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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Do guys still believe in the 3rd date rule???      Home login  
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 sonofabiscuit2
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 31
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Do guys still believe in the 3rd date rule???Page 3 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Ah yes the 3rd date rule, my favorite of all the rules. "If the female does not put out on the third meeting, the male must depart never to return to the bosom of said female". I've never put stock in this, because sex should occur when it feels natural or when both parties are just looking for sex I suppose. I've had sex with no dates and I've dated a woman I was with for 2 months before we had sex. The point is that I do what feels comfortable and right for the relationship, I'll probably never wait for 2 months or more again, but in that instance it was right.
 HuluAddicted
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 32
Do guys still believe in the 3rd date rule???
Posted: 1/4/2010 3:10:04 PM
If guys are following the 3 date rule, they'll have no luck with me.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 33
blackfox
Posted: 5/6/2010 8:06:37 AM
Rather than call it a rule, I'd call it a three date rule of thumb. The fact is, that most people will have sex by a third date. I say that because the last time sex on or before the third date didn't happen was when I was 24 and the girl I was dating was 18 and a virgin. In that case we waited for about 2 weeks However, this is 2010, not the 1980's and the youngest woman I dated from pof was 27 and I'd guess she probably had sex a few times. So, except for very young women with little or no sexual experience, I'd have to wonder if a woman really enjoyed sex or looked at sex as ``putting out'' or had some other baggage from a bad sexual experience if sex wasn't happening by a third date.
.
 .dej
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 34
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Do guys still believe in the 3rd date rule???
Posted: 5/6/2010 10:16:40 AM

I dont think im ready to have sex with him


Then don't. I don't know what else there can be to say about this. If you're not ready and you do it anyway because you feel some sort of pressure to, you'll resent him for it. And that helps no one.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 35
Do guys still believe in the 3rd date rule???
Posted: 2/17/2011 12:22:43 PM

Sex clouds your judgement and it takes way longer than 3 dates to know a person, to love a person, to discern if they're faithful, if they are someone you wanna spend the rest of your life with.

I guess I never needed to know that I was in love or if I was going to be with a woman forever to know if I wanted to have sex with her.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 36
Do guys still believe in the 3rd date rule???
Posted: 2/17/2011 1:17:41 PM
Sex clouds your judgement and it takes way longer than 3 dates to know a person, to love a person, to discern if they're faithful, if they are someone you wanna spend the rest of your life with.

I think "in my opinion" would work well with this particular post. I personally have fallen in love twice in my life, way quicker than a third date. One we had sex fairly early on, 5 years post-brek-up, it happened again. That time we waited til we were married. Neither situation was "forever" for reasons that had nothing to do with not knowing either one of them. Today, after years of "it has to be love before sex for me" ~ I'm much more inclined to go with the third-date rule. There's nothing worse than investing time, energy, emotion only to discover there is NO sexual compatibility. To each their own. JMO
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 37
Do guys still believe in the 3rd date rule???
Posted: 2/20/2011 4:02:44 AM
Having said that... If you cant stay abstinent till marriage, please please please keep it out of the equation as long as possible.


My RL experience compels me to agree with VeryGreenEyes (which I suspect I would do on most subjects, probably for more than one reason, lol), and JCO. Avoiding sex, deliberately, letting that reknowned "anticipation" build, and mushroom, in each other to the bursting point, is far more likely to cloud your judgment, even about your "love" feelings, ime. Not entirely sure about women, but I think most men think most clearly post-coitally. lol
Keeping sex out of the "equation"- it's a factor, probably a large one, whether you're genitals have locked and loaded yet or not. And if you sever this one substantial factor from your prenuptial formula, you probably forego equilibrium, and the longer term stability most of us are seeking.
I've had two "life partners", each of which lasted about ten years. lol In the first, "sexual incompatibility", which is a rubric, I think, for a bundle of differences, in perspective, life energy, approach to life generally, and more, was certainly "one" reason for the failure of the first. The second was the best sex I'd ever had, to that point, but I'd have been much better informed about her if we had run a raging river in small boats as part of the prenuptial experience, so that I could have gotten a better feel for whether she had it in her, or was even so much as inclined, to "watch my back" over the longer haul.



Sex clouds your judgement and it takes way longer than 3 dates to know a person, to love a person, to discern if they're faithful, if they are someone you wanna spend the rest of your life with.


Sex is one more way, potentially a powerful one, to bond with another, but so is walking in the park, kayaking fast water, or watching the sun set, and having a child together can be the most powerful of all.



No one ever died from lack of action and neither will he.


We have way different tests for potential partners. I'm way more focused on how my partner-to-be will live, than whether or how she'll die. I'm pretty sure she'd feel the same way about me, and how we might live after a partnership forms. That shared sunset, the fast water, sex, almost any joint activity, really, are both "tests" and bonding opportunities. If sex is gonna be part of the relationship you hope to have, and a significant part, how can you possibly ignore it, keep in the "unknown" column, til after you make your vows to be bound for eternity?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 38
Do guys still believe in the 3rd date rule???
Posted: 2/20/2011 4:14:40 AM
And, YES! There are men out there like that, are succesfull, responsible, with a high sex drive and just know how to control it until the time is right.

Since in an earlier post, you said you prescribe to the ``wedding night rule,'':

OP.... Some people believe in the "wedding night rule" =None till we say "I do".

I dont care if 99.9% of people on pof think that's crazy or stupid or not relevant.
It's still out there and I myself prescribe to it.

How could you possibly know if there are men out there like you describe? You can't possibly know if you or someone else has a high sex drive without having sex. Being horny a lot doesn't mean high sex drive.

Sex is beautiful and is created for our enjoyment. I just donna wanna enjoy it with every Jack, Joe, Bob and Harry. get it?

Not really. If I find something enjoyable, I want to enjoy doing it - often.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 39
Do guys still believe in the 3rd date rule???
Posted: 2/20/2011 7:40:04 PM
^^^i like that rule man... will have to remember it...

mostly I am a 3 date rule, yet for the ONE, I will wait longer and until need be...


of course, sometimes I won't even give 3 dates to some....


just know, if I hadn't hit it by the 3rd date cuz you are trying to hold out, I will only ask for a 4th date if I really like you.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 40
Do guys still believe in the 3rd date rule???
Posted: 2/21/2011 6:19:17 AM
i remember i heard a long time ago, when 2 ppl are dating and ppl would start having sex between 6 mos to a year.

You heard wrong. I've been dating longer than you've been alive and I don't recall dating ever being like that. The longest it's ever taken was about 2 weeks and in that case it was my idea to hold off. But, the last time it took more than 2 dates before having sex was more than 20 years ago.
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 41
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Do guys still believe in the 3rd date rule???
Posted: 2/21/2011 2:22:03 PM
Every relationship is different, but generally i'm on a 4-date rule, with each date building up like the baseball analogy.
1st date-1st base, kissing.
2nd date-2nd base, kissing plus fondling, definitely steamy.
3rd date-3rd base, Bill Clinton sex.
4th date-Home run.
Of course there's gotta be a natural buildup, which I think ordinarily occurs if the two people are into each other to seek each other out for followup dates.

What doesn't make sense to me is someone expecting to get to know someone else deeply without making much effort for physical romance. Seems kinda unreasonable. Women mostly fall into this mental state WAY more often than men do, I think. I can't fathom it--why would I want to get closer to a woman who has physical hangups like this? That's just the tip of the iceberg for all sorts of other hangups and baggage. Of course vice versa for the women I suppose--why would she want to get physical with a guy who isn't completely opening up all other portions of the human relationship experience to her? To me, that's like putting the cart in front of the horse, but ce la vie.
 valleyguyaz
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 42
Do guys still believe in the 3rd date rule???
Posted: 3/3/2011 2:04:06 AM
stupid rules should be broken or never followed to begin with.

i don't need rules like this.i look at it on a case by case basis instead.

its not up to me to solely decide if this rule should be followed anyway.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 43
blackfox
Posted: 3/7/2011 8:37:12 AM

if a girl does not put out within 2 weeks of knowing her I assume she is not interested and not physically attracted to me so I move on to the next girl.


Wow. I know that pof has whole barrels of fish, but you could get to the bottom of those proverbial barrels right quick that way. Might miss a few good ones, too, while you're moving on smartly.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 44
blackfox
Posted: 3/8/2011 7:11:07 PM
^^^^^^ So true! There are women who feel powerful enough to enjoy sex and women who feel powerful by denying sex or using it like a weapon or bargaining chip. The later are threatened by the former so they try and little them and throw words like SLUT around. It's sad.

Gotta agree with you here. Other than? It's not just women that throw that word around when intimidated, it's men, too. Now that's what sad to me ~ we're prudes if we don't, sluts if we do (to many, not ALL.)

The first type of women is happy and so are her men. The second type ARE miserable and so are their men....

I'm certain my ex-husband could tell horror stories about me and my dis-interest and prudish views on sex during our marriage. (Simply frightens me to know I was someone I'd simply shake my head at a mere 10 years later.) **hangs head in shame** So glad my evolution of self kicked in ~ I won't be doing that again in this lifetime. Whew!
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 45
blackfox
Posted: 3/8/2011 7:15:43 PM

Point is, if it's a good one you don't move on...


Yeah, k, but after a mazimum of two weeks, not just to get acquainted, but to share a bed? Lol Just struck me as hasty, that's all.


why do people say this and how do you know what is a good one for anyone else but yourself?. I know for me a good one is one that I am physically attracted too, can meet my emotional needs and is comfortable with meeting my sexual needs/preferences on my schedule and everyone else is a bad one and not right for me.


And this shot landed right off my port bow. Lol Bracketing incoming shells.
I was just observing that, while children can be open books, read in one sitting, adults are almost always a much longer read. And they don't always open easily. I wasn't trying to prescribe what might be a good match for anyone, not sure what the best match would be for myself, but I do know that a few meets or visits over a two-week period, even salted with some emails/phone calls, etc., falls well short of a solid justification for writing off another human forever.
Fishing takes patience. That much I learned at age 7.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 46
3rd date rule
Posted: 12/20/2012 11:30:47 PM
You mean there isn't a 3 date rule?

Damn! I have my 3rd date this weekend. :sobs:
 PaintedLady2
Joined: 12/16/2012
Msg: 47
3rd date rule
Posted: 12/21/2012 3:44:24 AM
I had never heard of the 3rd date rule until last year, from my sis's new husband. He said when he saw her for the 3rd time, he thought if she didn't go to bed with him...he'd move on...cuz ya know....the 3rd date rule.

I guess she did...but to hear her talk...it sounded like a MONTH.

Now i tried with a guy after the 4th date....everything had been perfect up until then. He never made a move...so i decided i would. I unbuckled his belt. He buckled it back up. I laughed and tried again. OOPS. Nada.
The evening went downhill....and basically the relationship was over....what there was of it. I felt soooo rebuffed! Thing is, he was the first guy i was truly interested in since the ex-fiance who dumped me..over 20 months ago!

So i guess 4 dates wasn't enough for him....and they were LOOOONG dates too......lol
 ozquofan
Joined: 4/12/2009
Msg: 48
3rd date rule
Posted: 12/21/2012 4:40:20 AM
i guess its up to the individual,when you are ready you are ready....be it first date,third date or tenth date.
 MAB54
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 49
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Do guys still believe in the 3rd date rule???
Posted: 12/21/2012 6:18:00 AM
My rule of thumb is the first date and most of the dates I've had from POF confirm that rule.
 msright78
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 50
Do guys still believe in the 3rd date rule???
Posted: 12/21/2012 12:31:13 PM
HAhahaah there's a rule? Well I definitely didn't know.

For me, I go with the flow of things.

If I'm really into a person physically, then it might be sooner than later.

My ex and I had sex on the 2nd date. Mmm not even sure if we even went out or just met up at his place and had sex. lol

But this one guy I'm interested in dating, I already told him he has to wait 3 months b4 we can have sex. ANd he said ok!

lol

I already know I won't last that long and will cave in sooner! And he told me he'll still wait it out just cuz! awwww shoo sweet of him!
 Chas_0207
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 51
Do guys still believe in the 3rd date rule???
Posted: 12/21/2012 1:15:33 PM
Thats BS. You will know when it is right.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 52
Do guys still believe in the 3rd date rule???
Posted: 12/21/2012 1:28:39 PM
3-5 ...but its only an average..it all depends on length of time together..spacing between dates..communication..etc....and that all important 'chemistry'..
 natures_daughter
Joined: 5/31/2008
Msg: 53
Do guys still believe in the 3rd date rule???
Posted: 12/30/2012 10:31:52 AM
I love what you said. It's all true and I wish everyone thought this way as well...:(
 andrea52
Joined: 2/26/2008
Msg: 54
Do guys still believe in the 3rd date rule???
Posted: 12/30/2012 10:43:05 AM
Excellent post!
 natgoat227
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 55
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Do guys still believe in the 3rd date rule???
Posted: 12/30/2012 12:52:55 PM
I never Did believe in it.
If two people can't generate enough attraction before the 3rd date...then you're probably just going to be 'Friends'!!
Maybe a 2nd date rule...IF...
The 1st date is out drinking and dancing...and you don't have a lot of socializing.
The 2nd date should be in a quieter setting...Dinner, a walk on the beach / park , stargazing...
where you can talk about everything under the sun and get to Really know each other!!
When she gets curious enough...
she'll ask
"Why....after all this time talking...haven't you brought up Sex...??"
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