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Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 39
Is she using me for dinners?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Her hands were not that impressed imo. SORRY

Gotta agree with Peppermint Petunias.

It seems her interest in you plummeted AFTER you got naked with her. It's more than likely she was disappointed once you were naked but didn't dare tell you. I mean, how the hell do you tell someone you're no longer sexually attracted to them after you've seen them naked? Trust me, it happens.
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 40
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Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/20/2013 6:31:14 AM
Something here is not being included in the story...
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 41
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/20/2013 6:46:04 AM

That said we had our third date, and I guess it wasn't really anything to complain about.

Well if you say so……could amount to something more or just a quick fling with another warm body….

I suppose it even going fairly well as far as a normal dating pattern goes. I've become somewhat accustomed, in the online dating realm, for things to happen fast, and fizzle, and for people to vanish without a word, and by comparison, this is actually somewhat normal for a change.

Normal…..yes & no……as new relationships can be very awkward unless there is equal chemistry….& this would be more telling once the holidays are over in who is still around to make it to Valentines Day.

Sounds like she's on the fence with you. I'd back off and let her chase you.

If your next goal is to make it till Valentines day next with her, let her lead, & you just listen…..make your needs second to hers. And please her only with her desires….
And that being said, and if you give her that passion & respect….next time she will be helping your take your pants off.

And if not…..then she is not sure or ready to involve herself, or you might not be or want to either….
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 42
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Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/20/2013 8:27:58 AM
she takes her pants off, my pants come off, hands are fun, she said we're moving too fast and wasn't ready for more, we put back on some clothes and sort of cuddled on the couch for a while. This was all in the living room, she didn't want to go to the bedroom, I tried.

Her hands were not that impressed imo. SORRY

How do I say this without being a total asshat......sounds to me like the thrill of the experience didn't measure up to minimum stimuli standards.

Ok, I failed I am an asshat.
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 43
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/20/2013 8:33:47 AM
if she wasn't thrilled with what she saw on the second date, why did she come back for round two on a third date? i think we might label that, "user". yes, there are pretty people who do that.

maybe she's a flake. maybe she's not impressed. Does "the why" matter? its the result that counts. If the OP wouldn't keep dating someone with average looks who acts like this particular hottie acts, then he should keep his response to that behavior the same no matter who does it to him.

but if he doesn't have a better option, and wants to keep digging this hole in hopes of a payoff, well, why not. apparently he's getting something he wants, or he'd go elsewhere.
Joined: 5/8/2013
Msg: 44
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/20/2013 8:44:06 AM
If she comes up with a nickname for you like Shorty you'll have your answer.
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 45
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Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/20/2013 10:31:29 AM
WAIT ....

Not only that, but when she arrived, she said she was still in her work clothes. I didn't say anything, but I don't see the point of us going out if one of us is not dressed appropriately.

So you had a dinner date planned and you DIDN'T want to take her out? Just back into the house for another make out session? Is it possible to assume she felt you were going in for the sex on the 3rd date and that's why she went home instead of BACK into your house after that dinner. Can we assume that the 2nd and 3rd date were arranged to meet at your house with the hope of a makeout session that would turn into sex and she stopped the make out when it went too far and said lets go to dinner? How do you explain making out before going to eat. Did she just attack you, or did you put the moves on her.

Are you sure you aren't getting bored (you said "don't know if I want to bother"/is she in it for the dinners) because she's not moving into the 'all night sex in your bed-cost nothing-I don't really care about getting to know you- I just want laid' dates fast enough????

I think she's 'got your number' but is still slightly interested and is waiting to see what happens to know if her perception are correct. Just IMO. Your interest in bailing pretty much gives a good indication of your intent/interests.


If this isn't true, MEET her somewhere and do NOT go to your or her house and see what happens. Better yet, if you've been invited to her house, pick her up and drop her off at her house WITHOUT going in. Be a gentleman and not some undersexed teen boy. You said she's a classy, intelligent, driven woman and it looks as if you just want her as a play toy. Obviously she's been smart enough not to let it get that far. You still have a little bit of a chance, but either she's lost interest with you, your motivations, or she truly has something going on with work. You're walking the line though. Better decide if you want to cut it or start treating this woman like a woman, not some irritation over your time or your bed.

I bet she knows the games too, and there in is your problems.
Joined: 11/11/2013
Msg: 46
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/20/2013 12:45:03 PM
^^^ I agree with what you are saying too. She might be testing him out to see his level of respect in her beyond a sex buddy.

Also, probably should have mentioned this earlier on date two, after the physicality, she asked me if I was interested in FWB as she was definitely not. I said no that I'm looking for something more, which is true.

To me this sounds like pre-relationship talk... especially if she combined it with the things that she wanted to do with him in the future.

Anyhow, If you two get your date in, perhaps you should talk about your relationship expectations and let her know that you think relationships should be a little more 50/50 with her contributing something to the entertainment budget. You don't mind treating once in awhile, but you would also like it if she had a similar generous attitude towards you. That way you will know that she cares too.
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 47
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/20/2013 1:57:50 PM

How do you explain making out before going to eat.

Working up an appetite.
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 48
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/20/2013 2:18:27 PM
Like some others have said earlier your her option B or C. Or in simpler terms your a doormat. Don't be a doormat. Shut down a bit and see if she reacts in a positive way. I loath to put labels on people but she might have some personality disorder and if you come to that conclusion yourself. Then just bail out and move on.
Joined: 9/16/2013
Msg: 49
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/20/2013 4:30:55 PM

think she's 'got your number' but is still slightly interested and is waiting to see what happens to know if her perception are correct. Just IMO. Your interest in bailing pretty much gives a good indication of your intent/interests

Yep......that was my take on it too!
Playing the "player"....prove her wrong! If you think she's using you for meals...break it off then.
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 50
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Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/21/2013 5:20:19 AM
tt......... to funny.

She isn't using you for sex. That we DO know.
Go with your gut and don't show the snitzel so soon next time.
Women talk ya know.

She would have jumped on it if she had been impressed in anyway with you and the snitzel going so far as to examine and fondle it sans pants.
Y'all sound 17.
Joined: 11/10/2012
Msg: 51
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/21/2013 6:39:27 AM

or if the work-week restricts dates more than I thought.

I like this thread. So many good answers to a question I feel is legit. Gauging interest against our perceptions and expectations(nod to Igor) is always the toughest part.
Yeah-I think she's "using" you for occasional companionship, because you're "ok" for now AND you've got it right- work interferes more often than not. Go on the date you've planned, and see how that goes.
Joined: 3/1/2012
Msg: 52
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Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/21/2013 11:19:28 AM
She's on the fence about you. As happens to many relationships initially.

You can continue asking her out, get her to know you better and make up her mind. Consistence and abit of confidence will help here.

Or you can play immature mind games and end up pushing her away.

Either way you will have your answer.

Good luck!
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 53
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/23/2013 1:07:53 AM
Don't let going from 10 texts a day dropping to 1-2 texts a day By Itself throw ya off. A lot of people will hit the "high" of someone new, but not lose interest, but at the same time, not be as giddy. People vary.

But from what you wrote -- don't freak out -- yeah, she Has seemed to lose some interest. It's fine if it's not giddy-ga-ga interest where it may have been, but still good... but the problems you have to look out for is Decline. And that's what it sounds like.

Good news is, all is not lost. If she Keeps a communication distance and you still get awkward exits AFTER things were flowing so well after the 1st & 2nd date, and she shows up late and ignores some texts, etc etc -- Yeah, then you should ask her bluntly. Right Now would be too hasty. Give it more time like a date or two (depending on how long it'd take for that to unfold).

Hopefully the outing in the weekend went okay. If she is interested, you'll see that lack-of-interest/awkwardness not be there and just be the result of some stuff going down after Date #2 -> thru Date #3 -> Now. That type of lowered interest Read isn't going to last that long IF she actually does have some interest.

Not much you can do about it anyway, besides putting your best foot forward, not being too hasty, but also not grinding it out for many more dates either IF she has that emotional distance/not-caring factor that wasn't there earlier on.
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 54
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/23/2013 11:42:18 AM
What do you want from her?
It took you 3 dinner dates to realize she gave you nothing. She f-ed your pockets 3 times and you havent gotten the D wet yet! you should have been straight with her from date 2. Then you would have been naked like you were and finished the transaction. You two were actually naked and didnt fuq, which is just highschool...

So yes i agree, no more dinner dates. Ante up with the cooch, or put a stop to this food excursion you got going on. She's playing you.

She goes to dinner with you, before or after getting f-ed by the next dude she has in line. Guarenteed.

Wait.. are you paying for the food?!?!
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 55
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/23/2013 11:49:06 AM

I went out with one who only took me out to drinks once and dinner another time, the next times we saw each other were just visits. I made his kids dinner and let him borrow my car when his broke down after our second date. He offered to help screw in a new shower attachment (10 minutes) and to look at an error on my computer (5 minutes)

I'm not a fan of Mr Nice Guys, I say that as a disclaimer. BUT, it wasn't a guy you merely had a 2nd date with. Don't get involved with their kids until you want to be a Couple. That's just flat-out common sense. :) He had a reason to feel a huge punch on the stomach out of nowhere. You don't want to do what people do when they hit it off and go really fast, while it's still up in the air emotionally for ya or you're "giving them a chance", etc. Keep it at just a couple dates as you describe. Visiting each other isn't a "just". Cooking their kids dinner or coming over to be Mr/Ms Fix-It for something is a bigger step than going out for drinks.
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 56
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/23/2013 12:54:16 PM
Using you for dinner? How is that possible if dinner is not all you're doing? How soon did you forget you guys made out, got naked, met at your place, etc? What exactly would you like her to do so that you don't feel like you are being used for dinner.

Would it appease you if she had sex with you? Would you then feel like you're just taking her out for dinner?

The problem is the expectation, you are not taking her out and paying for dinner because you want to take her out to dinner, have a good time, get to know her, etc. You are paying for dinner and expecting something you are not disclosing.

Do you talk about going to dinner prior to meeting? I can't imagine she assumes dinner is involved unless you say something to that effect when agreeing to meet. When she mentioned she had not had dinner yet, you immediately proposed dinner at a nice place instead of "there is a pizza place around here that makes delicious pasta plates, heros, calzones, garlic knots, etc. Would you be interested in that? There is also a diner, we can grab some soup and a sandwich, etc".

That whole incident with the whole getting naked and not having sex...did you say something stupid? the phone rang? Were you flaccid? My take is that you were not passionate enough (you mentioned she brought on the dirty talk). It's either that or your equipment is not big enough to plow into the forest of goodness.

I don't think sex is happening anytime soon after that "preview".
Joined: 2/10/2013
Msg: 57
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/25/2013 1:29:01 AM
Dude , you saidon your "second"date you went back to your place after dinner made out like teenagers,"Got Naked",,, wow you both move quick, I'm thinking maybe it's because you didn't have sex that night that now the light bulb is dim,, kinda hard to go all that way and never get to home plate don't ya think? Good luck
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 58
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/29/2013 5:53:48 PM

Funny you mention that. He wanted to bring his kids on our second date and I said I didn't feel comfortable meeting them yet-at all. He agreed, but then his car broke down after our date and I let him take it to a job interview. I didn't quite realize he was bringing the kids back to my house to wait while his car was towed, but it made sense to not leave them at day care.

Okay, makes more sense that you were in between a rock & a hard place. But at the same time, just as you don't want to meet their kids, you don't want to be their helping hand either, so you were asking for an opening there. You could have dropped him off somewhere to a friend or family member's to help him out, if readily available, or dropped him off at a job interview and he could take a cab back. You could say that'd "ruin chances", but if he can't take care of himself and his kids and has no back-drop for assistance besides chicks he just met from online for a date, then He's ruining the chances.

Or you could have gave him a warning that you don't want to have to help carry a guy so soon through things and just like not going out with him and his kids, it falls in the same line -- and it would turn ya away... playing Monday Morning Quarterback, he probably would have just had you drop him off at the interview and he'd begrundgingly handle the rest... sounds like he wanted You to help him out as an "in" to get closer (as opposed a friend or family member).

But yeah, you didn't do any "wtf" decisions. Tough spot.
Joined: 10/24/2010
Msg: 59
Is she using me for dinners?
Posted: 12/29/2013 10:13:32 PM
People put their best effort forward for things they are seriously into. If she went from frequent contact to minimal....take note. If she's back on pot....that means what you two at doing is not her total focus. When she shows up to dates late & doesn't dress for the occasion ......she is letting you see her disinterest.

Let her slide if she is not interest in you enough to step to you with passion. You might have made mistakes to bring this about....don't make excuse for her actions towards. Stop accepting her behavior & find women who will more into you
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