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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Don't really know how to spark interests.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 38
Don't really know how to spark interests. Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

Online dating hardly ever works for anyone who is really genuine. that is the truth.


You are right. People who pretend to be genuine, are people rapped up around their own ego, that they do not see that the world is about interaction, share, connect. They had these ideas that are narrow, their truths do not change and are unyielding. What happens when you mature enough to realize that you genuine version of life was just one more version of what life is. Do you at that point decide to close in in your dogma, or realize that there are other ideas, and expand your version of what "your self" constitutes. You decide.
 localRenoite12
Joined: 4/17/2013
Msg: 39
Don't really know how to spark interests.
Posted: 1/17/2014 11:54:46 PM

Hey brother. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in the introvert bandwagon. I'm 29 and I've been introverted all my life (still am and not ashamed), but that didn't make me give up.

I also had no experience and didn't understand flirting or body languages women throw at you (mainly didn't know how to respond to them). Introverted seems to be misunderstood by many as being shy. I think rejection can be a good thing too. Makes you develop thicker skin for it. I still get rejected but it has no emotional effect on me anymore. You have to keep going and take it as it is.

3 years ago I almost gave up on dating in real life and online. Read a lot about dating tips online and through pof forums (still do =D). Unfortunately it didn't work for me.

I understand where you come from being inexperienced. What I did to fix this problem (and some people may not like this subject) was to find a "tutor" or "girlfriend experience". In this day and age you have options. Online dating is not the last resort, but it's up to you to make the decision to take the steps if you feel you need to improve on yourself.

I have met interesting, intelligent and wonderful women that have taught me a great deal. I have learned a lot about body language, intimacy and improved my confidence. Approaching and talking to women is not as complicated as I once thought. But do make an effort to avoid the friendzone if your intent is to find someone to be more than friends.

If you do end up taking my advice, I suggest doing tons of research online and reading reviews.


I'm not really introverted anymore. I have a large network of friends and I have an easy time talking to people in general, the only problem is I sort of falter when I feel I'm being evaluated, so I'm not the best at building attraction.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 40
Don't really know how to spark interests.
Posted: 1/19/2014 8:49:44 AM
the only problem is I sort of falter when I feel I'm being evaluated, so I'm not the best at building attraction.


Alas, there is the key to your problem. You have created barriers in your mind because you want a sense of approval. Your own program is working against you. YOur program says, I get the girl, I win. So when you do not get the girl you think that you did something wrong, or were not good enough, thus you lose. Remove those paradigms from your mind.

The only "Losing" that it really exists is to stop trying. Everything else is an excuse. Think about that one. So when you are with girls, who gives a rats a ss, what they think. Express your self. Learn from the exchange, learn from the huge mistakes that you make. Be willing to make those mistakes and embrace them. And along the way, create sexual tension. That is the difference between those that end up as "just friends" and those that sleep with the girl.


When you stick to a rigid concept of "it must be this way or it's not good", then you insure that you miss out of some really good things (ie. nothing is ever "the way it's supposed to be").


Gruuve, well said. Your advice is also right on the money. And that is the problem with rigid thinking, whether it comes from the scientific side, any of the religions, or any culture. Yet when we are willing to cross pollinate, be open the best things in humanity have happened. Like the Buddhist say the only thing that is permanent is impermanence.

The rigidity of the rock is only conquered by the fluidity of water.
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