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 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 26
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Is she using me for dinners?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I am confused, where are all the really nice dinners that the OP would be used for? Unless we are heading to Morton's on a weekly basis, there is no way in hell I would be spending any time with some clown I cant stand, and since the OP hasn't really mentioned anything special about the places they went, why would he think she would be using him for some shitty apps down at Ruby Tuesday's? Sounds like the OP has some issues going on and maybe she is just starting to see this...
 Lexti
Joined: 3/14/2013
Msg: 27
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/19/2013 1:05:22 PM
I'm sorry, but I'm going to need the OP to return to this thread and clarify how the two of them got naked to make out and never had sex. Was there an issue that prevented you from sealing the deal? Did she get naked and then say she didn't want to have sex?? I think there have been enough responses to the dinner and using you question.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 28
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/19/2013 1:13:39 PM
letsparty070- You say that you know that she is "professional and driven", so you know that she is likely working long hours during the week.
This seems like a communication/schedule issue.
If you are scheduling dates during the week, she is probably telling you the truth when she says she has to leave early, because she has work the next day.
It sounds like you are REALLY over thinking things, you are both interested and seem to be moving ahead, so why stress so much at such an early stage?
Relax and continue to see her , don't worry so much about many times she texts you verses how many you text her and so forth. Go with the flow, as long as she's responding, you are good.
Lastly; and most important, talk to her! Ask her if it would be more convenient for you to meet on weekends when she doesn't have to worry about work the next day. Take the time to find out what works for her and not just what works for you. She will be relieved that you cared enough to ask and it will speak volumes to her about the kind of man you are.
Conversely, if you pressure her or bail too soon, that speaks volumes too, and not in a way you want.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 29
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Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/19/2013 3:13:44 PM
So lesssssssseeeeeeee........... I know almost nothing about relationships, but I would say that on date two, you both got naked, made out, but no sex??????? :-O It seems OBVIOUS to dumb ol me, that she wanted to have sex, and you let her down. IMHO.
 or_current_resident
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 30
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/19/2013 3:36:40 PM

I'm debating actually texting her to bluntly ask if she's interested at all or wait and see if I hear from her.

Guys/girls, any thoughts?


Thoughts…….sounds like u both been in 'the vacuum for some time of lack of desire"……. as now your question if it could lead into a genuine relationship…….

Not that that is unusual, but your both lack or….. of what is really going on..or is it just a FFFF thingy…direction time….

U both, if its something what might be mutual, then let each other open up to see its something u both would enjoy doing together.
Sex is great, and to love is better…if that is possible…good luck in the path that brings truth….
 SngleNarlington
Joined: 6/8/2013
Msg: 31
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/19/2013 4:02:53 PM
Look, you’ve had 3 dates, one included drinks and conversation, the other two included dinner and activities, so I think your question is all wrong. You should be asking is she interested rather than “is she using me for dinners”?

On Date #3 when she wanted to go home early I don’t understand why that is an issue? Perhaps she needed to get up early in the morning and needed to be coherent, thus the reason for leaving early. She still made time for you! Those make out sessions are fun and the world tends to cease until you look at the time and say “holy shvt its 3 AM).

She showed up in her work clothes again is something I don’t understand why is this a problem. She probably worked late, so go change into something more comfortable or go to a lesser restaurant. Adapt and overcome! She is there yet again to spend time with you.

You are not her boyfriend so until you close the deal, why can’t she get on PoF? How many times have you been on PoF since these dates? Usually if I’m on date and her phone rings or a text comes in she will communicate and apologize for the interruption. Most of the time it’s her child, babysitter, family etc. etc. it’s not necessarily some other guy although it’s a possibility. The main thing is she is spending time with you.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 32
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Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/19/2013 4:48:05 PM

I'm debating actually texting her to bluntly ask if she's interested at all or wait and see if I hear from her.

this would be an exercise in pointlessness. setting aside the suspicions you already have, which are likely to color your interpretation of what she says anyway, you have much better ways of determining what she's willing to contribute. plan cheap or free activities. find a humorous way to suggest she foot the bill, or at least split it. if she's happy to go along, she's not a meal whore. if she's not down, she'll disappear and you can nurse your sense of victimhood.

there's nothing wrong with expecting a woman to meet you halfway on the logistics of dating, but you can do it without copping a righteous attitude or thinking you can passive aggressively scold her.
 Smiley587
Joined: 2/9/2013
Msg: 33
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/19/2013 6:53:23 PM
Its all about chemistry. I don't think it's there for her . If you are just wanting to date every so often I think that s all she is willing to do.. She is on Pof because she is looking for someone else
 April1963
Joined: 6/7/2013
Msg: 34
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/19/2013 7:19:43 PM

I met a great girl on here, highly intelligent, professional, driven, good looking


No, she is not using you for dinners, she does NOT need to,She likes you.

But read this:


First date:...... We had a drink at a local bar, got along, shared a kiss,.
Second date:.......We met at my place, make out like teenagers for a while, go out for a nice dinner, come back, get naked, make out for another hour..........................Third date:.....She comes to my place again, we talk for a while, make out a bit, go to dinner, and head back to my place. Then she says she wants to head home and has to be up early, at 9:00pm. This took me by surprise, as we were standing in my driveway.a


Hmmmm...You look like you're a BORING38 yrs old man, who does not prepare anything nice/fun for your date (other than sex)........ Go to dinner then go home,Then dinner again then back home AGAIN,I mean....... really?????for a couple that are beginning to know one another that routine gets old/boring very fast.I am not surprised that she behaves this way.
 juliettes7
Joined: 11/4/2012
Msg: 35
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/19/2013 7:38:35 PM
Yes, she is. Btw, where were these alleged dinners?Just curious.

It's clear op, you have nothing to offer from your profile-it looks like a troll profile plus you say she's " highly intelligent, career driven, good looking", your profession is "fff" and at 38 you have no college, 1 or 2 line profile and you're naive enough to think a pictureless, undescriptive profile like yours will get the ladies and expect us to believe this lady answered such an ad?

I think you made this woman up and just are axe grinding--too much free time and bile.

If this was real, yes she's using you for dinner, getting naked, making out with you just for red lobster/olive garden.
 TOaks91360
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 36
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/19/2013 8:02:54 PM
At a minimum, she's juggling guys. Poor behavior. Worst cast, she may be married, hence wearing work clothing so she wouldn't have to go home in dress attire.

Sounds like she's on the fence with you. I'd back off and let her chase you.

Don't stress over her being online. I often forget to sign out with my phone and it has caused some misunderstandings with some women who think I'm not at work.

I've been tempted to make my main profile pic a cell phone, lol. The caption would be 'I'm filling in for the profile owner'
 letsparty070
Joined: 5/12/2009
Msg: 37
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/19/2013 9:20:22 PM
Very interesting replies. I was frustrated during the OP, hopefully I can clarify the matters of confusion.

The evening was rushed from the start. She texted that she'd like to come to my place, I said sure, and she arrived some time later. We didn't meet at a place or anything. There were no plans made, and when she arrived she mentioned she had not had dinner yet, getting dinner at that point seemed logical.

As for the decline in communication, usually when my dates are going well, as I thought this one was going well, the amount of communication typically increases, at least through the first few weeks, but I guess everyone is different.

Last night, it was the way she exited which I thought was strange, never had someone do that before, I thought maybe I had off-put her somehow.

As for the places we have went on our dates, they were all nice, moderately expensive, each dinner date was around $80.

In reply to the questions about how we ended up naked but no sex, here's the gritty details; we were talking, seemed to be getting closer together, started kissing, sloppily kissing, her top came off, more kissing, took a few minute break. Her shirt goes back on, she takes her pants off, my pants come off, hands are fun, she said we're moving too fast and wasn't ready for more, we put back on some clothes and sort of cuddled on the couch for a while. This was all in the living room, she didn't want to go to the bedroom, I tried.

During the make out marathon, she let some impressive dirty talking fly, all this exciting stuff she wanted us to do to eachother, sadly it didn't play out as such.

Also, probably should have mentioned this earlier on date two, after the physicality, she asked me if I was interested in FWB as she was definitely not. I said no that I'm looking for something more, which is true.

That said we had our third date, and I guess it wasn't really anything to complain about.

I suppose it even going fairly well as far as a normal dating pattern goes. I've become somewhat accustomed, in the online dating realm, for things to happen fast, and fizzle, and for people to vanish without a word, and by comparison, this is actually somewhat normal for a change.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 38
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Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/20/2013 3:08:51 AM

she takes her pants off, my pants come off, hands are fun, she said we're moving too fast and wasn't ready for more, we put back on some clothes and sort of cuddled on the couch for a while. This was all in the living room, she didn't want to go to the bedroom, I tried.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Her hands were not that impressed imo. SORRY
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 39
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/20/2013 5:27:39 AM
Her hands were not that impressed imo. SORRY

Gotta agree with Peppermint Petunias.

It seems her interest in you plummeted AFTER you got naked with her. It's more than likely she was disappointed once you were naked but didn't dare tell you. I mean, how the hell do you tell someone you're no longer sexually attracted to them after you've seen them naked? Trust me, it happens.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 40
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Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/20/2013 6:31:14 AM
Something here is not being included in the story...
 or_current_resident
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 41
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/20/2013 6:46:04 AM

That said we had our third date, and I guess it wasn't really anything to complain about.


Well if you say so……could amount to something more or just a quick fling with another warm body….


I suppose it even going fairly well as far as a normal dating pattern goes. I've become somewhat accustomed, in the online dating realm, for things to happen fast, and fizzle, and for people to vanish without a word, and by comparison, this is actually somewhat normal for a change.


Normal…..yes & no……as new relationships can be very awkward unless there is equal chemistry….& this would be more telling once the holidays are over in who is still around to make it to Valentines Day.


Sounds like she's on the fence with you. I'd back off and let her chase you.


^^^^^^
If your next goal is to make it till Valentines day next with her, let her lead, & you just listen…..make your needs second to hers. And please her only with her desires….
And that being said, and if you give her that passion & respect….next time she will be helping your take your pants off.

And if not…..then she is not sure or ready to involve herself, or you might not be or want to either….
 Cdan1957
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 42
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Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/20/2013 8:27:58 AM
she takes her pants off, my pants come off, hands are fun, she said we're moving too fast and wasn't ready for more, we put back on some clothes and sort of cuddled on the couch for a while. This was all in the living room, she didn't want to go to the bedroom, I tried.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Her hands were not that impressed imo. SORRY

Agree
How do I say this without being a total asshat......sounds to me like the thrill of the experience didn't measure up to minimum stimuli standards.

Ok, I failed I am an asshat.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 43
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/20/2013 8:33:47 AM
if she wasn't thrilled with what she saw on the second date, why did she come back for round two on a third date? i think we might label that, "user". yes, there are pretty people who do that.

maybe she's a flake. maybe she's not impressed. Does "the why" matter? its the result that counts. If the OP wouldn't keep dating someone with average looks who acts like this particular hottie acts, then he should keep his response to that behavior the same no matter who does it to him.

but if he doesn't have a better option, and wants to keep digging this hole in hopes of a payoff, well, why not. apparently he's getting something he wants, or he'd go elsewhere.
 wolvesatthedoor
Joined: 5/8/2013
Msg: 44
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/20/2013 8:44:06 AM
If she comes up with a nickname for you like Shorty you'll have your answer.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 45
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Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/20/2013 10:31:29 AM
WAIT ....




Not only that, but when she arrived, she said she was still in her work clothes. I didn't say anything, but I don't see the point of us going out if one of us is not dressed appropriately.


So you had a dinner date planned and you DIDN'T want to take her out? Just back into the house for another make out session? Is it possible to assume she felt you were going in for the sex on the 3rd date and that's why she went home instead of BACK into your house after that dinner. Can we assume that the 2nd and 3rd date were arranged to meet at your house with the hope of a makeout session that would turn into sex and she stopped the make out when it went too far and said lets go to dinner? How do you explain making out before going to eat. Did she just attack you, or did you put the moves on her.

Are you sure you aren't getting bored (you said "don't know if I want to bother"/is she in it for the dinners) because she's not moving into the 'all night sex in your bed-cost nothing-I don't really care about getting to know you- I just want laid' dates fast enough????

I think she's 'got your number' but is still slightly interested and is waiting to see what happens to know if her perception are correct. Just IMO. Your interest in bailing pretty much gives a good indication of your intent/interests.

Hmmmm.

If this isn't true, MEET her somewhere and do NOT go to your or her house and see what happens. Better yet, if you've been invited to her house, pick her up and drop her off at her house WITHOUT going in. Be a gentleman and not some undersexed teen boy. You said she's a classy, intelligent, driven woman and it looks as if you just want her as a play toy. Obviously she's been smart enough not to let it get that far. You still have a little bit of a chance, but either she's lost interest with you, your motivations, or she truly has something going on with work. You're walking the line though. Better decide if you want to cut it or start treating this woman like a woman, not some irritation over your time or your bed.

I bet she knows the games too, and there in is your problems.
 SunForSome2
Joined: 11/11/2013
Msg: 46
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/20/2013 12:45:03 PM
^^^ I agree with what you are saying too. She might be testing him out to see his level of respect in her beyond a sex buddy.


Also, probably should have mentioned this earlier on date two, after the physicality, she asked me if I was interested in FWB as she was definitely not. I said no that I'm looking for something more, which is true.


To me this sounds like pre-relationship talk... especially if she combined it with the things that she wanted to do with him in the future.

-------
Anyhow, If you two get your date in, perhaps you should talk about your relationship expectations and let her know that you think relationships should be a little more 50/50 with her contributing something to the entertainment budget. You don't mind treating once in awhile, but you would also like it if she had a similar generous attitude towards you. That way you will know that she cares too.
 traveltrekker
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 47
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/20/2013 1:57:50 PM

How do you explain making out before going to eat.


Working up an appetite.
 lowmiles2
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 48
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/20/2013 2:18:27 PM
Like some others have said earlier your her option B or C. Or in simpler terms your a doormat. Don't be a doormat. Shut down a bit and see if she reacts in a positive way. I loath to put labels on people but she might have some personality disorder and if you come to that conclusion yourself. Then just bail out and move on.
 HonkyTonk_Woman
Joined: 9/16/2013
Msg: 49
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/20/2013 4:30:55 PM
Bebedeleau

think she's 'got your number' but is still slightly interested and is waiting to see what happens to know if her perception are correct. Just IMO. Your interest in bailing pretty much gives a good indication of your intent/interests

Yep......that was my take on it too!
Playing the "player"....prove her wrong! If you think she's using you for meals...break it off then.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 50
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Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/21/2013 5:20:19 AM
tt......... to funny.

She isn't using you for sex. That we DO know.
Go with your gut and don't show the snitzel so soon next time.
Women talk ya know.

She would have jumped on it if she had been impressed in anyway with you and the snitzel going so far as to examine and fondle it sans pants.
Y'all sound 17.
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