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 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 101
Am I overreacting?Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)


(AT) Because, one's sister is one's sister, and a date is a date. That's why this should be different.


(HS) Why should the fact that one woman is his sibling and the other is a woman with whom he's been intimately involved, (which requires placing a great deal of trust in another person) make any difference in this particular scenario? Do tell.


I just re-read the OP, to see if there was something I missed. I needn't have bothered; my recall was, as usual, perfect and flawless...

I didn't see "intimate" in there: I *DID* see "I've been seeing this woman". "intimate with", and "seeing", are not, repeat *NOT*, synonymous. In any event, the throwing out of a hypothetical "what if it was your sister" is the textual equivalent of an escaped con from the 1920s peeing on his own trail to throw the bloodhounds off the scent...
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 102
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/8/2013 10:49:18 AM

(ladyc4) Really, you know this because you were-what?-a fly on the wall? A mouse in the corner? A turd in the OPs' pocket?


Hey, hey, hey... witty banter likening others to poop is *MY* forte! Stop trying to hedge in on it!


I would imagine that hearing a big-ass fight going on in the apartment next door could cause a fair degree of stress even for somebody TRYING to block it out


I wonder why, if the fight was so "big-ass", the police weren't called? That's the question... instead, though, everyone thinks the OP is a cad...
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 103
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/8/2013 11:30:14 AM

I didn't see "intimate" in there: I *DID* see "I've been seeing this woman". "intimate with", and "seeing", are not, repeat *NOT*, synonymous. In any event, the throwing out of a hypothetical "what if it was your sister" is the textual equivalent of an escaped con from the 1920s peeing on his own trail to throw the bloodhounds off the scent...


Arlo, just answer my hypothetical question, please:

Why should the fact that one woman is his sibling and the other is a woman he's been seeing make any difference in this particular scenario?
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 104
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/8/2013 12:56:08 PM

I wonder why, if the fight was so "big-ass", the police weren't called?

Overall, I wonder the same thing,and(while I'm not going to go back thru this thread and name names) I beleive several posters mentioned calling the police. The OP himself brought up actual intervention, but apparently
this is something one should only do if one's own person and/or property is at risk,in his philosophy.
I don't disagree, there can be a fine line between intervention and just plain butting in, but I will concede the point in this case. Perhaps the woman in question should have been calling 911 rather than making a position statement to the OP-which actually would have been the most "economy of effort" action! Think about it- 3 birds dead with one stone...stress relieved, the possible victim protected,and a position statement as well.
However, the question posed was NOT "what should the woman have done"- it was the OP asking if HE was over-reacting to HER reaction/actions.
The answer to that question is "oh HELL yes!"
Cindy O
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 105
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/10/2013 2:04:10 PM


(The articulate AT) I didn't see "intimate" in there: I *DID* see "I've been seeing this woman". "intimate with", and "seeing", are not, repeat *NOT*, synonymous. In any event, the throwing out of a hypothetical "what if it was your sister" is the textual equivalent of an escaped con from the 1920s peeing on his own trail to throw the bloodhounds off the scent...


(The 1920s escaped convict HS) Arlo, just answer my hypothetical question, please:

Why should the fact that one woman is his sibling and the other is a woman he's been seeing make any difference in this particular scenario?


Until Opee clarifies how intimate he was with this woman, simultaneously clarifying the scenario and providing grist for the Gossip Mill, the question cannot be answered. You'll just keep moving the goalposts, anyway...

Arlo, big fan of stationary goalposts...
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 106
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/10/2013 3:10:10 PM

Part of compassion and empathy is realizing that not everyone wants to hear about *YOUR* Sacred Cows... this is part of the reason that environmental activists are so annoying: they only have one tune, and they play it over and over, and *REFUSE* to stop talking about it.


That’s dumb.

So a person (man OR woman) has compassion and empathy toward a woman and child in a potentially dangerous situation, but must show empathy FIRST toward the cold blooded who don’t want to hear about her compassion and empathy toward others.

Sorry. Male brutality against women and children isn’t a “sacred cow”…..it’s a CRIME.

And mentioning it once means she “*REFUSED* to stop talking about it”? Overreaction much?

OP there are men on here who’ve posted they think you behaved like a chicken shit wimp….are they “man haters” too?

Btw I agree with them. Crappy men sure make the good ones stand out.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 107
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/10/2013 5:52:48 PM

Why should the fact that one woman is his sibling and the other is a woman he's been seeing make any difference in this particular scenario?


Until Opee clarifies how intimate he was with this woman, simultaneously clarifying the scenario and providing grist for the Gossip Mill, the question cannot be answered. You'll just keep moving the goalposts, anyway...


Hmmm... so it's okay for you to butt in and answer a question that was clearly meant for the OP---yet when I asked you to clarify *your* reasoning as to why it should be different, you called me an unflattering name, and basically told me you couldn't answer the question without the OP's input, first. Gotcha.

If anyone is moving the goalposts, it's you, Arlo.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 108
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/11/2013 1:41:28 PM

(HS) Hmmm... so it's okay for you to butt in and answer a question that was clearly meant for the OP---


Well... yeah. Didn't you get the memo?


...you called me an unflattering name...


What's unflattering about a five-o'clock shadowed, black-and-white striped uniform wearing, huge ball-and-chain around his ankle, fellow? Think George Clooney in "Brother Where Art Thou?"


If anyone is moving the goalposts, it's you, Arlo.


Nuh-UH!
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 109
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History
Am I overreacting? To Lexti
Posted: 12/11/2013 7:29:57 PM
great! post. These two are worse than oil and vinegar---no match.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 110
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/15/2013 10:43:14 AM

(fleuron) So a person (man OR woman) has compassion and empathy toward a woman and child in a potentially dangerous situation, but must show empathy FIRST toward the cold blooded...


Yes, because that's exactly what I said... I see that reading for content isn't your strong suit...
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 111
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/16/2013 12:52:11 PM

The difference is, just because you can say something, does not necessarily mean that you should say it.

I don't get why so many women are jumping on OP, and rushing to excuse the woman's comments, justifying them with her past. After all, *GUYS* are allowed to have feelings too. Maybe *HE'S* been wrongly accused of something in the past, and her comments triggered some unpleasant memories for *HIM*.

Besides, there's a time and a place for discussions like that. Like politics or religion.


Life happens, and you cannot schedule other peoples fights.

It is a good thing in the end...the woman dodged a bullet in my opinion. An excellent case of 'rejection is often for our own protection'.....if a woman saying she would never tolerate being hit and screamed at makes the OP that angry, she did exactly the right thing and weeded him out by her voicing her thoughts. That is afterall what dating is all about. These two tied one another on and found they didnt fit.

And Im not at all surprised that you are not 'getting' why people are jumping on the OP.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 112
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History
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/16/2013 1:16:13 PM

But I'm pissed enough to cut her off from my life.

^^^^^^You didn't care about her anyway.
Big deal. Cut her off, she won't wither and die.

The woman heard/witnessed a fight and it upset her greatly esp knowing a child was around.
She could not legally or reasonably intervene physically so VENTED verbally.
It was not directed at you but the man that was fighting and a protective instinct over the child.
A normal reaction from you would have been to say "let's call the police", not get defensive.
Why would you get defensive? Hmmmmmm.
You have the issues imo.

If you can't deal with a bit of venting / outrage when people are helpless to change something that upsets them, you may want to avoid other people altogether.
Do your buddies ever vent?Naw, of course not.
That would make them abused whackos.



NORMAL.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 113
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/16/2013 1:44:22 PM

A normal reaction from you would have been to say "let's call the police", not get defensive.
Why would you get defensive? Hmmmmmm.
You have the issues imo.


I think the OP already knew on some level that his reaction wasn't normal---hence the title of this thread: "Am I overreacting?" He abandoned the thread after he didn't get the validation he'd hoped for.

He was projecting his own issues onto the woman. He accused her of threatening him preemptively---yet he also acted preemptively. He thought she was leading up to a rejection of him---so he decided to beat her to the punch by rejecting her first.


"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 114
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History
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/17/2013 1:49:26 AM
^^^^^^^^Agree.

Most that post these types of things want only to hear their behavior was the right thing.
 Tsar850
Joined: 3/23/2013
Msg: 115
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/17/2013 7:32:51 PM
I would have simply walked out when I came back to hear her rant and premptive hollow threats.

Most adults I know will set down and have a discussion if they have a problem with something such as this.

Not start a rant while the subject of said rant is in another room.

Then try to take back the words once she seen she crossed a line with the op.

There was some that overreacted but the op was more graceful than he should have been. He should have just went home.

Also notice the lady didn't even call the cops to protect the lady in trouble.

What a class act she was.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 116
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History
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/18/2013 3:07:31 AM
I wish people would stop giving their thread a mysterious title like a salesman or advertisement is trying to entice and persuade or manipulate you. This thing should be called something like “Our fight over other people fighting“, or, hell, I don't know. Not "Am I overreacting?". I don't know, are you? Oohh, I just must click on this and find out, cause there's such a lack of information.

Yes, I clicked on it, and I'm here, but that's because every other damned thread is titled that way. And every time, I want to say what I've said here...how irritating it is. It would save wasted clicks. My index finger is getting a cramp, and I need to replace my left mouse button. Hehe.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 117
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/18/2013 6:37:47 AM

I would have simply walked out when I came back to hear her rant and premptive hollow threats.

Most adults I know will set down and have a discussion if they have a problem with something such as this.

so you would walk, but most adults would have a discussion?
Interesting.

There was some that overreacted but the op was more graceful than he should have been.

I'm not sure that "graceful" is the word I would use...


I wish people would stop giving their thread a mysterious title like a salesman or advertisement is trying to entice and persuade or manipulate you. /quote]
LOL, I completely understand what you are saying, but all too often the creation of a thread here is EXACTLY that-a form of enticement/manipulation.
Don't get me wrong, this is completely normal human behavior, seeking to enlist support for one's position or actions.
But yeah, the OP wanted people to tell him he wasn't over-reacting. Unfortunately, I don't think he got the level of support he had hoped for.
Actually, if we ALL didn't feel a need to support or elaborate on our particular individual viewpoints/opinions, this thread title positively INVITES a short and succint answer...
Mine would be, " Yeah dude, you ARE overreacting."
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 118
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/18/2013 6:38:16 AM

I would have simply walked out when I came back to hear her rant and premptive hollow threats.

Most adults I know will set down and have a discussion if they have a problem with something such as this.

so you would walk, but most adults would have a discussion?
Interesting.

There was some that overreacted but the op was more graceful than he should have been.

I'm not sure that "graceful" is the word I would use...


I wish people would stop giving their thread a mysterious title like a salesman or advertisement is trying to entice and persuade or manipulate you.

LOL, I completely understand what you are saying, but all too often the creation of a thread here is EXACTLY that-a form of enticement/manipulation.
Don't get me wrong, this is completely normal human behavior, seeking to enlist support for one's position or actions.
But yeah, the OP wanted people to tell him he wasn't over-reacting. Unfortunately, I don't think he got the level of support he had hoped for.
Actually, if we ALL didn't feel a need to support or elaborate on our particular individual viewpoints/opinions, this thread title positively INVITES a short and succint answer...
Mine would be, " Yeah dude, you ARE overreacting."
Cindy O
 ManOfAdventure28
Joined: 3/8/2013
Msg: 119
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Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/18/2013 7:56:01 AM
OP.....WHAT???

Why do you feel like you were threatened? You're not a wife beater are you?
She got annoyed because a woman was being verbally or physically attacked (it's not entirely clear which one) and it's happened to her in the past. Seems pretty understandable. You, on the other hand, got annoyed because you're not a guy who beats women and therefore what she was saying, doesn't apply to you?? Are you sure you weren't just looking for an excuse to end the relationship with her? Or are you embarrassed because part of you thinks that maybe she should have checked if the woman and child are ok?
 BlasphemousBombshell
Joined: 11/19/2013
Msg: 120
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/22/2013 8:23:43 PM
1) any woman with half a brain and an ounce of compassion is going to be angry when they hear a man yelling as a woman and child sob, because she KNOWS that man is intimidating those weaker than him.
2) women often react by vocally reminding the offending make how wrong their behavior is, thats's why she said it loudly
3) women try to inspire strength in other women to not put up with that crap by highlighting that they would not personally endure such poor treatment.

Frankly, none of that was directed towards you. She was being a concerned citizen and rightfully so. You, being a man and having more strength, not only said nothing but got defensive!

Ya, you are over reacting, and more over punishing this girl for having a conscious. Maybe next time she'll shut up and let it go down so her wimp of a man isn't offended...

She should be the one not calling you! If a guy I was on a date with had nothing to say about someone being abused while I did, I'd consider him an apathetic pansy and kick him to the curb because my proverbial balls are clearly bigger than his.
 BlasphemousBombshell
Joined: 11/19/2013
Msg: 121
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/22/2013 9:41:24 PM
I went back and reread the entire thread, OP is a narcissist. I can only hope his potential dates read this and cut ties...
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 122
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History
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/23/2013 3:04:54 AM

...he couldn't really go out and take care of bidness, could he? The only way he gonna go out and take care of bidness is if he watchin...

Hahaha! Bidness. He gonna go out. If he watchin. Hahaha!

Op:

You think you have to be a certain way because of how you look. I'm assuming that you mean you have a stern look. Or maybe sumbudy think you gangsta. And you've convinced yourself that empathy is a weakness...

...consider this - A man who looks "stern", but demonstrates genuine empathy and a general air of "got his head together" and being secure in this sense, is very impressive. That's one of the things that makes a man a man, and attracts the right women like a mother f*cker. (If it's real, and not fake.) Hell, you're only 31. You got time. Time to re-think yourself. Develop your character. Yea, stay away from crazy biatches, but be something real. You can do it. Do it now, before you get in your 40's and 50's and are here whining about why you be single.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 123
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Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/23/2013 1:09:00 PM
You're overreacting, she's speaking in general terms, it's not the first time I've heard a woman say that out loud to herself while I'm around in similar situations, whether it's watching a talk show, TV show, movie, witnessing first hand accounts or anything. I understood that it wasn't directed at me because I never put my hands on a woman and while I would remind her that neither one of us really know what's going on (we only heard it on the other side of the walls) I wouldn't be pissed off and let it ruin an relationship. And if you were gonna let that end a relationship then you were never into her in the first place. You're being overly sensitive and judging by your response you don't like conflict whatsoever so you run at the first sign of an perceived conflict when it's not even there. That's not healthy and you'll never have a lasting relationship when you can't take constructive criticism in an internet forum.

You overreacted plain and simple, she apologized and you still acted butthurt over it and didn't have the balls to tell her why.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 124
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/23/2013 3:52:35 PM

(BB) 2) women often react by vocally reminding the offending make (sic)...


I guess you meant "offending male" there...

She didn't say it to the "offending male", she said it to her date. It has all the ID of "I am woman-hear me roar!" crap...


... how wrong their behavior is, thats's why she said it loudly


Yeah, loudly, and to the wrong person.


3) women try to inspire strength in other women to not put up with that crap by highlighting that they would not personally endure such poor treatment.


Then she shoulda said it to the other woman, and not played the "liberated woman or else!" card on her date...
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 125
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History
Am I overreacting?
Posted: 12/23/2013 7:10:39 PM
Again she was saying it out loud to herself, some people do think and talk out loud to themselves. I do it all the time, I will say something out loud to myself just speaking in general terms.

I was watching a TV show that had a topic about abused men and I remember saying out loud that if my girlfriend did that to me, I'm fighting back. My girlfriend (well now EX-GF) was within earshot. She heard me but she knew I was talking to talk and talking in general terms. I knew she wouldn't attack me and she knows I would never hurt her. It's talking to talk and the OP needs to grow thicker skin or he'll never have a lasting relationship.
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