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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships. [CLOSED]<      Home login  
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 TOaks91360
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 42
I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Committed sex with a best friend sounds like fun:)
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 43
I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/10/2014 8:47:35 PM
people seek relationships because they were brainwashed by Disney Movies!
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 44
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I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/10/2014 8:52:35 PM

Relationships as they exist as a majority ARE pretty much a dumb societal concept that gradually evolved over time due to survival of the species. Similarly, much of what people actually "get" from relationships emotionally comes from society breeding them to be that way from such a young age that they don't even remember and just think "that's the way it is."


That one made me laugh, and it's nothing more than arguing what came first, the chicken or the egg. The fact is, it all goes together and while some people are on the fringes, it's part of human reproduction to look for someone, fall for someone, and live with them in some form of commitment to raise children together. While male stereotypes try to act as though only women want relationships and men only want sex, that's so often shown to be silly by all the men who want a relationship, who are brokenhearted over the loss of one or not finding one....in other words, the majority of people do want to be with someone and often do find someone to be with. Luckily most of us aren't forced to do this, since there are those who want no part of it, but let's not pretend that society forced people into relationships, human nature is what has driven that need, as I said, it's all part of the function of human reproduction. One doesn't have to produce children, but the need to be with others, that's just as hormonally driven as the need for most to want sex. The fact there are those who don't fit this need does not negate that most do.

Just as in other life forms where the male & female couple up and raise the young together, so we are part of that sort of set up, I don't think these animals who also pair up have been forced to do so by any society or cultural groups, no animal religious set up, no parents shaking their fingers, it's just the way our bodies & minds work. Since our bodies & minds do work this way, people have set things up, corrupted normal behavior, stamped things with their own prejudices, both good & bad, and made up gods to enforce it all. The fact remains, for the majority of humans, it's just a natural function of their life.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 45
I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/10/2014 9:15:32 PM
OP,

first off, you do sound like someone who has been deeply disappointed and very probably hurt. Maybe you felt controlled as a kid and unloved as an adult? I don't know what your history is,

but I do know that, in spite of the myers briggs thinking quadrant, many people experience people and relationships around them through the mind's filter of empathy. There are a lot of people who interface with the world through "feeling".

and even with those who are intellectual "thinkers"? Look at science. Human touch is much more than a need to procreate. Hospitals have touching for infants for developmental bonding. nursing with babies when possible, interaction between humans on many fundamental levels will develop and nurture a person's intelligence, flexibility, broaden their horizons, have them develop feelings of trust, learn sharing and selflessness (as longa s it goes both ways), and where if it is between two adults who care for each other, trust (and are trustworthy) with each other, and truly value each other, you can develop a deep, enriching rapport intellectually, a deep bond emotionally and have that physical contact that is way more than sex... it is intimacy of the heart and body, which hands can't touch.

Just being held, not talking, that can't be fabricated by constantly new strangers and can't be touched by one's own hand or toy.

It is a connecting with a person that you value, care for, enjoy the company of, and truly enjoy communications, fun activities and the physical connecting of.

That can't be replicated by seeing how many notches you can put up for strangers you get it on with, that can't be replaced by a sterile toy no matter how good it makes you feel.

But it is possible when not in one to still be content and happy; but shutting onself away from the potential of them because they are messy and not controlled enough?

nope. Life has to be a little messy if it's going to be lived. Anyone want perfect clean stereil? Won't live. They will just coast on the surface reacting to it.

We need contact, and we need something to bring out our better instincts. And we need human touch of someone we deeply care about and trust.

that's my story anyways, and I'm sticking with it :)
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 46
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I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/11/2014 7:38:33 AM
It is no surprise that many that are currently in their 20s and 30s don't buy into the lies we were fed as children. It is good to see that we are finally thinking critically. Like the dodo bird, relationships, marriage, and courtship are facing extinction. These children that have grown up in their 20's and 30's are a product of the billion dollar divorce industry and the consumerism that enslaves the future economic well being of the future generations. You reap what you sow ,and while it may seem disturbing to those that are 40 years or older to hear the younger generation speak like this... They must embrace the environment that the grew up in and realize the illusion has been shattered More specifically once you take the red pill there is no going back.
 Midwest_Southwest2
Joined: 11/1/2013
Msg: 47
I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/11/2014 7:58:32 AM

Beyond reproduction all reasons for relationships are illusions.

Love as we all know is a system of which chemical reactions trick your brain into believing their is something special about a certain person.


I don’t agree with your underlying presumptions. But even if these are your laws of interpersonal relationship, it makes sense that you wouldn’t see much point to seeking a relationship. In a nutshell, I think caring about other people, and especially exchanging caring and love in a mutual committed relationship with one other person, makes us less selfish and egotistical, and more humane in general. It makes us better people.
 that_ol_lady
Joined: 4/19/2013
Msg: 48
I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/12/2014 8:52:02 AM

GJBrown


OP ask why?
Its Human Nature! seeking friendships and relationships.
and let the record show that masterbation and sex are not the same thing. And they are not equal!



I will agree with this ^^
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 49
I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/12/2014 9:48:25 AM

Its Human Nature! seeking friendships and relationships.


IMO there is a lot of confusion about what constitutes a relationship. For a lot of people, a relationship is all about marriage. People have been told for thousands of years that you can't have a real relationship and real love unless it gets the A-OK, thumbs up from God via the church wedding ceremony and the main or only purpose of marriage is to breed-to produce more future God fearing people who will secure the financial future of church. That's why the majority of (female) profiles I see say they are looking for a long term, serious relationship. Anything less and having fun is a no-no for many.
 BlasphemousBombshell
Joined: 11/19/2013
Msg: 50
I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/12/2014 1:35:34 PM
Humans are social creatures by nature. Sex is about reproduction but relationships are ultimately about increasing the chance for survival. Humans are meant to live in a clan setting, sharing their labor and the fruits there of. That's why we and all primates increase dopamine and oxytocin via vocalization, grooming, etc.
 63T
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 51
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I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/12/2014 2:26:29 PM

I think I'd lay off the Nietzsche, if I were you, OP

I am reminded of Shakespeare's eloquently expressed perspective of nihilism near the end of Macbeth.

"She should have died hereafter;
There would have been a time for such a word.
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing." — Macbeth (Act 5, Scene 5, lines 17-28)

Op;
Awaken to your passion and discover purpose, embrace uncertainty. Let your emotions, feelings assist in guiding you.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 52
I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/12/2014 2:43:43 PM
Why is it that you want to understand the nature of relationships? Are you feeling pressured in some way to become involved in a relationship?
If you think that "love" is a matter of one's brain being tricked, then don't bother with relationships.
They are not a requirement of residence on the planet.
If you don't want to reproduce, then don't. No one can force you to.
Cindy O
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 53
I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/12/2014 3:30:12 PM
Many years ago I attended a funeral of a woman well into her nineties. Her husband tearfully stated, "I didn't have her long enough." CLEARLY they could have answered this question.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 54
I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/12/2014 3:55:29 PM

Many years ago I attended a funeral of a woman well into her nineties. Her husband tearfully stated, "I didn't have her long enough." CLEARLY they could have answered this question.


that is beautiful
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 55
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I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/13/2014 10:43:28 AM
Bayonatta I'd be asking myself why I choose to put more emphasis on hormones, chemicals DNA etc. than on why I want to do something that comes naturally as we are social creatures. Does this make you feel vulnerable?

When I read your post I was thinking, flight and freeze, can't be bothered to fight.

Have you asked yourself why are you "protecting" yourself from something that is important for survival? Why you are "thinking" instead of feeling? Why you are trying to make sense out of not finding out the truth? Like what triggers the good and bad feelings? How you react to them? What you really need?

I believe you were hurt (needs not met) but don't want to blame, so you are "lightening it up" by calling relationships just a chemical draw. It's more than that, it's necessary.

If you went back and understood that even caregivers with good intent can leave a child hurt you will begin to understand that it is understandable to be hesitant if you've been hurt but it's not in your best interest to hold onto those fears, therefor it's something you need to come to terms with and "get over" so you can living fully and healthy again.

You might want to start allowing yourself to be imperfect and understand others are imperfect too, that way you can have a healthy relationship and not go into the withdraw of human contact mode that will only allow your fears to keep building Life and love are not right and wrong, this or that, bio or environment. It's a mixed bag.

I think we expect a lot of others and expect our version of "good" is what others will live by. Sometimes they can't. Know this and try try again. Just next time stay with what is going on and quiet that little afraid voice that is crying to relate but since you are an adult now you feel you aren't allowed to so you explain the loss away instead of pointing fingers. (at situations or people).

Forgive and forget, stay with what is really happening right now without referencing it to past experiences and you will soon realise that relationships are important for your well being as well as good for others who get to have a relationship with the real you, not the afraid you.

We seek to prosper, we cannot prosper by ourselves.

I hope you find the courage to clean the slate and start again, I'm sure there are people out there that really miss the real you.
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 56
I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/13/2014 10:45:10 AM
To Opp : With so many women exhibiting masculinity it is no wonder why they are alone . Masculinity is put down at every chance and now they ask , where are all the good men ? All the good men were emasculated .
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 57
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I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/13/2014 11:24:30 AM
proteaus: I think you are confusing masculinity with chauvinism. A GOOD man adapts as well as stands up against tyranny for the sake of his family/community/himself. Those stuck in their ways cry foul and blame women.

The roles we once played were fine back then, but since WW2 when women had to work to cover for the men away, things got fcked up. The men should have come home to decent paying jobs that paid enough to support a family. The women should not have to work outside the home unless they wanted to. One or the other should have had a choice to stay home or go to work. Those in your gov't lowered the mans wage and kept the women working at a lower wage. There should have been a general strike to make sure it didn't take two to support a family. There should be a general strike now.

Quit blaming women. If you've lost your masulenity it's because you didn't speak up for yourself or for those who you care about back when our gov't turned on us. We are not alone because we are masculine, we've had to be "masculine" to get by. We still have to be.

Chauvinism is not the way to peaceful loving relationships. Having the ability and the opportunity to raise a family properly is the way. We lost that it seems, and now many blame the other gender instead of the real guilty parties...those that use and abuse.

I'll be happy when men and women really have a choice on how they want to live and when one or both can stay home. The past and present are rough on us all. The future doesn't have to be that way. There are better ways. Look into them instead of trying to be a control freak. Women are not out of control, or trying to pull anything. We are trying to function in a dysfunctional society just like everyone else.

 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 58
I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/13/2014 12:06:05 PM
Obviously you do not understand the dynamics of the issue . Women were pushed out of the homes and into the work place for one reason and one reason only , so they could do what men had been doing all along , pay taxes . Then the taxes are handed to the federal reserve (large cartel of private banks ) . It was all about making women pay taxes , just business .
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 59
I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/13/2014 4:17:27 PM

I think you are confusing the chemical "hit" of infatuation with a real relationship. Real relationships don't even start for at least 2 years after you meet someone. If you still love them and willingly put up with their BS every day after all of the chemicals have worked their way out of your body - that's when you know you are in a great relationship.


It's fine and dandy to say it takes at least two years for a true, loving relationship to develop. But that doesn't explain why some people divorce after 5, 10, 20 years of marriage, which is well after the two year "probationary" period. Many people use the excuse "We grew apart". This, to me, is a catch-all phrase, just like "irreconcilable differences" which doesn't really say a whole lot. Change over time is inevitable and expected, and most people expect to grow old together with their partner.
 fieryredhead77
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 60
I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/13/2014 4:27:52 PM
^^^MOST people don't wait 2 years to fully commit in a relationship. Most people are married within that two year mark. Then they end up staying together because of kids, etc. - even though they know from early on it probably isn't the best situation. It is difficult to admit defeat after only being married for a couple of years. I think that a lot of people (myself included) try to work it out, figure it will get better, only to find that it can't or won't get better.

I think the 'growing apart' thing is BS. At least for me - I grew together and apart from my ex many times over 13 years of marriage. People who say, 'we grew apart' aren't giving it a chance in my opinion. I say this because I don't think that if you plan to be married for 50 years, you can honestly expect to be in love and close to the person ALWAYS. When asking people who were married for over fifty years, a common phrase is, "there were good YEARS and bad YEARS" but a commitment to stay beyond those bad times is needed.
 Flurr
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 61
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I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/13/2014 4:31:59 PM
^^^^^

Whooooaaaa 2 years??? Lets slow down lol shit I'd like to live together for a year or two before even proposing. You should know what you're getting into right? Lol
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 62
I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/13/2014 5:48:13 PM

Lets slow down lol shit I'd like to live together for a year or two before even proposing. You should know what you're getting into right? Lol


I had the same attitude as well-would not consider getting serious with someone until we live together for at least a year or two, maybe longer. But the problem with that is if it doesn't work out, it would be just as hurtful as getting a divorce. And depending where you live, divorce laws apply to common law couples as well, depending on how long the couple were together. But most people would not consider dating for a long period of time without some kind of commitment to sharing a life together-usually by marriage. The trick is to find someone compatible who wants to move the relationship at the same pace, which is the hard part.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 63
I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/14/2014 3:51:04 PM
Bayonetta- You aren't as emotionless as you say you are or you wouldn't be asking what we think.
If this attitude works for you, go for it, but I'm not so sure.
I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/14/2014 8:03:57 PM
op:

Love as we all know is a system of which chemical reactions trick your brain into believing their is something special about a certain person

If this is true for someone, that just means that they seriously need a re-working of what the hell they think "love" is.

If your in a relationship for the child it's not need. Children can be controlled by means of correct environments

I hope you never reproduce. You haven't any idea of what a family is or it's importance.

if you are in a relationship for sex why not use your hands?

This is why I think this is just a troll-post.

I'm having trouble understand the purpose of relationships. People say they are alone but in reality it's a state of mind.

You're in good company with some of the people in here who are clueless about real relationships, and belittle the idea of wanting or looking for one, mischaracterizing these things as if they're trying to get more people to be like them so that they have more cynical pessimistic people to f-k casually.

I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships

My post is supposed to feel emotionless as that is how I am

Well, even grown, seemingly developed and adjusted people seem to be clueless as to what emotion really is...the emotions involved in being single and lonely and looking, in a relationship and happy, etc, are greatly mischaracterized by many, because it's like there's some kind of cold-war in the area of understanding human relationships, sexuality, and emotions...therefore, you'd be very understandably confused if you take others for face-value and don't know how to look at this whole picture properly.
I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/15/2014 3:56:34 AM
For Op:


Love is the only bow on Life’s dark cloud. It is the morning and the evening star. It shines upon the babe, and sheds its radiance on the quiet tomb. It is the mother of art, inspirer of poet, patriot and philosopher. It is the air and light of every heart – builder of every home, kindler of every fire on every hearth. It was the first to dream of immortality. It fills the world with melody – for music is the voice of love. Love is the magician, the enchanter, that changes worthless things to joy, and makes right royal kings and queens of common clay. It is the perfume of that wondrous flower, the heart, and without that sacred passion, that divine swoon, we are less than beasts; but with it, earth is heaven, and we are Gods.

- Robert Green Ingersoll


To be in love is not just to look at each other, but to look together in the same direction.

- Saint-Exupery (Terre des Hommes, 1939)


I still find that some people imagine that intimacy is only a matter of approximating genitals one to another...Intimacy...requires a type of relationship which I call collaboration, by which I mean clearly formulated adjustments of one’s behavior to the expressed needs of the other person in the pursuit of increasingly identical – that is, more and more nearly mutual – satisfactions.

- Harry Stack Sullivan


Love is not primarily a relationship to a specific person, it is an attitude, an orientation of character which determines the relatedness of a person to the world as a whole.

- Erich Fromm


The only thing in the world as strong as love is truth, and there are reasons for believing that as far as marriage is concerned they are different aspects of the same thing.

- F. Alexander Magoun


The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.

- Messiah's Handbook - Reminders for the Advanced Soul


It may be gravity that holds you while its spinning, but only love can keep your feet on the ground. It may be sanity that tells us what we're feeling, but only love can tell you what is real.

- Billy Thorpe (East of Eden's Gates [Children of the Sun] )


And I thought...if I could make a good family, then that would be a finer accomplishment than anything I could ever do with my mind or with my hands...we live for the hours at home. It’s a boring life to read about, but not to live. Peace. Beauty. Love. Happiness. All the great abstractions.

- (Orson Scott Card, Ender ?)


To cheat oneself out of love is the most terrible deception; it is an eternal loss for which there is no reparation, either in time or in eternity.

- Soren Kierkegaard


It ain't all buttons and charts, little albatross. You know what the first rule of flying is? Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take a boat in the air that you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down, tells you she's hurting before she keels...makes her a home.

- Malcolm Reynolds


Some say that the most beautiful thing on this dark earth is a cavalry regiment, some a battalion of infantry on the march, and some a fleet of long oars. But to me the fairest thing is when one is in love with someone else.

- Sappho


A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.

- Andre Maurois


The best gift you can give to your child is to love each other.

- ?
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 66
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I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/19/2014 4:57:02 AM
No-one picked up on this being a troll yet?



Given the OP has logged in numerous times since posting this without making any further posts - this is going to be CLOSED


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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships. [CLOSED]