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 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 34
Was I in the wrong? Asked a guy I dates who happens to be a coworker to leave me alone.Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
so, he didn't want you and was distant, but now he can't have you, he wants you?

SOMETIMES, the way to get rid of a chaser is to not be hard to get, and they get bored and go away again. but this requires you to be good at reading people. barring all that, tho, the general advice i'd give is...play things the way you have been. be professional. if he blows it out of proportion, and it hits HR, then at least you're in the clear b/c you've been calm cool and collected this whole entire time.

while i'm not big on the blame game, fact is...the others are correct in pointing out its CYA time. don't threaten him with taking it to HR, just point out its over, its done, keep acting professional and let him be the one who makes a scene--which hopefully it won't go that far.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 36
Was I in the wrong? Asked a guy I dates who happens to be a coworker to leave me alone.
Posted: 1/5/2014 8:13:02 PM
well, at the end of most relationships, each partner has to do what's right for them w/out hurting the other...and conversation is all about the clarity...so, yes, you did what's right.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 37
Was I in the wrong? Asked a guy I dates who happens to be a coworker to leave me alone.
Posted: 1/6/2014 10:01:15 AM
the fact the pilot (or whatever type of colleague he was) had to shoot himself in the head, upon her doorstep...tells me what his intention behind the joke was. he was always trying to get her attention. at least he didn't take his issue out on the airline.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 38
Was I in the wrong? Asked a guy I dates who happens to be a coworker to leave me alone.
Posted: 1/6/2014 1:20:32 PM
Op, if you need the space from him, then telling him was the right thing to do.

Try not to make anyone else in the office feel uncomfortable being in the middle of you and him though. I have been in that position a few times at work, and I hate it. I come to work to pay my bills, not to be made to feel uncomfortable because two coworkers played hide the sausage and then broke up. I dont want to be made to feel like Im picking sides when discussing my work with either party and I dont want to hear about couples love life at work. Good, bad or otherwise. Please remember you have an accountability to everyone you work with, to be pleasant and civil on the job to everyone-including him.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 39
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Was I in the wrong? Asked a guy I dates who happens to be a coworker to leave me alone.
Posted: 1/6/2014 3:18:27 PM

Being professional means being civil. If you are overtly cold, obviously rude or whatever, it will bring a personal vibe into the workplace that could burn you, even though you are trying to keep your distance.


I agree, but only to a point. As a man, I speak to women in the office, ONLY when spoken to, and I only reply when it involves the business at hand. Otherwise, I have nothing to say. I find it to be the best course of action. I have an attitude that involves neither rudeness nor politeness, just stoic professionalism.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 40
Was I in the wrong? Asked a guy I dates who happens to be a coworker to leave me alone.
Posted: 1/6/2014 3:53:04 PM

As a man, I speak to women in the office, ONLY when spoken to, and I only reply when it involves the business at hand. Otherwise, I have nothing to say. I find it to be the best course of action. I have an attitude that involves neither rudeness nor politeness, just stoic professionalism.


sigungq (see message 54) - Amen to that.

It doesn't matter who I am dealing with in my office....and believe me we have some very interesting people there.....one who is a total gossip who gets into everyone's business....and one who is sick every 10 minutes. etc. etc........I only speak with them when it applies to the business at hand....I try to be competent, knowledgeable, and the utmost of professional. It's the only way to go.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 41
Was I in the wrong? Asked a guy I dates who happens to be a coworker to leave me alone.
Posted: 1/6/2014 4:15:23 PM
3ffer......"He wasn't in a position of authority over me, nor, I over him.
(kind of important for a harassment case)"

That is not true at all.

Aside from the above, the point myself and others is you have to be careful in the workplace. Doesn't guarantee that someone is going to do a 360 and sue or cry harassment. I think what most people are saying is that when you develop a relationship with a co worker, you have to think ahead as far as the pros and cons. We all do that when looking on these dating sites as far as trying to figure out if this person or that person is who we may get involved with and this co worker example is just one more huge thing to consider.
 aminimalist
Joined: 1/3/2014
Msg: 42
Was I in the wrong? Asked a guy I dates who happens to be a coworker to leave me alone.
Posted: 1/6/2014 6:17:05 PM
I don't think you were out of line here and it sounds like you made your intentions perfectly clear, and that he cannot take a hint. You sound like you are trying to be a mature and reasonable adult about this whole thing.

It is also situations like this are the reason that I don't date people I work with, "Don't dip your pen in the company ink." Unless of course I am about to quit a job and I won't be working at said place very much longer anyway.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 43
Was I in the wrong? Asked a guy I dates who happens to be a coworker to leave me alone.
Posted: 1/11/2014 7:00:28 AM
Here's a trick to use when you don't want to talk to someone: "I don't want to talk to you."

"Have a nice life" says NOTHING about what you actually want. Sometimes you have to actually say what you're thinking. When he asked if you could still be friends, you should have said no. Problem solved.

Can you really blame him for trying to talk to you when you weren't exactly specific about anything?
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