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 AUTHOR
 FatBottomGirI
Joined: 6/28/2011
Msg: 76
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating Page 4 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
Guys that message me for sex (one even asked if I would do his friend to). There is absolutely nothing in my profile that would invite such a message. My only guess is they assumed fat woman = desperate. Uhhh.. No.

Men that lie about their looks/age. If my big ass can put updated photos up then so can you. Not even sure what these people think is going to happen once we meet and it's discovered you misrepresented yourself.
 Moominpappa
Joined: 10/17/2013
Msg: 77
view profile
History
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating
Posted: 1/9/2014 8:42:24 PM
The following bugs me:
1. When I take rejections too personally.
2. Rules that prohibit shirtless photo - why is it such a big deal? Isn't it better to quickly filter on people who does have them on their profile, rather than waste your time messaging them?

I guess that's it.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 78
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating
Posted: 1/9/2014 9:53:49 PM
GJBrown,

Please tell me which interests are thuggish/gangster-like, so I can go ahead and remove them from my profile. And no, they wouldn't know what to do with me because the places I go to require tailored clothes (the opposite of baggy, low, barely on your heard, etc). I would be embarrassed to walk down the street with one dressed like that.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 79
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating
Posted: 1/9/2014 10:02:32 PM

Bitter and resentful is what nice guys morph into over time.


Huh. I wonder why that could possibly be.
 tremtgolden456
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 80
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating
Posted: 1/10/2014 8:04:13 AM

Newsflash- GENUINELY "nice" or "good" or whatever guys aren't wasting their time and their breath trying to tear down other guys. That just comes over as bitter and resentful.



Hypocritical for a woman to say something like this, is this not the type of man that pretty much ALL the women here(and in life) want, and shout from rooftops that they demand? So, if that's indeed the case(and we all know it is), then why keep asking for that type of man, if you DON'T want that type of man? Or, if they have your mindset towards those types of men? No reason for any man to be "bitter" or "angrry" or anything. I'm not a "nice guy", that gets you nowhere, so why would I want to do it when I get nothing out of it?

Furthermore, what do YOU define as a "nice guy"?


I've known good-looking guys that were d-bags and ugly guys who were d-bags as well.


This describes the anti "nice guy" does it not? Yes. AGAIN, with this in mind, why would any guy want to be a "nice guy", since it gets him absolutely nowhere, and nothing but ridicule?
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 81
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating
Posted: 1/10/2014 1:18:33 PM
OK-the actual topic was "online dating" pet peeves...not forum pet peeves. But guess what? I have heard the same whine from guys sometimes IRL. Granted, most of my RL social circle is people both married and single who are content with their lives. That's why I come to the forums, because I have few opportunities to discuss dating&relationships IRL, not with people of my own demographic,anyway.
As for tremtgolden, I'm not able to discern quite what it is you are trying to say...are you claiming that ALL women want the goodlooking d-bag guy?
I got news for you-not "all" women want any such thing. Most of us would be or have been JUST FINE with an average looking guy who wa a good man, Yes, there are some dysfunctional people of both genders who do seem to be drawn to the ultra-attractive trainwreck kind of person. But it certainly isn't ALL women.


why would any guy want to be a "nice guy", since it gets him absolutely nowhere, and nothing but ridicule?

NO, genuinely nice guys/good guys are NOT ridiculed. It's the dysfunctional males trying to appear to be "nice guys"
(until they don't get their way about something or don't get the woman they THINK they are entitled to!)
Genuine nice/good guys don't whine about all women only wanting good-looking d-bags. But the key word here is GENUINE.
Cindy O
 Iteration77
Joined: 8/22/2013
Msg: 82
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating
Posted: 1/10/2014 1:32:02 PM

AGAIN, with this in mind, why would any guy want to be a "nice guy", since it gets him absolutely nowhere, and nothing but ridicule?


UGH - why? why? why? Why is this a constant chorus on these forums? Stop it, stop it, stop it!!!

Not every nice guy gets nowhere. I can see why it's EASY to believe this but d*mnit it is not true! (gah!!!)

I'm currently seeing (gasp!!) A NICE GUY. It's his #1 quality, honestly. He's considerate and communicative. He does not put me down. He's reliable. He's not just nice with me, but also with other people we encounter.

I don't take advantage of him, I don't expect him to pay for everything, I don't think he's a sucker or weak. Neither of us is playing games with the other as far as I can see - we are honest and respectful with each other. I don't know if it will be a long term gig because we are very different people, in different circumstances and may want a different time table in a relationship, but ... I'm giving it a real chance because ... drumroll ..... he's NICE.

I met him HERE (on PoF). I wrote to him first because sometimes I do that. I'm currently only seeing him and I don't think he sees me as a 'compromise'.
 HonkyTonk_Woman
Joined: 9/16/2013
Msg: 83
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating
Posted: 1/10/2014 1:47:00 PM
But the key word here is GENUINE.

True...Genuine nice guys don't morph into these "bitterbros"...we repeatedly see on here.
Think about it....If you are a genuinely nice person and respect others and treat them with truth and honesty......Your true character doesn't change because some shallow woman doesn't want you or you're divorced...unless you seriously, are not the "nice" guy you claim to be....imo.

I dislike any whiners...men or women.......You are the one that made your choices.....If you have made a wrong one....choosing a partner or whatever..OWN IT and move on.
Do better next time.....quit blaming everything and everyone else in life because of your own choices.....sitting..stewing...venting...blaming...bashing.....isn't gonna change your choice or theirs....
SMH.....
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 84
view profile
History
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating
Posted: 1/10/2014 1:55:25 PM

Iteration77 wrote:

I'm currently seeing (gasp!!) A NICE GUY. It's his #1 quality, honestly. He's considerate and communicative. He does not put me down. He's reliable. He's not just nice with me, but also with other people we encounter.

I don't take advantage of him, I don't expect him to pay for everything, I don't think he's a sucker or weak. Neither of us is playing games with the other as far as I can see - we are honest and respectful with each other. I don't know if it will be a long term gig because we are very different people, in different circumstances and may want a different time table in a relationship, but ... I'm giving it a real chance because ... drumroll ..... he's NICE.

I met him HERE (on PoF). I wrote to him first because sometimes I do that. I'm currently only seeing him and I don't think he sees me as a 'compromise'.


So is this why you are on here currently "Looking for a relationship"?
 Iteration77
Joined: 8/22/2013
Msg: 85
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating
Posted: 1/10/2014 2:11:20 PM
^^ Ah, I'm not looking on HERE looking for a relationship right now. When I joined that was my intention and my profile still mostly reflects what it said then I suppose.

I tried to do the whole 'hidden profile' thing to just read forums (because I find them ... entertaining/interesting?) but now it costs $$, so gah on that.

I changed the text of my profile before the holidays which indicates that I am seeing someone, giving one person a chance. I suppose I didn't 'scrub' my profile and honestly anyone that contacts me now says something like:

"I notice you are seeing someone, good luck with that"

so............ I figured people were getting the message? I don't think I'm breaking anyone's heart with my lack of availability, lol. The # of messages I've received since I changed that wording has dropped off considerably, as I expected it would.

FWIW, I'm not currently meeting anyone else or messaging anyone else. Haven't since before Thanksgiving. The man I'm seeing knows I read the forums (I'm in IT, I sit in front of a screen, I NEED a diversion at times - again he's a NICE guy, he doesn't have a problem with me goofing around on the forums, why would he, he's the one I spend my free time with IRL) Before the holidays I even put up a few pictures with captions that were sort of private jokes for him, but now I just email him pics directly when I'm so inclined. Grantedwe are sort of figuring out if we are a good fit for that. WE spend a fair amount of time together, but neither of us is in a big hurry to define it.


BUT -- good gracious - is it SO threatening that an average/normal woman (which is all I am) would simply want to say 'hey, there are some of us out there that like a nice guy -- I'm dating him now'.

Shouldn't that give someone HOPE vs me being somehow suspect. eek!
 that_ol_lady
Joined: 4/19/2013
Msg: 86
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating
Posted: 1/10/2014 4:17:16 PM

BelleTresor




6. People who want to sample just because you are of a particular race or ethnicity they have never been with, AND they let you know that's why they are messaging you, lmao

7. People who have never met you but want a FWB or FB, like how the hell am I supposed to agree to that prior to having even gone on a date with you?


these 2 definitely I can agree with an vouch for ...

sure we all know an idea of who an what we want but I can not an will not sign up to be with somebody in such a personal way whom I have never meet in person let alone there is no promise that we or I will even be attracted its a set up for failure..

an yes the ones who have never ever in their life time ever dated or been with somebody of a different race suddenly popping up wanting to try you out like a social experiment because this is 1 of their many things to do on their bucket list.. nope that's bull s hit..it gets worse if their much older late 50's 60 an 70 yrs old now wanting to try something out sorry you should have thought about that 20 or 30 years back if you was so interested in being with somebody out side your race...
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 87
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating
Posted: 1/10/2014 4:37:19 PM
1. Pics with tongues sticking out (are you 5?) and the fake mustaches (especially if it's drawn on the finger held up to the nose....it just looks like you're sniffing your finger).
2. People who don't post pics as a way to see if others are shallow. All the while there probably perusing all of the profiles with pics to see who they find attractive like it's the Sky Mall catalog.
3. People who feel the need to announce their taking their profile down or their done with online dating. Just take your profile down and call it a day already.
3a. The people who feel the need to announce that their giving it a second or third try.
 forumfella
Joined: 10/18/2013
Msg: 88
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating
Posted: 1/10/2014 4:47:39 PM
LoL, or the ones who claim " I'm just new at this and not sure what to expect" meanwhile their pictures are so old they still have the POF logo on the bottom of it! And what year was that, 2007??. :/
 that_ol_lady
Joined: 4/19/2013
Msg: 89
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating
Posted: 1/10/2014 6:22:18 PM
^^^^ that I have seen too just looking to try this out or new here in town..but they have been living in town for over 5years an have been on an off the site for the same amount of time...

oh an the ones who answer every question with I don't know,,well hell what do you know then??
 tremtgolden456
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 90
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating
Posted: 1/10/2014 8:38:15 PM
OK-the actual topic was "online dating" pet peeves...not forum pet peeves.


Right, but then YOU chimed in with your little nugget of misinformation, and then now(when called on it) to no one's surprise, you deflect it off yourself, and then try to put it on someone else, nice tactic.


But guess what? I have heard the same whine from guys sometimes IRL.


And guess what to YOU? We men have heard the same whining from women about how they want certain types of men, and then dump all over them when they get what they claim they wanted, so what's your point exactly, do you even have one?


Granted, most of my RL social circle is people both married and single who are content with their lives. That's why I come to the forums, because I have few opportunities to discuss dating&relationships IRL, not with people of my own demographic,anyway.


May I ask what in the bloody blue heck this has to do with what you said about women and nice/good guys? It has NOTHING to do with it, so why even bring it up?


As for tremtgolden, I'm not able to discern quite what it is you are trying to say...are you claiming that ALL women want the goodlooking d-bag guy?


I can't help it if you can't understand why i quoted what you claimed, and then when you get called out on it, you try to deflect it off yourself, and onto someone else. I'm not trying to say anything, I'm simply laughing out loud, and chortling at the "women are looking for nice/solid/good men" nonsense they keep yammering on about wanting here, and then do the exact opposite. Probably a good idea for you to ask those women why they do it?



I got news for you-not "all" women want any such thing.


I got news for YOU, I don't care really, nor did i say "all women", I said "pretty much all women" do this, as "pretty much all of them DO". I'm just sick of hearing/seeing/reading about it in nearly every womans profile here, when in reality, they do not want that stuff. Can you understand that or do I need to speak slower?


Most of us would be or have been JUST FINE with an average looking guy who wa a good man,


No, "most" claim they would be, but usually aren't are they? no. Read other womens profiles, it's slathered all over many many many of them.


Yes, there are some dysfunctional people of both genders who do seem to be drawn to the ultra-attractive trainwreck kind of person. But it certainly isn't ALL women.


Obviously, not "all women", but a very good number of them are right? of course, so what i said does make sense. MANY are "drawn to" the douchebags, but keep denying it to everyone within an earshot of them, yet that's all they seem to hookup with. So stop saying it, and just stick with the A$$hole men, so many of you women crave.


NO, genuinely nice guys/good guys are NOT ridiculed.


Oh but they ARE, and often times here, by the very same species who claimed earlier, or had it slathered all over their profiles(and talked about here ad nauseum), that they're looking for these types of men. They are ridiculed though aren't they, often being called "too nice" or "pussies" because they allow themselves to be walked on by women. Please tell me you're not the only person here who's never read women saying these things about men?


It's the dysfunctional males trying to appear to be "nice guys"


And you know this how? Every single "nice guy" is supposedly this way? please post your factual evidence to back this up



(until they don't get their way about something or don't get the woman they THINK they are entitled to!)



Interesting, as this describes many many many of the "entitled princesses" here, and many things women do on a daily basis to many men.


Genuine nice/good guys don't whine about all women only wanting good-looking d-bags. But the key word here is GENUINE.



Genuine nice women, don't whine about wanting such a man, then doing the exact opposite of that, The key word being "GENUINE". Most women who have this mindset aren't "genuine" at all.


By the way, You still haven't defined your definition of what a "nice guy" is? Do you not know, or do you choose not to respond, which is it?
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 91
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating
Posted: 1/10/2014 8:45:50 PM

All it takes is finding the balls to own yourself and your shit so you can make both better.


Aanarchist: I found your statement quite profound! and seriously, I think you are onto something. I like it! :)


I say this with the utmost compassion, its never too late to grow stronger and become a real man


Absolutely!! ^^^^


I smell the subtle depression of a life gone unfulfilled


In my opinion, it appears many people (men/women) are just unhappy with their lives in general, and possibly hoping, being in a relationship, dating, etc....will change things. Nope, here comes a cliché, happiness is an inside job. It's just easier blaming it on the opposing gender.....rather than possibly changing the way you think or approach things, such as online dating.
 tremtgolden456
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 92
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating
Posted: 1/10/2014 8:50:04 PM

I dislike any whiners...men or women.......You are the one that made your choices.....If you have made a wrong one....choosing a partner or whatever..OWN IT and move on.


EXACTLY what I(and many many many men here) have said. Yet sadly, many many many women DON'T take any sort of responsibility for they poor choices in men they've made continually. But, hey, when called on it, they love to deflect it on others and call them "bitter/whiners/women haters/etc". Yet, seem to conveniently "forget" their involvement with these winners they've chosen. Preach on, but I doubt many will suddenly realize what you're talking about.


Do better next time.....quit blaming everything and everyone else in life because of your own choices.....sitting..stewing...venting...blaming...bashing.....isn't gonna change your choice or theirs....
SMH.....


Holy Blue Heck, a woman actually said this!!! Spot on!!! Please STOP writing "so and so is a douchebag/deadbeat dad/etc/etc", if YOU chose to get with that person. YOU should then take responsibility for these men you've decided to pro-create with. You're just as much to blame for the situation as those same "douchebags/deadbeat dads" many of you women keep yammering on about here. Time to look in the mirror at yourselves ladies.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 93
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating
Posted: 1/10/2014 9:07:06 PM

many many many women DON'T take any sort of responsibility for they poor choices in men they've made continually.


I will agree with you if these many many many women you speak of continually make these poor choices and never change.....shame on them! I would hope these many many many women you speak of would learn from their mistakes and change their way of thinking. This way, the many many many women you speak of will be back on track in making positive choices in finding a partner. You must come across many many many women......and possibly many many many men.....?
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 94
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating
Posted: 1/10/2014 10:08:03 PM

By the way, You still haven't defined your definition of what a "nice guy" is? Do you not know, or do you choose not to respond, which is it?

I absolutely do know, but I see no point in responding because you don't want information, you want an outlet to spew more of your bitterness.
Anything I say you will just argue with. I realize that you may be trying to develop an azzhole persona because you THINK that's the way to get with women.
Try being YOURSELF.
Obviously there may be areas where you can improve, but being a fake nice guy OR a fake bad-azz isn't a valid way to get a solid relationship.
Cindy O
 tremtgolden456
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 95
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating
Posted: 1/10/2014 11:08:22 PM
I absolutely do know


LOL, you absolutely DO NOT know.



but I see no point in responding because you don't want information, you want an outlet to spew more of your bitterness.

LOL, I'm "bitter" because I quoted YOUR post about YOU being bitter? Explain? What on earth would I have to be "bitter" about?


Anything I say you will just argue with


I've tried asking questions, but you for some reason, refuse to answer them. Not surprising though.


I realize that you may be trying to develop an azzhole persona because you THINK that's the way to get with women.


Wait, first you claim I'm a "bitter nice guy", now you're claiming I'm supposedly an "a$$hole", which one am I and can you honestly answer the questions put forth to you w/o deflecting them?



Try being YOURSELF.


Heed your own advice maybe? I am myself, are you?


Obviously there may be areas where you can improve, but being a fake nice guy OR a fake bad-azz isn't a valid way to get a solid relationship.



There you go again, you just do not know what exactly you're saying do you? You're just making stuff up now.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 96
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating
Posted: 1/11/2014 12:00:43 AM
Aanarchist: Now, you know I am fond of you, but, the above statement is a bit much. I only say this because it's hard for YOU, at 22, to come to a conclusion, that women who have made poor choices and never change, "get theirs once their health starts to go and they have nothing to show for their youth other than a list of dumb mistakes." Sorry, this makes no sense.


what do I know I'm just a young'un


^^^^Agreed albeit I think you know and understand a lot at your young ripe age of 22, I just don't think you can possibly ascertain that women "get theirs once their health starts to go....." Think about it, men/women make poor choices all the time, not just about potential partners, but in many aspects of their lives.
 SngleNarlington
Joined: 6/8/2013
Msg: 97
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating
Posted: 1/11/2014 1:12:00 AM
Pet Peeve: When I see a photo of a woman I find attractive and then view the profile. There are 3 short sentences and the longest one reads “Please note that I require our first two dates to take place during the afternoon hours”. First I don’t do lunch for a first date and for the love of god, I just looked at this woman’s profile and there is already a “requirement”……the search continues!


I think some women truly want a nice guy but there are quite a few that don’t. They say they want a nice guy but nice guys tend to be a little boring. A bad boy is more exciting! This is basic stuff!

Whenever my sister has a new boyfriend I can spend 10 minutes with the guy and know if it’s going to work out or not. If he is a nice guy, can hold down a job, treats her with respect, the guy will get hurt because she needs that excitement and the nice guy cant give her want she needs. He doesn't know it at the time but he is getting the boot. I hope one day she proves me wrong!

If I know a woman has been in a couple abusive relationships I usually won’t date her because I can’t provide what she needs. Some break the cycle but I’ve seen so many woman go back to that abusive guy again and again.
 tremtgolden456
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 98
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating
Posted: 1/11/2014 2:18:55 AM
I think some women truly want a nice guy but there are quite a few that don’t. They say they want a nice guy but nice guys tend to be a little boring. A bad boy is more exciting! This is basic stuff!


Exactly what I was referring to. Are there women out there who truly do want a "nice guy"? of course, but there are more IMO, who want the bad boy type you're talking about.


If I know a woman has been in a couple abusive relationships I usually won’t date her because I can’t provide what she needs. Some break the cycle but I’ve seen so many woman go back to that abusive guy again and again



What I was talking about as well, that seemed to go over some folks heads.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 99
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating
Posted: 1/11/2014 7:11:45 AM

I think some women truly want a nice guy but there are quite a few that don’t. They say they want a nice guy but nice guys tend to be a little boring. A bad boy is more exciting!


Do you mean to tell me guys don't want "nice" girls with a little "wild" side in the bedroom? Nice guys don't have to be boring and most aren't. Maybe, men/women should let their hair down from time to time, so to speak? ;)
 Dobermonster
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 100
Biggest Pet Peeves for online dating
Posted: 1/11/2014 8:12:46 AM

Do you mean to tell me guys don't want "nice" girls with a little "wild" side in the bedroom? Nice guys don't have to be boring and most aren't. Maybe, men/women should let their hair down from time to time, so to speak? ;)


Quite. I think most men and women want the same thing in their partner: someone who is pleasant and presents well in public, but is a demon in the sack. 'Nice' boys and 'nice' girls are often hesitant, passive, and sometimes shy in an effort to be 'nice', and this often translates to their sexual style. Who wants that? Of course 'bad' guys and gals are going to get the attention - there may be no guarantee you'll get a solid relationship from anyone, but you might have a hell of shag.

Balance. It's not that hard to be both gentlemanly *and* a sexual being. It's just that most people think they have to choose one or the other.
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