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 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 88
If you could ask your Ex one Question...Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
*sigh*

WIP, if you wanna play "I didn't say what I very clearly was implying, but spoke with enough plausible deniability because I like to play clueless!", then knock yourself out.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 89
If you could ask your Ex one Question...
Posted: 1/5/2014 6:39:44 PM

2. Continuation of my earlier point is: are you saying people are incapable of logic and the ability to change their mindset? So, if I think you're a horrible person are you saying you will then just believe that going forward because I said so? I'm assuming - no.

This should have been marked "3."

*sigh*

WIP, if you wanna play "I didn't say what I very clearly was implying, but spoke with enough plausible deniability because I like to play clueless!", then knock yourself out.

You tend to infer things that I don't mean in these threads - to some degree I expect that in forums I post in so I will then further clarify. If at that point you refuse to believe what I'm explaining to be what I meant I can't do much more than sigh myself. You responded to something I said, which was inevitably engaging me in conversation. Ignore my posts if you don't want to answer subsequent questions - and if you don't want what you're posting challenged, just tell us that and save us the time.

Once again, have a great 2014. Thanks!
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 90
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History
If you could ask your Ex one Question...
Posted: 1/5/2014 7:27:46 PM

People that still retain a memory of someone will ALWAYS have lingering questions or feelings about them. ALWAYS. It doesn't go away. No matter how much booze people consume or how many things they've done to distance their new lives from the old, the memories STILL remain.


OP: This actually brings up a very different side of the same subject. Yes, you are quite correct, that painful experiences remain with us for a very long time. However, in my case at least, the person that I have remaining questions for, has never been my ex's.

The questions I still need to answer, are all addressed to myself. I have no desire whatsoever to ask them of my ex's, because they couldn't answer them, and they already answered any questions I might have had for them, by leaving, by doing whatever they did that caused me the pain that etched them into my mind.

My remaining questions for myself, include such gems as, why did I believe for as long as I did, that staying to be slashed and attacked and derided and made to look foolish was logical? Whose fault is it, that I allowed myself to be so mistreated? And did I actually accomplish anything that I can respect myself for, because I went through what I did?

That sort of thing.

But for the ex's themselves...nada.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 91
If you could ask your Ex one Question...
Posted: 1/6/2014 7:36:54 AM
(WIP) Ignore my posts if you don't want to answer subsequent questions...


Would that it were so simple, Luv, but you're just so Gosh-Darn infuriating!


... and if you don't want what you're posting challenged, just tell us that and save us the time.


I don't mind my posts being challenged; in fact, I welcome intellectual give-and-take. What bothers me is your incessant, "Anyone who shows emotions, ever, under any circumstances, is a big Double-Plus Whussy!" What are you, Spock?


Once again, have a great 2014. Thanks!


And, you too!
 Justmytypewriter
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 92
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History
If you could ask your Ex one Question...
Posted: 1/6/2014 11:42:42 AM
If I had a question for an ex, I'd just go ahead and ask them. I'm on good terms (and in 3 cases actually really good friends) with all the guys I have ever been in a relationship with. It always strikes me as odd to stop all communication just because you're no longer sharing a bed. Just because you've broken up doesn't usually turn the formerly beloved person into a horrible person. They are still the same person, so why not be friendly - or at least civil?

So my question to the OP would be: Unless the ex is dead or has successfully filed a restraining order against you, why don't you just ask? Especially since her post-divorce actions clearly influence/d your current life?
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 93
If you could ask your Ex one Question...
Posted: 1/6/2014 3:23:43 PM
OP, like a previous poster stated, none of us have to or should have to ask an ex a question. All questions and answers are by each one of us. That is where it starts and that is where it ends, that is where all the information lives. And the answer is confirming the ex as having the issues that could not be resolved during the relationship or it is the other way around.

Either way it starts and stops there. Think about it.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 94
If you could ask your Ex one Question...
Posted: 1/6/2014 6:43:22 PM

I don't mind my posts being challenged; in fact, I welcome intellectual give-and-take. What bothers me is your incessant, "Anyone who shows emotions, ever, under any circumstances, is a big Double-Plus Whussy!" What are you, Spock?

In no way am I joking when I say - I would love to know where you get this impression. What exactly did I say - or is it that I tend to be less emotionally charged when posting? I really honestly don't remember actually saying anything like that, but I will review my contributions to the thread.

I don't think it's wise to make major life decisions based on a lot of emotion - but I don't have anything against people having them. As humans, it's not like we have much of a choice.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 95
If you could ask your Ex one Question...
Posted: 1/7/2014 9:38:32 AM

(WIP) In no way am I joking when I say - I would love to know where you get this impression.


It's not as if this thread is the only one you've ever posted in. If posts, and the interpretation of your hidden intent thereof, were slips, I could say, "Your slip is showing, Luv!"


What exactly did I say - or is it that I tend to be less emotionally charged when posting?


I admire that (the emotions-in-check thing). You *DO* tend to come across as condescending when weighing in on someone else's emotionally-led decision making, though. You're pretty smart, WIP, so I cannot conceive that you are unaware that *HOW* you say/write something is at least as important as *WHAT* you say/write. So, I'm left wondering why you come across the way you do. You either don't *KNOW* how you come across (as I said, highly unlikely), or you don't *CARE* how you come across...


I don't think it's wise to make major life decisions based on a lot of emotion ...


Nor do I. However, fact remains, people often *DO* make decisions, major life and otherwise, based on a lot of emotion; and, human beings being what they are, they aren't going to change that anytime soon. Certainly not based on chastising they receive on PoF.

You can acknowledge that most people's default is, "It's easier to ask forgiveness, than it is to ask permission!", and respond accordingly; or, spend time and effort railing against something that, oh only 99.99% of humans do...


... but I don't have anything against people having them (ie, emotions). As humans, it's not like we have much of a choice.


You make it sound like having emotions is some sort of regrettable circumstance, and you advocate corrective surgery as soon as convenient...
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 96
If you could ask your Ex one Question...
Posted: 1/7/2014 10:43:48 AM

It's not as if this thread is the only one you've ever posted in. If posts, and the interpretation of your hidden intent thereof, were slips, I could say, "Your slip is showing, Luv!"

I've been posting in threads for close to 10 years - I'm totally aware of this. My post stands. I wasn't joking, but thanks for throwing one back, BTW.

I admire that (the emotions-in-check thing). You *DO* tend to come across as condescending when weighing in on someone else's emotionally-led decision making, though. You're pretty smart, WIP, so I cannot conceive that you are unaware that *HOW* you say/write something is at least as important as *WHAT* you say/write. So, I'm left wondering why you come across the way you do. You either don't *KNOW* how you come across (as I said, highly unlikely), or you don't *CARE* how you come across...

I can be bluntly honest, I don't sugar coat. I take the information and apply my take and experience to it. One can be emotional and yet make a clear choice. I don't mean to come across as trying to force anyone to do anything as their lives are theirs. I have no dog in the fight. It simply is a weigh in on my part - it's just bottom line information that someone can then take or leave. We are a room full of strangers to the person asking - so I am sure people don't lose a lot of sleep over what responses they get to their question.

Nor do I. However, fact remains, people often *DO* make decisions, major life and otherwise, based on a lot of emotion; and, human beings being what they are, they aren't going to change that anytime soon. Certainly not based on chastising they receive on PoF.

Nor do they have to. The only person that has to do that is me as I am only in charge of my life. Again, I am weighing in for the most part...I don't see it as chastising. I'll review my dialogue going forward to try not to put it that way.

You can acknowledge that most people's default is, "It's easier to ask forgiveness, than it is to ask permission!", and respond accordingly; or, spend time and effort railing against something that, oh only 99.99% of humans do...

I don't mean to do more than add to the discussion. I'm not spending time and effort railing or anything else. Apologies if it seems that way.

You make it sound like having emotions is some sort of regrettable circumstance, and you advocate corrective surgery as soon as convenient...

Only as it applies to me is it regrettable. I would totally have that surgery if it were available and my health care covered it. However for me expressing them or letting them get the best of me is the real problem - I'm not comfortable with it or happy about it. Nevertheless I don't mean to fault others for it. I see it as A+B likely equals AB based on what others have done and/or our own experience - how we feel about it isn't really going to change the choice we make or that outcome from happening.

Example: Let's say I fear getting hurt if I date. What can I do?
1. Get over my fear. 2. Stop dating. 3. Date in a way that I avoid hurt.
That's it for my choices. How I feel about it won't change those options. There is a risk of hurt if I date if it's in fact something that I take that seriously. Now if I decide to date and I get hurt - that's on me, not the person who I dated - I allowed it. While they may have even set out to hurt me - at the end of the day I put my self in a place where it was able to happen. I knew it was part of the process. *shrug*
 sassyscorpiochick
Joined: 9/29/2010
Msg: 97
If you could ask your Ex one Question...
Posted: 1/17/2014 4:31:03 PM
I said in my ask a guy thread that I was not friends with any of my exes. But that's not true. I am very good friends with my first husband.

I would ask an ex if his mother died because in 3 years, it doesn't look like the car has moved. I told his ex wife she would get her back child support when she died. The State would take it out of her estate.

I broke up with him when he quit his job because he was tired of paying child support.
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