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 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 29
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Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling didn't about it?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Sure. Instead of going out with one woman you barely know, why not make it three people you don't know? That can only be good.

Seriously, I've done that a couple of times. Both were huge disappointments. She might:

1. Hardly talk to you and just chat with her friends. And if her friends leave the table to go and dance or something, you're left with someone not talking to you.

2. Have male friends with her, and when you get there one of them has his hand on her ass.

3. She might want to do this so if it wasn't happening for her after 5 minutes, she could ditch you and already be out and hanging with her friends. (One woman actually told me this, and I said no.)

So, no more group first meets for me. If meeting one-on-one (and ending the meet) in a public place isn't safe enough, she should re-think doing online dating.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 30
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Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling didn't about it?
Posted: 1/16/2014 7:30:20 PM
Don't waste your time with a woman that is playing mind games on date/meeting 1. Move on. If both of her friends are in a committed relationship she is stacking the deck against you in every single way.

 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 31
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Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling didn't about it?
Posted: 1/16/2014 8:31:16 PM
I don't know how old you are but in my younger years, this was a very common practice. If they act all friendly to each other and make you feel left out, get up and leave, but I don't really see the problem, they may be good company, you haven't met them yet. It's a good safety measure for her. I once went with a friend to meet a man she was talking to online, and I'm glad I did. He was awful, seems his wife had been murdered a couple of years before and he was a suspect and he talked about, in detail, the whole meal. It was beyond creepy and had i been on the jury I'd have voted guilty. Not that I wanted to meet this guy or have him know my name, but I sure wouldn't have wanted my friend alone with him. Maybe he was innocent but he talked like the whole thing was a grand adventure for him, beyond creepy. Yikes Anyway, that's the sort of thing that often makes women not want to meet a new man alone. What harm will it do you to go ahead and meet her and her friends? The people that give me pause are those who make a big deal out of wanting to meet you alone and don't want to meet your friends, etc., to each their own.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 32
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Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling didn't about it?
Posted: 1/17/2014 11:05:23 AM
To the OP: Your feelings do matter too and don't let others guilt trip you into such a bad, bad situation. You are being set up big time.

"OP, just mention that you will also be bringing along two friends. Then do it."

All that will do is guarantee a meet doesn't happen. Her two friends she is bringing along she claims are in a committed relationship (this is a purposeful choice if true).

 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 33
Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling didn't about it?
Posted: 1/17/2014 12:17:42 PM

"OP, just mention that you will also be bringing along two friends. Then do it."

All that will do is guarantee a meet doesn't happen. Her two friends she is bringing along she claims are in a committed relationship (this is a purposeful choice if true).
I don't understand how your comment relates to the quote from my post????

I don't think it guarantees the meet won't happen. She may very well be happy for him to bring along some friends. She may very well recognise the equity in this. She may very well be happy to have a bigger group of people around for the night. She may very well be happy that the he has the extra support so she isn't burdened with keeping the conversation flowing between him and her friends.

I'm not entirely sure what you are implying about the friends being in a committed relationship and this being a 'purposeful choice'? My suggestion to bring two friends along didn't say "single friends", he could easily being along friends who are a couple, in fact that was what I was suggesting although I realise I didn't specify that.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 34
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Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling didn't about it?
Posted: 1/17/2014 12:27:09 PM

she suggested she brings 2 of her friends along who also met on pof who are in a relationship, and sort of said it can be like a double date.


Jakey, you are missing her point.

Doubledate chemistry is a good thing because if the other two are having a good time, then its more likely you will too. She is bringing them along for a little protection, but also so a good time can be had.

What would be more encouraging than going on a date with a couple thats in their honeymoon period?

I see potential here.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 35
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Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling didn't about it?
Posted: 1/17/2014 12:38:13 PM
If you are suspecting that the other person is out to do you harm, why would you even want to meet them? On the other hand, you are both strangers, and women can do harm just as men can, so having familiar people around when you meet a complete stranger wouldn't be odd behavior at all. It's not about people quivering in terror, how anyone jumped there is their deal, it's about making sure you feel safe, like most any person would want. It's the same reason any sane person isn't going to invite a complete stranger to their home on the first meet or involved their children or meet in the middle of a dark alley at midnight. I don't think this is hard to understand, she doesn't feel comfortable meeting him alone. Maybe it means her friends will always be around, maybe she is scared, maybe she's not the right person for him to meet, who knows, that's up to him to decide, but really she's some sneaky female trying to trick him, by meeting him with two of her friends in a public place, what exactly might she have hidden up her sleeve, besides just being safe?
 usmale6
Joined: 9/14/2013
Msg: 36
Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling didn't about it?
Posted: 1/17/2014 1:09:58 PM
The problem with group dates is, it's hard to judge love level. The whole purpose of meeting at a public place like a restaurant or coffee house is you have people around by default... plus, everybody has a cell phone; you don't need to be chaperoned. You should not be meeting friends and family for 6 months.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 37
Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling didn't about it?
Posted: 1/17/2014 10:49:08 PM

usmale6:
The problem with group dates is, it's hard to judge love level. The whole purpose of meeting at a public place like a restaurant or coffee house is you have people around by default... plus, everybody has a cell phone; you don't need to be chaperoned. You should not be meeting friends and family for 6 months.


Some of you come up with the dumbest rules.. I've met someone when they're out with friends at a Bar and it wasn't hard to judge their interest level at all...

Then you're suppose to hide from their and your Friends/Family for 6 month? Give me a Fooking break. Are they ashamed of you or you them? Meet their/ your Friends & Family as soon as you're both comfortable meeting them.....
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 38
Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling didn't about it?
Posted: 1/18/2014 4:27:57 AM
Sounds like you probably should bring condoms.

And lube.


And more than likely, an open mind.


Good luck.

I don't think I would "agreeing" on a scenario like this. I have a hard enough time connecting with one person, let alone three strangers.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 39
Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling didn't about it?
Posted: 1/18/2014 8:26:30 AM
If you're going to be the center of attention and the group's entertainment, they should at least offer to pay your bill for food and drinks. A lot of people hate being interviewed at first meets. Now you will have three people interviewing you, and they will discuss the pros and cons of your application and will take a vote to decide if you're a worthy candidate.
 chill78
Joined: 10/13/2013
Msg: 40
Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling didn't about it?
Posted: 1/18/2014 10:07:09 AM
A woman asked me if she could bring her friend and her friend's husband on a first date / meeting. I declined. The first few dates should be about 2 people getting to know each other. I think that is best done when it's just me and the other person. If there is enough mutual interest, then she could bring a friend on a 3rd or 4th date.

If I had agreed to it, I could feel like the 5th wheel. Because I'm a virtual stranger with people that already know each other fairly well. Also I may have to impress her friends as well. Not just her. I think a woman that wants to bring a friend to a first date / meeting is being insecure or paranoid. The location is at a public and well populated place. Not at a dark alley or the middle of the woods at 2am.
 chill78
Joined: 10/13/2013
Msg: 42
Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling didn't about it?
Posted: 1/18/2014 10:24:32 AM
They can still get to know each other and in a less stressful environment. They are not all chained together. They can be alone if they want.


A woman bringing 2 friends to a first date / meeting is not necessarily going to make things less stressful for the man in that situation. Also there is no guarantee that a woman's friends would go to another table or area in the venue and leave her alone with a man.


There are only 4 of them.


It's a figure of speech. It doesn't literally mean that there are 5 people there.
 traveltrekker
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 44
Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling didn't about it?
Posted: 1/18/2014 10:52:29 AM

A lot of people hate being interviewed at first meets.


Count me among those people.


they will discuss the pros and cons of your application and will take a vote to decide if you're a worthy candidate.


Or "spongeworthy" candidate.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 45
Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling didn't about it?
Posted: 1/18/2014 3:30:03 PM
I give my support to messages 32,35 and especially 38.

I've had many occasions of meeting an online contact within some sort of group or public activity, entertainment event, friends music gig...

I realize that this proposed "double date" isn't EXACTLY the same as the things I mentioned, but I don't see what the problem is. If the girl is very new to meeting online contacts, being with friends who've actually succeeded may increase her comfort level.
Cindy O
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 46
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Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling didn't about it?
Posted: 1/18/2014 3:38:00 PM
Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with it, but I get why you're iffy about it. I am quite comfortable and relaxed about meeting new people, heck even crashed a party or two.....no really, but hey that's just me. I think it could be really distracting for most people, but it really is about what she's comfortable with.

Go meet, you're not obligated to spend the whole evening there. I do think you should mention to her why you're iffy about it and maybe she'll tell you why she wants to bring her friends along. I assume she's an adult, so if she always go everywhere with her girl posse that may indicate she could be a little immature.
 IL_Capitano
Joined: 11/23/2012
Msg: 47
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Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling didn't about it?
Posted: 1/18/2014 5:59:56 PM
I wouldn't do it, but you might as well get it over with.

Women most often make relationship decisions by committee anyway. This one is just cutting right to it on the first date so they can all discuss you afterwards and decide if you would be a good match for her.

It'll happen anyway, so sooner is better than later, really.

 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 48
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Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling didn't about it?
Posted: 1/18/2014 6:39:26 PM
these kind of 'group date' scenarios have always struck me as rather juvenile, but then again, the op IS a teenager. if it's me, i'm weighing my other prospects of the moment. if this woman looks like the best of the lot, i'm more likely to say yes than if she's in the middle of the pack.

as others have mentioned, op, watch out for money shenanigans. stories abound of these scenarios where the woman breezily assumed the financial customs of chivalry would extend to her whole platoon. if you don't want to foot the whole check and you get attitude for it, write her off on the spot.
 chill78
Joined: 10/13/2013
Msg: 49
Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling iffy about it?
Posted: 1/18/2014 7:02:47 PM
It was a joke...Chill!


I wasn't upset. LOL. I thought that maybe you were unfamiliar with that term. No big deal.


Speaking from personal experience, I have found one-to-one meets more stressful, but everyone is different.


To each their own. But IMO it is usually the opposite. If a man is somewhat nervous or introverted around strangers and/or on first dates / meetings. I don't think a woman bringing 2 friends ( that are total strangers to him ) will make him feel more comfortable.
 CrispyNoodles
Joined: 8/31/2013
Msg: 50
Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling iffy about it?
Posted: 1/18/2014 8:56:37 PM
I wouldn't do it.

Firstly, it is rather childish. If she is not comfortable meeting a stranger, then she shouldn't be on an online dating site. Meeting at a public place is usually sufficient.

Secondly, they all know each other. You know none of them. It is a bit disconcerting to try to meet someone, and have to also meet two other people who may have different dynamics, and try to impress them, while trying to focus on the person who you would hopefully like to impress, if that makes any sense. I would feel a bit like I'm at a job interview in front of a panel.

Thirdly, I think it's a bit odd to be immediately infused into the life of someone I don't know, by immediately meeting their friends, at a point where I don't know whether I want to be involved at all.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 51
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Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling iffy about it?
Posted: 1/19/2014 8:09:52 AM
The fact that she purposely disclosed that both of their friends she is bringing along are in a relationships (or so she claims) shows she has tried this before and it failed.

It failed because she brought along one or two of her friends that were single and the guy they decided to meet up spent most of the time hitting on her single friend and not her.

Theoretically she wants to be the center of attention, have a support group right there, and even bail on you if you she doesn't like you to spend time with her friends. And they will judge you based on a peer to peer discussion once you are gone if you are worthy of her time.

Yeah pass.
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 52
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Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling iffy about it?
Posted: 1/19/2014 9:40:53 AM
Seems like a teenage high school deal. I think you're gut is right on... "iffy" is a good description. If she's not mature enough to deal with a first meet, then when will she be grownup enough? I certainly wouldn't want someone bringing their friends to meet me either.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 54
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Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling didn't about it?
Posted: 1/20/2014 3:56:17 AM
A group date can be fun as hell. Not at my age on a first meet, but you will see how she is around others as well.
Also if you want to leave early, she has companions.

How much do you want to meet her?
Maybe she wants to see how well you play with others AND feel safe.
As long as you aren't footing the whole bill..Take a chance.
Whats the worst that can happen?

You dont know what types of men or positions she has been out into.
Y'all are very young. Don't see the problem
Don't most of us IRL meet people with other people around?

She may not want to be pawed on a first meet and just see if you are fun/have chemistry before being alone with you.
You can still talk.
Now if she wants to go on a second date with others, NO.

Maybe suggest you meet "them" for a drink and appetizer at wings and things instead of a longer DATE, if she is attracted to you, she wont ignore you.

Don't look for red flags when there is nothing weird about a group date, esp at your age.

A meet does not obligate you for hours.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 55
Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling didn't about it?
Posted: 1/20/2014 6:27:18 AM

A group date can be fun as hell...Also if you want to leave early, she has companions.


But what happens if SHE doesn't feel the instant chemistry and immediate sparks and wants to leave early. What guy would want to be told "I don't feel any sparks, so my posse and I are leaving" in front of her friends? Whether she has companions to hang out with after a meet is done is not the guy's responsibility.
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 56
Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling didn't about it?
Posted: 1/20/2014 6:52:34 AM
Once you're out of high school a group date as a first date is weird. It's as weird as a 19 year old still asking his dad for money to take a woman out.

I'm ok with doing the double date thing or hanging out with her friends after 3 - 4 dates. At least the first two dates should be focused on the two people going on the date.

Plus what if both of them like sushi so the guy plans the first date at a new sushi place both of them mentioned trying out. She then decides to invite her friend who doesn't like sushi on the date. Is he then suppose to change their date to accommodate the friend that he isn't there to date? Or does the friend sit at the restaurant just sipping a diet coke all night?
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