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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Taking a 3 month break      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 17
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Taking a 3 month breakPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Oh brother, I should have read the OPs posting history.
 SngleNarlington
Joined: 6/8/2013
Msg: 18
Taking a 3 month break
Posted: 1/7/2014 9:54:26 AM
Thanks Eric I missed the OP's other thread!

OP, I think its pretty obvious this man is not for you.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 19
Taking a 3 month break
Posted: 1/7/2014 9:58:30 AM
The reason he's waffling about not making a complete break is that he wants to keep you around as Plan B. His insurance plan, if you will.

He wants to take a few months away from you to date others and find his bigger, better deal. You'd be naive to think he's taking 3 months of "solitary" time to think about you and the relationship. Hell, he probably had his online dating profile up and running by the time he pulled out of your driveway after telling you he wants a 3 month break.

LOL..what a douche canoe, giving you "permission" to date. How magnanimous of him.

If Mr. Charming should fail in his mission of finding that bigger, better deal, don't be suprised if he comes sniffing back around a few months from now. If you're smart, you'll ignore his sorry ass when he does.

Seriously - you need to respect yourself more and cut this guy off at the knees. He's a complete troglodyte whose clearly treating you as an undesireable last option if all else fails. Be still my beating heart.

And for the love of ALL that's holy, don't embarrass yourself and contact this jack-hole trying to spend time with him on his birthday. Anyone who tells you he wants a "3 month break or a forever break - it doesn't matter to me," is not someone in which you should invest one second of your precious time.
 that_ol_lady
Joined: 4/19/2013
Msg: 20
Taking a 3 month break
Posted: 1/7/2014 10:27:43 AM

JerseyGirl2008

The reason he's waffling about not making a complete break is that he wants to keep you around as Plan B. His insurance plan, if you will.

He wants to take a few months away from you to date others and find his bigger, better deal. You'd be naive to think he's taking 3 months of "solitary" time to think about you and the relationship. Hell, he probably had his online dating profile up and running by the time he pulled out of your driveway after telling you he wants a 3 month break.

LOL..what a douche canoe, giving you "permission" to date. How magnanimous of him.

If Mr. Charming should fail in his mission of finding that bigger, better deal, don't be suprised if he comes sniffing back around a few months from now. If you're smart, you'll ignore his sorry ass when he does.


WHAT SHE SAID ^^^^

ive been through this same load of bull myself an trust me once a guy comes making a speech like that he has already made up his mind alongggg time ago an is already moving on or has moved on to somebody else you just happen to be the last person to know about it..

dudes like this always come crawling back after their master plan of trying to find the bigger an better deal never works out or the new girl dumps them..

i read a quote that I found to be true
an it said "if an ex text or calls to tell you that they miss you its because the person they tried to replace you with did not workout"..
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 21
Taking a 3 month break
Posted: 1/7/2014 10:34:39 AM
A 3 month break??? Seriously????

If this had been me......I wouldn't even consider it. Once you walk out the door and say you are finished then you are. For if you take someone back, the other party will think you always will. And this type of bullsh*t can lead to the on/off again crap that can last for years on end....not to mention it is unhealthy, unstable, and has LOADS of drama.

OP......cut your losses....set up a time and exchange your personal items and after that....do NOT contact him. Block the texts, emails and any other correspondence. Trust me....in the long run......you will be soooo much better off.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 22
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Taking a 3 month break
Posted: 1/7/2014 10:35:09 AM
It's been a while since I've had to invoke Yoda on the forums.

Date. Or Date not. There is no "break".
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 23
Taking a 3 month break
Posted: 1/7/2014 10:46:23 AM
Unfortunately, the other thread that has been referenced here seems to have gotten nuked.
Not that it really matters,anyway.
"Taking a break" can be a valid strategy to assess and repair a relationship, but it should be a fairly mutual agreement, not an edict from one party handed down to the other.

Just by the snippets posted here regarding the other thread, this sounds like one weird-ass "relationship".
Leave this dork to his porn and Rosey.
Cindy O
 aquila75
Joined: 11/8/2013
Msg: 24
Taking a 3 month break
Posted: 1/7/2014 8:34:39 PM

a three month break sounds like he's using you for a safety net... just in case he can't find anything better


^^^^enough said.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 25
Taking a 3 month break
Posted: 1/8/2014 9:28:34 AM
Op, it is over.

Keep your head high, walk away and never look back.

Do not make any big-deal about arrangments to swap stuff...just tell him when you will be leaving his stuff outside for him to pick up and ask him to do same. No contact outside of that.

This man is deeply confused and troubled...and if you had been happlily dating for years when this came up, Id say stick it out and see what happens. But based on the fact it has only been 6 months, and he wants a 3 month break? And he is struggling with his sexuality? He needs to continue his journey alone until he knows himself (that is all of our jobs, to know ourselves)...and you need to start on a new path alone. It sucks when you think someone is special and worth some effort, but he has shown you where he is in life and it is not in a place where a stable loving relationship will blossom.

I seriously hope that you take some time for yourself and do some soul searching of your own.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 26
Taking a 3 month break
Posted: 1/8/2014 9:35:18 AM
Some people are incapable of making decisions...and are worse when
trying to act on them.

He wants to break up with you, but he wants you to think it's your
decision. He's keeping the door open in case he changes his mind, he
can always say...it wasn't me that broke us up..I just asked for a break!

I've sometimes needed a night to myself...maybe a day, possibly a week,
but I've never needed a 3 month break from someone I liked. Three months
is 90 days. A lot can happen in 90 days.

I'd not contact him at all...I would just figure it was over.
If he did contact me after 90 days, I might have a hard time remembering
who he was.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 27
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History
Taking a 3 month break
Posted: 1/8/2014 10:35:12 AM
Maybe he is planning on a three menth break to investigate his transgender fascination..perhaps even get with one before he commits either way?

Either way...he is off your radar.
Let him go.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 28
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Taking a 3 month break
Posted: 1/8/2014 11:05:47 AM
It's important to read messages 12 & 19, since OP has had her other post on this guy removed.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 29
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History
Taking a 3 month break
Posted: 1/8/2014 12:37:40 PM
Break means break up.


being controlling about when "he" makes a decision that it's over or not.


Sigh. I really do get tired of men always being accused of being controlling. Is he putting a gun to your head? No Can you make a decision for yourself? Yes. You're not being controlled.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 30
Taking a 3 month break
Posted: 1/8/2014 12:41:39 PM
Absolutely he isn't controlling her at all. She is the only one who is allowed to give someone else that power.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 31
Taking a 3 month break
Posted: 1/8/2014 12:52:44 PM
Just to be clear. OP explained elsewhere on POF Forums that the man remains a virgin at 49 y.o.
They have obviously NOT slept together, as she also mentioned. He is disgusted by even the notion of kissing her.

The man has discovered that he is only turned-on by transgender pornography performed by men in the role of women.
He is unsure of his sexuality. This is why the OP is facing a difficult and complex dating situation. Hope that helps provide clarity.
 Archiver
Joined: 3/10/2013
Msg: 32
Taking a 3 month break
Posted: 1/8/2014 1:15:37 PM

They are NOT sleeping together. He is 49 y.o. and finds that he is only turned-on by transgender pornography.
The man is disgusted by the notion of kissing...so he likely isn't cheating on her.
It sounds like the OP is facing a remarkably difficult and very complex dating situation.


OP, it's hopeless. You are not sexually compatible. What a dreary future if you decide to keep seeing him. This is a no-brainer: DTMFA.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 33
Taking a 3 month break
Posted: 1/8/2014 2:17:25 PM
message #37
OMG.
meaning absolutely no disrespect to those of alternate or eclectic gender identities, but why in the world would the OP( who I presume is pretty much your average heterosexual woman looking for a meaningful relationship) even be bothered by this guy "breaking up" with her?
What's to break up?
Yes, I am well aware that it is not unknown or uncommon for platonic friends, regardless of gender, to modify or terminate friendships. But they usually express it in some OTHER way than "breaking up" or "taking a break"

OP, the guy may be edifying in many ways, but to really pair-bond one needs to have some sexual activity or at least physical expressions of affection-anyway that's what I've always experienced and observed.
Cindy O
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 34
Taking a 3 month break
Posted: 1/8/2014 11:54:03 PM
He told me I could date if I wanted to, but that he thought it was unlikely he would.

So your feelings won't be hurt, to make it super comfortable for you, and to ease the transition without worries causing drama. It's actually somewhat of a classic move by him.

He also told me that we can either take a break or totally cut clean from each other, it didn't matter to him.

Because he wants Out. But he's a decent person and knows he's the guy who lost interest & you're the girl who still has some. We feel guilty when we're in that position. He's basically catering to you and wanting it to unfold within Your Comfort Zone, since he feels bad about it.

He told me that he didn't think we were right for each other. So if that is the case, why even bother with a "break"? WTF?

Technically, to sort things out. It isn't necessarily BS to take a break. But put other things in perspective. He's also doesn't care if it's broken up right away. Okay, then it's BS. You can still think you both aren't right for each other, but NOT want to breakup as your feelings are still too intense anyway, but due to the frustration, want a "break" to be able to re-group.

Usually "breaks" are that you can explore other options and not hook up with others, but start experiencing the rebound phase a bit while also putting things in perspective about your relationship (which you'd do anyway if it was a clean breakup). And then re-group and go over everything.

They don't last 3 months though -- and that's even more ridiculous for a 6 month relationship lol -- it's not a "break" but a Break Up. Usually it's a virtual role-playing knowing a breakup could very well be around the corner, but to see/feel what it's like to be broken up. In your case? It's a real breakup -- not an experimental "break".

In your case, he wants Out. He's not into you anymore. He knows your feelings are still there, so he's trying to be nice. In the next 3 months, if he hasn't already, he will be bending over another girl and having his way with her. Do you Really think he wouldn't? It sucks, but your best "bet", in either direction is to let him know how much you felt about him, he lost his chance and you're not 'just saying that', and tell him to fvck off. :)
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 35
Taking a 3 month break
Posted: 1/9/2014 12:06:31 AM
Posted by Confident-Realist:
"In the next 3 months, if he hasn't already, he will be bending over another girl and having his way with her. "

That is definitely not the way he rolls. Read the rest of the thread for the actual situation at hand.
The rest of the observations and suggestions still make complete sense, though.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 36
Taking a 3 month break
Posted: 1/11/2014 3:07:59 PM
Hey there... sorry to hear this.

Yeah... I agree with pretty much everyone.

Get his stuff together, ask him when eh wants it, have him ready for the exchange, then move on.

He sounds like he has a lot of introspection to do; and some soul searching. And maybe some closet searching if he's truly honest.

Time for you to do some of your own.

Best of luck to you OP
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