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 AUTHOR
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 76
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Am I overreacting?Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
+1 Lexti...very well stated.
 Tsar850
Joined: 3/23/2013
Msg: 77
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/28/2013 2:24:02 PM
Exacty what should I reread?
She waited fpr hom to leave and started a rant in front of her child.

Not very stable or healthy behavior is it?

And yes she did retract her statement AFTER she realized he was repulsed by her rant.

Again he acted much more like a gentleman than she did a lady.

Tell us how should he have reacted to a rant such as this?

He decided he did not want to see this lady because of her unstable behavior.

He saw that she had issues he didn't want to deal with.

I think that he still has a right to decide that for himself doesn't he?
 HonkyTonk_Woman
Joined: 9/16/2013
Msg: 78
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/28/2013 2:44:36 PM
She waited fpr hom to leave and started a rant in front of her child.

Reading comprehension needed.....here.
It wasn't her child....there was a child crying...at the neighbors...while some s.o.b. was yelling(in the least) or beating his wife....

He saw she had issues he didn't want to deal with

Right...If venting about a situation and expressing "how she would never tolerate that sort of behaviour"...is an issue for his prissy...chicken $hit arse.....best he move on.
Lots of women like men with empathy and feelings and still have some balls......he would protect his car over another human being....rolls eyes.


I think that he still has a right to decide that for himself doesn't he?

LOL...Hello...He was the one who posted the thread...isn't he??
I think everyone has agreed.....it's a good thing he's decided to quit the situation.
Sounds like he is the one who has issues.......unbelievable.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 79
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Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/28/2013 3:00:46 PM
He decided he did not want to see this lady because of her unstable behavior


No, he said nothing about her being unstable, his anger came because he felt like she was threatening him.


I was pretty mad. I took her words as a preemptive threat, adding animosity to our previously rosy situation. You're not going to threaten me, over something that's going on between two faceless, nameless people.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 80
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/28/2013 3:24:41 PM

Again he acted much more like a gentleman than she did a lady.

Tell us how should he have reacted to a rant such as this?

He decided he did not want to see this lady because of her unstable behavior.

He saw that she had issues he didn't want to deal with.

I think that he still has a right to decide that for himself doesn't he?


well, again respectfully... let's look at this objectively.

She expressed an emotional response to someone getting hurt and possibly abused in her hearing, after which, she scaled it back, apologized for it being in his hearing SAID she knew he wouldn't do that, and has been nothing but kind ever since.

He supposedly deflected the apology and has since given her the silent treatment KNOWING he is giving her the silent treatment. There is nothing in my personal opinion less gentlemen-like or ladylike than the silent treatment.

It is passive aggressive non communication for a power play and to express contempt.

She made good on hers and it was triggered by something that triggered an emotional response in her that she realized did not deserve to be reflected at him.

His was an emotional response triggered that he is BLAMING her for not understanding he was projecting and there is as much likelihood of him being wrong about her intent than his being right; but he won't give her a fair hearing, any voice or any pretense of respect whatsoever.

So if his actions are truly exemplary and above board based on his callous words, lack of compassion, lack fo civility and lack of any hint of ANY kindness or respect while he cut her off based on HIS judgment...

I can't help but wonder if you guys are similar in your emotional makeup.

He can decide whatever the heck he wants to do. But if he is going to knee jerk react to something he perceives and is judging her for; at least have the guts to TELL her why he is cutting her off. It is the only decent thing to do. A lto of times when people are emotionally overwhelmed they don't see who they are with; they are in the moment; she might have NO idea he took it as a direct attack on him.

it's like a dog getting hit five days after it accidentally knocked a plate over off the table, it doesn't know what's in the owner's head; it only knows it's getting hit; without a clue why. Passive aggressive silent treatment is SUCH a cruel control mechanism. Man up and say WHY he is staying away. Whether or not hte reason is fair, it is at least the gentlemenly respectful thing to do so she understands he is not coming back; and how he took her knee jerk reaction to the other woman being hurt.
 Lexti
Joined: 3/14/2013
Msg: 81
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/28/2013 4:16:20 PM

Exacty what should I reread?
She waited fpr hom to leave and started a rant in front of her child.

All of it. She was listening to a domestic dispute taking place in front of child and expressing her anger over it.



And yes she did retract her statement AFTER she realized he was repulsed by her rant.

Where did you see that she "retracted" her statement?? He basically said that he got offended, so she apologized, explained her reaction, and tried to assure him that she didn't view him in that manner. I did not see a retraction anywhere?



I think that he still has a right to decide that for himself doesn't he?

Of course he does, but THAT isn't the question that was asked. The question was whether or not he overreacted, and the overwhelming majority agrees that he did. If this is not the answer he wanted to hear, then he should not have asked.

You and the OP seem to share this distorted sense of perception and comprehension.

I would also like to add that the lack of any real relationship experience with women outside of FWB at 31yrs of age is very telling in his behavior in this situation, towards the woman in question, and women in general as he has further expressed in this thread.
 HonkyTonk_Woman
Joined: 9/16/2013
Msg: 82
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/28/2013 4:25:23 PM
You and the OP seem to share this distorted sense of perception and comprehension

Isn't it kind of funny how that happens with certain posters.
They seem to not have the capability to think for themselves in a given scenario and comment accordingly.
All they need to know...whether it was a women or man....and side with the same sex...always

Yes......Sometimes I wonder if a thread isn't started for sport(troll) and then their counterpart or alter ego....jumps in to back them up.....hhmmmm.
Hard to believe people think and act so different......than the average person.....jmo.
 DudeBro82
Joined: 11/19/2013
Msg: 83
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Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/28/2013 11:43:59 PM
Alright, I think we're done here.

You see. There are a few problems I have with this whole thing. First, people aren't simply answering a question. You have a lot of people becoming arm-chair psychiatrists, and then another half, the female half, just going on about women's rights, and completely justfying her words simply by being a woman.

Her saying what she did doesn't "bring up some deep-seeded emotion" or anything like that. It was a clear cut as I explained it. I simply heard words in a tone and situation I didn't like, and furthermore, I KNOW people tend to lump others in a category, angered women being a huge offender. How many times has the phrase "all men" been utter by a woman, or has she compared a current man to a previous? But, she's an angry, traumatized woman right, free pass for anything.

It doesn't matter, because we're done. We actually spoke the next day, and talked it over, but with that, and other things coming up, I understand that we can't do it. It's too early to have breakdowns like this, and it's not a good start for a long healthy relationship. I also said what I said here; a man that has the experience might have been "better" to deal with it.

And to address some points.

Spineless? I avoid arguments with WOMEN. Why? So she can go banshee on me, scratch me up, and I still end up in jail? I haven't personally been around domestic disputes that involve police, but I have NEVER seen it end well for a man when I hear about it, read about, or see it. This isn't something that one needs to go through to know it should be avoided at all costs. I have seen, personally, angry woman bring someone uninvolved into a situation, just because she was mad.

Not sticking up for a woman? Damn right. If you're not the mother of my child, or someone I can honestly say I love, then sorry. Not my problem. Even if a FWB gets jumped on by another dude, as she leaves my place, that's not MY problem, unless something of mine is involved (such a damage to a car/window) Then I'm coming out, not calling police, and taking care of business. Period.

Compassion. Someone mentioned that. It is something I lack, that may have let me deal with it "better" but, I am not one who people usually leans on emotionally, so I don't know where to start. Also, because I look a certain way, certain things that I have taught myself is weak, and not fit for me. Simply put, I dont look like I should be nice, therefore, I am not.

I'm sure I've stifled myself emtionally since I haven't been in a relationship. It is what it is. Back to the usual, I'm sure.
 juliettes7
Joined: 11/4/2012
Msg: 84
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/29/2013 2:00:36 AM
1Unless you are attention trolling/wanting validation, I see no reason why you ask the question unless you truly wondered if you overreacted, because you know you did, and it caused some concern as you are 31 and can't keep being superficial.

2 All your subsequent posts are justifications and defenses, as is your life behavior, for "perceived threats", vs actual threats.

3 You show you are uncomfortable with emotions, conflict, take everything personally, avoid emotional intimacy, have zero empathy or compassion --what about that child? You were once a child, possibly seeing a violence? Are you "desensitized" ? That can make you inhuman. Don't you want someone to help you or call 911 if your life was in danger?

4 You shut down and become hard due to conflicts you've had.

5 You avoid ltrs - you aren't nurturing so why pretend?Empty life created.

6 Good luck finding any conflict free situation--no such thing.

7 Maybe you and said woman are incompatible, but as said, you can simply tell her so without resorting to "shut out behavior", leaving you very isolated at some point. If that's what you prefer, keep the pattern.

"I simply heard words in a tone and situation I didn't like, and furthermore, I KNOW people tend to lump others in a category, angered women being a huge offender.:"

You categorize responses from women as " man haters".

"How many times has the phrase "all men" been utter by a woman, or has she compared a current man to a previous? But, she's an angry, traumatized woman right, free pass for anything."

You categorize responses from women as " man haters". Pretty black and white thinking.

"It doesn't matter, because we're done. We actually spoke the next day, and talked it over, but with that, and other things coming up, I understand that we can't do it. It's too early to have breakdowns like this, and it's not a good start for a long healthy relationship. I also said what I said here; a man that has the experience might have been "better" to deal with it."

Good that you at least gave her the respect of discussing it. Explaining avoids much drama.

"Not sticking up for a woman? Damn right. If you're not the mother of my child, or someone I can honestly say I love, then sorry. Not my problem. Even if a FWB gets jumped on by another dude, as she leaves my place, that's not MY problem, unless something of mine is involved (such a damage to a car/window) Then I'm coming out, not calling police, and taking care of business. Period. "

Good luck ever getting respect for that attitude. How could you ever get to "love"?

"Compassion. Someone mentioned that. It is something I lack, that may have let me deal with it "better" but, I am not one who people usually leans on emotionally, so I don't know where to start. Also, because I look a certain way, certain things that I have taught myself is weak, and not fit for me. Simply put, I dont look like I should be nice, therefore, I am not. "

Your security blanket of defensiveness/ don't care about others--sounds very teenaged, not a 31 yr old, if you are like this t 40 plus..good luck ever getting respect for that attitude.

"I'm sure I've stifled myself emtionally since I haven't been in a relationship. It is what it is. Back to the usual, I'm sure."

You feel under perpetual siege, and may make yourself ill from avoiding issues till you explode over car violations.

"Also another aspect no one seems to be realizing; this is about as close to a relationship as I have ever been. Dealing with women's emotional BS, has never been a part of life for me. That's why my reaction wasn't to assure her. Had I previously dealt with a woman this way, maybe I would have seen it differently."

So, change is impossible for you?

"I dont go by emotion, I go by sense.

"Sense" is self preservation. Emotions make you uncomfortable.

"And another thing, regardless of what happens, I'm not inserting myself in anyone else's problems. He could have been throttling the life out of that woman for all I know. That's between him, her, the police and the judge. It's not my place to be injured or charged with a crime over some woman I dont know trying to white knight. Don't care."

Good luck ever being involved with anyone. Or if you find a woman not bothered by that statement, she probably isn't trustworthy.

"I've only been in FWB type "relationships" until now, and some pretty messed up stuff has come from those; potential kids, uncertainties, and other unsavory things. I haven't ever so much raised my voice; "

So, you think fwb means no drama?

"I remove myself quietly and from quickly from it. Other than that, I care about not going to jail/getting a felony far too much to hit a woman."

Good to know--tell dates.

"In fact even through my seething, I was still outwardly calm, even kissed her goodbye like nothing wrong. I dont have an anger problem. Dont give a preemptive shot at ME for HIS."

You have conflict problems and do have trouble with anger. You just disappear. Fine, if you never want a relationship.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 85
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/29/2013 8:28:19 AM
So OK, OP, you asked a question.
The majority of posters seem to think that you are,in fact, overreacting.
I think that many of us have sussed out that you did NOT want an answer, you wanted support for the actions you already have taken.
You did not get this support so now you are ticked off.

Look, I think whatever chance you may have had with this lady are thoroughly and completely shot in the ass, so what does it matter whether you over-reacted. If the lady is sensitive to domestic/relationship abuse in any form, she's beyond done with you.
So what does it matter whether or not you over-reacted?
Cindy O
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 86
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/29/2013 10:04:58 AM
this won't be the last time someone in the apartment building is going to have an argument. Likely not the first, either. so, whatever issue the OP has or doesn't have with the situation...the situation is going to happen again. and so his reaction will happen again, too.

its never a personal reflection when someone isn't a good fit for you. everyone is different. we tend to take it personally, but we shouldn't. the OP and this woman aren't a good fit, and that's all there is to it. she's got a mindset about what happened, and guess what? there's loads of guys who would have agreed with her. she should be dating one of them.

the OP prefers not to get his a$$ in a sling, and guess what...there's women who live their lives the same way. he should be dating them, so when something goes down, they are both of the same mind. nothing like getting dragged into a situation you didn't want to be in, by the person with you who had to be the hero or had to make a mountain out of a molehill.

so, OP, you didn't overreact--what happened was, you found out the two of you are incompatable. that's all that happened. some of us would have handled it differently, but so what? we're different from you, that's all. we're compatable with who we are compatable with, and you are compatable with who you are compatable with.
 fieryredhead77
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 87
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/29/2013 10:40:13 AM
^^^the overreaction has nothing to do with the neighbors. It is from him completely cutting off someone emotionally because he couldn't handle her emotions despite her apologizing for her own overreaction
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 88
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Am I overreacting?
Posted: 11/29/2013 1:08:53 PM
just going on about women's rights, and completely justfying her words simply by being a woman.

Her saying what she did doesn't "bring up some deep-seeded emotion" or anything like that. It was a clear cut as I explained it. I simply heard words in a tone and situation I didn't like, and furthermore, I KNOW people tend to lump others in a category, angered women being a huge offender. How many times has the phrase "all men" been utter by a woman, or has she compared a current man to a previous? But, she's an angry, traumatized woman right, free pass for anything.


Dude ... I just don't know. I bet our worlds aren't very different, but if this is true, they are some. I have NEVER said "all men" anything NOR have I EVER compared one man to another.

She DID bring up some deep-seated emotion, or you wouldn't have felt such anger (it seems like almost a rage) over something that most say should not provoke that degree of anger. You're an intelligent man ... you can acknowledge this issue triggered something in you, even if you aren't sure what it is, but to admit that it did trigger something intenser than reasonable anger, and then hopefully, figure out what's going on with that (what/who put whatever crap they put in you that caused you to react that way) or you can continue to push back uncomfortable emotions because, well, I'm guessing emotions aren't safe. You show such a strong un comfortableness and almost distaste for emotions. Arm chair psyc, yes, but I would bet a months pay somehow you learned that emotions were distasteful or a weakness. I might even go further than that and say this lesson might have been learned with a strong dose of emotional hurt that you may not even remember (or do) but defined your attitude and beliefs about it.

I wouldn't advocate getting between someone fighting with that anger, but in the case in the parking lot, we watched it escalate until he he took her by the back of the neck and started banging her head on the car, then my b/f moved in to stop it. At the apartment, he intervened when he heard her get thrown against the wall. I agree there is a time to intervene and a time to call the police. Possible brain damage is a good reason to intervene.


Also, because I look a certain way, certain things that I have taught myself is weak, and not fit for me. Simply put, I dont look like I should be nice, therefore, I am not.


Once you get straightened out whatever crap someone put in you, you will clean it out and the goodness will come from the inside out. Try looking in the mirror and thinking nice, loving feelings and see how your presentation changes. You are self fulfilling your own prophesies, IMO.

As mentioned above, you know something didn't sit right about that whole situation, that's why you came here to ask. You already know, you just don't seem to want to accept your feelings as YOUR feelings.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 89
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/7/2013 8:33:14 AM

(HS) OP, out of curiosity, if she been your own sister instead of your girlfriend, and she said the same thing, wouldn't you think she just needed to vent, and you just happened to be the only person there that could lend her an ear? Why should this be any different?


Because, one's sister is one's sister, and a date is a date. That's why this should be different.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 90
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/7/2013 8:39:43 AM

(femaleconnection) Yeah...so what? A woman is not allowed to say out loud how SHE would react if a man touched her in anger, in your presence?


The difference is, just because you can say something, does not necessarily mean that you should say it.

I don't get why so many women are jumping on OP, and rushing to excuse the woman's comments, justifying them with her past. After all, *GUYS* are allowed to have feelings too. Maybe *HE'S* been wrongly accused of something in the past, and her comments triggered some unpleasant memories for *HIM*.

Besides, there's a time and a place for discussions like that. Like politics or religion.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 91
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/7/2013 9:11:06 AM

I don't get why so many women are jumping on OP, and rushing to excuse the woman's comments, justifying them with her past. After all, *GUYS* are allowed to have feelings too. Maybe *HE'S* been wrongly accused of something in the past, and her comments triggered some unpleasant memories for *HIM*.


Don't get why you are jumping on the woman's comments, because she too is allowed to have feelings. Many of us jump on his reaction to words that were not even being spoken to him. And to his passive aggressive way of dealing with it.

Here is what he says in the OP


I immediately call this out. I've not been in a relationship ever, but I've seen this before, so I tell her "Hold on, why is that if a woman sees or hears about (DV/fight/argument) she needs to start talking shit to the nearest man?" I told her that mess had nothing to do with us


Talk about bringing the past into the argument and as I have pointed out more than once, SHE WAS NOT TALKING TO OR ABOUT HIM, she was making general comments related to a situation that was bothering her. He made it about him, she didn't.

So maybe she shouldn't have reacted the way she did, but he sure as h3ll over reacted even more.
 phule
Joined: 4/8/2004
Msg: 92
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History
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/7/2013 10:17:32 AM
Well, I'm not getting that time back. 4 pages of posts... and I tell ya, that was a waste of time. It's on me though, since I kind of knew where it was going from the first post.

People... you've wasted your time, effort, energy, and words. Almost all of you have actually answered the question of whether or not he overreacted... and I believe a majority of you LITERALLY answered it. For those who may not really totally understand (or only think you understand) the use of the word LITERALLY, it indicates that I am saying a number of people who answered this thread actually did say that the OP overreacted and used the actual word "overreacted".

I digress. The point is that the OP never saw it. He says that "First, people aren't simply answering a question." That right there is a direct indication that nothing being said here is getting through in any capacity. It also brings up questions.
- Does the OP have comprehension issues, in that he is unable to read and understand what people say? A sensory-reception issue maybe?
- Does the OP have Autism or Aspergers, where he is incapable of compassion? Individuals within the Autism spectrum by-and-large are incapable of stepping into someone else's shoes to imagine how that other person would feel... they can only see the world through that narrow scope of how THEY feel. In essence, THEIR world really does revolve around them. They can learn some of the social cues to avoid standing out... they can learn that some of their actions can be perceived as being wrong by some standard (like getting violent in public), but when pressed they will revert back to everything having to pass through that filter of selfishness. His statement of not coming out to assist another human being in trouble, unless a possession of his is involved really points to this. It does. It clearly shows a lack of compassion. It clearly shows that his concern is not for other humans, but only for what HE believes belongs to him. It doesn't matter if someone he is connected to is hurt... all he is concerned with is himself and his stuff.
- Does the OP only come here to have his personal opinion validated, discarding anything other than what he is already convinced of?
- Does the OP really have issues with Passive Aggressive behavior, if he actually asked one question, but expected everyone to pick up on an unspoken query that he wanted an answer to?
- Does the OP believe he should have the right to dictate what others say? He says that people aren't simply answering a question. This could indicate that he believes the responses to his initial post should have been limited to a simple "yes" or "no", especially since anything MORE than one of those two responses was more than he wanted to hear.

He says "You have a lot of people becoming arm-chair psychiatrists" which also points to a basic lack of understanding. It could just be a reading comprehension thing, or it could indeed be a sensory-reception issue. He comes here, and posts a thread on a site where people voice their opinions and give advice, and then decides to name-call and attempt to be "intellectually offensive" because he doesn't like the opinions or advice that he gets. This really shows that at the core, he doesn't understand how people couldn't agree with him, or how they could have the balls to disagree with him... and how he really doesn't like people who use big words in general. At least, he doesn't like people who use bigger words than he uses.

Now... I realize I have lost almost all of you as well, since my post was longer than five sentences. Regardless. The point here is that no one is going to convince the OP of where he was wrong. He refuses to see it. He justifies many of his actions with more questionable behavior. His responses in the thread dig the hole he is standing in even deeper, to the point that some responding in the thread have begun to suspect this whole things is a troll post.


Even if a FWB gets jumped on by another dude, as she leaves my place, that's not MY problem, unless something of mine is involved (such a damage to a car/window) Then I'm coming out, not calling police, and taking care of business.

^^^ that right there folks. That's the clincher. Seriously. Sit back and soak that one in. Think about it... seriously. The ONLY way he would know if something of his was involved in that situation, would be if he watched it unfold. I mean, if a FWB left his place, and he flopped on the couch to play XBox, and he came out in the morning and found his old FWB bleeding and stuffed through his broken windshield, he couldn't really go out and take care of bidness, could he? The only way he gonna go out and take care of bidness is if he watchin. That means he is completely capable of just sitting there, watching someone he had been intimately involved with get beaten/raped/assaulted and do nothing until some possession of his got dragged into it. Those are his words. No compassion for another human being... it's all about him and his.

With no social compassion, that's anti-social behavior. Lack of relationship experience for someone in his 30's? Anti-social behavior. Poor moral sense (unwilling to help another human in trouble, listens to a fight - sees someone close to him affected by it - only thinks of himself) and lack of conscience (again, his possessions are more valuable than human life or contact) both point to Ant-social tendencies... and all of this actually almost indicates that we are in the presence of a sociopath here.

That's for all of us to actually mull over though, because I am well aware of the fact that all of this would only inspire a negative response from the OP.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 93
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/7/2013 11:25:34 AM

(ladyc4) Sorry OP, but these days many women DO speak up about protecting themselves from assault or abuse. And they have been known to actually put their money where their mouth is. Violence against women and children is a serious issue and if you feel like people taking a stand...


His lady friend didn't take a stand: she engaged in a little false bravado, and felt that she could talk smack about "some guy" without consequences. Sometimes people just need to *SHUT UP* about stuff, and not think that everyone wants to hear their Stream of Consciousness just because they can relate to a specific situation...
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 94
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/7/2013 11:29:12 AM

(fleuron) FFS. A woman doesn’t have to have been a victim in her past to have empathy, compassion and courage for others.


Part of compassion and empathy is realizing that not everyone wants to hear about *YOUR* Sacred Cows... this is part of the reason that environmental activists are so annoying: they only have one tune, and they play it over and over, and *REFUSE* to stop talking about it.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 95
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History
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/7/2013 12:49:41 PM
phule ... many good points.

I think the OP does comprehend, though, and does want to hear. His responses have been either defending himself or explaining. He wouldn't have posted here if he didn't already KNOW he wasn't sure how to deal with the situation or that it triggered something in him. I'm sure he's smart enough to understand what some people are saying, even though he went into defense against it.

OP: one of the people I work with, in a social / community work type of setting, often misunderstands what people say, being first to think that some malicious attempt was in the undercurrent. She's smart enough to know that she tends to view things a certain way (jumping the gun), so sometimes she'll read an email to me or repeat what was said and ask me honestly what I thought of it. I will tell her what I read in the email or heard in the conversation honestly if I think her mark was off about it. If I think she was 'right on' I'll reinforce it by saying that is what I also "heard" or "read".

My most favorite quote is: "We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are".

Our "world' and how we think of it is largly based on past experiences and self. It's difficult to see things from other's perspectives (from their "world"), but it's worth at least listening to.

A very basic lesson on perspective:

Johnny is playing third base. He looks away up to someone who said something on the bleacher. A ball thrown by the first baseman hits him in the head.

How Johnny will perceive what happened as well as how others could perceive what happened can be varied and can come from a place of history and/or self.

Did Johnny get hit because he wasn't paying attention? Did the first basement not like and intend to hurt him? Will people who saw it feel empathetic towards either, angry because the play was missed? Assume that the first baseman was careless? Will Johnny be mad at the person in the stand who said something to him? Will that person laugh or feel bad? Etc. etc. etc and it can go on and on. All perception of the situation.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 96
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/7/2013 1:07:06 PM
Because, one's sister is one's sister, and a date is a date. That's why this should be different.


Why should the fact that one woman is his sibling and the other is a woman with whom he's been intimately involved, (which requires placing a great deal of trust in another person) make any difference in this particular scenario? Do tell.


With no social compassion, that's anti-social behavior. Lack of relationship experience for someone in his 30's? Anti-social behavior. Poor moral sense (unwilling to help another human in trouble, listens to a fight - sees someone close to him affected by it - only thinks of himself) and lack of conscience (again, his possessions are more valuable than human life or contact) both point to Ant-social tendencies... and all of this actually almost indicates that we are in the presence of a sociopath here.

That's for all of us to actually mull over though, because I am well aware of the fact that all of this would only inspire a negative response from the OP.


I concur with this assessment.
 Lexti
Joined: 3/14/2013
Msg: 97
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/7/2013 1:34:58 PM
Phule hit the nail on the head and said everything I was thinking, but could not properly verbalize. There are a lot of members here who confess to never being in a relationship, yet seem to still be able to display some sort of compassion for other human beings.

The OP's responses like -

Even if a FWB gets jumped on by another dude, as she leaves my place, that's not MY problem, unless something of mine is involved (such a damage to a car/window) Then I'm coming out, not calling police, and taking care of business.

are even more telling as he seems completely unaware of the image this paints of his behavior and sees it as viable explanation instead.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 98
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/7/2013 1:34:58 PM

Arlo_Troutman:
Sometimes people just need to *SHUT UP* about stuff, and not think that everyone wants to hear their Stream of Consciousness just because they can relate to a specific situation...


Pot/Kettle..... Most of your posts which are trying to get a rise out of others..........If everyone shut up about stuff, the forums would cease to exist........
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 99
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/8/2013 9:40:06 AM

His lady friend didn't take a stand: she engaged in a little false bravado, and felt that she could talk smack about "some guy" without consequences.

Really, you know this because you were-what?-a fly on the wall? A mouse in the corner? A turd in the OPs' pocket?

I would imagine that hearing a big-ass fight going on in the apartment next door could cause a fair degree of stress even for somebody TRYING to block it out. Perhaps the lady in question and the OP were both something of "victims" of this phenomenon. But again, since I wasn't THERE, I can only offer the observation that MAYBE this is what happened.
I like what message#100 has to say about perception...indeed we ALL see things as we are. Many people do,in fact, make a valiant attempt to AVOID overusing their personal "filters"-but at some point we all have to have a point of reference.
phule message # 97;No, I LIKED what you have to say in that post, except I can't quite agree that the OP is a "sociopath"...
I'd describe him as a run-of-the-mill unmitigated jerk. But the world is FULL of those, and unless they actually HARM someone, they are allowed to have space on the planet.
Cindy O
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 100
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/8/2013 10:31:14 AM
DudeBro82- Think about the times you have witnessed people fight in front of you.
We have all had it happen and it makes us uncomfortable, even though we aren't the ones fighting/involved.
The reason this happens is that just seeing or hearing a fight, even if it's just verbal, triggers our own fight or flight response.
Witnessing/hearing high emotion naturally triggers it in us.
The way she reacted was normal.
When she said what she did, it was her way of comforting herself that she wouldn't let something bad happen to her if it were her.
She wasn't accusing you of anything, nor was what she said directed at you.
It's very telling that you took it personally.
You seem to have a chip on your shoulder that has nothing to do with her, but rather than recognize it, you place the blame for YOUR reaction on her.
No one is responsible for how you react to things but YOU.
Adults take responsibility for their actions and thoughts, to react as you did is childish.
Frankly, I think she caught a break that you outed yourself as a problem before things went any further between you.
Please consider getting some counseling to find out what it is in you to cause YOU to OVER react the way you did.
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