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Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 31
Please help....I am so worried!Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Posted by LiterateHiker:
"OP, I believe the guy from Ghana is manipulating you to gain British citizenship.
I suspect the same with your former Pakistani boyfriend. Please get counseling."

This encapsulates everything from both threads and the true situation at hand.
Work hard so this scenario does not repeat itself again. Good luck with your journey.
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 32
Please help....I am so worried!
Posted: 12/29/2013 3:59:33 PM
Sounds like you don't have much to worry about. You can tell him the truth or not. If you can't afford to support him so that he can gain entry, the whole marriage thing doesn't matter. I really like the suggestion that someone gave about telling him that you want to live in Ghana with him. That would give you an answer very quickly about how much he wants you versus a visa.

The truth is, and you know it deep inside, that he doesn't care for you as much as you think you care about him. And he is also a controlling jerk - as evidenced by forcing a marriage date on you. Have you done any research into what males from Ghana are like? He might already have a wife or two there that he hasn't mentioned - you know, because you obviously have a great relationship based on mutual truth and trust.........
Joined: 10/9/2013
Msg: 33
Please help....I am so worried!
Posted: 12/29/2013 4:35:46 PM

Tell him to stay in Africa, we don't need anymore deadbeat immigrants in the US.
She's not in the US.

OP, I agree with the others that he's using you. If his brother is leaving in April, why is that your responsibility? After a year and a half in Ghana, I hope he has found a way to earn a living and takes the time to find a place before his brother leaves. He flat out lied about his citizenship status. He was always asking for money. I don't see why you want him back in the first place.
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 34
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Please help....I am so worried!
Posted: 12/29/2013 4:44:53 PM
You are not going to be able to buy yourself a man unless you get a job and save every penny for many years, so best to stay living with your mom and look for that high-paying job. Goodness knows that he isn't going to get a job and support you, this new strange guy, anymore than the other strange guy from before. Lying to men seems to be the least of your problems. Lying to us isn't your biggest problem. Lying to yourself is the problem.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 37
Please help....I am so worried!
Posted: 12/29/2013 6:28:43 PM

He said his brother who he is staying with is moving to the USA in April and he has to decide whether to go or not.

So now he has the opportunity to live in the U.S.? Did he apply and get a visa to temporarily live in the U.S. when he went back to Ghana? If you hesitate on the the marriage proposal, maybe he'll get better luck finding an American woman who would be willing to marry him while he's there in order to get a green card before his visitor's visa expires.
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 38
Please help....I am so worried!
Posted: 12/29/2013 6:49:10 PM
He can't possibly be coming to the US legally if he is poor. You have to show that you are LOADED to come to the US from Africa or south America. Or maybe he is loaded, which I doubt.
Joined: 11/8/2013
Msg: 39
Please help....I am so worried!
Posted: 12/29/2013 7:45:17 PM
I'm curious, did you even read the craziness your posting? I'm thinking:

I did find out he lied about various things though, and even used a false name when he was working over here, something I only found out quite by chance when I rang his workplace after he went missing. He said he pretended to be his brother in the UK because he couldn't afford a renewal visa.

What else did he lie about? Was anything he said true?

Plus he thinks I am richer than I am because when he was living over here and I was working I did help him buy food and the like.

Are you sure he loves you and not just using you?

Last but not least. Your unemployed, have a lot of debt, and living with your mom; before you worry about someone else's life, you might consider fixing yours.
Joined: 8/31/2013
Msg: 40
Please help....I am so worried!
Posted: 12/29/2013 8:34:46 PM
Here are the things that I got from your posts.

1. You dated a man who was in your country on a temporary visa.
2. He lied to you about his identity.
3. He assumed someone else's identity for the purposes of defrauding. (A criminal offence)
4. He was working in a country while he was only visiting. If it was a visitor's visa, he was not allowed to be working (another criminal offence).
5. He has no viable source of income in his home country and lives with his brother, who presumably supports him.
6. The above was used as an excuse to not contact you.
7. His brother is now moving to the US, and he needs to find another place to live.
8. He has stated he has no intention of finding employment in his home country.
9. Now, with this deadline, he has a new found enthusiasm for pursuing a relationship with you.
10. He has even given you a date, so that there is no overlap of someone supporting him.
11. You have a significant amount of debt, and cannot afford to sustain yourself without help from family.
12. If you marry him, you will now also have to incur legal expenses, etc, to get him to the UK
13. You are not currently employed and you indicate that it is difficult to find employment due to recession.
14. You are pondering going to another country, without knowing a soul except him, who you have realistically only known for the period of 5 months.
15. Once you marry him, you will also have to support him as well. See #11.

Now, if you were reading these about someone else, what advice would you be giving them?
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 42
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Please help....I am so worried!
Posted: 12/30/2013 3:20:46 AM
Most countries will require you legally obligate yourself to support him x amount of years.

A friend brought over a man from a Scandinavian country to marry and it was a nightmare of legalities/paper work.
Most countries will require him to be
a highly-qualified worker.
A researcher, student, trainee, school pupil or voluntary worker.
Whos paying for that? You will, be since he has no moolah.
They won't let you because you can't prove you can support him.

This friends situation worked out, but he was in love with her and had a degree in engineering so was employed rather quickly.
You can't take care of yourself from your OP.

Your fear of telling him the truth shows you know what he will do.( not think)
He will look for another sucker.

Again,get into counseling and get a reputable Dr.
Joined: 10/18/2013
Msg: 44
Please help....I am so worried!
Posted: 12/30/2013 9:42:27 AM
Perhaps I should change my profile to say I'm from Ghana, apparently it makes some women more naive. 0__O
Joined: 8/5/2013
Msg: 45
Please help....I am so worried!
Posted: 12/30/2013 1:07:14 PM
Seriously ??? I have NEVER had a man ask ANYTHING about my bank account. Certainly not to show a bank statement.
This is so obviously a scam artist trying to take advantage of a lonely naive woman.

He has been saying if he was to come over I would have to provide proof via a bank statement I am in credit, which obviously I can't anyway.
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 46
Please help....I am so worried!
Posted: 12/30/2013 5:09:06 PM
When you are applying for a visa you have to show bank statement. In the US, in order to marry someone from abroad you have to show that you would be able to support them financially.
Joined: 6/8/2013
Msg: 47
Please help....I am so worried!
Posted: 12/30/2013 7:26:59 PM
Add me to the list of people who are looking at you like you’re CrAzY! Everyone always thinks their situation is different but most likely not. You don’t have money but what you do possess his his ticket to the UK. I don’t want to sound harsh or offend but for the love of god hurry and tell your mother so she can smack you upside the head and say “what the hell you thinking”.
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 48
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Please help....I am so worried!
Posted: 12/30/2013 8:28:25 PM
tell him to come to the US
and when he can support you then you will join him
Joined: 6/7/2013
Msg: 49
Please help....I am so worried!
Posted: 12/30/2013 8:35:51 PM

I really need some advice.

Get up and find a job.
You must think and follow what your mind tells you,(never fails)...Tough decisions we all have to do at certain stages of our life.
Good luck!!
Joined: 3/8/2013
Msg: 50
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Please help....I am so worried!
Posted: 1/1/2014 6:34:30 AM
Marrying him won't solve your problems as your combined financial situations/lack of jobs etc mean that he won't meet the financial requirements to be granted indefinite leave to remain as a Spouse. His solicitor in Ghana should already have told him this....but is probably only interested in his money.
Joined: 9/4/2012
Msg: 51
Please help....I am so worried!
Posted: 1/2/2014 6:54:22 AM
He wants to marry you to secure his legal status in the UK so tell him about the debt and see what happens. My opinion is that this guy does not love you and is using your relationship to further his goals.
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 52
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Please help....I am so worried!
Posted: 1/2/2014 12:29:38 PM
Seriously this sounds like a classic scam.
This is either a smart man playing dumb to decieve you or a dumb you really want either of those in your life?

Tell him your saddled with debt.
I bet he goes away REALLY fast.

If you DO decide to continue with this, he is "suddenly" going to come up with mysterious legal fees and such that will require your to pay multiple portions of money...oddly enough they will have to be in bank or cashiers checks or maybe money orders.

You are being scammed.
Walk away while you can.
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 53
Please help....I am so worried!
Posted: 1/2/2014 12:39:22 PM
1) something people don't realize about debt--there's always room for more, esp. when you marry another person and invite them into your finances. I knew a fellow back at university with $100,000 in student loans, no bachelors, and still getting loans--likley b/c it was backed up in case of default. I've known businessmen who got loans while they were sliding towards Chapter 11, from institutions hoping to eventually get a return.

in other words, claiming debt to someone in it, may not always scare them off, but make them feel very comfortable.

2)you commit the lie of omission, fearing you'll lose him. people here are afraid he's lying to you, out of fear of losing you. birds of a feather flock together.

act honestly. it drives the dishonest away.
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 55
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Please help....I am so worried!
Posted: 1/8/2014 9:50:18 PM
People don't come here specifically to put others down, they come here to give honest opinions and not to egg on someone who is harming them self or letting others harm them. When someone is suffering and asking for help, the last thing they need is someone lying to them and telling them everything is okay. The reason one looks at a poster's history is to get a better idea of what is really going on.
Joined: 10/29/2012
Msg: 56
Please help....I am so worried!
Posted: 1/8/2014 10:09:29 PM
Genuinely sorry for you Mystique.\
live with mother, find a nice settled simple uncomplicated local boy, a guy who has a job, and is going to work every day, - a guy who worships you'' and doesnt cause you a day's stress.
Sound boreing well its not, and a few years down the road ,you will be pleased you did.
Joined: 10/29/2012
Msg: 58
Please help....I am so worried!
Posted: 1/9/2014 1:35:17 PM
rescuing a man is an admirable thing, but you must throw yourself a life line first.

Everyone is someones son and daughter, he is safe in his own country, if he gets to the stage where he is able to truely assist you, I would be carefully ensuring that he is legitt, your life would be better used being happy rather than sad and anxious, and distraught is not good for your health.

No one can live like that 4 very long.

Someone close to your village wrote to you, and offered you a coffee date, please look at him amd contact him, distractions in the mean time, its better foe you to be with someone local and sweet - even if you cant be with the one you like a lot - love grows, and co dependancy can be misread for a need to be loved @ all cost to your sanity, well it isnt worth that much - value yourself , offer yourself a peaceful relaxed lover, who will become all you need.
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 59
Please help....I am so worried!
Posted: 1/9/2014 2:13:48 PM
I'm sorry you're going through all this (minus the love interest), it really is a bummer to have such sequence of unfortunate events unfold like that. You're priority should be yourself, getting yourself together, recuperating some of that you've lost with losing your job and now living with your mom. It must be depressing to carry such debts.

As for the guy in Ghana, sorry, but f*ck him! he didn't do what he needed to do to stay in the U.K. (more like he couldn't make you fall head over heels in less time, to marry him while in the U.K.) and secure his immigration status. Don't fall for sad stories of undying love and all that crap, he is probably screwing someone or has a family over there already. I know you've heard it before but here it goes once again, he is only looking to marry you so he can get his immigration status stabilized and then his economic situation stabilized and then leave you for who he really wants to be (that's not naive enough to fall in love in a couple of months and marry a f*cking foreign stranger). My uncle and my grand-uncle both did that dumb sh*t and guess what? as soon their counterparts landed in this country, they learned the ways of American women and all the support there is in the U.S. and dropped them like it's not after they were granted citizenship.

Yeah, they will take care of all expenses, because the reward is way more valuable than that (they can now begin to request their family members one by one and start resolving their financial situation as well). Do you have any idea how many times I've been proposed to marry someone for thousands of dollars? A little fling of my mine in my teens tried to woo me to them ask me to marry his brother so his brother can come to this country....I was turning 18 in about 2 months, I said "f*ck no, the only place I'm going to travel to, is college, goodbye mother f*cker".

My mother was with a foreigner for a couple years, lived with him and everything. She wouldn't marry him (even though she loved him), because it just wouldn't favor her financially. She left him precisely because his immigration status prevented him from getting a job worthwhile and all he was concerned about was sending money to his family in his native country. He was never about her (financially), so there was really very little incentive for her to marry him and fix his status so he could get a better job.
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 60
Please help....I am so worried!
Posted: 1/9/2014 5:42:34 PM

but there are times when no consideration has been made for the mental state or vulnerability of people asking for help.

Hard for some to believe but, I do agree with this. The "tough" part sometimes is trying to figure out, if some of these OP's are "on the edge" or just phucking us around, or just simply not very bright. The OP here, does have a history and doesn't seem to accept any advice, cynical or not.

One of the major problems of entering a public forum. Especially for people that are truly "fragile", and have very little experience with social interaction, problem solving, and comprehension. Some will see "anger", "judging" and being "picked on" no matter how it's being said.
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 61
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Please help....I am so worried!
Posted: 1/9/2014 10:20:41 PM
I was speaking in general terms, that nobody here is specifically putting down others, as in people in this thread, our normal regulars, some of whom give honest opinions even if don't sugar coat things for those who think they should get special treatment. As in don't feed the trolls, don't feed the pity party either. You do no one any good by pandering to them, but there are those who think that's what being nice means. The old cliche of if you don't have anything nice to say, keep your mouth shut, yeah, that's lying by omission. If you don't want to answer a post, don't, but if you read and feel you have an opinion you want to give and the OP doesn't like your truth, that's life. Do I know every one's mental state, of course not, but it is pretty easy to pick out trolls or those who get attention from whining and get all pissy when someone doesn't give them that oh-poor-you attention. There are some people that I have spoken to more softly, if you will, because I see them as really lost and not knowing why, but when they keep posting the same whine and do not even consider the solid advice they've been given, no, I will not feed them. It's cruel to be 'kind' to someone who needs a wake up call, not a head patting. There are numerous sites that pander, these forums were set up to seek truth, not blog, not whine, not get fed for bad behavior. As for those who just show up to troll, as in the bashing of OPs, they don't last very long.
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