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 TOaks91360
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 51
Income Level and Dating ExpectationsPage 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Sorry if I sound cynical. I would posit that as we age and have grown 'wiser', women are more apt to withhold sex and men money. It's a shame. Online dating is a minefield. The 'veterans' just keep digging in. I value your wisdom:)
 forumiteinca
Joined: 12/4/2013
Msg: 52
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/27/2013 8:47:04 PM
In thinking about this topic, I think it has to do a lot with a person's age. When one is young, early twenties, usually the two are around the same income level; things are easier - each understands the limitations imposed by not having money and the character of a person is more important. As one gets older, everyone achieves varying levels of financial security and this enters the picture.

When a person is over fifty, then the money issue is usually not so important as one knows that money does not buy happiness. It is nice to have, but not really important. The issue returns to the concept of character AND like Jan1025 says, more importantly the other persons mental state of mind. One becomes aware that the world is full of people who can put on a good face, but have underlying mental issues that only come out over time. I think this is one of the real issues about online dating that is not discussed much. While it is fun to browse through the profiles of those available and dream, a lot of people hold back from contacting a person because of some reservation - usually along the lines of what is the person really like? Online dating can only serve as a tool to make the acquaintance of someone. It takes real life exposure to find out just what the persons true financial situation is AND what their mental situation is as well. (For example, if a person has lot's of money, but will not spend even a little of it because he is saving it for his old age... There are lot's of scenarios to describe.) It takes time and involvement to find out the real person.

As many have said in many different ways, money is no basis on which to judge a person.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 53
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/27/2013 8:56:57 PM
For example, if a person has lot's of money, but will not spend even a little of it because [fill in the blank]

yah, I know this one. I make 6 figures but I had a coffee meet with an honest to goodness Microsoft billionaire (google returns about a million hits on his name so, yes, he was who he claimed to be). He didn't buy my coffee. I didn't push it and ask for a Danish. Must have been broke from all those other coffee meets where the woman demanded he pay.

I sure punished him though, I didn't laugh at his jokes.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 54
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/27/2013 9:08:44 PM
THANK YOU!!!! Cynthia, you are absolutely right, I was not defending the women that BACHELOR02 chose to date. But since he decided to go the accusatory route.....let's start shall we....

Bachelor02: think about it.....does it even makes sense that a woman who makes a six figure income does not contribute to the cost of dating at all? It sounds ridiculous. You mean to say all the women you have dated who made six figure incomes did this???? And, you chose all of them. Oh, sorry.....my bad.....THEY chose YOU.


These women target men like me for our ability to pay. They feign their intentions to get what they want and when you question their values, they say things like "if you don't like doing these things, I'll find someone who does"

You have every right to be proud of your accomplishments, but based on your profile info and photos, there is no doubt in my mind, you like flaunting your money. If these are the only women you encounter, I have to question.....your choosing methods. By the way, nice Corvette. My father has one just like it.


the most generous woman I ever met was the one who had the least. She never walked through my door without bringing me something, even if it was just some cookies she made me, or some wild flowers she picked along the road.

Why would she need to bring you anything? Did you require she bring you something before she stepped foot in your house? Maybe she felt less of woman because of how you flaunted your money and this was her only way of giving back.
Are you sure she made the cookies, they could have been store bought.....ok, that was lame, I admit it.

And last but not least:


Nice/boring guys with money wooing women pretending that money and looks don't matter. Keep sex off the table? fine. I'll keep my wallet in my pocket.

I have 2 words for the above......GOOD GRIEF......



I think Mr. Esquire-Moneybags would be offended by being called nice and boring


Agreed.


.....If two people click and are interested in making things work, money is usually not a big issue.


Agreed! Bottom line, everyone will have varying views on this subject, it's not right or wrong, it's personal experience. I just find it amusing how embellished a personal experience can get. As I always say, personal experiences shape who we are. :)
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 55
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/27/2013 10:11:42 PM
The sick part about all this posturing and pretending you're gonna do this-and-this in the next relationship no matter what is a HUGE load of bunk. When you truly fall for someone, you're going to give of yourself 150% no matter what. That's just the way we're wired. The sad sacks in here that complain the most are usually the ones that are the first to collapse into that warm squishy world of twitterpated-dom with little regard for what has been previously declared, or without noticing signs of danger ahead.

Getting to know someone doesn't have to be a rickety death-defying roller-coaster ride of mood swings, but it's not going to be as flat as a bowling alley, either. Standing at the station refusing to even get on the ride until you know it's completely 'smooth' is futile. The roller coaster is NOT going to smooth itself out just for you - it is what it is - so are you going to get on, or not?
...................................................................

As far as the financial part of dating... Buying gifts for someone or paying for dates isn't always about bribing or buying love. The self-entitled egotistical morons in here who constantly whine about not getting their comeuppance need to lay off the Awesome Sauce a bit. You are an INTERNET STRANGER to 99% of the people in here, nothing more. Identifying motivations for financial involvement can be as simple as a gesture of goodwill. NOT spending time or money on someone because you think you 'deserve' better is every bit as corrupting an attitude as believing someone 'owes' you for services already rendered. Good grief, we've been taught since bible pre-school that generosity is it's own reward. How does that lesson get lost amongst the arm-crossing sourpusses in here? Stop bean-counting your emotional 'balance' and f'n enjoy life!
 BACHELOR02
Joined: 8/9/2009
Msg: 56
view profile
History
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/28/2013 9:06:02 AM
Thank You Cynthia & Harmony2 for Message #58. You have a wonderful way of taking things out of context and making a victim feel like a criminal ...kind of like how some people blame a woman who was raped because of the way she was dressed. You also managed to denigrate my profile and expose me for being nothing but a wealthy, womanizing, philander, who clearly uses his money and toys to attract material girls, who are only giving me what I asked for. You also failed to understand that in spite of my generosity over the years, I never asked any of the women I dated for anything which is a testament to the one person I dated, who had the least and gave the most, unconditionally.
 Princess12524
Joined: 12/23/2013
Msg: 57
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/28/2013 9:07:51 AM
IF a man meets a woman & he is into her, he is going to WANT TO BUY HER A CUP OF COFFEE & A HE11 OF A LOT MORE...

I wouldn't waste my time w/ an emotional miser, as well as a financial one.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 58
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/28/2013 9:57:27 AM
Bachelor2:

For you to claim yourself as a victim is ridiculous. Your rape analogy is deplorable. You have no one to thank but yourself when you portray yourself the way you do. You might be a very generous person but when it comes to women, clearly with the comments you have made portrays you to be exactly what you have perfectly stated, a wealthy, womanizing, philanderer who clearly uses his money and toys to attract material women. Why can't you see you brought this upon yourself? In my opinion, when it comes to you and women, YOU make it all about the money. At least own up to it. Good luck :)
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 59
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/28/2013 11:13:02 AM
" I would posit that as we age and have grown 'wiser', women are more apt to withhold sex and men money. "
Thank God I've made it to the stage where neither is true.
Communication is everything. Sorry for the cliche, but it's true.
If you are not getting what you want from your dating, don't blame the dates, blame yourself.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 60
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/28/2013 11:40:05 AM
Definitely you only have yourself to blame if you continually go out with the same type of person that you feel is not what you are looking for.

I don't get it really. Like I say on many other threads, I email a few times and talk a couple times before meeting. I always get a good "sense" what I am walking into if we both agree to meet. Sure, we don't know a lot but I guess I am good at getting a feel for the woman. And I don't meet lots of different women. My odds go down possibly but others who have met a lot more then I have and are on here, hows that "rate" going for ya? lol

Seriously, guys or women who go out with cheap dates, whether they earn 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 or 7 or 8 or 9 figures, maybe your "picker" is not really great and maybe talking a little more before meeting you can get some "hints". I know not all the time and I am not talking about emailing and phone talk for a couple weeks before meeting. I enjoy talking and "our" phone conversations are very long because they are interesting and we both talk. I know what I want and "naturally" is how I figure out what I want to do.

When posters talk about how women and men are like this and like that and not "giving also", step away from your "picker" and get a new one!!! Like GreenThumbz18 said, blame yourself. And when Driving and the other posters reply to some posts, they aren't attacking you, they see what you wrote and are replying in a non attacking way.
 CrispyNoodles
Joined: 8/31/2013
Msg: 61
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/28/2013 12:07:12 PM
How much someone makes is irrelevant to me. I really don't care, because I don't need him to pay my bills or buy me stuff.

My only criteria as it relates to the income of a potential mate is;

1. He is employed and his income can support himself and his dependants.
2. His way of making his income is not illegal.
3. I don't mind paying for myself, but when I tell him that I don't have the disposable money to take a spontaneous weekend trip to Greece, he needs to accept that. If he wants to go anyway, bon voyage. If he wants to go with me, he's either going to have to spot me, or wait until I have the money to do it.

As for dating, he pays sometimes, I pay sometimes, and neither one is based on income level. I've dated people who make more than me, and I've dated people who make less. I have no expectation for someone to pay for me, nor do I get insulted if he doesn't.
 BACHELOR02
Joined: 8/9/2009
Msg: 62
view profile
History
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/28/2013 3:26:18 PM
btw ms. harmony2, it was you who said:
"based on your profile info and photos, there is no doubt in my mind, you like flaunting your money."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When I met those gold diggers, I didn't even have a profile or a membership in an online dating service. Besides, there is nothing in my profile, or my photos to support your claim, unless you think guys like your father and I are all gigolos for being classic car enthusiasts. You seem to be a real good judge of character for someone with a failed marriage. I'll bet you're ex-husband is one happy camper these days!
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 63
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/28/2013 4:56:56 PM
Hey Bachelor02, you are right. I did miss something....based on your profile, photos AND your posts in this thread, there is no doubt in my mind, you like flaunting your money. It's a multitude of information that YOU have provided which led to my statement. Hey, if you got it and want to.... flaunt it....more power to you. But, don't continue to swallow the bitter pill for the poor choices you make in choosing women. I am sure there are decent women who would be lucky to be your partner. However, it is clear you take no responsibility in choosing these "gold diggers."
===
By the way, my father has been married over 30 years. However, if he was on dating site, he certainly would not need to talk about his accomplishments or show off his toys to entice a woman to contact him.
===
And you are right again, although my 19 year marriage failed, I still like to think I have good judge of character. The ex-husband is a good man and I'm sure he is happy right now. However, he was never much of a camper as he preferred hotels. You know what, I am going to go out on a limb to tell you that I think you are probably a good guy overall.........you just can't seem to accept any responsibility for choosing the wrong women. Simple.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 64
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/28/2013 5:17:16 PM

I'm not going to call you a liar, I'm going to tell you that it is YOUR fault this happened to you. Especially if it happened with more than one woman. Who picked them? Especially if it happened for more than one incident. They told you the restaurant AND hotel AND flowers AND gifts AND chocolate AND etc? That's a long string of incidents to get taken for.


I agree with this. If you act like a victim, you become one. If you use money to get to women, they will use you and then spit you out. So stop buying these women.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 65
view profile
History
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/28/2013 5:31:52 PM
Depends a lot at what stage one is at in life. My partner and are closer to 60 than 50. Neither of us has to work...each own nice houses, no debts, etc.
Anyways, more about few responsibilities, freedom to travel, etc.

If I was 20 years younger with children at home, a mortgage, etc. then income would definitely matter. I always thought it important to be financially independent by 50 and enjoy the last third of life. Work by choice and not necessity. I need a partner who is responsible and has his financial house in order.
 HonkyTonk_Woman
Joined: 9/16/2013
Msg: 66
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/28/2013 5:41:13 PM
Yes...well said "Outmind" and any others...If you find yourself with dates that continually don't pay and you keep dating them.....duh!!
I find it rather strange that the "men" that want to lead with their money...troll for the younger women and when/if they snag a gold digger.... then they complain...why??
Of course....with one particular gent on here(not mentioning names) and on this very subject....said he'd rather drive a new car than an old one....in explanation of why he dates young women....or wishes to.
I say...Oh well then.

I seldom worry about how much money my dates have or do I worry about what they drive...in fact, a few have tried to show off their cars to me. I know, it's impressive to some but that is so not me.....I still drive my first new '89 pick up truck...it runs....and on a date I always offer to pay my own way.
At my age I feel anyone with common sense...will be protecting ourselves financially....whether you're a man or women.
I like "CrispyNoodles"...3 rules...pretty much says it all for me.
 SngleNarlington
Joined: 6/8/2013
Msg: 67
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/28/2013 11:28:55 PM

You have a wonderful way of taking things out of context and making a victim feel like a criminal ...kind of like how some people blame a woman who was raped because of the way she was dressed. You also managed to denigrate my profile and expose me for being nothing but a wealthy, womanizing, philander, who clearly uses his money and toys to attract material girls, who are only giving me what I asked for


Your first picture is of you standing in front of a tennis court, looks like you’re on vacation but I could be wrong. 2nd picture you standing in front of a yacht, 3rd picture, you on vacation in Cancun, 4th picture you are standing in front of a corvette. I see a couple of toys and money for vacations!

Your “About Me” section of profile, you mention you are “well-traveled, financially secure and very proud of your accomplishments”. You are an “incurable romantic” who likes romantic dinners, candlelight, soft music, wine, lingerie, foreplay and a sexy woman.

You also insert a “Note: If you would like to meet me, please check your mail settings to make sure you don’t have an age restriction that would prevent me from contacting you”. You are 63 and your mail settings are set for 39-55. You mention to have a “recent photo when responding to my personal Ad. The more the better”.

No one has exposed you for being a wealthy, womanizing, philander who uses money and toys to attract material girls who are only giving you what you asked for. You make it absolutely clear in your profile, how can you possibly be exposed? I think your description was pretty accurate!
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 68
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/29/2013 5:28:59 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
What he said. And I will go farther and say that as a fellow Floridian I run into your ilk on a daily basis. You are spotted a mile away. The gentleman doth protest too much, methinks.
 BACHELOR02
Joined: 8/9/2009
Msg: 69
view profile
History
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/29/2013 10:44:52 AM
I'd just like to thank everyone for all the constructive comments I received about my profile and for showing me the error of my ways. I hope you like my new profile :-)
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 70
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/29/2013 10:50:39 AM
^^^Hahahahaha I must be a freakin mind reader. Read your post, looked at my cat and said 'wonder if he's going to spew or just be passive-aggressive?'
 FatBottomGirI
Joined: 6/28/2011
Msg: 71
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/29/2013 11:25:07 AM
I actually come from a humble background and my mother often worked 3 jobs to keep afloat. I did very well in school and then on to culinary school - and after years of grueling hours and work, I worked my way up to executive chef. I am by no means wealthy but I do well for myself and live comfortably.

All I ask of a man is he have ambition. I don't care about money it does not impress me but a man that passionately pursues his career (whatever it may be) and goals is a man I will respect and find irresistibly sexy.
 Princess12524
Joined: 12/23/2013
Msg: 72
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/29/2013 11:35:55 AM

but a man that passionately pursues his career (whatever it may be) and goals is a man I will respect and find irresistibly sexy.

imo, a man who pursues his passions will also be financially solvent. Nothing wrong w/ that. Why do some people look down on money? It's not filthy lucre! It cannot buy you love, but it can certainly afford many nice things.

Perhaps some sour grapes??? It is not neccessary, but I would enjoy being wined & dined in a fine restaurant if I LIKED THE MAN, & would feel fine accepting what ever he had to offer me IF I LIKED/LOVED him.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 73
view profile
History
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/29/2013 11:41:49 AM
My grandmother used to say 'people that make it a point to discuss class, usually do not have any'.

You don't have to be wealthy to be interesting or desirable.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 74
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/29/2013 11:53:24 AM

I'd just like to thank everyone for all the constructive comments I received about my profile and for showing me the error of my ways. I hope you like my new profile


Definite improvement, great job! However, I note the age specification is still 39-55. I wonder if 63 is your actual age??
With this new reinvention, income and dating expectations will not be an issue whatsoever. I think the gold diggers will steer clear now........? Good luck :)
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 75
Income Level and Dating Expectations
Posted: 12/29/2013 1:09:26 PM
For example, if a person has lot's of money, but will not spend even a little of it because [fill in the blank]

yah, I know this one. I make 6 figures but I had a coffee meet with an honest to goodness Microsoft billionaire (google returns about a million hits on his name so, yes, he was who he claimed to be). He didn't buy my coffee. I didn't push it and ask for a Danish. Must have been broke from all those other coffee meets where the woman demanded he pay.

I sure punished him though, I didn't laugh at his jokes.
-------------------------------------------------

But yet both parties could afford to buy their own coffee or buy for both parties but only he's being judged and called out for not paying.
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