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 DudeBro82
Joined: 11/19/2013
Msg: 51
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Am I overreacting?Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Of course all these man-hating women can only see it one way. Of course, it offended me, so I must be a regular woman beater. I just beat every woman I see for sport. Take a stand all you want, you aren't going to vilify other men in the process. I have seen fighting as a kid, who hasn't. I have avoided so much as an argument my entire life. What I have seen, I know not to be. I also know to choose fundamentally who is worth trying to have a relationship with, when avoiding the things people fight over. I dont go by emotion, I go by sense.

And another thing, regardless of what happens, I'm not inserting myself in anyone else's problems. He could have been throttling the life out of that woman for all I know. That's between him, her, the police and the judge. It's not my place to be injured or charged with a crime over some woman I dont know trying to white knight. Don't care.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 52
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/27/2013 7:47:31 AM
OP, wonder if while you have talked and been with this woman if you have talked about what you like to do in life, what you don't like to do, what you like to eat, what you don't like to eat. Also what you want in a woman and what you DON"T want in a woman? I know I have to all of the above. So if that is "normal" stuff to talk about, why are you really sensitive about what she said? There is a lot more to this story then you are saying imo.
 Tsar850
Joined: 3/23/2013
Msg: 53
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/27/2013 7:59:32 AM
OP you reacted well. She still has issues to resolve, and you not wanting to be involved in it is a smart choice.

Why would she feel the need to proclaim her intent to defend herself to someone that she doesn't consider a threat?
I have a CWP and always carry. Yet I have never felt the need to announce the fact I am armed to my friends.

As you noted there are some here that will castigate you for the choice you have made.

Move on you owe her nothing. Just be glad you saw the red flags early. Good luck in your quest.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 54
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/27/2013 8:05:17 AM
With all the OP said, he over reacted. I think some are confusing two different things here. For one, people say things and if that hurts someones sensitive feelings, that's for the sensitive person to deal with. The other thing that is is if the woman has issues she has not resolved and still suffers from mental anguish in her past then yes, I would see what is going on and see if a relationship really would be healthy. If she suffers from the past and lets it interfere with a new relationship, then that is not healthy and I would not be in that relationship.

Two different scenarios..............TOTALLY
 63T
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 55
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Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/27/2013 8:05:18 AM

I have avoided so much as an argument my entire life. What I have seen, I know not to be. I also know to choose fundamentally who is worth trying to have a relationship with, when avoiding the things people fight over. I dont go by emotion, I go by sense.

Actually, you are emotionally reactive in the extreme. Your extreme emotional state is partly, a direct result of your persistent practice of avoidance (denial). Your are extremely fearful and threatened by confrontation, perceived or otherwise. You are creating problems for yourself and others with whom you contact.
This is a very dangerous path to follow and, after reading your latest post, I would STRONGLY advise individual, clinical therapy, asap.
Your issues will not resolve through participation in a caring and loving, romantic partner. Your issues are far to deeply rooted in childhood, upbringing.
"I dont go by emotion, I go by sense" <--- This screams extreme narcissistic tendencies.
The ultimate and most honourable act of love that you could give her is to release her and seek clinical therapy. You are on a path of sabotage, destruction, most certainly.
Your capacity for love while in your current state, is severely diminished if not absent.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 56
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/27/2013 8:07:25 AM
I took her words as a preemptive threat, adding animosity to our previously rosy situation

Your mistake, Dude - Your assumption. No matter how crazy the situation may be - you gotta keep your cool. You didn't.

And another thing, regardless of what happens, I'm not inserting myself in anyone else's problems. He could have been throttling the life out of that woman for all I know. That's between him, her, the police and the judge. It's not my place to be injured or charged with a crime over some woman I dont know trying to white knight. Don't care.

If the argument is loud enough to be heard through the walls, at the very least you can call 911 and report a noise violation. Mention domestic abuse and there's usually a police squad showing up right-quick. You never have to step out of the apartment, and nobody has to know it was you calling. Once the cops get involved, you don't have to worry about it. If it escalated into gunplay or physical violence, you ARE involved as a witness, whether you like it or not.

It seriously sounds like you're chicken to deal with this situation because you've been around aggressive people before. Saying 'Don't Care' doesn't make you immune to people's opinions. Being ignorant and passive to a violent situation in your immediate vicinity gives a woman a seriously good reason to write you off as a spineless wimp.
 DudeBro82
Joined: 11/19/2013
Msg: 57
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Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/27/2013 8:07:57 AM
^ Thats is a point.

We're (she and I) are not talking about "whats going to happen if we fight" THAT is not a normal conversation with anyone.

I dont see how no one gets it. Her saying that ASSUMES that it's going to happen some time down the line. It's just like these man-haters in here. All guys just beat on women for sport , so let's justify a woman's preemptive attack. My problem with it is simply that I was the target of her animosity that grew from hearing the fight of other people. There isn't some 'inside issue'. At face value, that's what I saw.

Also another aspect no one seems to be realizing; this is about as close to a relationship as I have ever been. Dealing with women's emotional BS, has never been a part of life for me. That's why my reaction wasn't to assure her. Had I previously dealt with a woman this way, maybe I would have seen it differently. When the FWB's had whatever going on, they just didn't have to come over. If something was troubling them; it was kept very light.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 58
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/27/2013 8:19:25 AM
Actually, you are emotionally reactive in the extreme.

... * pointing with my giant foam finger *...


this is about as close to a relationship as I have ever been.

if she's the type that goes out of her way to get in everyone's BIZ-NESS then perhaps you'd like to reconsider. for some reason I keep hearing Judge Judy and the Maury Povich show in the background.


I'm not inserting myself in anyone else's problems.

*she* is. but hey good to know since you seem to be doing a bang-up job (so to speak) of inventing new ones for yourself out of thin air.


I took her words as a preemptive threat,

holy fuck!.
toodles.
 DudeBro82
Joined: 11/19/2013
Msg: 59
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Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/27/2013 8:20:57 AM
Danimal.

Spineless? I think not. If I had been present, and the man brought me into the situation, even verbally, we would have fought. Again, people reading what they want "Not ever having been in an argument" refers to WITH A WOMAN.

If I had somehow been there, and man said "You gonna do something, I'll beat your ass too" to me outta the blue? Shit yeah it would have been fight on. Not for the sake of his woman, but for the sake of manning up. I dont want to be arrested, but some things I will fight for. I chanced pulling a drunk guy out of his car to fight after he hit my parked car w/o insurance, completely worth it. So woman I dont know? Not a chance.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 60
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/27/2013 8:53:58 AM
Walts - I usually agree with what you have to say, but in this case, not so much. I have reread the OP so many times to see if I get anything different out of it and I don't. The woman was reacting to what she was hearing through the walls, a man and woman yelling, a child crying, sounds of potential violence, I think many would react the same way, men included. It doesn't mean that she was abused and has issues, from what I read, she wasn't even talking to the OP, she was simply speaking out loud. Was HER reaction a little overboard? Possibly, not having been there we can't say for sure. Was HIS reaction over the top? Definitely, he is acting like she was directly attacking him and accusing him of planning to hit her, those words were never said or implied. Now if she does have issues from the past, which we don't know, of course she needs to deal with them.

Now to you OP, you are accusing the woman who have responded to your post saying that you overreacted of being man-haters, well guess what? Most of the men have responded the same way; are they man-haters too? Don't think so. Walts is saying that both of you overreacted and your staunch supporters come from the group that are notorious for bitterness against women.

In the end, if her behavior bothers you that much, you are not a match, simple as that. Move on to the next one, but be aware that with the type of attitude you have displayed, you are not likely to find a match anywhere.

Happy fishing.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 61
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/27/2013 9:04:41 AM
Spineless? I think not. If I had been present, and the man brought me into the situation, even verbally, we would have fought.

You WERE present - you were on the other side of the wall and could clearly tell what was going on! You think you need an invite to prove you can do the 'right' thing?!? For Chrissake wake up and smell what you are shoveling.


Not for the sake of his woman, but for the sake of manning up. I dont want to be arrested, but some things I will fight for.
So you'd get in a fight merely for your manly pride, and risk arrest, instead of just reporting some A-hole to the cops and letting THEM handle it? Do you have any idea how skewed that sounds? You're putting your own pride ahead of EVERYthing else in this situation, when that is the ONE thing you should just swallow and realize life isn't just about what happens to YOU alone.

Dude, I have no idea what your background may have been, but I'm telling you - it doesn't matter - putting your own pride ahead of ANYone else - be it a date or a neighbor in trouble - is monumentally stupid. Love and relationships is all about giving a priority/preference to the OTHER person OVER your own ego. Until you drop that chip on your shoulder, I'm afraid you are just never going to realize the value in being humble and realizing a relationship is MORE than the sum of it's individual parts.

Above everything, you gotta keep your cool. Anyone talking tough is just that - talk. Doesn't mean squat. Including your assumption you'd fight for no good reason except your pride.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 62
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Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/27/2013 9:46:16 AM
I have seen fighting as a kid, who hasn't. I have avoided so much as an argument my entire life. What I have seen, I know not to be.


I've never witnessed any kind of domestic assault, the first being a stranger when I was about 27.


I dont see how no one gets it. Her saying that ASSUMES that it's going to happen some time down the line. It's just like these man-haters in here. All guys just beat on women for sport , so let's justify a woman's preemptive attack. My problem with it is simply that I was the target of her animosity that grew from hearing the fight of other people. There isn't some 'inside issue'. At face value, that's what I saw.


Op, what is the trigger here. Do you assume that at sometime you may hit a woman and it is that anger you are really feeling? Do you hate her allowing herself for being the woman that got hit? Did someone you know have a hairline trigger when he "assumed" some action or speech was directed at him?


I dont go by emotion, I go by sense.


Why? Who taught you emotion was bad. What have you had to deal with that made you turn off your emotions to deal with it?


Also another aspect no one seems to be realizing; this is about as close to a relationship as I have ever been.


Ditto to the above.

I'm hurting for you OP, and I hate whatever happened that made you self protect this way. I hope one day it will be much better and you can have the open, honest, loving and nurturing relationship, without fear, that you deserve to have.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 63
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Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/27/2013 11:07:38 AM
Just because a woman does not agree with your stance does not make her a man hater. You asked if you over reacted, and people gave opinions based on what you wrote. If you didn't want to hear opposition then why pose the question?
YOU believe you did the right thing, so why does my opinion or anyone else's on this board make a damn bit of difference to you? From your original post and your reaction to other people's take on the situation, I think you need to work on your communication skills. It is ok to tell a partner "I am offended by that staement" you don't kiss her good bye and pretned nothing happened to avoid an argument. Talk it out. But be adult enough to speak your mind and not slink away like your feelings are not valid, they are to you.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 64
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Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/27/2013 11:07:53 AM
"Dealing with women's emotional BS, has never been a part of life for me."
And you're calling any woman who disagrees with you a man hater? You continue to use "women" when making condescending remarks. 31 and this is your first relationship. You obviously have issues with women/commitment.
Work on yourself. The more you respond the worse you come off. You overreacted to the entire thing. What are you going to do when in a relationship and something major happens?
 fieryredhead77
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 65
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/27/2013 11:21:06 AM
What poster 63T said is exactly right. You really need help. You are in your 30's having never made an emotional connection with someone onlying sex screams of extreme issues, like I originally said (you grew up with a lot of abuse, right?) Unfortunately, you are obviously unable to see that you may possibly have a problem since you don't actually hit them, you just abuse them emotionally. Most guys who are abusive can't see this, and never deal with their problems. But since I dare mention this to you it means I am a man hater. Interesting thought process.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 66
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/27/2013 11:46:29 AM

Being ignorant and passive to a violent situation in your immediate vicinity gives a woman a seriously good reason to write you off as a spineless wimp.


Standing ovation! I’d never bother with a man with no guts.

FFS. A woman doesn’t have to have been a victim in her past to have empathy, compassion and courage for others. ANYone who could ignore a person or an animal in potential danger is not anybody I would want to know.

So OP you’ve got obvious anger issues, passive-aggressive BS, no guts and an adolescent attitude….. “Nyah, nyah…..I don’t care!”

I believe that you’ve never had any kind of human relationship. It’s probably for the best.
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 67
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Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/27/2013 11:52:47 AM
When you first posted I gave you (from my point of view) an honest and sincere answer. Little did I know how right on I was. Now that I've read your subsequent posts I only have one more thing to post...that is coming from a "hater." The following is a definition of misogynist...the opposite of a man hater...and I think it applies here...

MISOGYNIST...
"noun a person who hates, dislikes, mistrusts, or mistreats women. Related forms misogynistic, adjective Dictionary.com Unabridged Based on the Random House Dictionary ..."

It takes a lot of courage to look in a mirror and realize that maybe some of our problems come from within, and then take steps to help themselves. This applies to everyone. Why did you come in here with this post? That answer is within you. You came in here with a question and you took your chances in getting answers that may or may not agree with you. What was your real motivation? Again, that is within you. You have decisions to make.

@Walt...you really disappointed. I usually agree with you, but this time...
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 68
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Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/27/2013 11:54:29 AM
If there was a question as to whether you overreacted when you first posted this thread, you have removed all doubt by now.

So, once again. I stand by what I said.

A man worth the appellation would have called the police to make sure that the woman and child in the other apartment would be taken care of, and he would have reassured his woman that she would always be safe with him. This kind of behavior comes naturally to emotionally healthy men, and most would have been glad to have the opportunity to show what they are made of.
 Lexti
Joined: 3/14/2013
Msg: 69
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/27/2013 12:28:11 PM

If I had somehow been there, and man said "You gonna do something, I'll beat your ass too" to me outta the blue? Shit yeah it would have been fight on. Not for the sake of his woman, but for the sake of manning up. I dont want to be arrested, but some things I will fight for. I chanced pulling a drunk guy out of his car to fight after he hit my parked car w/o insurance, completely worth it. So woman I don't know? Not a chance.


Your statements are getting more and more twisted and it's telling that you cannot see how "off" you sound. You would not step in to assist a woman or child being abused, even if it's just phoning the police. Your words, I believe, is that you just don't care and they're not worth getting injured or going to jail for. But...you WOULD escalate a violent situation for "the sake of manning up". I wish your lady friend could read this thread and see what type of person she is truly dealing with here...

Sincerely,
Man-Lover
 BabblingBrookes
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 70
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/27/2013 1:25:01 PM
Most of the women who've replied to you, myself included, are far from man haters. Your labeling of us is a way for you to dismiss our individual points. If you disagree, then disagree. Again, you're becoming defensive. If you were 21, I'd cut you a little slack...at 31...not so much. You should know how to interact with people that disagree with you without attacking them by now. If you don't, then learn. If you're unwilling to learn, then accept your lot in life: Constantly misunderstood and dismissed. Relationships are work and they're a pain at times. If you want to have it your way all the time, then be single.



Also another aspect no one seems to be realizing; this is about as close to a relationship as I have ever been. Dealing with women's emotional BS, has never been a part of life for me.


Strange that you would think that should matter. I don't really care if this is your first semi-relationship. My opinion doesn't change due to your lack of experience. A juvenile response is a juvenile response. Your lack of experience may explain your reaction, but it hardly justifies it. You're confusing PRIDE with DIGNITY. You're holding onto your sense of pride like it's worth as much as dignity. It isn't. Take the hit that you could have reacted better, swallow your pride like a man (or woman, we've all had to do it) and learn from it. This dodging and ultra-focusing on minutiae is an attempt to keep your pride intact. It really isn't worth saving.

I'm sure you'd appreciate more placating and an attempt to see "your side of things", but you were in the wrong. I don't care if she was wrong or not...she's not the one asking the question...you are. She's not here to give her side of the events...you are. So her role is only relevant if your reaction matched it. Then it serves as an explanation for why you reacted the way you did. The two don't match so her role is irrelevant. You overreacted.

Now, with that said, PLEASE DUMP HER. Even if she cries, and begs, etc. You are NOT ready for a relationship and either need to focus on yourself, or start smaller. If I were you, I'd start with making a close female friend. Don't choose someone you're attracted to. Choose someone that is kind, fun, and FEMALE. When I began trying for a relationship with a man, it was rough going. Men made absolutely no sense to me and would get upset about the smallest thing. I had to learn that they saw a completely different world than I saw. My ability to work with my boyfriend as a partner came from years of practice. It helps that he's awesome and is a worker like me, but I wouldn't be able to keep him if I didn't know how to work as a team. You are not a team player. "US" has to go before "ME" and you're still stuck on "ME". That's fine, but don't drag another person into your me-world. It's not fair to them.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 71
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/27/2013 5:54:59 PM

I have avoided so much as an argument my entire life.

IMO, if this statement is really true, therein lies your problem, but 63T fleshes that out very well.


It's not my place to be injured or charged with a crime over some woman I dont know trying to white knight. Don't care.
*****************
If the argument is loud enough to be heard through the walls, at the very least you can call 911 and report a noise violation. Mention domestic abuse and there's usually a police squad showing up right-quick. You never have to step out of the apartment, and nobody has to know it was you calling. Once the cops get involved, you don't have to worry about it. If it escalated into gunplay or physical violence, you ARE involved as a witness, whether you like it or not.

It seriously sounds like you're chicken to deal with this situation because you've been around aggressive people before. Saying 'Don't Care' doesn't make you immune to people's opinions. Being ignorant and passive to a violent situation in your immediate vicinity gives a woman a seriously good reason to write you off as a spineless wimp.


THANK YOU.


It's just like these man-haters in here. All guys just beat on women for sport ,

Oh fer forks sake! NOBODY has said this.
Let me spell it out for you...at some point in any sociosexual interaction with a man that isn't strictly a one-time, possibly commercial, encounter, many women these days feel that it is important to state their policy on verbal and/or physical abuse. Whether the situation genuinely upset this woman and sparked her comments to you, or whether it just seemed an opportune moment to state her abuse policy, I couldn't say.

I chanced pulling a drunk guy out of his car to fight after he hit my parked car w/o insurance, completely worth it. So woman I dont know? Not a chance.

So your car is more important than another human being?
Look, I'm NOT advocating that anyone inject themselves into the midst of a domestic uproar except to call 911, and you can do that from a distance.

Walts is saying that both of you overreacted and your staunch supporters come from the group that are notorious for bitterness against women.

I'd call that a pretty accurate assessment.

If there was a question as to whether you overreacted when you first posted this thread, you have removed all doubt by now.

Absofreakinlutely.
Are you overreacting?
is the Pope Catholic? Does a bear shit in the woods?
Look, I agree that you should not continue to see this woman, you should be working on yourself.
Your overreaction is indicative of some significant problems.
Cindy O
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 72
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/27/2013 9:21:24 PM
OP,

can I respectfully offer that you SAY you know that you are inexperienced, you say you know you avoid confrontation and you also say that you know you are not really sure of how to navigate relationships with substance...


and then turn around and judge as an expert not only the woman in question but all the women who have honestly (and respectfully for the most part) shared how she MIGHT have felt and how you could have taken her reaction, if you TRULY were in here wanting perspective rather than just a ranting validation.

What you are doing in this topic? Is EXACTLY what you accuse tihe woman of doing to you. You heard words that you took as a preemptive threat, even though you don't know what she was thinking, you don't know what she was feeling, you don't know what her intent was... you heard, you judged, and you executed, and have been executing everyone who has not validated you ever since.

Is there a possibility that, possibly, she felt fear? You talk about women's emotional BS. Have you ever been a woman? Have you been on the receiving end of a person who has 50-100 pounds on you out of control bashing the living daylights out of you where you don't have a chance of protecting yourself at all? Where you are utterly helpless to protect yourself?
Have you ever been molested, raped?

Have you ever been utterly powerless to protect yourself because of lack of size, or lack of adrenaline if someone was in an out of control rage?

I don't hate men, nor do I think all men are abusive. I even know women who abuse who I believe should go to jail; ANYONE who acts in violence towards another human being should be arrested. Regardless of gender.

So I am not hating on anyone, nor am I assuming. I AM saying that you are very quick to judge (both her, and all of us women who have a different perception than you), while judging HER for in your opinion judging and attacking you. If you honestly believe women's feelings are BS and ANY proclamation of feelings towards a subject are therefore automatically directed at you, who is the opposite gender hater then in this case? It doesn't seem like it is the women. We don't fault men. We are only faulting your reaction for not leaving ANY benefit of the doubt. Judge, jury, executioner. With dismissive disrespectful contempt for all women's perceptinos that are trying to help you learn since you SAY you are not an expert. Hers MIGHT have not been fair towards you if, in fact, she WAS directing it towards you. But yours was DEFINITELY not fair towards her.

Doesn't sound like you want input. You just want to rant. About HER ranting. :)

Do you not find any irony in this at all?

peace
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 73
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/27/2013 9:38:52 PM

What you are doing in this topic? It's EXACTLY what you accuse the woman of doing to you. You heard words that you took as a preemptive threat, even though you don't know what she was thinking, you don't know what she was feeling, you don't know what her intent was... you heard, you judged, and you executed, and have been executing everyone who has not validated you ever since.


+1 Absolutely!

Bottom line. Yes, you definitely overreacted. The woman you are/were seeing even said to you "I know you are not like that" and kissed you. She didn't threaten you. Since you say you have never been in a relationship before, maybe you could do some research on the subject? You could always have a heart to heart conversation with her noting your concerns in a calm fashion, she might respond favorably? But if I were in her shoes and you acted this way, I am not so sure I'd want to continue seeing you? I guess it would depend how long we were together and other factors. I think you would have been better off had you said "I would never do that to you, baby." I think deep down, you already know this.
In any case, good luck to you.
 Tsar850
Joined: 3/23/2013
Msg: 74
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/28/2013 11:01:40 AM
Has the fact that they were at her house and she should have called the police been considered?

Also she did not breech the subject as a civil conversation, she waited until he was out of the room and loudly anounced it.

Sorry but the OP handled it very well. He saw a flaming red flag and removed himself from the date.

Or is it now required that both have to agree to end a date/relationship?
 Lexti
Joined: 3/14/2013
Msg: 75
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/28/2013 11:50:07 AM

Also she did not breech the subject as a civil conversation, she waited until he was out of the room and loudly announced it.



So, okay, whatever. I go to use the restroom, and I hear the woman I'm with angrily say "In front of a child, too!" contemplating whatever was going on down the hall. By the time I get back, she's saying "Let a man put his hands on ME" So on and so forth. "He better get out of town," ect, ect.


^^Reread... and then:


So anyway, she sensed that I was upset, and became apologetic, adding that she's been through that. I played the short remainder of our time cool; she went in for a kiss, saying "I know you're not like that"


Although she reacted emotionally to the situation, from the Op's own words, she was the one able to take a step back, access her behavior, apologize, explain and try to reassure the Op that her feelings were not address towards him, i.e. "I know you're not like that."

IMO, the flaming red flag in this situation was the OP, and not the woman. Handled very well?? In what way besides removing himself and his twisted perception from her presence?
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