, phone calls , conversations and how I felt about her wasn't in my imagination.

Her finally being free to be with me was though.
 Iseedudpeople
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 25
How can I use this to let go ?
Posted: 11/22/2013 7:47:53 AM
UPDATE :

Yesterday the same thing happened, where she approached the car I was sitting in. So, I looked away and busied myself with stuff in my car before she saw that I'd seen her , she walked by and it didn't sting since I expected it.

Weird thing though, as she passed me on the road a few minutes later she honked and waved .... wtf ?

Why bother honking and waving if you can't be bothered to stop to say hello as you walk by me in my car ?

I don't get that. Seems like frikked up game playing but whatevs.
 Iseedudpeople
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 26
How can I use this to let go ?
Posted: 11/22/2013 8:16:05 AM
Pollygraf ....

What is the point of this game ?

Any idea ?

I'm just curious
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 27
How can I use this to let go ?
Posted: 11/22/2013 8:34:50 AM
^^^^^^^This girl is soooooo not worth your time. She is immature. Don't
give her another thought, just forget about her! Now, what were you saying? ;)
 Iseedudpeople
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 28
How can I use this to let go ?
Posted: 11/22/2013 8:41:25 AM
I agree Drivinginharmony, but I thought a woman might have some insight as to what the point , if any, there may be to this game ?

Is it to keep her in my radar ?

To show me she's a " good sport " ?

What ?
 Iseedudpeople
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 29
How can I use this to let go ?
Posted: 11/22/2013 9:08:34 AM
Thanks Polly !

FWIW I haven't had any verbal contact with her since Oct 28 , so my " recovery " as a " her- aholic " is going well so far.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 30
How can I use this to let go ?
Posted: 11/22/2013 6:15:23 PM
Iseedudpeople: Clearly this girl is an attention seeker, not a tease, but an immature attention seeker who likes being the center of anyone's attention. I bet she has done this to other guys. I think you need to pretend you have no clue who she is....period. You have better things to do. :) I did have a funny thought.....I wonder how she would act if you turned it around.....every time you see her, wave with a big smile, honk every time you see her in the car, yell her name to say hello from across the street, almost annoying.....(ok maybe not....)
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 31
How can I use this to let go ?
Posted: 11/23/2013 10:59:59 AM
Here is another thought. Don't give her attention. Not everyone is a game player, but if she is that crazy about personal boundaries... why not have your own? Not for the sake of any game, but just because you actually have the right to have your own comfort zone as well.

If you don't feel like waving? Don't wave. Don't honk. Don't look up. Be comfortable in and of yourself, and quit playing whatever MIGHT be a game, it might be her trying to keep things from being awkward, or it ALSO might be her trying to not be tempted by you if she is trying to make it work with him and wants to be very careful to not lead you on (or lead herself on with you; I haven't heard that as a choice but it is a very real possibility as well).

Don't wave, honk, talk, or acknowledge. If she is playing a game, the game stops. If she is trying to be careful to not lead herself or you on for personal ethics if she still likes you while trying to make it work with him, it will be better that way too.

Both ways, you get your power back, you don't have to wonder why, and you move on.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 32
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History
How can I use this to let go ?
Posted: 11/23/2013 1:03:51 PM
How do you break up with someone you aren't even going with, just some sex meetings here & there with someone unavailable? What game is she playing, simple, you give her lots & lots & lots of unstable attention and are apparently sitting in your car drooling waiting for her to walk by. Seriously, what game are YOU playing? And really, if there was a way, and there isn't, for you two to have a normal relationship, neither of you would be interested in the least. Without all this drama and fake love, what would you have to do together? She'd have to look for another man to entertain her and you would have to look for another women to obsess over. When you really want to stop this, and no right now you don't, you like the excitement it brings otherwise life would be boring, you will seek some professional help and that will only work if you are clearly ready to stop this mental masturbation. Even now you are just looking to talk about it, it consumes your every thought, and it does so because whether you can see it or not, you want to be doing this. You are experiencing excitement through pain because it gets you what you want at the moment. You will not stop until you stop playing games with your own head. You may not like the reality of this situation being pointed out to you, but if you really want help, you are going to have to stop getting off on the drama. Most people can't do that without professional help because they are so wallowed up in the middle of it that saying you get it doesn't mean you do, what you get right now is that you want attention, you want to talk about this woman, you want to wade neck deep in the whole of the drama, you are certainly not seeking a way out right now at all.

It's obsession, it's not about her, she's an object that has worked out well for your need to obsess. She's not important here at all, your mind is what you need to heal and it's very doubtful that you have the ability to heal yourself. One day you will move your obsession to someone or something else and nothing will really change for you.
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > How can I use this to let go ?