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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 26
Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Started looking at a lot of different info and it is starting to look like going outside America is the most viable option .
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 27
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Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.
Posted: 1/15/2014 6:29:57 AM

Outmind and abmccray, you guys are ridiculously lucky. I read the profiles, and I message based on what I've read, and I get nary a peep. It's what I've said all along, I'm probably way too ugly.


Eh, how every many years back that I first joined a dating site, I got crappy response too. The trick was to gradually improve myself (and my situation in life along with it), and learn from my mistakes.

Not just crappy response, but being terrible at actually dating as well when it comes down to it.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 28
Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.
Posted: 1/15/2014 9:15:58 AM
^^^^ this guy's profile makes mine look like crap!
But if thats how to get positive results on here He must be on to something. Active photos and an essay in the about me section. But I don't have anyone taking pictures of me when I'm out and about. I don't want to go into that much detail in my about me section. Then when I see the lack of effort in most young women's profiles....
Anyway, better profile better results. but results will still vary because Ladies have the most power in dating online and off
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 29
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Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.
Posted: 1/15/2014 9:50:26 AM

^^^^ this guy's profile makes mine look like crap!
But if thats how to get positive results on here He must be on to something. Active photos and an essay in the about me section. But I don't have anyone taking pictures of me when I'm out and about. I don't want to go into that much detail in my about me section. Then when I see the lack of effort in most young women's profiles....
Anyway, better profile better results. but results will still vary because Ladies have the most power in dating online and off


Also, profile approach/sites vary as to what you can get, depending on area. I like young/30's artsy hipster-yuppie women and professionals, so blabbing for hours in text is a good thing. I meet a lot of writers/educators/social workers/artists (on other sites). If I was going for super active extroverted partiers, I'd minimize my profile text and put pictures of me in boats/with friends as the focus. Very little is actually universal outside of general picture quality and basic spelling/grammar.

The only "universal" I have going for me is income (which is visible on other sites, but only visible to upgraded members here). And height.

So it's just figuring out what/when/where/how, basically. In Detroit, for instance, most of the artsy people or college hipsters have moved back downtown, while the educated professionals typically live in the suburbs. POF is not getting any real play/marketing among the former, and the latter are quickly scared away by the messages from the chaff that comes from the free lack of barrier, and typically focus on match. So, I get three completely different results between the sites now. I mostly use OKC at this point due to moving downtown myself and preferring walking everywhere, but when I lived in the suburbs, was heavily match. So, trends like that have to be taken in consideration as well.

Different strokes work for different folks, but you still have to actually pay attention to see what strokes work for what folks and where.
 HonkyTonk_Woman
Joined: 9/16/2013
Msg: 30
Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.
Posted: 1/15/2014 10:40:05 AM
I think it comes down to "EFFORT"....The men/women that take the effort to convey who they are and write a decent profile(not bytchin) will get more notice and eventually success....makes sense to me.

I know for myself.....I have been on the fence about what it is "I" want so....I have put little effort in...but when I post decent...updated photos and write from the heart....I get lots of messages.
But yes....dark....way far away pics...hats and sunglasses on....just reeks of trying to hide something....imo.
NO effort....NO success...
 greatblah
Joined: 11/14/2012
Msg: 31
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Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.
Posted: 1/15/2014 10:50:20 AM
Note to self: They are but pixels.
 traveltrekker
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 32
Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.
Posted: 1/15/2014 1:29:01 PM

Trying to figure this online dating stuff out..


That will tend to drive one crazy.


Getting disappointed.


Join the club.
Online dating has been going downhill for a while all around.
Men complaining that women don't respond enough, and women complaining that most of what they get is junk mail.


I feel some woman are above me


I like to feel a woman above me........ooops, went off on a little tangent there.


How or what do I do??


Same as everyone else. Give up or hang in there and hope the overall online atmosphere improves.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 33
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Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.
Posted: 1/15/2014 4:50:55 PM

abmccray wrote:

Eh, how every many years back that I first joined a dating site, I got crappy response too. The trick was to gradually improve myself (and my situation in life along with it), and learn from my mistakes.

Not just crappy response, but being terrible at actually dating as well when it comes down to it.


Eh??? You're not from the state of Canada are you?

Anyway, I've been at this for 11 years now. I'm old hat to being rejected and ignored. Meh!
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 34
Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.
Posted: 1/17/2014 10:59:06 AM
But if thats how to get positive results on here He must be on to something. Active photos and an essay in the about me section. But I don't have anyone taking pictures of me when I'm out and about. I don't want to go into that much detail in my about me section. Then when I see the lack of effort in most young women's profiles....
Anyway, better profile better results. but results will still vary because Ladies have the most power in dating online and off


It's not just better pictures and more detailed profile. Your profile is one big advertisement. Women can get away with no effort because honestly, we're dumb. We'll start talking to someone because we think she's hot, taking a really long time to realize she's a terrible person... But we're still pretty much giving her a huge choice of guys.

You want your pictures to reflect who you are, but you want your profile to give her questions to ask about you. The trick is to leave some "mystery". Your profile is short and to the point. While it explains exactly who you are, there's nothing to find out about you. You have to remember, the original design of the dating profile was meant for you to stay single as long as possible. This design is not made for you to get dates. Paid dating sites don't make money if you're not on them paying money. Even PoF, you don't see it a little weird that you can pay for the upgraded membership for a year at a time? You have to kind of work against it a little. Be a little vague, keep a little mystery to the exact kind of person that you are. The first date is typically where people find all this stuff out about each other, try to not let your profile replace the first date. But you're also at another disadvantage, a lot of women want to talk a while first before meeting. Sometimes it's because they want to know you better first, and sometimes it's because they honestly believe you're more likely to be a murderer rapist than the guy that they work with (someone that's most commonly someone the woman knows personally already), be ready to have to explain how she knows she can trust you.

It's going to be a huge uphill battle, but you'll eventually get to that point that you can get a lot of people to talk to you.

And don't get discouraged when these women don't answer back. A lot of them spend years on here too. Who would have guessed that the girls with standards that demand a guy that probably has never even existed aren't going to be able to find someone? Give it a year, and all those girls who won't answer you, or who completely blow you off when you have plans (be ready for that one, it's going to happen, it's not a bad idea to have a backup plan like to meet up with your friends if she doesn't show up, because it's almost definitely going to happen at least once on here), they'll all still be here. You're not the only guy they're like that with. The girl that's not answering your message, probably isn't responding to 99% of her messages she gets. Not exactly someone I'd be mad about not talking to me.
 Murtuss
Joined: 1/7/2014
Msg: 35
Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.
Posted: 1/18/2014 2:40:58 AM
And therein lies the main answer to why woman rarely respond...demand and supply. Simply, there are far more men than women on these sites so women can be picky with whom they choose to chat with. One of these days, probably in the year 3050, the wheel will turn and it will be the man who can pick and choose. See how the women like it then.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 36
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Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.
Posted: 2/3/2014 12:33:50 PM

And therein lies the main answer to why woman rarely respond...demand and supply. Simply, there are far more men than women on these sites so women can be picky with whom they choose to chat with. One of these days, probably in the year 3050, the wheel will turn and it will be the man who can pick and choose. See how the women like it then.


That will never happen. Humans have been around for a long time and women were never the ones that had to approach the men. However, by going out and being social, you can attract women and then choose which ones you spend time with. I'm sure every guy has been in the situation where a friend says "Hey, Jennifer likes you, do you like her back?" I don't think we'll ever see more single women on dating sites than single men because of how social dynamics work. You have to keep in mind that a lot of women on sites like this simply enjoy the attention and aren't using it to find a serious relationship. The challenge is finding the sincere people.
 traveltrekker
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 37
Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.
Posted: 2/3/2014 12:46:02 PM

I'm sure every guy has been in the situation where a friend says "Hey, Jennifer likes you, do you like her back?"


Not me. Jennifer never liked me, so I never got to date Jennifer.


I don't think we'll ever see more single women on dating sites than single men because of how social dynamics work.


True. Think about singles dances and dance clubs. How many women take the initiative and ask men to dance versus men asking women to dance? How many women do you see standing around the edges trying to blend into the wallpaper, versus men doing that?


The challenge is finding the sincere people.


A big challenge indeed.
 RarerRose
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 38
Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.
Posted: 2/3/2014 4:11:45 PM
Women feel the same way
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 39
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Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.
Posted: 2/3/2014 10:06:39 PM

Not me. Jennifer never liked me, so I never got to date Jennifer.


If you've never had interest from a woman or dating a woman in your social circle, you need to work on your social circle. This is one of the best ways to find a good relationship.


True. Think about singles dances and dance clubs. How many women take the initiative and ask men to dance versus men asking women to dance? How many women do you see standing around the edges trying to blend into the wallpaper, versus men doing that?


Exactly. Women DO give signs of interest, but you have to look for them. They're not as obvious as "Hey! I like you! Give me your number!" The most important thing is have fun and don't worry so much about finding a date when you go out. If you have positive energy, people will want to be a part of that. You shouldn't need someone's approval to feel good.
 localRenoite12
Joined: 4/17/2013
Msg: 40
Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.
Posted: 2/3/2014 10:45:49 PM
Women do feel like they're above men on these sites, so the whole system really doesn't work. Trying to please them is an endless game you cannot win at, so I guess you just don't play the game. There is no right way of doing things on here, it's a slot machine at best. You just hope to get a jack pot. I gave up on these sites now ago, I've been on them for a year and have nothing besides a few more acquaintances to show for it.

I don't understand how these sites make money? Products that don't work seem to die quickly. It would be like buying a car you can't drive.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 41
Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.
Posted: 2/6/2014 9:06:14 AM

Women do feel like they're above men on these sites, so the whole system really doesn't work. Trying to please them is an endless game you cannot win at, so I guess you just don't play the game. There is no right way of doing things on here, it's a slot machine at best. You just hope to get a jack pot. I gave up on these sites now ago, I've been on them for a year and have nothing besides a few more acquaintances to show for it.


Hate to break it to you. But these sites DO work.
First mistake you make is trying to please them. Don't.
There are so many men that are absolute idiots, do not know how to craft an email, have stupid profiles, or are just asking for sex, that it makes it EASY for an average guy like me to actually find dates.

There is a right way to achieving this. Unfortunately, the attitude of "giving up," it's the ultimate turn off.

So...

Differentiate or die.
Find the nugget in her profile.
End with a question.
Ask for the date.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 42
Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.
Posted: 2/6/2014 10:23:30 AM

There are so many men that are absolute idiots, do not know how to craft an email, have stupid profiles, or are just asking for sex, that it makes it EASY for an average guy like me to actually find dates.

Oh NO Outmind! Say it aint so! LMAO!
I agree 110%, couldn't have said it better myself!
 Iteration77
Joined: 8/22/2013
Msg: 43
Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.
Posted: 2/7/2014 8:37:39 AM

Hate to break it to you. But these sites DO work.
First mistake you make is trying to please them. Don't.
There are so many men that are absolute idiots, do not know how to craft an email, have stupid profiles, or are just asking for sex, that it makes it EASY for an average guy like me to actually find dates.

There is a right way to achieving this. Unfortunately, the attitude of "giving up," it's the ultimate turn off.

So...

Differentiate or die.
Find the nugget in her profile.
End with a question.
Ask for the date.


Yes! They can and do. For both genders. I'm not saying things are totally equal... but I have male friends who have had great success on line and they are not all Brad Pitt look alikes or loaded (though I don't even think he's all that so am not sure why I'm using that reference except other people do...) But they are nice, reasonable guys who have a sense of humor, can communicate decently and spent time on their profile and their messages. The guys I've talked to sometimes write first, sometimes write back to a woman who has written first.

I've written to men before, I've answered plenty as well.

What sometimes amuses me and sometimes makes me sad is that a post like Outmind wrote does not get nearly the response that a message that is gloom and doom, the opposite gender is awful, the world is terrible, everyone is a player or user, the odds are horribly against me so I'll just vent instead of trying.

Why are the negative messages so much more appealing than the positive ones? Wouldn't a person rather believe they can change their approach and succeed?
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 44
Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.
Posted: 2/7/2014 5:06:04 PM
OP has left the building, but in case anyone shares his disappointment:

1) No reason to be disappointed by a screen. You tried and have closure.

2) This happens often.

3) Don't share feelings too soon.

4) Unless her profile shows you're not eligible, go for it! I've messaged gals who were taller, darker, richer, more years of college, and other characteristics the haters would make generalizations not to bother. Some of the prettiest, fittest ones have responded. Have dated some who got overwhelming numbers of messages.

5) The proper word is Inuit. The word the OP used is a slur.
 TOaks91360
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 45
Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.
Posted: 2/7/2014 7:31:49 PM
Iteration, your post struck a chord with me. A little off topic perhaps, but I've noticed that sending a message with a negative vibe seems to get a faster response. Nothing too toxic, more along the lines of 'I can hear a needle dropping' or 'your enthusiasm is killing me'.

Makes you wonder....
 traveltrekker
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 46
Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.
Posted: 2/7/2014 8:48:23 PM

5) The proper word is Inuit. The word the OP used is a slur.


So now I have to ask for an Inuit pie at the ice cream parlor?
 chill78
Joined: 10/13/2013
Msg: 47
Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.
Posted: 2/8/2014 10:22:37 AM
I don't have high expectations. Thus I am rarely disappointed. If a man isn't getting responses from women, try and get better photos of yourself. Also don't just email random attractive women. For example, If we have very few common interests or a woman isn't interested in my race, then I won't email her. This might sound rather obvious. But if someone largely just looks at the photos, then they may not see these things in her profile.

My suggestions won't guarantee major success on dating sites. But it's worth a shot and they can help at least a little bit. BTW the content of the initial email didn't have an impact on my positive reply rate
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 48
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Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.
Posted: 9/13/2016 10:23:17 AM
I still can't start a new thread, so I had to search for an old thread to hijack. I was looking for the word "disappointed", keep reading and you will see why.

I have been doing online dating for about 6.5 years now, and in that time I have read an ungodly number of women's profiles, so it is rather unusual for me to see something truly new, something that I have never seen before. Last night, on the other site, I did see something I had never seen before in a woman's profile.



You have my personal guarantee that I will not disappoint you in any way.


Sort of boggles the mind, doesn't it? (smile)
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 49
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Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.
Posted: 9/13/2016 10:37:04 AM
^^^^ Eh, just makes me wonder what the over/under is. I'd probably take the under.

In any event, we now know that sigungq still has a profile here.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 50
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Trying to figure this online dating stuff out.. Getting disappointed.
Posted: 9/13/2016 12:17:54 PM
^^^^ Then definitely bet the under. Unexpected expense is always a disappointment.
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