Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 29
Meeting someone before xmas...Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

Posted by IAmTheWalrus85:
"I met a girl I really like a couple of weeks ago after spend a couple of weeks talking to on here first and since spent a fair but of time with."

OP, how much time have you spent with her?
This is essential information to those seeking to provide ideas.

A single steamy night as compared to a half-dozen four-hour dates means entirely different things.
To my mind, if she has seen you on six individual occasions, she is clearly interested.

Alternately, you can tell her the thought of Christmas gifts has been on your mind.
Maybe you can agree to simple "token" gifts for now, given the start of your dating so close to Christmas...
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 30
Meeting someone before xmas...
Posted: 12/22/2013 11:22:41 PM
I'm not sure there isn't a workplace in the world, where the arrival of flowers DOESN'T become the topic of conversation. When I was a mere lad of 18, I nearly got a date w/ a cougar who got flowers delivered to our common place of work, from another coworker and wasn't the least bit thrilled about suddenly being the topic of conversation (I knew this b/c she came and talked about how I seemed to be the type who could keep things on the down-lo. actually, she wasn't the first to say that).

as the others said, keep the gift personal. and if it were me, i'd keep the method of delivery personal as well. some people like the spotlight, others do not--if you don't know this woman that well, i'd say you haven't been dating long enough to know her yet.
 usmale6
Joined: 9/14/2013
Msg: 31
Meeting someone before xmas...
Posted: 12/25/2013 9:00:55 AM
Why should a man not buy gifts in the first two months? Do I have to spell it out for you?!

1) Buying gifts does not increase attraction. Plus, you want to make sure the woman likes you for you... not for your gifts. There are guys out there who give expensive gifts to women they just met or barely know in an attempt to buy her love. You can't buy love. Plus, there are high maintenance women and golddiggers out there. You want to weed them out.

2) It saves money. Part of dating smart is about efficiency and saving money.

And why has no one brought up the fact that she has not bought him a gift?! Ever think of that? I'll tell you what, if she gives him a gift, her can get her a gift.

No gifts before 2 months.... after that, when she is in love with you, then buy her the trips and jewelry, spare no expense - if you can't afford it, get a better job or start your own business... because she's your girlfriend at that point.
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 32
Meeting someone before xmas...
Posted: 12/25/2013 12:56:30 PM
I have never received flowers so if I did I would probably swoon.

I realize it is too late now but I think it is really pretty simple - if you feel compelled to give someone a gift - do it. I am the sort of person who will see a little something in a store and if it makes me think of someone I get it for them. I like random things like that. If it makes them smile it is worth it. I guess most people read a lot more into things. I guess I just think of things on a much simpler scale.
 Honeymist
Joined: 9/30/2013
Msg: 34
Meeting someone before xmas...
Posted: 12/26/2013 5:16:10 AM
If you know how she feels about you, then a gift of flowers sounds very romantic. if you aren't sure then maybe a small gift or Card is a better chioce, that way she won't feel rushed into anything. Let the lady decide when the relationship is to go farther or what type of relationship she wants. This shows respect for her.
 chill78
Joined: 10/13/2013
Msg: 35
Meeting someone before xmas...
Posted: 12/26/2013 5:42:34 AM
A simple and inexpensive gift such as $10-20 gift certificate or some candy would be okay.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 36
Good follow-up in Msg# 34
Posted: 12/26/2013 8:05:10 AM
^^^

IAmTheWalrus85, great to see your follow-up note with the good news in Msg# 34 above.
Good for you on this news and Happy New Year apparently arrived early. Bravo!
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 37
Good follow-up in Msg# 34
Posted: 12/26/2013 1:32:32 PM
Congratulations OP, LOL NOW you can get her some flowers, for no reason at all. Just because! Hand deliver them to her, and she will continue to be the girl of your dreams!
BTW, been dating a guy for close to 3 months. While shopping with him I found a DVD/CD, of my all time favorite musical group. He gave it to me for Christmas, cost less than 20 bucks. YAYYYY, I love it!
I can't speak for other women but the cost of a gift means nothing to me. (Unlike the opinion of someone above.) Not ALL women are gold diggers, expecting trips, expensive jewelry, etc, etc. Some of us appreciate the small unexpected gifts/pleasures in life.
 Princess12524
Joined: 12/23/2013
Msg: 38
Meeting someone before xmas...
Posted: 12/27/2013 3:15:16 AM

Not ALL women are gold diggers, expecting trips, expensive jewelry, etc, etc. Some of us appreciate the small unexpected gifts/pleasures in life.

I expect nothing but will accept anything from a man I love. Cost is not always a factor, but some pricier things are nice too, that does not make me a gold digger, being able to be gracious enough to accept something regardless of the cost. If a man I love has the income to be able to indulge me in something special, who am I to turn it down? And who is anyone else to JUDGE? It's not anyone's business...
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 39
Meeting someone before xmas...
Posted: 11/23/2014 4:37:09 AM
In this situation (I'm sure someone in here will encounter it)...
If a person feels so inclined, a card w/ a small token gift, a single flower or a small bouquet is thoughtful. From either gender! (a card w/ a couple of scratch off lottery tickets is fun too!)

In a new relationship, what you do at the beginning surely sets the tone, so I would be careful not to over-indulge or be dismissive, either scenario could be potentially damaging.

Generally, I think this is not a good time of year to start a new relationship, but that's just me.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 40
Meeting someone before xmas...
Posted: 11/23/2014 7:08:19 AM
Yes, this isn't a good time of year to start a new relationship. People could play it safe and not look for anyone until February 15. However, the odds of a relationship forming seem low enough for me to continue trying to meet someone during the "hell-idays".

For the last three winters I was dating early in the year, and she was the one who faded away shortly before Valentine's Day. I remember in January 2012 on the morning of the NFL conference championships, she was rude and difficult and said she'd be busy for the next week (she's Jewish so Xmas hadn't been an issue), and didn't hear from her for over a year, and then she was married. This January the girl I met after Xmas cancelled a planned third date and said she would be out of town to visit her parents; never heard from her again. The year in between, the girl who had first contacted me at the end of December and seemed to want a relationship fell apart and said "friends for now" which means "you'll never hear from me again". A year ago had a first date the weekend after Thanksgiving and didn't see her again.

Worrying about what to do for Xmas, VD, birthday, etc, is paying a dividend before it's due.
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 41
Meeting someone before xmas...
Posted: 11/23/2014 7:22:02 AM
Yes, this isn't a good time of year to start a new relationship. People could play it safe and not look for anyone until February 15. However, the odds of a relationship forming seem low enough for me to continue trying to meet someone during the "hell-idays".

For the last three winters I was dating early in the year, and she was the one who faded away shortly before Valentine's Day. I remember in January 2012 on the morning of the NFL conference championships, she was rude and difficult and said she'd be busy for the next week (she's Jewish so Xmas hadn't been an issue), and didn't hear from her for over a year, and then she was married. This January the girl I met after Xmas cancelled a planned third date and said she would be out of town to visit her parents; never heard from her again. The year in between, the girl who had first contacted me at the end of December and seemed to want a relationship fell apart and said "friends for now" which means "you'll never hear from me again". A year ago had a first date the weekend after Thanksgiving and didn't see her again.

Worrying about what to do for Xmas, VD, birthday, etc, is paying a dividend before it's due.


I once read a very funny book written by a woman who also wrote for Sex & The City. (The Between Boyfriends Book: A Collection of Cautiously Hopeful Essays by Cindy Chupack) She had a theory about "Halloweenies" (a now killed off thread) where she theorized that there was so much emotional angst & financial drama attached to the Pre-Holiday & Holiday season...she said it began after Halloween & ended after Valentines Day, hence the term Halloweenie- the person would flake on Halloween!

When my friends & I looked back at all of our dating experiences online, we saw there was a definite seasonal pattern, so I felt that if not coupled from an online site by Halloween, best to take a break until Feb 15th!

The Corollary was if you met a person IRL during Halloweenie Season & they wanted to date, it went extremely well.

I am sure SOMEONE has done a sociological study on online dating & the seasons, Holidays, etc.

I've also read that some women dump a guy right after Xmas if they feel his gift was insulting (I'm not talking about people who just met) & then there is a glut of men looking for a New Years Eve date. Also men who have been dating & dump the chick b4 Xmas (so as to not have to get them a gift) Some conveniently contact those women afterwards to try to get their foot back in the door. I'm sure some women have engaged in the same behavior.

vvvvvv
"Holidays

There are several important events that girls really want a guy around for. Christmas Eve and Day, New Year's Eve and Day, Valentine's Day, Thanksgiving Day, birthdays, etc. If you've been with a booty call for a while when one of these is comes up, then dump her.

You'll save yourself the money that would have been spent buying her a present, and there's a lot of lonely chicks out there who want to be with somebody--anybody. Women want to feel feel validated on the holidays, so they go out on a hunt to find the sucker to buy her presents. Your appeal will be much higher as a man during these times. Sticking around with a girl during these times plants long-term thoughts in her head. You don't want that for a booty call. "

men like him ruin it for the nice guys!

 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 42
view profile
History
Meeting someone before xmas...
Posted: 11/23/2014 7:22:40 AM
Leykis 101 advises guys to fade out before Thanksgiving and reappear February 15.

Plenty of low hanging fruit to be picked between Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 43
view profile
History
Meeting someone before xmas...
Posted: 11/23/2014 8:16:00 AM
After reading your post I agree, it's too soon for a Christmas gift, but as you've been spending time with her and want to give her something, what would work for me is if you pay attention to what SHE likes...and give her something that SHE would want....

I used to eat a LOT of Greek salads with black olives and one of the BEST gifts a guy gave me was HUGE jar of black olives from a friend of his' restaurant....lol

Just do what feels right and flowers are never a bad idea, but send them to her home as others have suggested....
 slowitalldown
Joined: 1/25/2013
Msg: 44
Meeting someone before xmas...
Posted: 11/23/2014 8:18:30 AM

Message: Leykis 101 advises guys to fade out before Thanksgiving and reappear February 15.

Plenty of low hanging fruit to be picked between Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day.


Really too bad that forum posts don't link to people's profiles any more.
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 45
Meeting someone before xmas...
Posted: 11/23/2014 8:54:23 AM
You theists are funny. Advising people not to start a relationship near one of your religious observations because you might be inclined to buy someone you like a gift.
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 46
Meeting someone before xmas...
Posted: 11/23/2014 9:03:24 AM
- You can try to start a relationship around the holidays, but it can be tough... many are busy visiting family and out of town... that can make it hard to plan a date sometimes, so realize that your dating life will probably slow down. Other than that, the holidays are no problem... in fact, it's a very romantic time of year... at least for those with low baggage and good attitudes.

- Wait until you have dated 60 days to give gifts, regardless of holidays. But mirror them... if they give you a gift, you can give one in return.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 47
view profile
History
Meeting someone before xmas...
Posted: 11/23/2014 9:41:30 AM
Leykis 101 advises guys to fade out before Thanksgiving and reappear February 15. 

Plenty of low hanging fruit to be picked between Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day.





Really too bad that forum posts don't link to people's profiles any more.



I already tell people to check out the real me in the forums. It's in my profile. Nothing to hide.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 48
Meeting someone before xmas...
Posted: 11/23/2014 10:45:06 AM
in fact, it's a very romantic time of year... at least for those with low baggage and good attitudes.


That's what I tell myself every time I take myself out on a date during the holidays.

"Another piece of pumpkin pie?"
"Why, thank you, I'd love one."


But mirror them... if they give you a gift, you can give one in return.


And how does it get decided who goes first, to get mirrored?

"You get me a gift first."
"No, YOU get ME a gift first."

All of this gets made way too complicated.
Whatever you do, just be sincere. Or it's a waste.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 49
Meeting someone before xmas...
Posted: 11/23/2014 12:06:56 PM
Realizing that this topic started last year and that half the posters are no longer PoF members
I would think that something like a small stuffed animal, a plant( a Christmas cactus, for example), a joke-y gift( like a motion-activated singing xmas tree or Santa)
Or buy something for Toys for Tots-give her a card stating that you did that in her honor.
Just some thoughts for people that I am sure find themselves in this position.
And yes, ladies, some of these things would apply just as easily to giving that new guy a small gift.
Cindy O
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 5/3/2014
Msg: 50
Meeting someone before xmas...
Posted: 11/23/2014 2:29:28 PM
if you are talking about a $100 orchid bouquet sent via a florist, yeah probably too much for this early on.

But dang, if you are going to BE at her house and want her to know you appreciate the time you have been spending and know she happens to LIKE flowers a lot?

Don't nix or not nix based on what someone else considers cool.

Give her an amaryllis bulb kit; it's something that is new and starts to grow; it's inexpensive so there is no "bar" to settle; and it will grow and bloom when January hits; so it comes into its own after all the Christmas stuff is done. If you want to do an actual nicer vase to "step it up" you can, but if you want to just give her the box and a hug and a kiss to thank her for sharing the season with you, it's nice, simple, inexpensive and expressive. Not over the top, not cloying and not cliche.

If you are keeping a "bar" and ahve to up yourself? Ditch giving anything altogether; because the second you start to quantify stuff for some nebulous list? You will not be giving spontaneously to show value; you will be buying for some kind of mental checklist. That is not what giving is. If I see a bottle of wine I know someone really likes, I'll give it and not worry about how they take it. i'm just trying to be nice.

Why shouldn't you feel free to do the same. If a guy I was getting to know did that for me? I'd appreciate it a lot; not look at him as some kind of psycho stalker.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 51
Meeting someone before xmas...
Posted: 11/23/2014 2:51:59 PM
If you are still in touch in four weeks then a card and maybe a small box of handmade chocolates perhaps. If you send flowers to her work don't make it for Christmas, just send them for no reason.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 52
Meeting someone before xmas...
Posted: 11/23/2014 6:00:12 PM
I was once given a jar of home made jam he bought from a market.
You know the ones with the gingham hat.
The man was not flush with money, completely broke in fact.
I appreciated the thought.

A gift need not cost a lot.

I once received from a man for Valentines Day a massive bunch of long stemmed red roses.
Must have cost him hundreds of dollars.

I appreciated the jar of jam more than the roses.

I like the idea of a Christmas ornament.
There are some lovely keepsake ones.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 53
Meeting someone before xmas...
Posted: 11/23/2014 7:04:30 PM
I'm with Cynthia on this one.

This isn't about buying someone's affection and there's nothing wrong with being nice and generous.

Just keep your expectations...to a minimum:)

Whatever happened to being nice for the sake of being nice?

This doesn't have to be about incentives or rewards.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 54
Meeting someone before xmas...
Posted: 11/24/2014 6:23:43 AM
A simple inexpensive gift would be fine.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >