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 CynthiaSM
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 26
Income Level and Dating ExpectationsPage 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I've dated several men who make less wages/salary than me. Including one man who was unemployed (not 'retired').

Also some men who make more than me.

Also some I had absolutely zero idea of our relative income.

Basically I detest the sort of bitter men who posted above me. But that's ok. He wouldnt like me either since I dont fit his narrow pathetic self-defeating view of women.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 27
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/25/2013 6:29:34 PM

Maybe, we should be discussing DISPOSABLE income and dating expectations. In my opinion, huge difference.

Disposable income is indeed a huge issue. People assume a LOT of things wrongly when it comes to that economic factor. Some people make huge incomes, to be sure - but how much is truly available to 'play' with?
Some people have trouble managing a $500 credit card balance on one account while others juggle multiple debts in the tens of thousands and still seem to have time to go to Disney World with the whole family for a week.

Generosity as a character trait has no limit by income. None whatsoever. The problem is, neither does Greed or Arrogance.

Some people have talents in areas you rarely see because they know better than to over-extend themselves pursuing hobbies and past times that cost a lot. Others have unlimited resources but no talent to do anything with them. (*insert US Government joke here*)

I have the ability to completely renovate my home with little or no contractor help, because I've dabbled in all kinds of projects from woodworking, plumbing and electrical - a true 'Jack of all Trades' - but I know it isn't worth doing it until you can get it all done at once, and saving up that big chunk of change for materials and tools has been VERY slow going. In the meantime, some people are impressed at how clean and neat I keep my house, while others are disgusted because my appliances and flooring are 10+ years old and show it. Each perspective someone holds is always different than the last, and are all miserably hard to change in a fledgling relationship.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 28
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History
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/26/2013 2:10:54 PM
In the past, I made a 6 figure income. Then I retired for several years, and I'm now approaching that 6 figure level again.

I have dated women who made a 7 figure income, and others who made nothing. I think the biggest difference is how you look at life, not how much money you have at this given point in your life. I am not a good match for a woman who wants to spend all of her time going to black tie charity fund raisers, and the opera, etc. But I'm also not a good match for a woman who wants to lay around the house all day in her bath robe.



Moderation in all things, my son. Including moderation.
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 29
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History
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/26/2013 3:52:59 PM
Having explored relationships with women of various ethnicities, education levels and earnings I have found that those with similar backgrounds, outlooks on life and values analogous to mine work out the best. We understand one another, enjoy the same food, entertainment, activities and friendship circles. Life is much easier and happier that way, at least for me.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 30
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/26/2013 8:37:49 PM
I think pairing a match too closely is a serious problem in online dating, because instead of being OK with a 'similar' match, they go for the matches that they value the most, assuming they are 'compatible'. Lining up those 'Interests' is a woeful way to compare people, because the degree to which they hold an 'Interest' in something can vary greatly. If you find someone online who is TRULY into the same things you like, goes to the same haunts you enjoy, same events etc... -- then WHY haven't you met before?!? It would stand to reason if you hang out in same social circles your paths would eventually cross -- UNLESS one of you is not being entirely honest about where you ACTUALLY go versus where you would LIKE to go.

My GF is an explorer at heart and LOVES traveling. But she also can become one of those annoying tourists who's rather self-centered and a bit arrogant sometimes. I've been a homebody all my life and haven't traveled much, yet when I have gotten out I can make friends with ANYone, from a cab driver to a beggar on the street. If it wasn't for online dating, our paths probably would've NEVER crossed - but I'm glad they did.

The income-based map of neighborhoods illustrates to me the idea that people from certain areas do certain things to socialize. Their dating profiles tell just as much. The tough part is figuring out if they indeed WANT to reach out to new people and new lives and new ideas, or if they really just want more of the same. Personally, I think it's a very shallow person who goes into a nationwide dating service and puts their profile out there in the public for anyone to read, but really wants nothing more than a version of who they already see around them every day.
 PlentyofThis123
Joined: 11/23/2013
Msg: 31
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/27/2013 2:44:11 AM
My GF is an explorer at heart and LOVES traveling. But she also can become one of those annoying tourists who's rather self-centered and a bit arrogant sometimes. I've been a homebody all my life and haven't traveled much, yet when I have gotten out I can make friends with ANYone, from a cab driver to a beggar on the street. If it wasn't for online dating, our paths probably would've NEVER crossed - but I'm glad they did.


Funny you mention this, Danimal, I've seen countless profiles of women stating "Have passport, will travel" and making some implication that her match must be a travel enthusiast, too, and be "at the ready" with a passport as well.

But, it does help, I think personally, if you have at least some interests in common. In fact, that's how some people I've known have met and dated. Through avenues like the outdoor hiking groups and other hobbies.

But, I do believe hobbies only are kind of a "perk" though, it kind of helps it along because at least you have something to talk about and share in the activities together.

I knew of a woman that was an avid hiker and outdoor enthusiast that had a long term boyfriend that was a homebody and played video games most of the time. To me, I'm not entirely sure that would be a lasting relationship, but I could be wrong, considering he's staying indoors most of the time. I mean they do get out, but it's more of going out to eat or some evening event at a public location.

Ever see those "If you're a couch potato , we probably wouldn't make a good match", then I met this woman, and she's dating one. Some guys in the hiking group made passes at her, only to find out she's spoken for. lol

I even seen a dating profile of a woman stating, "If you like playing video games, we'd probably not make a good match". But funny how I meet a couple in person that's living together and each one is quite contrary to what they would be on a dating site. They'd probably completely avoid one another. lol But I suppose it's working out and more power to them. :)


Personally, I think it's a very shallow person who goes into a nationwide dating service and puts their profile out there in the public for anyone to read, but really wants nothing more than a version of who they already see around them every day.


I know of a rather attractive socialite in the area. Her job and her social life are pretty much one in the same. Typically markets to other local businesses and gets perks for helping them out, esp. group rates. She's a major socialite and rather well known in the community, almost to the point of being minor celebrity because she's always constantly networking. Has done her share of singles mixers as well...and of course is always encountering opportunities with single men at said events.

She's kind of an elitist, too, Danimal, considering I am thinking her tastes are quite expensive.

Then I saw her on this site, and it was quite surprising.

But, it was kind of funny that she threw in some disclaimers if being on POF, as if she had expected men she had already met in person to FIND her on here.

She disclaimed that she has "no problem getting dates or meeting other single men, it's just that I am not finding the quality men that I am looking for".

"Quality" she says.

THEN, she states, "If we already know each other, there's no need to say hello to me here".

I was like "Ouch", she was pretty prepared for the onslaught of emails from men she's already met publicly.
 Princess12524
Joined: 12/23/2013
Msg: 32
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/27/2013 2:57:21 AM

but can YOU kind of draw lines of expectations on a map that almost match an income level? Do you think dating expectations and income ARE strongly related / influenced? Do you avoid/be wary of people from certain cities/areas because of where they live, or because of how much they make?

Money does matter. People tend to be more successful in their personal relationships w/ others who are in the same socioeconomic bracket. But a millionaire man wouldn't have an issue w/ an average income woman if she was "hot"...
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 33
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/27/2013 6:21:45 AM
How many women would have issues dating a man who makes less money than her-especially if it's a big gap?

of course, lots of them. me too. what's your point?

that phenomenon applies to men as well. it's just that with men it's usually a lot more dependent on ideas about physical beauty and less dependent on perceptions about income. the criteria are different, but the net result is the same....

and yet mysteriously, the general consensus is that it's perfectly acceptable (and expected) for men to fall all over themselves glomming on beautiful women; but when women have certain "expectations" about a man's income, we immediately get called all kinds of nasty, resentful, hostility-laced, character-assassinating names. we see it all the time here. if we don't want a man (a "nice" man) who is too poor (too short?) for our tastes, there's something wrong with us. well fuck your arrogant sexist hypocrisy.

human nature being what it is, we're all naturally as reluctant to date down as we are enthusiastic about dating up..... "up" and "down" being completely relative terms that everyone gets to self-define based on what they'd like to have versus what they think they can get. whether or not you think that's realistic or fair, anyone would rightfully expect and demand to have that kind of freedom of choice for themselves. so I'm not sure whether it actually annoys you that many women wouldn't be interested in a man whose income is a lot lower than their own, or whether you were asking a rhetorical question just for the sake of argument. to see who has the guts to be honest about it?

nope, I won't date a man who makes "a lot less" money than I do and lives in a crappy neighborhood.
no.
ain't happening.
 forumiteinca
Joined: 12/4/2013
Msg: 34
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/27/2013 8:55:55 AM
A good friend who is very much a gentleman, single and with a very good income and a couple of places to live has often stated that he would not go out with any gal who has less to lose than he does. It is a testament to all the "gold diggers" that he has come across in his life. I'm NOT saying that all women are looking to be kept, just that it seems that a lot are. The game is to get married and then go for a divorce with a healthy settlement and alimony. I think everyone, gals and guys have to be conscious about that.

Another angle on this discussion is that a lot of people will say "money does not buy happiness". But most of us know that it is better to be rich and unhappy, than poor and unhappy. With online dating, and dating in general, one does not know what financial situation the other person is in. Appearances can be deceiving. Lot's of people live in deep debt, but you and I would think they are rich because of their persona and projection. Dating in general has many, many issues that one must deal with. Money is but one of them.

It is said though, that love conquers all. If two people click and are interested in making things work, money is usually not a big issue.
 TOaks91360
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 35
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/27/2013 9:10:04 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^This

Did your friend discover what she had to lose pre or post coitus?

I personally don't expect anything from a partner that I can't offer. So if a woman is a gym rat, she's entitled to only want gym rats. If she's a homeowner, she can find another homeowner, that's her prerogative. Me personally? An empty nester that lives alone.

It seems discussing finances is taboo early on in a relationship and I suspect if you mention this in your profile, you'll be viewed as cheap and not capable of love.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 36
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/27/2013 9:11:07 AM
"But a millionaire man wouldn't have an issue w/ an average income woman if she was "hot"..."

From message 35 and dead on...because a woman's commodity, moreso than a man's money, is her looks.

The pratfall is, all women age, and looks fade. Income doesn't necessarily have to. So those once hot women find themselves sometimes being cheated on or dumped for a newer model.

Oh, the painful reality of it all!

That's why you need to be an independently wealthy woman.

BUT! There are male gold diggers...oh yes yes yes. And they LOVE online dating sites!


So watch out, sisters.
 TOaks91360
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 37
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/27/2013 9:19:33 AM
The millionaire man would be smart enough to make sure he covered his assets first:)

She tells me she has a "heart of gold", and then says, "I once met a CEO of a fortune 500 company. I decided to end it because he wouldn't leave his wife"...hmm....heart of gold my a$$
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 38
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/27/2013 1:45:46 PM
There was a study done by Gallup in which they asked people of a particular affluence about who they would date. Then crazy thing was that about 85 percent of millionaire men would not mind dating someone that didn't have any money and they more than likely would have to provide. They asked the same question to millionaire women, and about 80 percent of them said that they would NOT date a person of lesser means than them and that they preferred to go out with men of either equal means or that made more money.

This is quite interesting.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 39
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/27/2013 2:10:33 PM

They asked the same question to millionaire women, and about 80 percent of them said that they would NOT date a person of lesser means than them...


Did they continue the study to see how many of these women millionaires would suddenly become "traditional" on dates, meaning they expect the guy to pay for everything on the dates?
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 40
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History
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/27/2013 2:43:44 PM
I used to think income, residence, and education made a difference in dating and meeting men.

What I discovered it’s not completely about any of the above scenarios that make a person a good or bad person. What is less apparent is the sanity of the individuals that I look twice at or for...

Nuts don’t fall to far from the tree, so with that rationale it doesn’t matter who a person is, or where they live, or how much income they have it’s more about how they were raised, and how they have turned in out in their adult age, etc.

Mental health and stability doesn’t pick the venue or income of a person’s sanity.
I just want sanity.
Jan
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 41
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/27/2013 2:57:26 PM
There's no shortage of people in here searching for 'upgrades' from their past relationships. Whether it be in terms of money, physique, power or family - people want MORE than they had before. There's no big secret about it - humans are greedy by nature. What I find perplexing is how many people come into these dating sites and EXPECT things to go 'their' way. People utterly lack any concept of worldly-ness and expect people in here think and behave the same way that they do. This is POF. It's all over the country and all over the world. You get the salty and bitter along with the sweet and lovely. You get the optimists AND the conspiracy nutjobs, the fat slobs AND the superheroes, the dishwashers AND the CEOs... What you do NOT get; is to choose who may be attracted to you.

Learning how to be tolerable and compatible is pretty much the cornerstone of any relationship - taking the good with the bad - adapting to new situations and continuing on. Yet how many in here are willing to even attempt to step out of their comfort zone just to MEET someone once?

If you're truly not willing to open your heart to companionship from something outside of your own world, then I strongly suggest leaving these generalized open dating sites for the more specific ones that cater to your needs. Once there, I hope the lack of choices and the nepotism and cronyism that goes on in there will help you realize how foolish having tunnel vision can be. Online dating IS a humbling experience, and the self-entitled ones are always going to have the worst trouble with it. Maturity and growth comes out of taking risks and failure, not maintaining the status quo.


Mental health and stability doesn’t pick the venue or income of a person’s sanity.
I just want sanity.


The difference between insanity and genius is success.
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 42
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Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/27/2013 3:40:08 PM
"The difference between insanity and genius is success" so you say, but there will always be insane consequences for such success.
Jan
 BACHELOR02
Joined: 8/9/2009
Msg: 43
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Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/27/2013 5:18:51 PM
To drivingharmony2, who said to me:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I am curious Bacherlor02......you date women who make six figure incomes, yet these women "insist" on you paying for everything and "don't contribute" to the cost of dating? Personally, I find this hard to believe.....but that's just me."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Past tense. I don't do it anymore. It's not about the money ...it's the sense of entitlement I can't deal with. And they not only don't contribute ...they tell you what restaurants, hotels, flowers, gifts, chocolate, etc. are, and are not acceptable. And when it's time for them to reciprocate (i.e. holidays, birthdays, special ocassions, etc.) they become very frugal and conservative. But what really kills me is women like you, who defend them and attack me ...like I might be hallucinating, or making it up! These women target men like me for our ability to pay. They feign their intentions to get what they want and when you question their values, they say things like "if you don't like doing these things, I'll find someone who does". And just for the record, the most generous woman I ever met was the one who had the least. She never walked through my door without bringing me something, even if it was just some cookies she made me, or some wild flowers she picked along the road. As far as online dating is concerned, I gave up on it a long time ago and am just here for the forums. I no longer allow people I never met before to interrogate me, ask me personal questions about my past, present, future, income, values, etc., without meeting me the old fashioned way and getting to know me first.
 dahlingdarling
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 44
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Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/27/2013 6:32:12 PM

Do you think dating expectations and income ARE strongly related / influenced?

For some people. Me included.


Do you avoid/be wary of people from certain cities/areas because of where they live, or because of how much they make?

Yes. I don't consider guys that make less than me. I do consider it tit for tat since I find most guys wouldn't consider gals that are less attractive than themselves, especially as I find most guys try to get gals that are more attractive than themselves. So I see no point in giving a guy a break when he wouldn't give me a break on factor he considered important. To me it's like a gal not dumping a guy for being bad in bed when he'd most likely dump her behind so fast if she started 'withholding'/'denying' him sex.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 10/8/2013
Msg: 45
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/27/2013 6:44:40 PM
Since I make my own money and do very well financially, I'm not looking for a provider and I don't care how much a man makes. In fact, it turns me off when guys flaunt their wealth in order to get dates. Makes me feel like a prostitute, no thanks. What matters to me though is that the guy has a "cool" or "manly" job for lack of a better word. A boring paper pusher or retail clerk - meh. A soldier, cop, fire fighter, or even a skilled trade job, yes, I'm interested. I guess I'm looking for someone who is passionate about their job, just like I am about mine.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 46
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/27/2013 7:36:40 PM
Past tense. I don't do it anymore. It's not about the money ...it's the sense of entitlement I can't deal with. And they not only don't contribute ...they tell you what restaurants, hotels, flowers, gifts, chocolate, etc. are, and are not acceptable. And when it's time for them to reciprocate (i.e. holidays, birthdays, special ocassions, etc.) they become very frugal and conservative. But what really kills me is women like you, who defend them and attack me ...like I might be hallucinating, or making it up!

For an "esquire" you have poor analytical skills. drivingharmony was not "defending" the women, she was, however, questioning your veracity.
I'm not going to call you a liar, I'm going to tell you that it is YOUR fault this happened to you. Especially if it happened with more than one woman. Who picked them? Especially if it happened for more than one incident. They told you the restaurant AND hotel AND flowers AND gifts AND chocolate AND etc? That's a long string of incidents to get taken for. Do you have ANY balls?
First time a man tells me what GIFT to buy him then it isn't a gift and we're going to be having a heart-to-heart conversation.

As far as online dating is concerned, I gave up on it a long time ago and am just here for the forums. I no longer allow people I never met before to interrogate me, ask me personal questions about my past, present, future, income, values, etc., without meeting me the old fashioned way and getting to know me first.

How does the venue you initially meet the woman fix the problem of women you know well enough to take to restaurants, hotels, flowers, gifts, etc. dictating these things to you?

Since I make my own money and do very well financially, I'm not looking for a provider and I don't care how much a man makes. In fact, it turns me off when guys flaunt their wealth in order to get dates. Makes me feel like a prostitute, no thanks.

+1
 TOaks91360
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 47
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/27/2013 7:55:12 PM
Yeah, sure. Maybe he picked someone that said they were loyal and nurturing. How dare he take her at face value, or worse, assume she loved him after she slept with him. Dumb, huh?
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 48
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/27/2013 8:12:00 PM
Thought I was pretty clear but I'll try again and use small words - the number of times and circumstances he said she ordered him to do it her way must have occurred over more than a day or two. Also, he used the plural term so it occurred over more than one woman.

Is he so gullible that he gives them these kind of "gifts" on the first meet or first date? Did he get to know them at all before trying to buy them?

And if she slept with him that means he slept with her - how well did he know her before doing the 'sleeping'? Did he sleep with her before or after she placed her ORDER (not input or suggestion or request) for the hotel (presumably the one they're sleeping in)?

And if she's claiming she LOVES him that quickly and he doesn't see it as a red flag (AFTER she's ordered him to buy her all these things he didn't want to buy), then who's the idiot?

Not even going to bother with claims of "nurturing". What's the baseball term? That one's a can of corn.
 TOaks91360
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 49
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/27/2013 8:19:43 PM
This is the Mars and Venus crap that makes online dating suck. Nice/boring guys with money wooing women pretending that money and looks don't matter. Keep sex off the table? fine. I'll keep my wallet in my pocket.

I know there's a kindred heart out there that wants to cross the sands of time with me....chuckling...
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 50
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/27/2013 8:22:10 PM
This is the antithesis of the Mars and Venus bs. I, and several other women, are saying that men should not be trying to buy women. That it should be more of a partnership.

But, if you want to trade money for sex, you're free to do that. In Nevada.

(and from his profile I think Mr Esquire-Moneybags would be offended by being called nice and boring)
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